In an Instant

by Adrienne Torrisi

  “Nowhere.” I smile up at him as he leans down to kiss me. “Well, to stop Cam.” I give a small laugh as I gesture over to where he is currently all over Bea.

  Marcus laughs as his large hands wrap around my waist under the water. They make me feel so tiny. I love that feeling. I do love him. I love the way he looks at me as if I’m special, important.

  I’m so torn. I know I have always loved Jake deep down, and I have suppressed those feeling for so long. However, Marcus is so special to me, too, and I can’t hurt him. I won’t hurt him. I wish there were a clear answer.

  I feel his hands slide over my hips and back up to my waist. They continue to run up my spine until they land on my face. His touch is gentle as he cups my jaw and studies my face. It’s as if he’s searching for an answer. He’s never looked at me this way before.

  Then he leans down and gives me a sweet kiss before he pulls back. The way he is acting, the way he is looking at me, it’s as if he knows. It’s as if he’s saying good-bye without words.

  My heart starts to race.

  “I’ll be right back.” He smiles before he drops his hands from my face.

  Something is different. Something is wrong. My brain tries to shuffle through everything to come up with why he is suddenly distant, even though he’s standing right next to me.

  “Where are you going?” I ask, desperate to keep him here with me.

  “Bathroom. And to save Cam,” he says with a wide grin. “He can’t be that drunk already.” He gives a small chuckle.

  “I thought you liked her,” I say with a laugh as I watch him walk away.

  He turns back and gives me his exquisite smile.

  Once he’s out of the pool, I look for Jake. Somehow, he finds me first. I feel his hand on my shoulder at the same time I hear his voice.

  “Dani.”

  The instant I turn around and my eyes land on him, I melt—literally melt—and the truth is clear. As much as I love Marcus, he will never have the same effect on me as Jake. I have been in love with Jake for years, my whole life maybe.

  His soft touch sends chills through my entire body, even though the pool is heated, and it’s incredibly warm out.

  “Where’s Mel?” I ask, making sure the coast is totally clear.

  “Bathroom.” He smiles, revealing his dimples.

  “Seems to be a common theme,” I joke then get right to the point because I don’t know how much time we have before they come back. “Is everything okay?” I don’t need to elaborate; he knows.

  “Yeah. We’re good.” His smile sets my nerves at ease.

  “What did he say to you? What were you guys talking about?” I can’t help the concern that is pouring out with these questions, as much as I try to hide it.

  He gently places my loose, soaked hair behind my ear as he shakes his head. “Nothing, Dani. You have nothing to worry about.”

  His words are what I want to hear. Still, I study his eyes, knowing they will tell me the truth. They are filled with only confidence. He believes what he is saying. Maybe Marcus acting off, the tension, was all in my imagination.

  Jake locks his fingers with mine below the water’s surface where it’s safe and hidden, and he gives me a deep smile.

  I feel my tension slip away, and my heart rate slows. It’s no longer pounding in my chest as my shoulders relax.

  Everything is fine, I repeat to myself.

  “Dani, I …” Jake starts, but then we are both showered with water thanks to Cam cannon balling into the pool right next to us.

  “Way to go, ass-hat.” Jake pushes him back under the water as soon as he surfaces.

  “Dude! That one was for D looking all stressed out tonight.” Cam starts to massage my shoulders, and Jake gives him a look that I think shocks him. Cam being Cam, he just brushes it off without any further thought. “Anyway, I came over here to tell you Bea said that Vizzi is having a party tonight, too, so let’s hit that party next.”

  “I’m good here,” Jake says as he rubs his leg against mine under the water.

  I shoot him a smile with wide eyes as a warning to stop. He is getting too careless, and it’s stressing me out.

  “Whatever. You’re coming, and I know this because I drove your ass here.” With that, Cam jumps into Jake, giving him a huge bear hug, then drags him underwater, causing a massive splash.

  They are ridiculous, but I can’t help laughing. At least his make-out session with Bea was good for something. My love for parties overshadows my hate for her.

  ***

  Once we are out of the pool, we are all dry in less than twenty minutes thanks to tonight’s sweltering heat. We get dressed, and then we are on our way to the cars to go to Vizzi’s party.

  Vizzi is a junior on the basketball team. His parents have even more money than Lucas’s, so his house is sick, and his parties are even sicker. When Vizzi has a party, you go; it’s another unspoken rule of the group. I’m pretty sure his dad is a drug dealer because there is always an endless supply of whatever you want, not that we partake, really. That’s just an idea of the kind of party we are talking about. It’s non-stop, and I can’t wait.

