Forgiven

by Vanessa Miller

  “I didn’t think about the taxes,” Lamont answered honestly.

  JT’s cell phone rang. He looked down and saw that it was Cassandra. He looked back at Lamont and said, “You better think about it.” Then he stepped away from Lamont and pushed the talk button on his phone. “What’s up, baby?” he said in his most seductive voice. He was determined to get the home fires burning again. He just didn’t know what to do to make her happy these days, but he was still going to try.

  “Where’s the money, JT?” Cassandra screamed through the phone.

  “What money?”

  “Don’t play dumb with me. I’m at the bank and the money is gone.”

  “That money wasn’t ours, Sanni. I transferred it into Lamont’s account this morning.”

  “I want it back right now. Do you hear me, JT? Get that money back or I’m going home and packing me and the kids up.”

  “Why are you talking like this? You knew I was going to give the money to Lamont.”

  “That’s it. I’m sick of everyone else coming before me and the kids. I’m not just going to sit by and watch Diane take Lily from us, when I know she doesn’t care anything about her. We’re leaving, JT.” Cassandra hung the phone up.

  JT was shocked. Had his wife really gone to the bank to steal Lamont’s money? But then, hadn’t he done the same thing to Jimmy after they’d lost Sarah and he’d stopped trusting God. He turned around and saw Lamont talking with a car salesman. JT rushed over to them and grabbed Lamont by the arm and said, “I’ve got to get home. I’ll bring you back here tomorrow.”

  “Naw, JT, I want to drive that beauty off the lot today,” Lamont told him.

  The salesman stepped forward with a big grin on his face. “We can make that happen for you, young man. Just say the word.”

  JT turned to the man. “His money won’t even be available in his account for three more days. Just give him your card and we’ll be back to see you in a couple of days.” JT got behind the wheel of his car while Lamont took the business card from the eager salesman. Lamont was saying something to the salesman as he pointed at the Escalade. JT honked the horn.

  Lamont jumped in the car. “What’s up, man? Something wrong with one of the kids?”

  “No, something’s wrong with my wife,” was all JT said as he drove home like a man about to lose everything that mattered.

  ***

  Cassandra was frantic as she drove toward the house. She came to a red light and then hit the steering wheel with her fist. Tears were streaming down her face as she asked aloud, “How could JT do it? Why would he take that money now?” The money had been sitting in their account for five months and neither one of them had touched it. But on the exact morning that she was to give that money to Diane, JT pulls it out of their account.

  Her cell phone started ringing. Cassandra looked at the caller display and got a headache. Rolling her eyes, she pushed talk on her cell phone and kept driving. “Yeah, what is it?”

  “You know what I’m calling about? Where do you want to meet?” Diane asked.

  The fact that this woman was willing to give up her baby for money showed Cassandra just how unfit she was to parent a beautiful child like Lily. There was no way that she would ever turn Lily over to Diane Benson. “I’m on my way to the bank now. I’ll give you a call after I get the money and we can meet up then.”

  “Okay,” Diane said and then hesitated a moment before saying, “Look, Cassandra, I know I have no right to ask, but I need you to do me a favor.”

  Cassandra scoffed, “You already slept with my husband, Diane. I’m all out of favors for you.”

  “It’s just a small one. I just want you to bring Lily with you when you bring the money. If I’m going to give her up, I just want to hug her one last time. That’s all.”

  Taken off guard by Diane’s show of interest in Lily, Cassandra didn’t know what to say. She pushed the end button on her cell phone and kept driving. She looked through the rearview mirror at Aaron and Lily as they sat in their car seats in the back of the car. Jerome had been sleep when she left home so she left him with her mom.

  And as Cassandra thought through her troubles, she realized that her mom was the reason for all the stress she was going through. If Mattie had not lied on her in court that day, she wouldn’t be so worried about losing Lily. And if the judge believed what Mattie had said, what’s to stop him from having children’s services take Jerome and Aaron. “I’m not going to let them win,” she promised Aaron and Lily as she glanced in the mirror again.

