Tanner knew she stood eavesdropping, but Kevin didn’t. He would never have confided in Tanner if he’d known. She couldn’t destroy her son’s trust.
Especially when she knew Tanner would do that himself. Now, as he had with the boys at Paradise, he would turn cold and hard and would lecture Kevin about the things he’d done.
And, as always, she would be left to take care of her son.
“Your Mom’s bound to be upset—”
Here it comes. She braced herself against the bookcase.
“—but I doubt she’ll be mad. In fact, I think she’ll be proud of you for being brave enough to tell her the truth.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
And, to her stunned surprise, Tanner left it at that.
He and Kevin went back upstairs with their empty mugs and cookie plate. She shelved the rest of the books, then hurried to the office, partially closing the door behind her.
Let Kevin think that’s where she had been, and that she hadn’t overheard any of their conversation.
Let Tanner get her message, that she wanted—needed—to be alone.
But a few minutes later, they were back. Kevin burst into the office and poured out the same story she had just overheard.
Tanner stood leaning against the doorjamb, listening to Kevin, but watching her. Waiting to hear what she would say? To see how she would handle the situation?
When she rested her hand on Kevin’s shoulder, he threw his arms around her and buried his face against her.
Her throat tightened and tears came to her eyes as she realized they had stood in that same position the day Tanner had hauled Kevin into the bookstore.
The very first time all three of them had been together.
Then, she had held Kevin protectively, wanting to shield him from Tanner.
Now…she didn’t know what she wanted.
“I’m glad you told me, Kev. That was the right thing to do.” She hugged her son, but looked toward Tanner as she spoke. “I’ll need a little time to think about…everything.”
To her relief, Tanner seemed to get this message loud and clear. He shoved himself upright. “Guess I’ll be taking off.”
To her dismay, Kevin pulled away from her and went to Tanner. “Do ya have to leave right now?”
“Yeah, I think so, son. I’ve got to go pack.”
“What for?”
Thank heaven, Kevin’s surprised cry drowned out her own startled gasp. He was leaving?
“Got a conference in Houston for a few days. Just found out about it today.” He ruffled Kevin’s hair, but looked toward her. “Not to worry. I’ll be back before you know it.”
Was that meant as reassurance for Kevin?
Or as a warning to her?
“Why don’t you meet me out by the cruiser, Kev? I’ll give you a ride before I go.”
“Can ya put on the siren?”
He smiled. “Sure thing.”
“All right!” Kevin darted past him, sneakers slapping the floor. A few seconds later, they heard the bell clang.
She stood still, listening as the noise slowly faded.
When it had stopped completely, Tanner moved forward.
Much as she wanted to back away—or to run out of the room the way Kevin had—she stood her ground.
As he neared her, her heart started racing. As he stopped directly in front of her, her pulse spiked. As he leaned down, she clenched her hands at her sides, afraid she would betray herself by reaching out to him.
“Do all the thinking you need, Sarah,” he said, his voice husky, his mouth near hers. “While I’m gone.”
He walked away so suddenly, she staggered in surprise.
At the doorway, he swung around and smiled slowly. “But on Friday, when I get back to Dillon, expect to do some talking.”
Chapter Seventeen
The three days between Tanner’s departure and his expected return were the longest Sarah could ever recall.
And the most agonizing, with her thoughts going round and round with questions that didn’t seem to have any answers.
More than once, she felt like wringing her hands in despair.
No fresh incidents of vandalism cropped up, and Kevin gave her no trouble at all—though she didn’t want to think about why he moped around the house every evening.
Even with all this good news and another meeting with the Bookies, she couldn’t distract herself from her worries.
Her interview with the bank manager was set for early next week, she’d had to cancel a book order she couldn’t afford and she’d been forced to add to her tab at the diner.
In all the years since Sarah had come back, Delia had never once asked her to pay a bill. Every so often, they would barter a few books to lower the balance, but with Delia spending every waking moment in the diner, Sarah knew those books were never read. This week, especially, that guilty knowledge made it harder for her to accept the free meals. But she’d had to feed Kevin.
And along with all this went her thoughts of Tanner.
If he had intended to torture her by his absence, he’d done an excellent job. The long days of waiting for his return had set her more on edge than seeing him every day had done.
Now her secret was out—or really, she’d learned she had never had a secret—she couldn’t hide behind it any longer.
And she didn’t want to.
She loved Tanner desperately. Wanted to marry him. Wanted everyone to know he had reunited with her and their son.
But none of that would ever happen. He had thrown her away once before and didn’t love her now. He couldn’t respect her as an independent woman. And, worst of all, he only wanted her because of their child.
Everything came down to Kevin, who so plainly idolized Tanner.
Instead of the stern lecture she had expected him to give Kevin after his confession on Monday afternoon, Tanner had listened and empathized and reasoned with him.
She couldn’t ask more than that from her son’s father, could she?
And Kevin, in his innocence, couldn’t have been a more devoted son.
But could she be just as unemotional and practical as Tanner, and marry him, not for love, not for her own sake, but for Kevin’s?