  As we approach the cars, Marcus grabs my hand and gives me his gorgeous smile. I feel whatever tension was left in my bones float away. He’s happy, and that makes me happy.

  “Hey, why don’t you sit up front with Cam this time?” The words slip out before I know what I’m saying. It’s as if my subconscious wanted me to ask.

  He gives me a questioning look but smiles. “Sure.” Then he leans down and kisses me before I slide into the back seat next to Jake.

  “And the party continues,” Cam says as his car purrs to life. “You know what Vizzi’s means?” Cam shouts out the window to Dax in the car next to ours.

  “Yeah, you’re about to get your ass handed to you!” Dax shouts back.

  “Oh, really?” Cam smiles as he puts his car in drive. “I believe we won the last time.” He then presses his foot down on the gas, and we start to fly.

  On our way to Vizzi’s we have to pass an infamous stretch of road where it’s mandatory to race. Cam almost always wins, but Dax seems to block that out. I love that his confidence and trash talk are based on absolutely nothing, but who knows? Tonight could be different. Anything is possible.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Present – Hospital

  There is nothing but the black abyss again. It’s peaceful. I think I might want to stay here to avoid reality. Then I feel a warm hand in mine. A callused thumb is running circles over my thumb. It’s a touch I don’t recognize. They aren’t saying anything, but this gentle motion is so soothing I hope it doesn’t ever end. The room stopped spinning again, and I’m grateful for that, but then reality slams into me all at once when the last memory I have flashes through my brain. I was in Jake’s room with Nate.

  Jake!

  My eyes fly open and land on Dax. It was Dax’s touch. I love Dax.

  I think about how much and how great he is, and then I realize I’m on something. They gave me drugs again. I hate that they make me cloudy. Happy but cloudy.

  “There you are.” He gives me a gentle smile as his hand releases mine, and he runs his fingers over my forehead, grazing the tape holding the bandages in place.

  “Here I am. What did they give me?” I ask. My voice sounds groggy.

  “Something to help you calm down, which knocked you out for a while. I wish they’d give me something.” He looks up to the ceiling and gives a small chuckle. When his eyes come back down to meet mine, the pain is clear, and I know.

  “It’s over, isn’t it?”

  He moves his hands to the rails of my bed and grips them so tightly his knuckles instantly turn white. He squeezes his eyes shut and hangs his head down, giving the smallest of nods. His hands don’t loosen their grip; instead, he squeezes them even more tightly, as if this is the only thing he can do to keep it together. He finally leans forward and rests his forehead on his hands.

&nbs
p; Chills run through me as I take a deep, painful breath. It feels as though a knife is slicing my heart open when the reality of his silence sinks in.

  I want to say something to help him get through this, but the words won’t come out. I feel the exact same way, and there are no words to say. Nothing can fix this.

  The room is filled with silence except for our breathing, I see his back rise and fall with each occasional deep intake of breath. Watching him is painful, but I’m glad he is able to cry. I don’t think I have any tears left. I feel numb. Broken and numb.

  His grip finally loosens, and he lifts his head, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes, using them to wipe away the tears. Then his eyes finally meet mine. They are so red and swollen it breaks my heart again. He looks back up to the ceiling, his focus on the foam tiles.

  “I’m sorry, Dani.”

  Though I already knew, his words are like daggers. He shouldn’t be apologizing to me; he knows the truth.

  “I’m sorry, too,” I barely choke out. Not from tears, but from guilt. Though there are so many questions I want to ask, I don’t think Dax could handle them right now.

  His eyes come back down to meet mine. “It was quick. His heart stopped, and that was it. It was right after they took you back to your room.”

  There is a lump so large in my throat I can barely breathe. I picture Marcus lying there, the lines flat, no more rise and fall. Even the machines couldn’t keep him here.

  Dax grips the bed rails again, his voice regaining some steadiness. “His parents were really calm. They said he got to say good-bye to everyone he loved, and it was time.” Dax barely gets those last words out. “Luke lost it, though.”

  My heart sinks and slams at the same time. Luke. I know how close they are—were.

  Dax wipes his tears with his palm as quickly as they fall.

  “There’s good news, though. Jake is awake. They pulled him out of sedation. He’s doing really well.”

  “Does he know about Marcus?” the question flies out.

  Dax shakes his head. “No,” he says softly. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

  “Me?”

  “Jake’s parents thought it might be best if it came from you.” His deep red eyes land on mine, and he gives me a watery smile.

  My heart is a jackhammer in my chest. “Do they know about us?” I try to sit up, but it’s too painful to move, and my reactions are delayed thanks to whatever they gave me.

