Disciples

by Austin Wright

  I slept cold in a blanket in the house. My night was full of ways to get off the island and what then. I invented adventures in hitchhiking. Loomer came after me again. I tried to figure out his reasons for things. Why he wanted me to know that Oliver had intended to kill me and that he had prevented it and that he had in fact killed Oliver. I worried about his hint to Nick that his real enemy was Harry, and I wondered if I was marooned here to clear the way for an attack on Harry, though I couldn’t think why they’d do that. I reflected how easily the Miller people had given up the baby after such resistance and wondered if they were setting more traps, and I told myself not to be paranoid, but how could you help it when you were deliberately stranded on an island for no reason you could figure out?

  In the morning I went back to the shore. I took a can of lunch meat and ate on a rock. There was fog in the distance, but the nearby islands were clear as binoculars and it looked like a nice day. Another lobster boat came around the big island and went through the channel. I waved again. I took off my shirt and waved it, but the boat went on.

  I gathered sticks and built a fire. Maybe I could attract attention with it. I built it into a sturdy bonfire. The fire on the shore reminded me of burning Shelley’s body after he drowned in Italy. Even a good swimmer would not be able to swim ashore. This was the Maine coast in early spring and no one could survive in this water.

  The sun approached noon and moved into afternoon. My fire died, I didn’t see much point in it. I thought of inventions to attract the attention of lobster boats. Flags. How to make a flag convey the notion of emergency, help. I thought how stupid to die here the victim of Loomer’s games.

  Around three o’clock, a little motor boat came around the other side of the island opposite where the lobster boats had gone. I waved my windbreaker back and forth trying to look frantic. I ran to the end of a point of rocks jutting into the sea. The boat kept going. There were two or three bumps sticking up, a little outboard motor not much different from Loomer’s. One of them waved. I waved my windbreaker back and forth. The boat stopped. It turned. It approached. Thank God, I said. I ran back to shore leading them to the dock. The boat hovered off the dock, cautious, where we could shout back and forth. It was a white haired man and woman and a black and white dog.

  I’m stranded, I yelled. Can you take me ashore?

  Their name was McCaskill and they lived on Fig Island. I remembered seeing their boat on my previous trip. It was hard to explain why I needed a lift and they were reluctant to come to the dock until I had done so. Finally they took me aboard. I sat in the bow with the dog. It was a heavy load for their little boat and we lay deep in the water. We chugged our way to Black Harbor. I could see they were skeptical. I can’t imagine anybody doing such a thing, Mrs. McCaskill said. But if they did it, Mr. McCaskill said.

  I was thinking what fee to give them, but when we got to shore I was so grateful to have my destiny back that I forgot. Later I decided that was just as well. They were doing a Samaritan deed and might have been offended if I put a monetary value on it.

  PART FOUR

  20

  Nick Foster

  We landed at the dock. Loomer paid the man and we got in the car and drove to Bangor. Loomer drove. It’s better that we didn’t kill him Loomer said. He’s only a puppet of someone else’s will. Exile on an uninhabited island. He’s paid his penalty we saw to that.

  He paid.

  We drove through towns with white houses and big trees. We passed fields. We passed mailboxes at the ends of driveways across the fields.

  Look at the pretty country Loomer said. Elite country high class. Women’s country. Look at the antique shops on the country roads. Make-believe farms look at the cute views.

  I looked at the yellow fields and the bare branches. The road was bumpy and had holes in it.

  Land where the good old USA began. Then it went west and left this behind. Changes are coming.

  The road went straight and flat across a field. It dipped around a farm house. At the bottom there was a blue stream under the bridge. It looked like the rest of the country to me.

  Changes are coming to Miller Farm and changes to the good old USA Loomer said. When we get to Bangor I’m going to buy you a bus ticket and send you home to Cincinnati.

  It sounded like he was talking to somebody else.

  Did you hear me he said. When we get to Bangor I’m going to buy you a bus ticket and send you home to Cincinnati.

  I thought what he said and I said what.

  Yes he said. The time has come for you to go home and resume your life.

  No I said.

  What. What did you say Nicky.

  I don’t want to go to Cincinnati I said.

  Yes you do Loomer said. You have no reason to stay at Miller Farm now your guru is gone. It’s time to be independent grow up and be a man.

  I am a man.

  Okay then.

  I didn’t know what to say and cried. I want to go with you I said.

  You want me to be your new Oliver do you. That’s real flattering. However we need the work you can do back home.

  What kind of work.

  Well now maybe you can keep an eye on things. Like you can tell me if David Leo escapes. Don’t look so shocked. If he’s clever he’ll escape.

  You said he would be there all his life.

  We exiled him. That ends our obligation. What’s next is up to him.

  I thought.

  Know your enemy Nicky. Who sent Davey Leo to Oliver. That’s the question. A man is but the puppet of his guru. Who sent this otherwise harmless black man or brown if you insist to chase your guru. For whom was he acting is the question. Whose will was he obeying.

  I thought. The lady I said.