Eighty-six times that Friday afternoon, she had left her office and paced toward the front of the bookstore, only to find no brown sedan in sight. No black pickup truck, either.
Now, on the eighty-seventh trip, she saw what she had been anticipating. Or dreading.
The black pickup sitting at the curb.
And Tanner Jones climbing from it.
With luck, the late-afternoon sun reflecting off the shiny, new front window had kept her from his view. In any case, she refused to be caught waiting for him at the door.
Turning, she walked—all right, fled—to the back of the store to put some space between them. She cleared her throat, smoothed her dress and flipped her braid over her shoulder.
When the door opened, she clutched the edge of the counter. She could do this.
Tanner came into the store and made no bones about heading right down the center aisle. Had he seen her at the window, after all? Or just known where he would find her?
“Hello, Sarah.” He touched his fingers to his hat brim, then removed the Stetson and let it fall onto a chair in the conversation area as he walked past.
Her heart leaped to her throat. With his determined step, his set jaw and his eyes focused directly on her, she felt like prey. She desperately needed to escape. Instead, she gripped the counter more tightly.
He stopped opposite her and smiled. The dark-blue western shirt he wore made his eyes more sky-blue than ever. “Got some news you might want to hear.”
“Oh?” Her nervousness had to end, or she’d never make it through this conversation. She straightened her shoulders and let her hands fall to her sides.
“Yeah.” He looked down at his watch, over at her again. “Past closing time, isn’t it?”
She nodded.
“Waiting up for me?”
“Don’t be silly.” The truth was, she’d been so lost in her thoughts, she hadn’t watched the clock at all. Edging past him, she headed toward the front door. “I had customers in late, that’s all. I was just getting around to locking up.”
“When you saw me outside.”
Except for the tiny hitch in her stride, she managed to ignore his comment.
“Since you’re packing it in, how about a cup of cocoa for a thirsty man?”
Her hand froze on the Closed sign.
“Unless you want to take a stroll down to the diner?”
The last thing she needed was to hold a private conversation with Tanner in Delia’s. She flipped the sign over and snapped the lock into place.
“Cocoa it is, I guess,” he said cheerfully.
She deliberately moved down a side aisle to go to the rear of the room. Tanner was there waiting for her, leaning against the wall at the bottom of the stairs. She couldn’t get past him without touching him. So she came to a halt.
“Kevin in his room?”
“No, he—” she cleared her throat and tried again “—he’s been so well-behaved all week, I agreed to let him go on an overnight to a friend’s.”
“And Logan?”
“He’s gone back home.”
“Leaves the two of us alone, then, doesn’t it?” He ran his finger the length of her jaw. “Hope you put all that thinking time this week to good use.”
The light in his eyes told her he hadn’t missed her shiver at his touch. The curve of his lips infuriated her enough to make herself brush past him.
As she went up the stairs, he followed so close behind her, she imagined she could feel his breath on the back of her neck. Or was it her imagination?
In the kitchen, she opened the refrigerator to get the milk. To her surprise, he walked directly to the china cupboard. When he turned to her, he held a mug in each hand.
“Kevin showed me.” He set the mugs on the counter and leaned toward her. “Just being helpful.”
“Help yourself to a seat. Over there.”
As she pointed to the other side of the room, he laughed.
“The cookie tin is in the cupboard by the door.”
She busied herself with the cocoa. By the time she carried the brimming mugs across the room, Tanner had seated himself at the head of the table.
She settled at the opposite end and pulled a daisy-printed napkin from the holder in the center of the table.
“You’ll have trouble reaching these goodies.”
“You can slide the tin over when I’m ready.” She sipped at the steaming cocoa. “Now, what did you say a while ago about having some news?”
He sat back and rested one boot-clad ankle on his other knee. “I got home sooner than planned and had a busy day today. Talked to Billy’s big brother, Gary, and his friends at the high school this morning.”
She’d had a long discussion with Gary that week, too, though he would only admit to encouraging Kevin in his prank at school.
“Did you get anywhere with them?” she asked.
“Sure did.”
Of course. Tanner had a positive knack with people; she’d seen it before. Had felt it before, too. Trying not to think about that, she sipped again at her cocoa.
“The upshot is, Gary and company owned up to the vandalism going on around town.”
She looked up in surprise. “That was quick work. How much of your torture equipment did you have to use?”
He grinned. “Not even a thumbscrew,” he said. “I just sicced the goons on ’em.”
“The goons?”
“Our three friends from out at Paradise.”
She pushed the mug aside in dismay. “Oh, Tanner, you didn’t set the boys up against—”
“Whoa.” He patted his hands in the air. “Calm down. I didn’t set anybody up. And there wasn’t any bloodshed, if that’s what you’re thinking. Yeah, I told the boys I suspected some of the high school kids of doing the damage and asked them to ask around. They—and a bunch of their other friends—found out who was behind the vandalism and decided a little peer pressure would bring them to heel. It did.”
She frowned.
