The Last Revenant (Book 1): The Crash

by J. S. Carter

  I didn't care anymore. Between Olivia, Emma, and him, I just wanted to see something burn. I wanted to let him have it, so I got up in his face. “You wanna hit a girl, asshole? Hit me. I fucking dare you.”

  His eyebrows dropped at that. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Go ahead.” I pushed at his chest like a fly against a wall. “Hit me.”

  He effortlessly shoved me away and I fell onto my back. “You're insane, you know that?”

  I strained to get a hand underneath me. He was a lot stronger than I had realized, but the information had never reached my mind. The notion that he finally caused me any pain and fought back finally threw me over the edge. If he thought I was crazy, then I had no problem showing him the truth of the matter.

  He turned away just as I got up and I yelled at him.

  I caught him off guard and speared his body into the nearest tent. The canvas immediately came down and lengths of nylon wrapped up his arms well enough for me to clock him straight in the face again and again as I sat on his chest.

  He tried to fight back, but the resistance quickly broke off as I kept the pressure on, his face gradually smearing underneath patches of red each time I connected him with my knuckles. I could start to feel my hands blister and warm as the skin began to tear off, but I absorbed the pain. The fire in my chest had long gone caught a flame while I forced air into my lungs and the motions through my arm no matter how much it hurt.

  “ALRIGHT. THAT'S ENOUGH!” A voice from behind us tried to pull me away by the shoulder, but it quickly ended as soon I flew my elbow back to stop at something hard. I heard another solid curse before the same person grabbed me by the waist to throw me off and onto the ground.

  I looked up to see Martinez pull a hand away from his eye and a thick crowd that had somehow grown to encircle us. He was the last person I had been expecting to see.

  He threw a finger at me. “STAY down, Tess.”

  There was no way I would end up listening to him, not after I knew he had worked under Ryan's thumb. I got back up and tried running again when Martinez caught my arm and used the leverage to swing me down chest first. I struggled to breathe past the spent blades of grass in front of my face as he put his weight down into my back. I could feel my ribcage put up with the pressure until it was dwarfed by the sharp pain in my arm while it was forced behind my back and bent up towards my head.

  “Are you gonna stay down now?”

  I tried to thrash my body around in an effort pry him loose, but there was no way it would happen. He was heavier and stronger than me, and he had placed me into a solid arm lock that by now felt like my elbow was about to break open and introduce itself to the sky.

  “Let’s go.” He pulled me back up and pushed me away from the scene, past the remaining prying eyes that still bothered to look while the rest of the crowd was quickly broken up, and I made sure to glare at them. If all they could do was watch, then they were no better than those that sat by from the start. Others looked away as soon as they saw me and it made me wonder if they were scared. They probably should have been.

  I forced myself to go through with the march and realized the walk would be cut short as soon as Martinez turned and guided me towards another tent before pushing me inside. It looked similar to Hayes', although with a smaller table and nobody inside. I turned around to see Martinez step through, a soft patch of purple already swelling up underneath his eye from where I had hit him. He looked more annoyed than angry, but I questioned his motives once I saw his holstered sidearm. He could have led me somewhere secluded to easily finish the job that Ryan had started just a matter of days ago.

  “What the hell do you think you're doing?”

  The question caught me off guard. I hadn't expected his demeanor to change so suddenly once we became secluded from everyone else. It felt like he was scolding me.

  He ran a hand over his face and took a breath. “Wait here.”

  “Why?”

  He glared at me but wouldn't answer. For some reason I had always thought that Martinez had been different than the rest of Ryan's men. Even now he didn't show any desire to hurt me any more than he had to. He put a hand on his hip and seemed to calm down a bit. “Look, I have no idea how the hell you got here, but these people are already pissed off enough at us without you stirring more shit into the pot. I have to make sure they get a good excuse before someone comes back down here to kick our ass.”

  I thought about the truth behind the words. Olivia had said that nobody had wanted the people of Arrino to join the group. The stigma must have stuck after their arrival, which meant that I was only making things worse.

  “So are you gonna wait or do I have to cuff you like the other guy?” He threw a thumb over his shoulder. “'Cuz I'm sure he ain't getting' the same treatment as you.”

  I wasn't sure what he meant by that, but he must have taken my silence as an answer.

  “Don't move.” He walked back out and left me to myself before I could ask any more questions.

  I wasn't sure of what to do. I could have easily left, but if what he had said was true, then I would only be doing more harm than good showing myself in public. I looked around the immediate surroundings and walked up to the table to see papers and a map of the county strewn out on top. I may not have been in Hayes' tent, but whoever it belonged to must have been in charge of something. I picked up a random sheet and watched it shake until I absentmindedly put a hand to my wrist and winced when I grazed my knuckles.

  The entire back side of my hand was torn and red and shook uncontrollably as I tried to hold it up. Now that the excitement was gone, the pain came in and flushed itself throughout the entire extremity. I tried not to think about how long I would have to deal with it when someone spoke up from behind.

  “It feels good, doesn't it?”

  I turned back around and my heart skipped a beat. I had to swallow the sudden knot in my throat. “What?”

