He didn’t move. Didn’t smile. As far as she could see, he didn’t even take a breath. But she could tell by the way the skin around his eyes crinkled, he approved of the idea.
She led him down the hall to her bedroom, and while he waited in the doorway, she crossed to the bed and swept the comforter onto the floor.
He raised an eyebrow. “Making a mess of the place, aren’t you?”
She shook her head and sank to the edge of the mattress. “Making up for wasted time.”
Slowly, he stepped over the threshold, but didn’t come closer. “I don’t want any regrets.”
“We have enough of those.” She held out her hand.
Still, he didn’t move. “You’re sure about this, Sarah? Because once I come over there, I can’t swear there’ll be any going back.”
She held out her other hand, too.
He crossed the room and wrapped his fingers around hers, tugged gently until she rose to stand in front of him.
“I’ve been wanting to do this ever since I first saw you in one of these dresses.” He reached for her top button, then went slowly down the row.
As each button popped open, he followed along, pressing a kiss to every fresh inch of bare skin, making every remaining inch of her quiver with anticipation. When he reached the button at her waist, she stopped him.
“My turn.” Following his lead, she reached toward the neck of his western shirt, pulled the row of snaps apart. Not bold enough to follow each movement with her lips, as he had done, she simply reveled in the sight of tanned flesh and hard muscle.
“Enough, already.” He took the rest of her job from her, stripping the shirt down his arms. Then he pulled off his boots and tossed them aside, followed rapidly by every other stitch of his clothing.
Breathlessly she stared at his body, so different from the boy she’d once known. She had only a second to admire him before he tumbled her back on the bed. She shrieked in surprise, then moaned with pleasure as he pressed another kiss above her waist and reached for the remaining buttons of her dress.
Their lovemaking, too, was different from what she’d once known. Different, and yet the same in some ways, in a strange blending of past and present, of adolescent nerves and adult emotions, of fumbling excitement and skilled delight.
A long time later, Tanner wrapped his arms around her and rolled over onto his back, leaving her sprawled half across him, her unbraided hair spilled onto his chest.
He reached a hand to either side of her face. Then he kissed her as he never had before. A gentle, undemanding kiss that seemed to offer her hope and apologies and promises.
“You’re still my girl, Sarah.” He threaded his fingers through her hair, smoothing it into a curtain around them. “But you never gave me your answer. Will you marry me?”
“I don’t recall it being put to me as a question before.” Smiling, she snuggled against him, a feeling of pure contentment filling her. “But yes, yes, yes, I’ll marry you, Tanner.”
Three times, and still it didn’t feel as if she’d said it enough. Eight times would do it, one for each year they had spent apart.
But she didn’t have to worry about that any longer, now that her dream had come true.
Chapter Eighteen
“What time will Kevin be home?” Tanner set down his coffee mug on the kitchen table the next morning.
“Any minute now, I should think,” Sarah said, enjoying her last few minutes alone with him. “They’re due to drop him off right after breakfast.” She took another sip of her tea and smiled at him from across the table.
She’d been smiling at him since the moment she’d woken up in his arms that morning. They had showered together and dressed together and had just finished eating their meal together.
Together.
“Good,” Tanner said, sitting back in his chair, his thumbs hooked into his belt loops.
She looked at the clock on the stove. “I guess I’d better get downstairs and open up the store.”
“I’ll go with you. Soon as Kevin gets here, we can sit him down and tell him I’m his dad.”
“Don’t you want to wait a bit? We can’t just surprise him with something like this.”
“Why not? He’ll take to the idea.”
“Yes, but—”
“Might as well get him used to things. New dad, new name, new home.”
“New…home?” She could barely repeat the words.
He nodded. “Well, sure. My house is more than big enough for all three of us, and then you can see about selling this one.”
Selling? This time, she couldn’t find her voice.
“The house and the store both,” he continued. “You can give up working, make a home for our family, like you always wanted. And you won’t have to worry about bills or broken windows or this old building falling apart around your ears.”
“I’m not concerned about that.”
“Sure you are.” He shook his head at her. “No need to pretend with me anymore, Sarah. I’ve seen those overdue bills of yours. I know all about your troubles. But you don’t have to worry about any of that now.”
She walked to the sink, rinsed her teacup and set it down carefully on the drainboard. Then she turned to face Tanner. “Together doesn’t mean taking over.”
“Huh?” He frowned.
“I don’t want you telling me not to worry, or to stop working and sell the store. I don’t want you running my life for me, Tanner.” Her voice shook. “You’re not some white knight riding in on a charger to rescue me.”
“Isn’t that why you said you’d marry me?”
“Is that what you thought?” She closed her eyes and tried to ignore the images of the night she had just spent in his arms. Of how eagerly she’d said yes, yes, yes to his proposal. Slowly she opened her eyes.
“I’ve made another mistake,” she said, her tone flat. Lifeless. “I shouldn’t have said I would marry you.”
He rose from his seat. “A little late for that, isn’t it?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re my girl, Sarah. You love me.”
She shook her head. “No. I didn’t say that.” And neither did you. “I never told you I loved you.”
