by Brooks, Abby
Look at him. Thinking such deep, philosophical thoughts when there was partying to be done.
“Let me guess,” Juliet said. “The Terminator and Sarah Connor?”
“Your knowledge of 80’s pop culture astounds me.” James pushed his glasses up on his head and turned to Ellie. “So, do you think I can be trusted to have a drink tonight? I’d say you’ve cured me of my need to drink myself into a stupor.”
Ellie looked up at him, the strangest flash of fear darting through her eyes before he watched that damn mask fall down over her face. “I’d say you’ve more than earned it.” She said. “Let’s go get you a drink, big boy.”
Juliet pointed to the multitude of drink options in the kitchen and James led Ellie that way. Whatever had her so up tight, he was going to get to the bottom of it tonight.
27
Pregnant.
The word had been echoing in her head since she had peed on the stick in the gas station bathroom. Those two little lines screaming up at her. The walls of the bathroom pressing in on her. The roar of her blood in her veins drowning out all thought.
Pregnant.
Each day since then, she had promised herself that this was the day she would tell James. That she’d sit him down and hand him a drink and tell him she had lied about being on the pill and she was pregnant. And each day since then, she had chickened out and fallen asleep with her head on his chest and her heart growing heavier by the minute.
At the same time, these irrational moments of joy would grow inside her, a secret garden of happiness amongst so much worry. There was a baby inside her. A child who would need her. A child who would come into the world and together they would make a family, even if it was just the two of them, surviving on not enough of everything. And then the little bubble of happiness would burst and desperation would make another attack on Ellie’s heart.
Her entire life was an illusion. Her relationship with James. Her living in his huge house. His family taking care of her, welcoming her to their dinners, protecting her against the world.
Tick tock, Cinderella. Midnight approached.
And now, here she was at his brother’s house, dressed in a couple’s costume she didn’t deserve, being led to an entire table of drinks she couldn't consume. James grabbed a beer for himself and pointed to a blender.
“Oooh! Look babe! Margaritas.” He smiled and grabbed a glass, started filling it with ice, dancing to the music.
“Nah,” she said and thunder rumbled in the distance. “I’m not really in the mood.”
“Not in the mood?” The storm outside moved into James’s eyes. “What’s up with you?” He put the glass down and put a hand on her shoulder. “Talk to me. What’s been bothering you lately?”
Ellie stared into those dark eyes and considered telling him that she was sick and needed to go home. Considered telling him that she was tired of being in a fake relationship and wanted to call it off and then just disappearing from Bliss, never to be seen or heard from again. Considered telling him anything and everything but the truth. She opened her mouth, only to close it again. This was such a bad time. She couldn’t tell him here, at a party. Couldn’t drop a bomb on him like this when people surrounded him.
Of course, she said that every single moment she considered telling him anything these past few days. And now, here she was saying it again, only this time it was really, really true. A flash of lightning outside brought a few shrieks of surprise from the guests around her and Ellie jumped. Tears pricked at her eyes and despite her very valiant attempt to push them back, they started to trace their way down her cheeks, each one an admission of her guilt.
“Ellie.” James looked terrified. Put a hand on her arm and drew her close while outside, the clouds burst and rain pummeled the house. “What’s wrong? Please…” His eyes echoed his pleading voice. “Talk to me.”
She took a breath. And another one. Swiped at the tears only to have more fall from her eyes. She pulled him towards the corner and leaned in close so no one else could hear.
“I’m pregnant.”
She said it and regretted it in the very same instant relief wash over her.
James’s mouth fell open. His eyes glazed over. “What?”
“I’m pregnant. When I said I was on the pill that night? It was a lie.” His eyes darkened and he pulled away from her and her heart lurched in her chest. “I don’t know why I lied. And I don’t know why I didn’t take it back as soon as it was out of my mouth. I thought it would be okay. That I could go get on the pill and we’d be okay.”
“You thought it’d be okay.” Lightning flashed again and Ellie didn’t know what was more ferocious, the storm outside or the storm in James’s eyes. “You lied to my face and you thought it’d be okay.”
Ellie shook her head, stepped towards him and her heart fractured, tiny cracks racing over its surface, when he stepped away. “I’m sorry…”
He held up his hands. “How dare you?” he asked, his voice hissing out between clenched teeth. “After all I’ve done for you? After all I’ve let myself feel for you? You repay me by doing something like this?” James leaned forward and put his face close to hers. “I let myself think you were different. That love existed. You gave me hope.”
“You gave me hope, too! Love does exist.” Ellie reached out to him, her hands shaking. “James, I’m sorry. I love you and I’m sorry and I didn’t know what to do and I still don’t know what to do and I need you to tell me how to make it all better. What do I do?” Her entire body shook. Her jaw quivered. Tears dripped from her chin to her chest.
“What can you do?” James wasn’t keeping his voice quiet anymore. He was yelling and people were starting to stare. “You can get the fuck away from me! That’s what you can do!”
