Forgiven

by Vanessa Miller

  But that was the reason he was standing at Lamont’s bedside now. He still owed a debt to Jimmy. He promised him that he would look after his only son, and by God, that’s what JT was determined to do. He bowed his head and prayed out loud. “Lord, thank you for allowing Lamont to make it through the night. Thank you for health and strength in his body. But most of all, Lord, I pray that you open Lamont’s eyes. Help him to understand that to truly live, his life must be in Your hands.”

  The door opened and Lamont’s nurse walked in. “I need to take his vitals,” she told him.

  JT stepped away from the bed so the nurse could handle her business. Looking at the white board, he asked, “Is Erica off duty?”

  “Yeah, but don’t worry. She told me that our patient had no family here, but that you were clergy.” She took Lamont’s blood pressure and then turned back to JT. “His vitals are looking good. Once he wakes up we should be able to move him out of ICU and into a regular room.”

  “Thanks,” JT said as he sat back down and prayed that Lamont would wake soon and be ready to listen to reason.

  JT got the answer to part of his prayer an hour later. Lamont groaned and then lifted his right hand and touched his hip bone. Lamont had scraped himself up pretty good, but he didn’t have any broken bones. The surgeon had put a patch over the wound and Lamont was trying to rip it off.

  JT jumped up and grabbed Lamont’s hand. “Don’t do that. You’ll start bleeding if you rip your stitches out.”

  Lamont turned groggy eyes toward JT. Recognition flickered in his eyes as he said, “You… came?”

  “What else was I supposed to do? Some woman calls to tell me that you were in a bad accident; did you think I would just sit at home and wait on someone to call back and tell me whether you made it or not?”

  “You meant it, huh?” Lamont said and then fell back to sleep before getting his answer.

  But JT knew exactly what Lamont was talking about. It had taken JT three months after Jimmy had given him Lamont’s name to track Lamont down. He’d flown to New Orleans immediately and met with Lamont’s mother, Peaches. She reminded JT of his own drug addicted mother. One look at Peaches and JT knew how Lamont had grown up. He could imagine how many times the boy went to bed hungry because his cracked out mother sold the food stamps to buy more drugs. He knew that the boy had lit candles on the numerous occasions the power company had turned the lights out for non payment, just so he could see clear enough to get to the bathroom.

  He was there to deliver money to Lamont. The money he owed Jimmy was now supposed to go to his son since Jimmy would be doing at least ten-to-twenty more years behind bars. But JT couldn’t give Lamont the money without educating him. Not with the current condition the boy was living in. The money would be gone within six months and Lamont would have nothing to show for it. So he took the boy to lunch and told him about his past friendship with Jimmy.

  Lamont had been uninterested, until JT told him that Jimmy asked that he give a hundred and twenty-five thousand dollars to his son. “What? You’re kidding, right?”

  “Jimmy and I want to help you succeed in life.”

  Lamont opened his hands. “Well then show me the money.” He threw his head back and laughed. “I can’t believe that my old man actually came through on something for me.”

  “Jimmy is very serious about doing this for you. He thinks that you could even become President of the United States one day.”

  “Go ‘head on somewhere with all that. Just give me the money and I’ll decide what I’m going to do with it.”

  JT shook his head. “That’s not the way it’s going down, Lamont. What you need to know is that I have a hundred and twenty-five thousand dollars with your name on it. But to get the money you’ll have to come to Cleveland with me. Work with me for a year, and then I’m hoping that you’ll use the money for college and to buy a home.”

  Lamont laughed in JT’s face. “Look here, mister, whoever you are. I ain’t no college boy. And what do I need to own a home for? So some fat-cat banker can come and take it from me? I may only have an eleventh grade education, but I do watch the news.”

  “You didn’t finish high school?” JT asked, and then rebuked himself. Hadn’t he just met Peaches? Of course the boy dropped out of high school. He’s probably been involved in every penny ante hustle New Orleans had to offer just to survive. Can’t be a high school student and survive on the streets too. JT had almost dropped out of high school when he was a kid himself. But Eloise put down her heroine needle long enough to find an after school program for youth at risk. JT went to the program. The first week he met several guys that had dropped out of school and were just hanging around doing nothing but smoking dope. That wasn’t what he wanted out of life, so he decided to finish school.