“Not what I would’ve planned, either, Sarah. I didn’t expect they’d take things that far that fast. Luckily, I got back early, like I said, and no damage was done.” He reached for another cookie. “Had a long talk with Gary and company. They did it for kicks, out of boredom, mostly. They’ll be paying the price for their entertainment, though, no doubt about that. I had a few more long talks with Sam Porter and the principal from the high school. Then I met with the mayor and the head of the town council.”
She blinked. “You have been busy, haven’t you?” With one finger, she outlined the daisies on her napkin. “And…what about Kevin?”
“His name didn’t come up.”
“Because you…?” She didn’t know how to finish the question.
Evidently, Tanner knew what she meant. “Me, nothing, Sarah. I don’t play favorites. And I don’t ignore the evidence. Gary admitted giving Kevin the glue. Kevin served his punishment painting the school fence. I told as much to Sam Porter.”
She couldn’t help breathing a sigh of relief, or keep from smiling at Tanner. He smiled back.
“I can overlook him egging the car, especially since he’d been talked into that, too. As for the broken window…well, excuse the lousy pun, but the ball’s in your court on that one.”
“Thank you.”
“My pleasure.” He cleared his throat. “Ready for a cookie?”
“Slide it over.”
He shook his head. “I’ve got a better idea.” He stood up and reached for the tin. “Why don’t I hand deliver ’em?”
She gripped the mug to keep her hands from shaking as he took the chair beside hers, scooting it even closer.
“Let’s talk, Sarah.”
“Why did you go to see to all those people today?”
Frowning, he looked at her. “Not exactly what I planned to talk about.”
“Isn’t that all part of your news?”
“Well, yeah.” He took a sip of cocoa and set his mug down again. “Thing is, as I said all along, I think the problem with these kids is they don’t have enough to do, or any place to do it in. I want to give them somewhere to work off their excess energy and avoid trouble at the same time.”
“Isn’t that up to the town to do?”
“Hey, keeping crime down is part of my job, and Dillon’s in my jurisdiction. Besides, this is my town, too, you know. I grew up here. With you.”
There were so many ways this conversation could go. So many things they could say. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Are you sure those are your only reasons?”
“No, not the only ones. Not even the most important ones. I’m sure you know what those are.” He covered her hands with one of his. “I want to do it for you and Kevin. I want you to know he’s in a safe place when he’s away from you, and I want him to know he can play without having other kids getting him into trouble.”
He rubbed his thumb along the back of her hand for a moment, then tightened his fingers on hers. “He’s my son, too, Sarah. It’s a little late in the game, I know, but I want to be the best father to him I can be.”
Tears sprang to her eyes. She tried to blink them away, but couldn’t.
“How can you say that?” Pulling her hands free, she rose from the table and crossed the room, her back to him. She wiped furiously at the tears. “When I asked you about Kevin, about adopting him, you said you wouldn’t.”
She heard his footsteps as he came up behind her. He reached over her shoulder to tuck a napkin between her fingers. After she’d scrubbed away her tears, he took her by the shoulders and turned her to face him.
“You said you wouldn’t adopt him, Tanner,” she repeated. “Because you didn’t know then he was yours.”
“No.” He
put his finger against her lips. “Because you brought the subject up, and I thought you were testing me.”
She brushed his hand away. “Testing you?”
He nodded. “Hell, I know how independent you are, Sarah. I thought you were baiting me to see how much I’d try to take over. And I figured if I agreed, if I said I’d adopt him, it would just backfire on me. Because you’d resent me trying to fill the role of his real father.”
She didn’t know what to say. His words held more than a speck of truth. She looked away, then dragged her gaze back. She had to face him. Had to face up to what she had done. “I—I’m sorry I never told you before this.”
“Sarah—”
“Please let me speak. Soon after you left, Daddy died, and I didn’t know what to do. His cousins wanted me to go live with them, so I went. I…I needed family around me. But when I told them I was pregnant, they…” Shivering, she looked away again. “They wanted me to give up the baby.”
When she glanced back, she saw his eyes had misted with tears. The sight pushed her over the edge, and her breath caught on a sob. “I couldn’t, Tanner. I just couldn’t.”
“Of course, you couldn’t,” he murmured. “I’m sorry, too, Sarah. But I’m here now.” He lifted both hands to cup her face, brushed his thumbs lightly across her still-damp cheeks. “Give me another chance. Don’t you think Kevin deserves it? Don’t you think we deserve it?”
She knew her fresh tears gave him her answer.
He slid his hands behind her head, lowered his mouth to hers. His lips, warm and moist, tasted of cocoa.
She raised her hands to pull him closer, to get a better taste of all that sweetness.
He wrapped one of his arms around her, trailed his free hand down the side of her neck, dipped his fingers into the hollow at the base of her throat.
She moaned and moved against him.
He groaned in reply.
When he slid his hand down to her breast, she touched his fingers with hers. “No.”
He stilled immediately, started to move his hand away.
She trapped his fingers against hers. “I mean, no, not here. This time, we deserve a bed, too.”
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