The Amour series (Book 1): The Embers of Amour

by LaRue, Coushatta

  She gazed at him, not sure of what to say. She looked away and rubbed her dry lips together. She really wished she had some chapstick right now.

  “No it wasn’t right. But, I understand.” Abby said slowly with a hushed tone. He looked at her with an open mouth, and she saw his body loosen up. He nodded at her, and then he started to hotwire the truck. It did not take him long to get it finished and started up. He kept tightening his grip around the steering wheel. She knew he wanted to say something but was not sure of how to word it. She placed her hands in her lap and waited.

  “I lost the map, but I know where Haven is.” He told her with a weary tone. Abby looked over at him, and he took a quick glance at her then back at the road. Abby shook her head and realized he was trying to ask her to come with him without actually asking. She thought of Megan and how excited she looked when she talked about Haven. It made tears fill her eyes. She nodded her head again and replied, “How far is it?”

  He looked at her with a glimmer of hope in his kind eyes as he said, “With a working car maybe a week and a few days.” His eyes trailed off in thought. Abby nodded and closed her eyes for a moment. Her head was swimming. She was hungry and thirsty and knew that she needed to clean her wounds. The sun was high in the sky now, and Abby knew it would not be long until dark came.

  Evan put the truck in drive as an undead smacked into the side where he sat. Evan did not even look at it as he drove away. Abby however did look at it. Its cold dead eyes were looking straight past her then slowly moved towards Evan with such agonizing pain. She watched as it disappeared behind them as they drove off onto the highway. She stared at the dead city and at the tall buildings and then down at Tomas standing in the middle of the road looking at her with a blank stare. Abby shut her eyes and took in a long deep breath. When she opened them, he was gone.

  “Are you okay?” Evan asked as he cleared his throat. Abby looked at her dirty fingers and pulled a hang nail off. She nodded slowly and stared at the road ahead. She wondered what he would think if she told him that she was seeing things. She blinked up at him and chewed her bottom lip then breathed, “Sometimes I see things that aren’t really there.”

  He gazed at her with his mouth partially open. She slowly moved her eyes towards him and smiled sadly as she said, “So I hope you’re real.”

  He looked at her blankly then he grinned, “I assure you. I’m real.” She gave him a friendly smile and then his disappeared as soon as it appeared. He looked back at the road. For a moment, Abby wondered if he was really real or if she was actually dead. She shook the thought away as her stomach growled loudly. Evan glanced over then back at the road.

  “There is some beef jerky in Meg…” he started to bob his head back and forth then he shut his eyes and continued, “In the bag. And two bottle of waters. It is not much, but you can have one of the bottles too.”

  “Thank you, Evan.” She said sweetly. He glanced over at her with glassy eyes then looked away.

  She opened the bag slowly and saw the jerky and water. She pulled out a bottle, and her eyes widened when she saw medical supplies. It reminded her of the medicine Evan had given her when she woke. It was gone. She must have lost it when she was pushed over by that man. She rubbed her stomach, and then realized her ribs did not hurt anymore. She knew that she had at least cracked one or two ribs when she had fallen, but she felt no pain. She opened the bottle and drank a little and looked at the supplies.

  There was gauze, alcohol, cotton balls, a bottle of pills, and baby wipes. It was not much but enough to clean her wounds. She took a quick glance at Evan and back at the supplies and chewed her bottom lip. She twirled her fingers together and tried to ignore the stinging pain in her leg. Evan must have noticed her because he said quietly, “Do you need to clean it?” She nodded.

  “You can use it.” He told her, meekly. She wondered if it upset him for her to use Megan’s things. She did not want to ask. She looked around, at her bloody dirty clothes, the darkening sky, and then at her sweatpants. She felt embarrassed to take her pants off in front of him, but he did not seem to even be moved by it. She tensed for a moment at the dark bruises all over her left thigh going towards her leg. It was very blue and purple and sore to the touch. She heard Evan shift in his seat. She needed something to cut the gauze already on her leg.