  Jeremy took another step into the tent and crossed his arms. “Beating the shit out of someone you think deserves it.” He still had the same faded marks on his face from where he had been beaten and he was still a little too skinny, but he looked better—and cleaner. A light colored collared shirt rested on his frame with his sleeves pulled up to his forearms, while the rest fell down above a holstered revolver on his leg. He looked good. Better.

  I took him in for a moment, unsure of what to say, though part of me realized that this was the real Jeremy that I had never seen—clean hair, clean clothes, armed and in charge. I could feel my stomach flutter while I wondered what he thought of me now. I had left him back in Arrino. All I had wanted to do then was to inflict pain and now I had gotten caught in the same act again. I thought back about the man I had just beaten. “Nobody was doing anything.”

  Jeremy furrowed his brow, unsure. “So that meant tearing his face off?”

  I couldn't believe he was defending him. I stuck my bloody hand out in protest. “Did you see the guy? He probably beats his wife every day.”

  “No.” He shook his head. “He doesn't.”

  “Right. And you know because—”

  “Because she's dead, Tess.”

  I only stared at him while the guilt began to sink in. I was already dreading the next part before it even came out.

  “His wife was one of the first in Arrino...” He let the sentence go, but we both knew what it meant. “Kyle's men used his sister. He was taking her to see a doctor, but she was too embarrassed to go. That's... that's what you saw.”

  Of course...

  Of course I had beaten on a widower because he was trying to help his little sister. First Emma and now a random stranger. Even a blind, deaf person would have had a better track record than me. I wasn't sure of what else to think, except—

  Fuck.

  Everything.

  I fell back against the table and leaned against it, looking down at my hands. The torn pieces hurt like hell and I deserved it, but the man didn't
. I felt like such an asshole. “I didn't know...” The excuse came out muttered. It was far from enough, yet Jeremy gave it sympathy anyway.

  “I know.”

  I stared at the ground and waited until I could see his boots stop just in front of mine. I wasn't brave enough to look up at him, but I supposed he had enough courage for the both of us.

  He gently put a finger underneath my chin and tilted my head up. I hadn't realized just how close he had gotten until he had done so. “You should have Martha check your lip.”

  I stared into his eyes, then down past the stubble on his face until he gently ran his thumb against what I had yet to figure out was swollen. I quickly pulled away. I hadn't realized that the man had even landed a hit, but it also dawned on me that the last person I had been this close to had gotten shot in the head. I turned away and got up, stumbling over my own words. “I have to go.” I walked out on him without saying anything else.

  The regular momentum of Tent City greeted me as soon as I made it outside. I immediately caught Martinez's eye as he stood with another armed man directly across a path laid out in front of me. Neither of them made a move. I had not bothered to ask, but it seemed entirely likely that I had accidentally stumbled into what was left of Arrino and Martinez had been accepted as one of their own. Maybe he had been forced to work under Ryan all along, just like anyone else, which meant that I had actually hurt two innocent people in quick succession. He probably deserved an apology just as much as the first.

  “Tess...”

  I forgot I had been standing still. I turned around to see Jeremy had quickly caught up with me and he had the same look on his face that Olivia had. I didn't want anyone's pity. I wanted to be angry at him for it, but I couldn't hold the feeling.

  “Where are you going?”

  I shook my head. “I don't know.” I really didn't. Yet as soon as I had opened my mouth, I knew the answer. It really didn't matter where I went so long as I wasn't there. I had to leave. I walked away and was glad to see that nobody stopped me. I let tents and strangers pass me by on either side as I fell into my own thoughts and stared at the ground.

  Something was wrong with me. I didn't belong in a crowd surrounded by so many strangers nor the ones that I had come to know over time. I belonged to Emma. I would never be able to reconcile the two if I stayed put. I would only take my frustration out on others, but they didn't deserve that. I was stupid enough to care about them and I knew I wouldn't be able to change it, so I had to leave. I had to find her. It would be a tall order, but if I could find the presence behind it all, if I could find Knox, I could die happy.

  I quickly turned towards the nearest tent with my new ambition in mind. I checked that nobody was eying me in particular and then stuck my head through the front flaps to make sure there was nobody inside. I took a step in to see two empty cots side by side, though a quick glance underneath cleared my exact suspicion. I knelt down and pulled a box filled with food out and into the open.

  Just the sight of various canned goods, water bottles, snacks, and the smell of freshly baked bread instantly made my mouth water. I had seen others carrying the familiar loot crate all over the city. Newcomers must have gotten a share of the remaining supplies so that they could make ends meet, but I had never gotten my own—until now. It would be enough to last me a few days on the road. By then I would have another plan to sustain myself. Finding it so quickly was meant to be.

  I stuck a loaf in my mouth and devoured it with one hand while the other made a mess grabbing a small backpack and stuffing it with everything that it could possibly hold. By the time I managed to get it closed, the seams threatened to burst open and fling the only zipper into my face. I didn't have enough time to take inventory. I assumed I had already gotten others in trouble for starting a one-sided confrontation. Following that up by getting caught stealing food would be much harder to explain away.