  What ho the lady. Judy Doodie with the baby. A lady guru. A sentimental attachment to be a hero in the lady’s eyes. Look deeper boy. You need a guru with intellectual power to remodel the soul of others. Think now who leads black Davey around and tells him how to think.

  I thought more. Not Oliver and Miller and Loomer. The professor I said.

  Professor. Harry Field is that the professor you mean.

  I couldn’t think of any other professors.

  Then you must be thinking of Harry Field. That’s good Nicky because do you know what a professor does.

  A professor talks.

  Right there good man. What does a professor talk about.

  I don’t know.

  He talks about talking Loomer said. A professor talks and makes everybody else afraid to talk. Do you know what this Harry Field had the nerve to do. He tried to talk Miller himself out of being God. The beginning of the end.

  I shuddered.

  That’s your Davey Leo’s guru. Think about it.

  I thought.

  Think.

  I thought about thinking.

  Think about blame. That’s how the world advances blaming the right people.

  I got confused thinking about blame.

  That’s all right Loomer said. It will come to you. Meanwhile that’s what you can do for me in Cincinnati. Keep an eye on him and keep thinking. Get upset. You gotta get mad Nicky. You gotta get real mad enough to kill someone. That’s what I need from you pal. I need you to get boiling popping raging mad so you can’t stand it. That’s what I want you to practice in Cincinnati. I want you to brood. Think all the bad things anybody done to you. Maybe when you’re mad enough we can get together again how about it.

  I’m mad.

  Right. Now I’ll tell you a secret. Would you like to hear one. Your Oliver who got killed was a jerk got what he deserved.

  No.

  Yes Nicky. Your Oliver was a dumb fool bringing trouble upon Miller and the Farm and all us. He shouldn’t brought that baby full of trouble and killing the brown man was wrong Nicky Miller shouldn’t have to put up that kind of shit. It was right to kill him Nicky.

  No.

  Everything changes it ain’t like you think Loomer said. The world
is changing in a state of flux. Do you know what flux is.

  I thought it was a flower my mother talked about.

  Never mind you don’t need to know. Most things in the world you don’t need to know. You’ll get on fine following gurus with your interests at heart. Leave subtleties like flux to people who are smarter than you.

  Oliver said I was smart enough I said.

  Smart enough is what I’m saying. People like you don’t need to be any smarter and let flux go on without bothering them. People like me with a different interest we have to adapt the flux of the world to our purposes. Gurus of the future. You see what I mean.

  No.

  Don’t matter. The world is in a state of crisis of no interest to you because you are with people to take care of you. But around you the world is in a crisis of belief with people in a state of rage they know not why. The world is boiling and popping in a state of rage and fear thinking the devil’s just waiting to grab you in its jaws.

  Me.

  Anybody. The world is full of thinking somebody’s out to get you and take away what belongs to you popping and boiling for desperate measures to thwart the devil. What you think Nicky does it sound convincing to you.

  It sounded convincing to me.

  It’s because of the noise and clamor of the commercial world though most people would rather blame the government because the commercial world is themselves. It’s the racket of television and shopping strips with traffic and taxes and cops on the road and kids in the streets and crime and guns and drugs and programs about the guns and drugs and somebody coming along and taking your guns and drugs and highways chopping up the countryside plus the construction delays and orange barrels paid by your dollars where the fines are doubled and the insurance forms and the license forms and the commercials teaching everybody to lie and the lying columnists and the sound bites and the baseball strikes the millionaires the panhandlers and nursing homes and dying making everybody think somebody’s out to get them and you’d better do something about it. Think about it.

  I thought about it.

  More and more people want their gurus who will stand up to the enemy gurus of the devil. They want the guru who can show a good reason for the bad feeling they got and find someone to blame. That’s Miller’s genius though he’s not the only one. His group happens to have sole possession of the truth but actually there’s lots of folks in sole possession of the truth which nobody else has. In fact if you ask me almost everybody is in sole possession of the truth and everybody else is the victim of delusion and the devil. Are you following me.

  Almost everybody is in possession of the truth.

  Right. And everybody else is deluded. That’s the principle Nicky boy. Miller’s just one of the gurus who makes his people see how different they are from the rest of the world. He confirms their intuitions. He proves their natural resentment is justified because it’s not them anxious and neurotic against the world but the world that’s anxious and neurotic against them. You see what I mean.

  I thought about it.

  He confirms what they wish to be true. If they can’t understand the God everybody talks so much about that God seems to be part of the enemy Miller says I am God refuting the whole hostile world in one breath. What peace and relief that brings. The only trouble Nicky do you know what the only trouble is.

  No.

  The trouble is all the other gurus saying the same thing. Miller’s part of a great underground movement of discontent bred by the crushing speed of civilization. He’s one leak of a geyser breaking up through the volcanic soul of the earth along with hundreds of other leaks in cults and meeting groups throughout the land all venting the same steam. Some day the geysers will coalesce in one big eruption blowing the cover off the land. That’s when Miller will disappear and it’s God slaughtering God all over the world. Would you like that.