  “What I learn on the streets is way more educating than anything them school books was teaching me.”

  “All right then. I’ve just added a third thing you need to do in order to get the money.”

  Lamont had this smirk on his face that said, there’s always a catch when he asked, “What’s that?”

  “You’ll need to get your GED.”

  “What? Man, are you crazy, what do I need a GED for?”

  JT had simply smiled and said, “You can’t get into college without your GED.”

  Lamont got up and walked out of the restaurant without looking back. JT paid the bill and then ran after him. “Wait up, Lamont. I drove you here, remember? Are you going to walk home?”

  Lamont turned angry, accusing eyes on JT. “You got my hopes up for nothing, man. Where I come from people get shot for less than what you did to me today.”

  “I come from the same place you come from, Lamont. And I’m not selling you empty promises. Jimmy and I want you to have a future. Now are you coming back to Cleveland with me or not?”

  “What business do you own in Cleveland?”

  “I’m a preacher. I’m building God’s church and I could use your help.”

  Lamont looked heavenward and then turned back to JT with his arms crossed around his chest. “Now I know you’re crazy. You tell my dad that I said, ‘Thanks for nothing as usual.’” Lamont turned to walk away from JT.

  JT put his hand on Lamont’s shoulder. “Wait a minute, son.”

  Brushing JT’s hand off him, Lamont said, “Don’t touch me. I’m not your son and I’m certainly not the son of your jailbird friend.”

  JT pulled his wallet out of his back pocket, took out his business card and handed it to Lamont. “If you change your mind, give me a call. I believe that God has something special for you. You just have to give Him a chance.”

  Lamont put the business card in his pocket and said, “If I’m in need of a Bible or a sermon, I’ll give you a call.”

  “Whatever you need, Lamont, I promise I’ll be here for you.”

  “Yeah, okay. Well, thanks for lunch,” Lamont said as he turned and walked away.

  JT had gotten Lamont’s cell number from his mother, so even though Lamont never called him, JT checked on Lamont from time to time after that day. Their conversations were always quick, because Lamont, the high school drop out, always had some important business he needed to take care of. Each time JT would call, Lamont would say, “Is my check in the mail yet?”

  JT would respond, “Are you ready for that plane ticket to Cleveland?” JT felt in his gut he was doing the right thing. Money in Lamont’s hand right now was like water going down the drain. So JT continued to hold out. Now he wondered if he had done the right thing. Maybe if he’d given Lamont the money three months ago, he wouldn’t be standing next to his hospital bed now.

  Lamont stirred. He turned on his side and faced JT. He watched JT for a second without saying anything. Clearing his throat, he asked, “You still need help in Cleveland, Mr. Preacher?”

  “I sure do. I’ve been waiting on you to wake up so I could try to talk you into coming back with me again.”

  “All I want to do is check
on Sonya and then I’m out of here as soon as they release me.”

  Since Lamont’s mother’s name was Peaches, he had a feeling that the woman he wanted to check on was the very same one who’d died yesterday. He hated breaking this kind of bad news, especially while Lamont was trying to heal. But he didn’t think he should let Lamont reach out to the girl’s family, since they wanted to kill him. So he asked, “Is Sonya the person who rode on the motorcycle with you?”

  “Yeah. Have you seen her? Is she all right? Has she been in here?”

  JT chewed on his bottom lip for a moment. Jimmy should be here. Why hadn’t he thought enough of his kid to put down his gun and get a real job? If he had, another man wouldn’t have to see his son through this difficult time. Jimmy would be here delivering the bad news. With the most compassionate tone JT could muster, he said, “Lamont, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but… Sonya died yesterday.”

  Lamont closed his eyes as a single tear rolled down his face. “Sonya’s dead?”

  “Yes, son, I’m afraid she is.”