This strangled sob tore through Ellie’s throat. This horrendous sound of pain that signified the shattering of her heart. Tears poured down her face unchecked. “James…” She tried to reach out to him again, to explain. If only there was a way to make him hear her. “I’m so sorry…” She meant it with her very soul.
“Just get away from me.” He shrugged away from her touch and glared at her. Grit his teeth and lifted his lip in a snarl of disgust. All around them, people stared. Ian and Juliet hurtled towards them from some other room, twin expressions of panicked confusion on their faces. Ellie took one last look at James, at the revulsion on his face and his broken posture and then she spun and faced the shocked guests. Humiliation spawned another sob and Ellie looked at the floor.
Without another word, Ellie ran from the room, pushed through the crowded hallway and rocketed out the front door. Rain pelted her face and shoulders, plastering her ponytail to her head almost instantly. The roar of the wind tried to overpower the roaring in her heart and mind. She fumbled her keys out of her pocket and ran through the crowded driveway, stomping through the quickly growing puddles, splashing water up onto her pants. The stupid plastic gun she had strapped to her back bounced wildly against her legs.
She wanted to turn around and see James barreling out of the house. Wanted him to yell after her. To forgive her. To beg her to come back. She knew he wouldn’t do any of those things. The look on his face—so full of loathing—it told her he never wanted to see her again. Another sob tore through her throat and she could no longer tell the tears from the rain.
She dropped her keys in a puddle and scraped her knuckles against the pavement when she bent to pick them up. Managed to get her door unlocked and collapsed into the driver’s seat. She got the engine started and pulled out onto the road, wishing she could wait until the rain let up but needing to be in movement.
The storm pummeled her car, the wind rocking the vehicle while the rain fell in straight lines, exploding across her windshield. The steady thump of the wipers fought with the frantic pace of her heart. Her breath caught in her chest and her fingers and lips started to tingle while blood and water dripped from her hand to her knee.
Gone. It was all gone. Sh
e’d had it and she lost it all in the time it took to speak two little words. The breath from between her lips the tempest that annihilated her house of cards.
Her tears combined with the rain and she couldn’t see a thing. She should pull over, wait out the storm. But she needed as much distance between her and James as she could possibly manage. She dreaded seeing her apartment again. So small and cold. Fear tucked into the corners, little memories of Ben lurking in the dark, pointing and laughing at her.
Ellie swerved around a corner, her hands slick on the steering wheel and her foot heavy on the gas. She looked in the mirror and saw a pair of headlights. They bore down on her, too fast. She tapped her breaks and turned on her emergency blinkers and still the car barreled towards her. She hit the gas, panic thrumming in her body, electricity shooting through her veins.
And still the car gained on her. She spent more time looking in the rearview than she did out the windshield. More time trying to understand what was happening than she did paying attention. She rocketed past a stop sign, glanced in the mirror and saw her pursuer do the same.
Still gaining.
She passed her apartment and flew down the road, away from Bliss. The roar of the rain and the thunder of her heart drove her forward but still, the car behind her closed the gap.
And then, as if in slow motion, she watched it get too close. Realized it wasn’t slowing down. And then, in a screeching howl of metal on metal and the tremendous thump of engine against trunk, the car slammed into her. She fishtailed. Lost control. Her hands, a mix of blood and rain slipped on the steering wheel.
She screamed.
And the world on the other side of her windshield veered and then spun and flipped itself head over tails over head over tails. Something hard hit her face, and something even harder hit the side of her head.
Light flared.
And then darkness.
28
James watched Ellie run from Ian’s house. Betrayal and disappointment surged in his chest while something hollow and aching settled into his stomach. He finished his beer in one long swig.
The front door slammed and James knew Ellie was gone and that hollow feeling imploded with desperation. She was gone. She left and if he knew Ellie he would never see her again. Ellie and his baby just ran out the door. His family was slipping through his fingers.
James dropped the beer bottle onto the table and ran after her, the crowd of people in the hallway still parted from her passing, whispering and staring. He burst through the front door in time to see her drop her keys. He called after her, but the wind ate his words. And then she pulled away, a spray of water churned to life under her tires.
James was about to go back inside when the headlights in the car behind her flared to life and without hesitation, the vehicle pulled out onto the road and took off after her. James’s blood ran cold. There was nothing wrong with what happened and yet, it seemed more than ominous. Ellie was in danger and James knew it, every instinct in his body on fire. He had to find her. Had to save her.
“Ian!” James burst through the door, screaming for his brother to find him right there in the hallway, on his way to find James outside. “I need your keys!” James held out his hand, rainwater rolling down his face.
“What happened?”
“There’s no time! Give me your damn keys!” James shook his hand in exasperation while Ian grabbed his keys off the table near the door.
Ellie would go home to her apartment. She would pack her things, chalking the stuff she had at his house as a loss, and then she would disappear. And as angry as he was, as hurt as he was, he couldn’t let her do that. His need for her was too great. He couldn’t go back to an empty life, a life without purpose or necessity. He wanted Ellie with him. At his side for the rest of his years, and if she had his baby in her stomach? If they could be a family?