He moved over to stand in front of her. “And now you’re telling me you don’t?”
She loved him, all right, and wanted him, too—not just for Kevin’s sake. For her own. But she couldn’t live with someone who wanted to run her life for her. She’d done that once before.
It had almost cost her Kevin.
So she straightened her spine, raised her chin, and—for good measure—crossed her fingers behind her back the way she knew her son did. “That’s right. I don’t love you.”
“Well, that’s too damned bad.” He leaned closer, his eyes blazing. “I’ve already lost too much time, after all the years you kept my boy from me.”
She slumped back against the sink, his words pummeling her like physical blows.
“Married to you or not, Sarah, I’m playing a role in his life. Even if I have to fight you for custody.”
She gasped, struggled for breath.
From downstairs, the bell over the door clanged.
Kevin.
She rubbed her hand across her brow and blinked, trying to come to her senses. She couldn’t let him see her like this.
A shriek sounded from below. “Hey, Mom! Tanner’s here!”
Sneakers pounded on the stairs. Kevin burst into the room, grinning and wearing Tanner’s Stetson tilted far back on his head. His blue eyes glowed.
Tanner’s blue-eyed glare still blazed at her.
“Hey, Tanner! I knew you’d come back today. We gonna start working on the shed now?”
Her gaze focused on Tanner, she watched him take a breath so long and deep, his chest strained against the snaps of his western shirt. Eyes blurring, she finally managed to look away.
“Uh…not today, son.” He took the Stetson Kevin held out to him. “Got something el
se I need to take care of.”
After settling the Stetson on his head, he rushed from the kitchen.
She and Kevin stared after him in dismay.
FOR ONCE, SARAH felt lucky not to have any customers in the bookstore. She couldn’t go so far as to put the Closed sign on the door, especially not on a Saturday, but for the first time in her life, she prayed no one would come in all day.
And no one had, except Kevin’s friend Chad, who had called for him just after dinnertime. She had shooed Kevin outside into the yard to play.
After Tanner’s abrupt departure, he had moped around all morning, and her heart went out to him. He’d been devastated.
She had, too. Devastated at the way Tanner had walked away from them. Terrified of that something else he so suddenly needed to do.
And furious that he could have been so cruel as to take his anger at her out on Kevin.
She couldn’t bear to see her son’s sad face.
Couldn’t stand to think of Tanner’s last words to her.
I’m playing a role in his life. Even if I have to fight you for custody.
He wouldn’t, she tried to tell herself as she stared at a shelf of books without seeing a single title.
Yet she knew he would.
She gripped the bookshelf so tightly, her hand hurt. She would fight Tanner with just as much strength, if needed.
At last, she could admit to herself why she’d felt driven to keep her secret for all these years. When Tanner left, she had faced the pain of his rejection. Once she’d given birth to Kevin, she couldn’t risk that pain again. Instead, she’d lived with the fear that Tanner would one day show up on her doorstep to take their child away.
A fear that might now have come true.
But a judge would never award Kevin to Tanner. Would he?
She was a good mother. She loved her son. Protected him. Gave him everything he needed. Even if she couldn’t afford all the extras.
But what about his pranks? His vandalism? Would that prove to a judge she wasn’t fit to raise her own child?
“Miss Sarah!” At the sound of Chad’s high-pitched shriek, she jumped. She hadn’t heard the bell over the door, hadn’t seen him enter. But he was racing down the center aisle, still shrieking. “Miss Sarah, come quick. Kevin fell down!”
There was more behind the hysteria in Chad’s voice than a simple trip on the sidewalk.
Gasping, she hurried to meet him, trying not to let her panic show. She was close enough to the edge already. And the boy was already over. “What happened, Chad?”
“Kevin and me was gonna fix the shed roof.”
Her hands like ice, she took him by the arm, urged him toward the front of the room.
“He was climbing the ladder.”
As her heart sank, she swung open the front door.
“And he fell off.”
She dashed up the steps and around to the side of the house.
“And he didn’t get up again.”
She flew through the open gate and raced to the backyard, trying to sort her impressions as she ran.
Chad panting behind her. The shed door hanging open. The ladder tumbled onto its side. Her son lying facedown on the uneven ground.
“Kevin!” Now the shriek was torn from her throat.
No. Oh, no. Please—He can’t—
Even as the words jumbled in her mind, he moved.
By the time she reached him, he had propped himself into a sitting position. Trying to calm her labored breathing, she dropped to the ground beside him.
“Don’t move yet, honey. Take it slow.”
Chad came up and knelt on his other side.
“I—I’m okay, Mom.”
But he wasn’t.
Though she saw no blood, a bright red welt creased his forehead. His eyes looked unfocused. She needed to call Doc immediately, and cursed the fact that she’d never gotten a cellphone.
She didn’t want to leave Kevin. Didn’t want to move him, either.
“Chad. You know where the telephone is in my office?”
He nodded, his eyes huge.
“There’s a list on the bulletin board right next to it. Doctor Thompson’s number is there. Can you call him, and ask him to come right away?”
“Sure, Miss Sarah.” He was up and running before she could thank him.
“I’m okay, Mom,” Kevin protested.