  He shook his head. The pain in his eyes was unavoidable as he rubbed his temples as if he were suffering from a massive migraine. “She wanted to ride, but I didn’t have an extra helmet, so I told her she couldn’t. She jumped on my bike anyway and I took off.” “Sonya is… was my ex-girlfriend. But we’ve always been cool, more like sister and brother than anything else. I should have made her get off my motorcycle.”

  JT patted Lamont’s shoulder, trying to bring him some semblance of comfort. “That’s tough, Lamont. But it was an accident.”

  With sorrow, Lamont said, “I shouldn’t have let her ride.” They sat in silence for a while and then Lamont asked, “How did you find out about the accident?”

  “A woman called me. She was using your cell phone.”

  “That’s right,” Lamont said as if the light had just come on inside his brain. “My girl, Shameka, was out there with us. She got mad when Sonya jumped on my bike, so I thought she had left. But when I wrecked, she was right there. I must have asked her to call you or something.”

  “God didn’t save your life for nothing, Lamont. It’s time for you to figure out what you need to be doing in life and get on with it.”

  Lamont yawned as sleep tried to overtake him again. “You don’t have to convince me, JT. Just before I woke up I had a dream about second chances. I’m not sure why Sonya isn’t alive, because I should be the one who died. She had goals and dreams. All I do is waste time with my other unemployed friends.”

  JT wanted to smile, but Lamont’s change of heart came at the cost of a young girl’s life. Nothing to smile about there. He sat with Lamont until he fell back to sleep and then he went into the hallway to call Cassandra. He needed somebody else to be excited about the fact that Lamont had finally agreed to come back with him.

  He dialed the house phone and Mattie answered. After taking a deep breath and exhaling he asked, “Can I speak to Cassandra, please.”

  “She ain’t here,” Mattie said and then hung up the phone.

  Why would Cassandra have that woman at their house? She didn’t mean them any good whatsoever. Shaking his head, he dialed Cassandra’s cell phone. It went straight to voicemail. JT hung up wondering why her phone was forever going to voicemail lately.

  Eight

  Thanks for meeting me, Dr. Clarkson. I really appreciate you spending your lunch hour with me,” Cassandra said.

  “It’s no problem at all. It’s not often that my patients offer to treat me to lunch.”

  Cassandra laughed. “I don’t know if you can call this a treat. You made me meet you at Subway, and then you wouldn’t let me pay.”

  “Yeah, but you offered, and like my mama always said, ‘It’s the thought that counts.’”

  “You’re too good to me, Dr. Clarkson.”

  “What’s with this Dr. Clarkson stuff? We’re not in my office. We’re just two people having lunch. My first name is Michael. “

  Cassandra giggled. “We might be two people having lunch, but I’ve still got problems. I had another panic attack last night, Dr.-”

  He held up a hand.

  “I mean Michael.”

  “I thought you told me your husband was out of town last night.” Michael said.

  “He was. That’s the reason I figured out what my panic attacks are all about. I’m not angry like you suggested. I’m scared.”

  “What did you have to be scared about last night?”

  “Someone kept calling the house holding the phone. That used to happen a lot when JT was cheating on me. Thanks to my mother suggesting that JT was up to his old tricks again, I flashed back and that’s when the panic attack started.”

  Michael took a bite of his turkey sandwich and leaned back in his seat. He chewed, wiped his mouth and then asked. “This flashback… What did you see?”

  Cassandra didn’t seem to have much of an appetite. The whole while they’d been sitting there, she’d only taken one bite of her BMT. As she looked at it, she wondered why she’d even ordered anything. She hadn’t felt like eating anything since last night, after the breather phone call. “I kept getting pictures of the women JT fooled around with. Each one of them just kept flashing in my head until I couldn’t breathe.”

  “And you’re not angry with your husband about those past affairs?”

  “I had been angry with him. But I can see that he’s changed. I really think I forgave him for all the things that happened in our past. It’s just that fear keeps gripping me and I don’t know what to do about it.” She picked up her sandwich, thought about taking a bite, but then put it back down. “Is it possible to forgive someone but still not be able to live with them?”