  She opened the glove compartment and dug inside. She found a small pocket knife and used it to cut the gauze off. She unwrapped it and pulled it off slowly. Dry blood and skin pulled off with it. She winched and frowned. To her shock, the wound looked as if it was healing quickly. It was scabbing, and even looked as if parts of it was already scarring. However, in the middle of the bites the skin had been ripped open in lines and had fresh blood and that strange yellow goo in it. It smelt like a rotting corpse. It made Abby gag and she turned red wondering if Evan could smell it too.

  “Does it hurt?” She heard him ask, breaking the silence. She looked up and saw he kept glancing over with worry in his eyes. She took in a deep breath and answered with a nervous voice, “It stings and feels very stiff. It hurts a little when I move it.”

  “Looks like it should be very painful,” He said shifting in his seat again. She nodded. It did look like it should be painful. And it should be. It should not have been healing this quickly or that painlessly. The fact that neither her ribs nor any other part of her body hurt scared her. She felt sore everywhere but not much pain. She feared it was because the virus was killing her senses.

  “Maybe the virus is numbing you in order to heal? Like it is helping you heal faster?” Evan said aloud, rubbing the spot on his neck where the blood was. She narrowed her eyes and gave her wounds a long look. Was it even possible? Could the virus have changed? Could it really be making her heal faster?

  “I don’t know. I always feel so lightheaded and sickly. I feel so weak and tired… I just want to sleep all the time.” she went into thought and tried to remember all she felt. In the last few days, her bite marks actually rarely caused her pain unless she hit it. She just felt tired all the time and sore and as if she would faint. She would love to think it was healing her quicker, but that just seemed insane to her.

  “Maybe your body is making you sleep, so it can heal faster.” Evan said it not as a question but as matter of fact. She shrugged as she grabbed the peroxide and cotton balls. She poured a little of the peroxide on the wound and cringed. It did not hurt, but it felt very cold. She shifted in her seat a little and remembered she had a pad on. Her cheeks turned redder. However Evan seemed to not even notice or he just did not care.

  The peroxide bubbled a dark red color, while Abby dabbed at the wound. The cotton balls had some skin bits on it when she lifted them from the skin. She had no idea if she was cleaning it right or if what she was doing was making it worse. When the bubbling stopped, she wrapped it in gauze and tied it up. She pulled her sweatpants back on and sighed. Evan pressed his lips together and sniffled. She glanced at him and back at the supplies and took the medicine out.

  “It is for dogs, but Megan said it can work on humans too. You have to take three of them.” He told her calmly. Abby opened the bottle and tipped it over in her left hand. Three little blue pills came out. She stared at them questionably before putting them in her mouth and taking a swig of water. It hurt to swallow. She looked at her right hand and stared her broken pinky finger and then felt her left ear where the bandage was. She wondered what her ear looked like. She popped open the sun visor and looked in the mirror and frowned.

  She was very pale, and she could see more of her cheekbones. She lightly touched her nose and chewed her bottom lip. Her nose used to be big and rounded, but now it was thin and bony. Her once big beautiful eyes were now droopy and red. She had large dark circles under them, and her once bright red hair was thin and brittle. She looked at the dirty bandage on her left ear and saw it looked swollen. She looked so ill and weak, but she was alive and felt grateful. Or should she feel unlucky? She looked down at her clothes
and wrinkled her nose.

  She needed new clothing badly; and when she eyed Evan, she realized both of them did. She had not taken a bath in so long and would kill for the coldest bath. She shivered and looked to the horizon at the sun setting. It was beautiful, and for a second she forgot that the world was in ruins.

  Chapter thirteen

  Abby did not know when she had fallen asleep; but when she woke, she was in horrible pain. She screamed and began to shake. It did not feel like the normal pain spasm she normally went through. This time it felt as if something was taking a knife and cutting the insides of her stomach. Her legs were trembling, and her bladder was burning. She felt the sudden painful urge to urinate. She reached for the door handle and started to open the door when she felt Evan pull her back.