  JT wanted to be noble. He was Mr. Do-The-Right-Thing at the wrong time. She would show him. She was going home to pack her children’s clothes and get as far away from this town as possible. She loved JT and wanted to make their marriage work, but she couldn’t do that if she lost her children because of his foolish behavior.

  As she pulled up to the house she saw JT’s car in the driveway. Good, she thought, he could kiss his kids goodbye before we leave.

  Twenty-Six

  Perfect timing, JT thought as he turned off his car and then watched as Cassandra pulled in the driveway behind him. As he and Lamont got out of the car, he could see that Aaron and Lily were in the car with Cassandra. He looked over at Lamont and said, “You grab Aaron and I’ll get Lily.”

  The two quickly moved to the rear doors of Cassandra’s four door sedan. They flung the doors open and both men grabbed a child.

  Cassandra jumped out of the car screaming, “No, leave them alone. You don’t care anything about us. Just leave my children alone.”

  JT had Lily on his hip. He turned to Cassandra and noticed that she had a crazed look in her eyes. He tried to speak calmly. “Come in the house with me so we can discuss this.”

  She put her hands on her hips as she defiantly stood in front of him. “Did you ask him to give us the money back?”

  JT glanced at Lamont with a look of embarrassment on his face. He then turned back to his wife and said, “No, Sanni, I can’t do that.”

  She reached for Lily. “Then give me my baby. We’re getting out of here.”

  JT stepped away from her as he held Lily a little tighter. He began walking toward the house. Cassandra tried to pull Lily out of his arms, but only succeeded in making Lily cry.

  “I’m sorry, baby. I wasn’t trying to hurt you,” she said as she turned her sights onto Lamont. “Give me my baby,” she said as she charged into the house after Lamont.

  JT shook his head as he handed Lily to Lamont as well. “Take the kids to the basement, man. I’ll explain all this later.”

  Cassandra leaped toward Lamont like a lioness after her cub. But JT grabbed her arms and pulled her close to him. “Get off of me, JT.”

  Lamont was frozen in the front door. JT was holding Cassandra with both hands so he had to nudge Lamont with his shoulder. “Go on, man. And lock the door from the inside. I’ll let you know when things are under control.”

  Lamont held the kids like they were footballs as he ran down the hallway toward the basement.

  “Let go!” Cassandra struggled to get away, but it was no use, even in her current state of anger, JT was too powerful for her. She couldn’t break free.

  “I can’t let you go, Sanni. Don’t you know how much I need you?”

  “We can’t stay here, JT. Without that money everything is lost. Diane is going to take Lily. And because of the things my mother said about me, we might even lose Jerome and Aaron. Don’t you see that I have to leave?”

  “S-st-op!”

  Cassandra and JT both heard the broken word and turned to see Mattie leaning against the wall in the hallway leading to the living room.

  Mattie looked so frail, holding that cane and leaning against the wall for support with such a pained looked on her face. He was sure that she’d heard Cassandra accuse her of being the reason they might lose their children. Since he had just as much to do with it as the lies Mattie had told, he wanted to go over there, hug her and let her know it would be all r
ight. He released Cassandra’s arms. And it was as if she and he were finally on the same page.

  Cassandra walked over to Mattie, put her arms around her and said, “I’m sorry, Mama. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  Tears ran down Mattie’s face as she attempted to talk again. But she sounded like a twelve month old child trying to form words.

  “Let me help you back to your bed, Mama.” Cassandra took the cane out of Mattie’s hand and attempted to lock arms with her so she could walk her back to her bedroom.

  But JT could tell that Mattie had expended all of her energy just walking to the living room. He picked her up and carried her back to bed, then gently pulled the covers up to her chest and fluffed her pillow to ensure that she was comfortable. “You need to rest, Mattie. Please don’t get up again until your physical therapist comes this evening.”