  Michael took Cassandra’s hand in his as he answered, “Sometimes letting go is the best thing for everybody.”

  Cassandra squirmed in her seat. She was becoming increasingly uncomfortable as Dr. Clarkson, or Michael as he’d asked to be called, held onto her hand and intently gazed at her. She removed her hand, stood up and said, “I think I need to get back home. But thank you for seeing me.”

  Michael stood up with her and stammered as he said, “I-I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable just now. I just hope you’ll think long and hard about whether you should have gone back to your husband.”

  “I will,” Cassandra said as she and Dr. Clarkson began walking out of the eatery. That’s when she saw Diane Benson standing in the checkout line, taking pictures of her and Dr. Clarkson with her cell phone. Dr. Clarkson opened the door for Cassandra to walk out but she told him, “I’ll call to make an appointment. I just saw someone I know.”

  Cassandra walked over to Diane and said, “What do you think you’re doing?”

  “Don’t you worry about what I’m doing, Ms. Thang. You need to be worried about yourself.”

  “You don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.”

  “I know what I saw. And I captured it all on my picture phone.”

  Shaking her head, Cassandra turned and walked away. Diane jumped out of the line and followed her out the door.

  “Well, well, I guess JT isn’t the only cheater in the family, huh?”

  “Get away from me, Diane,” Cassandra said as calmly as she could.

  “Oh, I’m going to do more than get away from you.” She lifted her cell phone in the air. “With these here pictures, I’m going to get my daughter away from you.”

  “What are you talking about? You haven’t even called us to check on Lily in eight months.”

  “I’ve called.”

  “When?” Cassandra demanded to know, and then realization struck her and she added, “Heavy breathing on the telephone doesn’t equate to calling to check on your child.”

  “Check JT’s cell phone records if you want to know how many times I’ve called. He and I talk frequently. But he didn’t tell you that, did he?”

  “You’re lying.”

  “Why don’t you check his phone records and
find out. I just talked to him yesterday.”

  “Why are you so evil? I’ve never done anything to you.”

  Diane put one hand on her hip and used the other hand to point a finger in Cassandra’s face. “You can be as weak minded as you want to be over that sorry man of yours, but I’m telling you right now that your days of playing mommy dearest to my child are numbered.”

  Cassandra wanted to break the finger Diane was pointing in her face, but with this woman threatening to take her baby away, she was becoming weak and afraid again. “Lily doesn’t even know who you are.”

  “And whose fault is that? I bet you didn’t even tell her you’re not her mother. But that’s all going to change once the judge sees these pictures of you out fooling around when you’re supposed to be home with my child.”

  “Get away from me,” Cassandra screamed as she bolted away from Diane. She felt another panic attack coming on and didn’t want to look like a freak in front of Lily’s mother. So she ran to her car and quickly unlocked the door. As she sat down behind the driver’s seat she rolled her window down and began to chant, “The Lord is my Shepherd…”

  After about five minutes, Cassandra’s breathing became normal again. And Cassandra was able to think on something other than the 23rd Psalm. These attacks were getting worse. Up until last night when her mother witnessed her having a panic attack, JT had been the only one to see her lose control like that. And now, she almost let Diane Benson put so much fear in her that she had another episode. Thank God she was able to get to her car before anyone saw her. She put her hand over her face and prayed, “Lord, please help me.”

  Cassandra wanted to make sure her nerves were calm before she went home to three screaming, hollering and crying kids, so she decided to drive over to the mall and look around for a little bit. She reached into her purse to get her cell phone and discovered that it was dead again. She smacked her forehead with the palm of her hand, “Why do I keep forgetting to charge this thing?”

  She put her cell back in her purse and drove off for the mall anyway. Cassandra was sure that her mother wouldn’t mind hanging out with her grandchildren for an extra hour. She just hoped her mother was treating Lily right. Cassandra practically had to beg Mattie to watch her so she could go see Dr. Clarkson.