  “Wait! Stop!” He shouted. He held onto her until he pulled over off the highway. It was dark and cold outside. Abby leaped out the door. She let out a cry when she landed on both feet. She collapsed to the ground with her hands hitting the wet road. She scrambled back up, pushing her back up against the truck as she struggled to take her sweats off. It felt as if she was having the worst period pains of her life. However she was not on her period, and she knew it was not that kind of pain.

  Evan came running around the truck panting,

  “What is wrong?” He gasped.

  “No I am fine,” Abby cried. She felt embarrassed and ashamed as she pulled her sweatpants and underwear down. She tried bending forward but started to fall over. Evan hurried to her and grabbed her before she did. His hands were gentle, and he held her up, so she could go. She felt so belittled, and her chest was tightening with anxiety. She let out another scream as her bladder finally started to empty. The urine burned like hell. She held onto his arms and buried her face into his shoulder, crying.

  “Holy shit.” He muttered.

  Finally he said, “It is black… like blood.”

  When she was finally finished, he pulled her backwards; so she would not sit in the puddle under her feet. Abby breathed in as the pain started to subside. She cried in Evan’s arms as she looked back. In the light from the truck, she saw the black puddle of blood. She was so frightened.

  Abby wanted to disappear. Evan held her in one arm as he leaned forward to get something from the truck. When he came back, he had the baby wipes. He started to open them, but she reached with a weak arm and took them from him and tried to move away from him. She could not believe this was happening. She felt so small.

  “Let me hold you up. Stop fighting. It is okay.” He begged her as she tried to fight him off. Finally she gave up. She stopped and took out a baby wipe to clean herself. The blood had dripped down her thighs and legs, and it took four wipes to clean herself. Evan held her gently the entire time as she trembled. Finally when she was done, he helped her pull her underwear up and then her sweatpants. He helped her back into the car. She was very lightheaded, and her eyes felt very heavy. Tears rolled down her face.

  Evan had one of his hands gently on her right leg while the other was behind her neck. He was looking at her with a helpless expression. Abby looked behind him at the dark sky and stared at the stars. She had never seen them so bright before. It was beautiful. She felt Evan squeeze her neck as he mumbled something. She finally met his gaze, and his eyes were glassy. He looked very frightened. The silence around them frightened her more than the hopeless look in his eyes.

  “Are you okay?” He asked in a hushed tone. She gazed into his eyes sadly. He shook her a little begging for her to speak. When she made a groaning sound, he let out a sigh of relief. Abby blinked and her head bobbed back and forth as she tried to keep her eyes open. She felt very drained and out of it.

  “You can go.” She whispered in a weak voice. Evan narrowed his eyes, and his face became still. “It’s okay. I wouldn’t blame you.” Her words seemed so far away. Evan looked her up and down as he stood but kept his hand on her neck. His face hardened, and he looked angry.

  “No. I won’t leave you.” He said. His voice changed from soft to rough in the matter of seconds. He placed his free hand onto her other shoulder and gave her a long look. Abby shook her head and wiped away tears with a shaky white hand.

  “Look at me, Evan… you were right. I’ll be dead soon.” She sniffled. Evan shook her hard and growled, “Shut up damn it. You don’t know. We don’t know.”

  She rubbed her raw eyes and replied slowly, “Look at me… I’m already half dead. I”

  Evan cut her off with a grunt, “Until you are actually dead, I don’t want to hear any more of this.”

  He glared at her, and she just stared at him with a hollow expression. She rubbed her lips together and swallowed hard.

  “Just stay with me, Abby. We will see what happens. Maybe when we get to Haven, they can fix you.” He told her with a reassuring voice. He smiled softly.

  She saw a strange hope in his eyes, and she shook her head slowly and muttered, “I don’t want to die.”

  He helped move her legs into the truck, and she breathed in slowly. She was so tired. He rubbed sweat from her forehead, and she could hear him gritting his teeth as he stared at her. He shut the door and walked around and got back in the truck.