“I know you are, honey.” She fought to steady her voice. To hold back a moan when she noticed the once-bright tin star, now dusty and bent, on his T-shirt. “We’ll just have Doc take a look at you to make sure.”
She sat down beside him and reached for his hand.
And prayed that Doc would come soon.
TANNER FOLLOWED DOC through his waiting room. As a kid, he’d always tensed up when coming into this place. Later on, he’d outgrown his fear. But it was back with him now, full force.
He practically walked up Doc’s heels as they went down the hallway and hung a right.
When he’d gotten the call, he had jumped into his pickup before Doc had finished his second sentence.
The boy’s fine, Doc assured him as he sped down the highway to Dillon. I’m keeping them overnight ’cause his mama’s more shook up than he is.
He tried not to think about that now. He’d come only to see his son.
Doc stood back and waved toward an open doorway at the end of the short hall. Tanner entered the room.
Kevin lay on a hospital bed, his eyes closed, a pure-white sheet tucked up to his chin. Sarah sat on a small recliner, her face about the color of the bedding.
Behind him, the door closed. He barely heard Doc’s footsteps going down the hall as he stared down at Kevin. “How is he?” His voice came out in a croak.
Sarah looked away, and for a minute, he thought she would refuse to speak to him. Then he saw the muscles working in her throat.
“Doc told me he was all right,” he said, struggling to keep his words to a harsh whisper.
“He is all right,” she murmured. “We’re just staying so Doc can observe him until tomorrow.”
There was a padded armchair at the other end of the small room. He moved it closer to her and sat so they could keep their voices down as they talked.
“You don’t need to stay, Tanner.” He wouldn’t have believed it possible, but she’d gone a few shades paler than before.
“I’m not leaving.”
She said nothing else.
“What’s Doc looking for?”
She shrugged. “Any complaints of dizziness or grogginess.”
“How can you tell?” He leaned forward, looking at Kevin. “He hasn’t moved since I got here.”
“Sh.” She patted the air, as if that could calm his sudden unease. “Doc said sleeping is okay, so long as Kevin’s not restless. But when he’s awake, we ask him about dizziness or headaches, or about any trouble seeing. And we check his eyes to make sure his pupils are the same size, and not enlarged.”
“All that, and Doc’s saying there’s nothing wrong?”
“Just precautions. He’s really fine, Tanner.”
But he heard an edge of something in her voice. She blamed him for Kevin’s fall. Hell, he blamed himself. “If I hadn’t walked out on Kevin this morning—”
“That’s nonsense. He could have fallen with you right beside him.”
“But if I hadn’t cancelled the plans to work on the shed with him—”
“Don’t.” She shook her head. “You could have worked with him, and he still could have tried climbing the ladder after you’d left.”
Why was she letting him off the hook? Why was she so damned calm? “Doc said you were so upset, he didn’t want to send you home.”
She looked away. “It didn’t all have to do with Kevin.”
I’m playing a role in his life. Even if I have to fight you for custody.
At the echo of his own words, he hung his head and rubbed his hand across his eyes.
“Sarah.” When
she looked at him again, he reached across the small space between them, rested his hand on the arm of her chair. “It was anger taking over when I said what I did. You can’t think I meant it.”
Her eyes were bleak. She had thought it. Still did.
He gripped the chair. “I could never take my son away from his mother. You have to believe that.”
But she turned from him without answering.
EYES CLOSED, SARAH shifted on the recliner.
She had spent a long, tense night with Tanner sitting across from her in the small room. True to his word, he hadn’t left her side once, except for a quick run to Delia’s to bring back burgers for them and Doc, and a container of soup for Kevin.
Doc checked in frequently throughout the evening.
In the hours after midnight, she and Tanner kept watch. They stayed at either end of the small room, not speaking to each other, only to Kevin if he happened to wake. He hadn’t for hours, though, and finally, sometime around three-thirty, she had closed her eyes just for a minute.
The sound of a voice now jerked her fully awake.
Feeling guilty, she shot a glance at the clock on the small cabinet beside the bed. Three-forty-two glowed in digital red. She hadn’t been asleep long, after all.
They had left on only the tiny lamp next to the clock. In the dim light, she could see Tanner had pulled his chair closer to the bed. He sat holding Kevin’s small hand and talking quietly.
She strained her ears, trying to make out his low tones.
“…would’ve told you together, Kev, but I just couldn’t wait.”
Her breath caught in her throat.
“Wow.” No trouble at all hearing Kevin’s voice. “You’re my real dad?”
“Yeah, I sure am.”
“Wow,” Kevin said again. He yawned, and his eyelids drifted closed.
Tanner sat there, unmoving, gazing down at Kevin and holding on.
She sat there, equally still, staring at Tanner’s profile.
After a long minute or two, Kevin forced his lids open. “Do you love me like a real dad?”
“Of course I do.”
Even in the dim light, she could see the sudden brightness in Tanner’s eyes.
“Mmm.” Kevin nodded and yawned, his lids lowering again. “D’ya love Mom, too?”
Tanner looked over at her, catching her by surprise. Catching himself, too, judging by the sudden hitch in his breath.
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