  But Mattie had fear in her eyes as she pointed at Cassandra, who was standing behind JT. She then pointed at JT and then mimicked loud talking by repetitively pressing her thumb against her fingers like a mouth opening and closing.

  JT looked back toward Cassandra and then turned back to his mother-in-law and leaned closer to her as he said, “Yes, I do need to talk to Cassandra. But I promise we won’t yell anymore. Okay?”

  Mattie laid her head against the pillow and closed her eyes. JT straightened to his full height and was about to walk away from Mattie when she grabbed his arm. He looked back down at her and saw the tears roll down her face again.

  Very slowly, Mattie said, “I… was… wrong.”

  JT understood her words as clearly as he understood when she told him and Cassandra to stop a minute ago in the living room. He just wasn’t sure if she was saying she was wrong about the lies she’d told on them in the courtroom, the way she’d treated Lily, or the hateful things she’d done and said to him. He wanted to ask for clarification, but then he realized that he didn’t need it as he looked at her like a man acquainted with repentance and said, “All is forgiven.”

  “Th-ank… you,” she said in her broken English and then she turned over and fell asleep.

  JT grabbed Cassandra’s hand and whispered, “Follow me.” He took her upstairs. After opening the door to Jerome and Aaron’s room and seeing that Jerome was sound asleep, he walked into their bedroom, closed the door and then sat Cassandra down on the bed. “Now, please tell me what got you so upset.”

  “Why do you think I’m upset? You gave our money way,” she shouted in his face as she stood up and put her hands on her hips.

  “Please lower your voice so we don’t wake Jerome or worry your mother any further.” He sat down on the bed hoping that would encourage her to sit down also.

  “Why’d you give him the money, JT? You knew I didn’t want you to do it,” she said, still standing.

  “I’m just trying to be the kind of man you asked me to be, Sanni. You’re not always going to like my decisions, but I need you to trust that I’m just trying to do right by you and the kids.”

  Cassandra stood in front of him with her hands on her hips. Her neck was twitching as she asked, “What are you talking about, JT?”

  Had so much happened since that day he’d come home, when Cassandra decided to trust him that she’d forgotten what she’d said to him? “Don’t you remember, Sanni? When I came home after visiting Lamont in the hospital? We were right in this room when you asked me to be more than just an ordinary man? You wanted me to be God’s man.”

  Recognition flashed in her eyes, but then she turned away from it. “I take it back. I need you to be my man right now.” She sat down on the bed next to him and held his hand. “I need you to go downstairs and ask Lamont for that money back. Or at least a hundred thousand of it.”

  “What’s going on, Sanni. Did something happen that I don’t know about?”

  She lowered her eyes but didn’t answer.

  JT lifted her chin and asked again, “Is something going on that I don’t know about?”

  “All right, okay.” She stood up and paced the room. “You want to know what’s going on. I’ll tell you. I had everything resolved. Diane was going to drop her case against you and not try to take custody of Lily. All I had to do was give her a hundred thousand dollars.” She lifted her hands and then let them plop back down against her body. “It’s all ruined now. Why’d you have to do it, JT? Why did you give him the money?”

  He was sitting there watching his wife speak, but he honestly couldn’t believe these words were coming out of her mouth. “Cassandra, do you hear yourself?”

  “I know how it sounds. But the end justifies the means. And we could have paid Lamont back eventually.”

  “Okay, Sanni. Let’s say we did it your way. What’s to stop Diane from taking that money from us and continuing the lawsuit? It isn’t like we could tell the judge that we gave her bribe money, if she refused to hold up her end of the bargain. And believe me, Sanni, that woman would not have held up her end of the bargain.”

  The look on her face told him that she hadn’t considered that Diane could renege on the deal. “Look, Sanni, I know where you’re coming from. I’ve been there.” He stood up, put his arms around his wife and continued, “When Sarah died, I stopped trusting God and thought I needed to handle everything myself. But you see where that attitude got us.” JT laughed in spite of the situation and then asked her, “Don’t you remember all those self-empowerment messages I used to preach?”