  It was very quiet again. The light in the truck went off, and they listened to the sound of bugs singing outside. She kept blinking, scared to fall asleep again. She was scared to wake up in horrible pain and scared to have Evan see her in such a weak state. What she feared the most was the thought that she would never wake up again. Evan grabbed his bottle of water and drank slowly. She looked at him, at his flushed face, and gloomy eyes. She needed to talk, so she would not fall asleep.

  “You were right…” She mumbled as she rubbed her raw eyes. He glanced at her blankly and said, “About what?” She placed her hands into her lap and moved them around one another. She cleared her throat and listened to the crickets outside for a moment. She took in a long deep breath.

  “About my ex…” The word was hard to say. It was true. That night he left he was telling her they did not belong together.

  “About him being an addict. Blaming me and me always taking the blame. It is true.”

  “I didn’t mean to be rude,” Evan started. Abby shook her head and smacked her lips, “I was weak and a coward and just as in denial as he was. I was the one who allowed him to treat me like that. I should’ve stood up for myself and left. I was so scared of losing him, because I thought he would love me the way he had in the beginning.”

  She gazed out the window at the bright stars and felt her cheeks tightening and heart racing. Tears filled her eyes, and she rubbed them away.

  “It took me awhile… but I finally realized he was never going to love me as much as his addictions. Never want me as much as he wanted his exes in his life. He would never get as excited as he would when he was around his coworker. I played his game… and no matter what I would do I could never figure out how to win. Everything I did was never good enough. No matter how hard I tried I just wasn’t what he wanted. He kept telling me I was his everything and he was going to marry me… at the same time he was daydreaming about her.” She swallowed past a lump in her throat and laid her head back on the seat.

  “I had lost my mind trying to show him what we could be. I had problems and instead of focusing on them and fixing them I was too busy trying to fix him. I was a fool. I was too weak to swallow my pride and say it wouldn’t work. I hung onto those moments where he loved me. But, he never said he was sorry… it was always sorry I misunderstood him. It was always my fault, and I always took the blame. It was wrong.”

  She leaned forward and grabbed her sweatpants and squeezed them as tears rolled down her face. Her chest was tight, and she was shaking. Her voice was very low and weak, but she kept on. She needed to say it aloud. She needed to hear it, because it was true, and it hurt to know it was. She had known for so long but was too scared to admit it. She knew the only way to live life free was to admit what she already knew. And let i
t go.

  “I didn’t deserve to be abused. Lied to. He accused me of living in a fantasy world,” She rubbed her eyes and took in a deep breath. She did not know if Evan was listening to her, but she continued, “He was living in the fairytale. Thinking perfection was real. I was never going to be perfect. I was never going to let him walk all over me. Never agree with his unfaithfulness that he swore was innocent. It all seems so stupid now. He was arrogant and selfish. And I was over emotional and imperfect.”

  She became quiet for a long time. She could hear Evan breathing uneasily. She looked over at him, and Evan gazed at her with an understanding in his eyes.

  “I finally realized I was never going to lose him. You can’t lose someone who was never actually there to lose.” She felt a weight lift from her shoulders. She felt the tightness in her chest slip away.

  Evan shook his head and opened his mouth then closed it. He looked at her for a long time before finally saying, “My mother was an addict. My father and she fought throughout my childhood. I always saw it but ignored it. My father stayed with her, because he was scared if he broke up our family... I’d come out wrong.” Evan rolled his eyes.

  “Such an idiot. Staying only made things worse. He was weak and scared. He also wished she would be who he had fallen in love with again. It got bad… she would hit him and scream and say such horrible things. I just turned my eyes away… My father gave me everything I wanted, and I became ungrateful. As I grew I would ignore my father, because he was weak in my eyes for letting her do that. Yet there I was looking up to my mother.” He looked away his eyes closing. He sounded ashamed.

  “My father tried so hard, and I never thanked him. My mother stole money from me, and I made excuses for her just as he always did before. She was cruel, Abby… selfish and only cared about what she wanted and how she felt. She was always right even when she was wrong. She only loved herself and her addictions. That was that.” Evan looked at her with an empathic stare.