  I flung the pack over a shoulder and walked out into the open, fully expecting a clean getaway until I practically kicked a little girl over in my stride. I looked down and thought that she had grabbed my legs to keep from falling, but I realized I was getting a hug when she wouldn't let go.

  “You came back!”

  Fuck.

  Amanda looked up and me and beamed, seemingly undecided on whether she should cry or not before ultimately stuffing her face back into my stomach.

  I kept my arms up and tried not to fall over. I didn't know what to do. I had just gotten caught stealing food from an eleven year old girl. She must not have realized what I was doing. I managed to pry her off of me and quickly took a knee to get down to her level. I glanced around to make sure no one else was watching and I felt like a paranoid creep.

  Amanda only stared back patiently with a smile that didn't help.

  I didn't realize that she cared about me at all. It only made me feel worse. I almost asked where her mother was before I remembered that she was gone. I put a hand on her shoulder and took a second to force a smile. “Where's Martha?”

  She kept quiet like I remembered and instead pointed at the back of Martha's head not too off from our side. It looked like she was too preoccupied talking to someone. Amanda must have managed to slip away after seeing me duck inside her tent.

  I looked back at the little girl and was a little put off to see that she had instantly grown somber at the sight of the backpack.

  “Are you leaving again?”

  I took a breath and stopped there. It would be too easy to tell her what she wanted to hear and lie to her—people did it all the time, especially to kids—but I couldn't force myself to do it. I couldn't tear the feeling away from me while she timidly looked down and played with her hands. I gently shook her shoulder and leaned in. “Hey... What's wrong?”

  She looked back up at me and I could tell that she was embarrassed.

  I gave her the best smile I could and brushed her hair back as her eyes danced across my forehead. I couldn't believe I had forgotten about her. I could see her chew on the inside of her lip before finally opening up.

  “I'm scared.”

  I must have given her a face without even realizing it. It was broad daylight. Nobody was shooting at us. And as far as I knew Juno was long gone in our dust. “Scared of what?”

  Her eyes instantly began to water and she threw herself at me for another hug.

  I didn't understand what I had said that was so wrong until it dawned on me that Amanda had already gone as far as she could. It didn't matter if she was scared of losing me or Martha, or of a shadow that she had seen in the dark. Her life had been filled with so much shit that had happened to her, to even admit that she was afraid at her age and with everything going on around her was an achievement in it of itself. She was braver than I ever was.

  I pushed her back and wiped her tears off with my thumbs. “Hey, it’s okay to be scared.”

  She sniffled and wiped her nose, but I could tell that she still wasn't convinced.

  “Really. You're not alone. I'm scared too.”

  She seemed to relax a bit at that and I felt like I had just heard myself speak out loud for the first time.

  I took the food-filled backpack off my shoulder and handed it to her so that I wouldn't have to think about it. “Here. I think this is yours. Keep it safe, okay? And keep Martha safe. You need to protect her. That's your job now. You need to keep her safe no matter how scared you are.”

  She struggled to keep the weight up in front of her chest, but no doubt found the new job important. Maybe being included somehow would help take her mind off of everything that was going on around her.

  “Go back to Martha. I'm not leaving. I promise.”

  The affirmation got her to smile before trotting off and I hoped I wasn't lying.

  I watched her drag the backpack towards Martha, tug on a leg and point at me, but I turned away and got out of sight before they could look. I didn't want to talk to her. I had not even wanted to run into Amanda, but being forced into the situ
ation had prompted me to think about what I was doing. If I left now, I'd be short on answers to questions that would never go away. It didn't matter that I was afraid of what I might hear. I needed to confront Olivia.

  After stumbling around and asking questions for longer than I should have, I eventually made it back to the correct med tent in mind and found myself nervously wiping sweaty palms against my thighs. The red cross etched into the sheet of canvas stared back with as much impunity as it had the first time. Not a single thing around me had been at fault for the way I had reacted earlier. That much was my own wrongdoing and I needed to make amends. I finally sucked up the courage and walked inside to see the familiar darkness and resting patients, though I was somewhat relieved to see that this tent was Knight free.

  I plopped down next to Ellie and she looked up at me from a snoozing daydream to ultimately give me a tired grin. I thought I might have been hanging around too many kids lately, but Ellie was older and now that I saw her smile, I realized how much she could have changed since I had last spoken with her.

  “Hey.”

  “You came back.”

  “Yeah...” I nodded, still unsure of what to say as I nervously glanced around the room. She must have known.

  “She's not here.” Ellie strained a bit to get a hand underneath herself and readjust her back. “Olivia told me you were fighting or something. She said that she had to find you, so she left.”

  I couldn't help but frown at that. Even if I didn't know Ellie very well, I still knew that being the one responsible to leave her alone was kind of a dick move, especially since I had also been ultimately responsible for her current condition. “I'm sorry.”

  “For what?” She stared at me expectantly, though I didn't know how to put it into words. “You know, she's one of the good guys. I mean, she saved my life.”

  Yeah...

  I knew the feeling. “I know. She... She helped me too.” The very first thing Olivia had managed to do for me was to keep me from running away and I was starting to get the feeling that she might have just done it again without even trying.