  “Nothing gets done unless somebody is doing it,” she mimicked the way he used to say that line.

  “Yeah, it sounds pretty pathetic to us now. But I had lost my faith in God, so I thought I had to do everything myself if anything was going to get done. I don’t believe that anymore, Sanni. I believe God cares about what happens to us and that He is always on the job.”

  She pounded on his chest and then laid her head on his chest. “I know you’re right, but for me, this feels just like losing Sarah all over again. I don’t want to lose another child.”

  “We won’t, baby. Trust God. I truly believe He is going to show us a way out of all this drama.”

  “It’s not that easy for me, JT. I need to be sure that things are going to work out for us this time.

  “This isn’t easy for me either, Sanni. But I’ve come too far to turn back now. Like it or not, I’m God’s man, and I intend to act like it.”

  Twenty-Seven

  Cassandra couldn’t breathe. She needed to get away. JT wasn’t letting her anywhere near their children right now, so she knew she couldn’t go far. But she had to get out of the house so she could think. She heard what JT had to say and she could clearly see that her actions showed that she did not trust God to handle this situation.

  She was driving down the street, destination unknown, when she noticed a church building on the right hand side of the street. It wasn’t so much the building that she noticed, but the sign in the entrance of the church. It read: Is it time for your meeting with God? Come on in. Those words sparked Cassandra’s interest because she had tried everything else. She’d been to a therapist, she’d cried, cajoled and she’d even tried to take money that belonged to someone else, but none of it had solved her problems. So right now, she needed a personal meeting with God like she needed to breathe. She passed the church, but did a u-turn in order to come back around. She parked in the lot and stared at the entrance of the church for a moment. She’d never even noticed this church before, but she was so curious. What type of meeting with God could these people be hosting?

  She got out of the car and walked into the building. A scripture that was posted above the sanctuary door read: For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds.

  Great, even God knows that I’ve been trying to fight my own battles. As far as Cassandra was concerned, that scripture had been posted to the wall the minute she made a u-turn in the street. The entire scripture spoke to her. Yes, she had a stronghold. Cassandra had already called its name: Fe
ar. She had been afraid that JT hadn’t truly changed and that he would cheat on her again. That was why she had the panic attacks when he touched her. But when she conquered that fear, it just transferred to her children. Now she was so bound up by the thought of losing them that she could barely function.

  She opened the sanctuary door hoping and praying that she would be loosed from her stronghold today. As she walked down the aisle, she noticed that the left side of the sanctuary had been roped off. This big divider was placed behind the ropes so no one could see what was on the other side. The sanctuary was empty. She didn’t know what to do or who to ask about her meeting with God, so she sat down on the front pew and waited.

  A small man in baggy clothes appeared on the opposite side of the room where the ropes were. Cassandra wondered where he’d come from because she hadn’t noticed him before she sat down.

  “What are you doing?” he asked her.

  Cassandra didn’t know this man, and she didn’t feel comfortable telling him her business. So she simply said, “Just sitting here.”

  He looked at her strangely and then asked, “Don’t you think it’s rude to keep God waiting?”

  “Yes, of course I do,” Cassandra answered.

  “Then why have you been telling your problems to everyone else, while God has been waiting on you to meet with Him?”

  She had no answer for this man. She didn’t know him and couldn’t understand how he would know that she had been taking her problems everywhere but to God. So she simply said, “Can you please take me to Him?”

  “Take off your shoes and follow me,” the man said as he released the rope so she could join him on the other side of the sanctuary. She took her pumps off and left them on the floor where she had been sitting. She then walked up the stairs and behind the makeshift wall with the strange man who had also taken his shoes off. Cassandra knew from studying the Old Testament as a child that Mosses was told to take off his shoes because he was on Holy ground, just before he spoke with God. Was she truly on Holy ground right now?