His desire to protect her surged inside him, churned with adrenaline and James was nothing but reaction. He barreled through the rain towards Ellie’s apartment and finally caught up to a pair of taillights gleaming red through the storm. If he squinted, he could see Ellie in front, driving recklessly, blowing through stop signs. Worry clenched his heart, but when the car between them didn’t stop either, anger joined the fray.
Ellie was in danger.
If only he had been more understanding when she told him what was wrong. If only he’d pulled her into his arms and told her how much he wanted to have a family with her instead of losing control and letting his emotions rule his voice. But now was not the time for regret. As he watched Ellie fly past her apartment, he knew she had realized she was in trouble. James slammed his foot down on the gas pedal, his brother’s supercharged engine growled in agreement, sending the truck surging forward, a predator towards prey.
His heart stopped when he saw the car in front of him slam into Ellie. She swerved, lost control and in a moment of absolute horror, her car flipped three times and came to rest upside down in a ditch. Her assailant fishtailed and spun to a stop. James pulled off the road, his brakes squealing in protest. He leaped out of the truck into the rain, his heart beating a frantic rhythm, a tribal drum of fear.
The man in the car that hit Ellie was slumped over against the steering wheel, the deflated air bag hanging like a blanket in his lap. One look at the car told James that guy wasn’t going anywhere. Fishing his cellphone out of his pocket, he dialed 911 and raced towards Ellie.
She hung suspended by her seatbelt, unconscious, blood dripping from her head. Her arms hung, limp and somehow so wrong and James counted his heartbeats until the paramedics arrived.
* * *
Both her arms were broken and there was a minor gash on the back of her head and major gash at her temple. James rode in the ambulance with her to the hospital and answered all the questions the paramedics asked.
“She’s pregnant,” he said when they asked about any pertinent medical history.
“Does she plan on keeping the baby?” The EMT paused, a hypodermic needle millimeters from piercing her skin.
James didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”
The EMT sighed and put the needle away. “We should be thankful she’s unconscious right now. She’s gonna be in a lot of pain when she wakes up.”
“Why? Can’t she have anything for the pain?”
“Noting stronger than ibuprofen, I’m afraid.”
When they got to the hospital, they wheeled her away from him and James settled into the long process of waiting.
29
Ellie woke in little blips of consciousness. There was pain. There were questions. People calling her name. And then there was the steady beep of a machine at her side and her arms were ablaze, torturous fires of agony rolling from her wrists to her shoulders.
Her eyes blinked open and the world was sandpaper, harsh and gritty. She tried to swallow, to wet her dry tongue. She turned her head and the world spun, crazy and drunken and absolutely terrifying. Her eyes fluttered closed.
She remembered the rain. Telling James about the baby and running to her car. She remembered headlights behind her. The shriek of metal scraping metal and way the world looks through a shattering windshield.
Her eyes bounced open and she gasped. Tried to sit up and pain raced through her body. She cried out and collapsed back into her pillow.
Someone appeared at her side, gentle hands on her face, smoothing back her hair. “It’s okay, sweet Ellie,” said a voice. “It’s all going to be okay.”
She tried to murmur her agreement, but she slipped back into the dark waters of unconsciousness.
* * *
The next few days were hell. She couldn’t have anything stronger than ibuprofen because of the baby and she literally writhed in pain. Her arms were agonies she didn’t think she could endure. She couldn’t think over the pain. Couldn’t hear what people were saying to her. She moaned like a wounded animal and thrashed her head side to side and grit her teeth when the world spun.
Through it all, Jam
es sat at her side. He didn’t speak to her. He didn’t expect anything of her; he just wiped the sweat from her brow and reminded her that it would all be okay. And eventually it was. The pain receded, and then subsided and she could finally think in a straight line again.
But that brought a different kind of pain with it because she didn’t know what it meant that he was here with her. Didn’t know if it was guilt that kept him with her. Didn’t know if she had been forgiven. Didn’t know if this was just an extension of the fairy tale and once again, found she was afraid to breathe for fear of ruining everything.
James slept in a cot they wheeled into her room. Ate at the cafeteria and brought her back treats that he fed to her with the patience of a saint. He brought a brush for her hair and then laughed when he realized you don’t brush curly hair. He brushed her teeth. He helped her to the bathroom. He was everything she needed. Still. Some more.
He told her what happened. How he followed her, though he didn’t say why. She hoped it meant he forgave her, but didn’t trust hope. His teeth clenched when he described watching Ben ram her. How the cops pulled him raving and wild from his car, a frenzied animal spewing threats on Ellie’s life. Ben went to the hospital in handcuffs while James road in the ambulance with Ellie.
On the day they released her, James helped her into his truck and leaned across her to buckle her seatbelt. “There you go, sweet Ellie,” he said with a smile.
She watched him walk around the front of the truck, his powerful body moving with confidence. His handsome face so welcome and familiar. They still hadn’t spoken about the great big what now hanging between them and her stomach seethed with worry.