  I don’t know.

  Laugh a revolution is coming he said. People killing each other’s gods to save their souls until only the last ones is left. Are you ready for that Nicky.

  I don’t know.

  Think about it. Meanwhile mistrust false gurus that’s my word to you. If you want to kill anyone Nicky kill the professors. That way you won’t do any harm.

  In Bangor he drove me to the bus stop. Don’t leave me Loomer I said. I don’t know what to do.

  Get a job he said.

  I don’t know what to do when I get off the bus.

  Go to the Y. I’ll give you some money. Go to the Y get a room. Get your job back get a friend to look after you. Go visit your baby. Get mad. Not at me though I’m your friend. Get mad at somebody else.

  On the bus I cried. An old lady next to me said tell me about it dear.

  You’re an old hag I said. She moved to another seat.

  I tried to remember what Loomer said. In Boston the bus driver showed me where to go for the next bus. I rode in the bus days and nights. We stopped at restaurants. I bought food with the money Loomer gave me.

  The bus went fast on the big roads. The hills were foggy. I got sweaty and sticky.

  I thought why Loomer wanted me to get mad. I tried to think of something to be mad about. I felt sad. It was a big potato in my gullet. I think I mean gullet. I felt like a bird eating a cherry too big for him. I thought about Oliver but couldn’t remember him so I couldn’t think about him. I remembered him telling me to shoot the black man on top of the tiger’s tongue. Only then it was the elephant pecker. That was how the trouble began the black man because he wasn’t really black was brown when Oliver told me to shoot him and therefore I couldn’t. That was part of the trouble. Then Loomer shooting the brown man on the tiger’s tongue really the elephant’s pecker and it wasn’t the black man or the brown man but Oliver came tumbling down.

  If people called things like they look it was Loomer shot Oliver instead of the black or brown man pushing except Loomer said it wasn’t so and I’m not bright enough. Only I’m thinking if Loomer did shoot Oliver that changes the whole picture only everybody says I’m not bright enough to see the whole picture. But if Loomer did shoot Oliver then I have to think for myself.

  I’m not bright enough to know what to think if Loomer did shoot Oliver. I think Loomer told me to get mad and kill Harry Field but I’m not bright enough to know if that’s what he told me or that’s what he didn’t tell me. I hate when people hint. I’m not bright enough to know what they’re hinting at when they hint.

  If I’m supposed to get mad and kill the professor I don’t know what I’m supposed to get mad about. I thought about getting mad without getting mad at anything. That was hard to think.

  I thought if Loomer killed Oliver.

  I thought if should I get mad.

  I thought if but David took the baby back who should I get mad at.

  I thought if and Loomer gave the baby away both could I get mad at. If and sent me away to Cincinnati could I.

  I wondered if you needed to be mad to kill him.

  I wondered if I was mad did that mean kill him.

  I’m not as dumb as people like Loomer and Oliver say I am. When I got to the bus station in Cincinnati I asked a taxi to take me to the Y. The next day I bought a gun. Dumb people don’t know how to buy guns.

  I found out where the professor lives. Dumb people can’t find out things like that.

  I put the gun in my pocket and walked to the professor’s house. I remembered it. This was where Oliver got the baby. The baby’s name was George she was a girl. I thought her name was Holiness but Oliver said her name was George. When I went up the steps to the professor’s house with the gun in my pocket I thought about George and cried.

  I was crying when the lady opened the door. Yes she said.

  I saw a little girl sitting on the rug. She didn’t look like George and then she did.

  What’s the matter the lady said.

  I took the gun out of my pocket.

  The lady looked at it. Something happened to her face.

  What
’s going on she said. Her voice was wrong.

  Is Harry Field in I said.

  He’s on a trip. What do you want. What is this.

  What kind of trip.

  He’s miles away. East Coast. Who are you. What are you doing with that thing.

  I put the gun back in my pocket.

  I took Dutton the Carpenter’s card from my wallet when I used to work for him. I wrote NICK on it and gave it to her. While I was getting my wallet and finding a pencil and writing my name she kept jumping up and down and closing the door only not closing it. Ask him to call me when he gets back I said. Sorry to bother you.

  I guess she didn’t remember me from Miller Farm.

  It would be easier if I had someone to help me. But like Loomer said this is the best way if I’m going to be independent and grow up a man.

  21

  David Leo

  Here I am again, remember me? I’m the one the playful fellas left on the island, to figure how to get back. Fraternity stunt. I’m back now, thanks to the McCaskills. All to help out my friends the father professor and his daughter. Some people would be sick of it. They’d write a letter of resignation to said professor and daughter saying thanks, enough for me. Not me. I’m the loyal dog, like the retriever in the McCaskill bow. He sits there protecting his family by checking out every wave, one after another, each one a new problem.

  When I get to shore, don’t bother to kiss the soil. Too much on my mind, which is inclined less to gratitude than to a lawsuit. Trouble is, a lawsuit assumes money. Since the fellas don’t have money, what could I sue for?