  Dax shakes his head emphatically. “No, they just know you’ve always been close, and they know how much Marcus meant to both of you.”

  His eyes are laser locked on mine. I try to read them to see if there is any deeper meaning.

  The jackhammer has moved from my heart to my head, and I breakout into a cold sweat. Can you die from guilt? Because I’m pretty sure that is what is happening to me.

  “I can’t, Dax.”

  “I know.” He wipes away tears that I didn’t even know were there. I guess I can cry.

  “Does anyone else know about us?” The jackhammer is now in both my head and my heart.

  Dax looks away and shifts his gaze to the door.

  “Dax!”

  Once his eyes come back to meet mine, he takes a deep breath as if this pains him to say. “I think Cam suspects, and I think Mel might have an idea.”

  “How?”

  “Well, I think a lot of stuff came out the night of the accident. It started after you both disappeared right after the win. Jake wasn’t on the court, and he wasn’t in the locker room, and the only other person missing was you.” He smiles at the memory, but my heart is slamming in my chest.

  Mel can’t know. We need to end it before we hurt anyone else.

  “Is she awake?” I ask with trepidation.

  “Yeah, she’s been asking for you. Hanna and Em are with her right now.”

  So that’s how it’s going to be. I guess Hanna and Em are taking sides.

  “Do they know?”

  “I don’t think so,” Dax says, and my heart slows a little. Okay, maybe I’m overreacting. I blame the drugs still coursing through my veins.

  Part of me is dying to see Jake, to talk to him. I’m so relieved he is awake, but I’m not sure I’m strong enough to tell him Marcus is gone forever.

  “If Jake is awake, does that mean he’s out of danger? Is he going to be okay?”

  Dax gives me his first big smile with a head nod. “Yeah, he’s good. The doctors say he can’t play in the game, though, since it’s so soon, and he has three broken ribs. But he doesn’t know that yet either.”

  “Shit. Well, one piece of devastating news at a time, I guess.” I give him a smile. If I don’t, I will lose it. I feel it. I’m on the brink of breaking, and if I do, I’m not sure I will ever be able to come back.

  I can’t believe Marcus is gone. It doesn’t seem possible. He was a healthy, vibrant eighteen-year-old three days ago with an incredible future ahead of him. It’s mind crushing how quickly that has changed.

  ***

  Jake is still on the ICU floor. When the elevator doors open, it feels like a giant elephant is sitting on my chest.

  Dax tightens his grip on me. “Come on, D. You can do this. I think he’ll take it best from you.”

  His strong hold helps me physically start to move, but it’s his words that give me the strength I need to actually do it. I keep replaying them.

  As we turn the corner, I see Jake’s parents. They are holding hands. The first feeling of joy I have felt in days swarms me. Maybe something good is coming out of all of this if they are back together. I know that will mean the world to Jake.

  But whatever joy I feel is smothered as soon I pass Marcus’s room. Seeing the bed he was in with nothing but a clean sheet, no machines, nothing … It’s stark, sterile, and empty. At the same time, I realize his parents and Luke aren’t here. I hate the reason why.

  Jake’s mom steps in front of me with open arms and a warm smile, but it makes me think of Marcus’s mom, and I suddenly can’t breathe.

  Her smile turns to concern. “Dani, are you okay?” she asks anxiously. She turns to Jake’s dad. “We should get the nurse.”

  “No. She’s okay, right, D? You’re okay.” Dax tightens his grip to help support my body weight as I crumble emotionally. He knows as well as I do, if I lose it and they call the nurse, they will give me more drugs and make me go back to my room. Then there is no way I could tell Jake. I hate that they kept it from me for so long. I don’t want to do that to Jake.

  From somewhere deep within, I find the strength to pull it together enough to convince Jake’s overly concerned parents.

  “Yeah, I’m good,” I say with a forced smile. It’s as much as I can give at the moment, although knowing I’m just a few steps away from seeing Jake helps me gain strength with each breath I take.

  “You have a visitor,” Dax says when he opens the sliding glass door to Jake’s room.

  Seeing him awake sets my pounding heart at ease. This is right. It should be me. It has to be me.

  “Daniella,” Jake says breathlessly. There is a visible change in him when his eyes meet mine. He tries to sit up straighter, but he winces with the movement. “How are you? I’ve been asking everyone.” It’s as if we haven’t seen each other in years. So little time has passed, yet so much has happened.

  “It’s true. He wouldn’t shut up about it.” Dax smiles as he helps me into the chair next to Jake’s bed. Seeing them fall back into their typical banter gives me hope that maybe things will be normal again someday. “I’ll give you guys a minute.” Dax gives us both a warm smile as he slides the door shut.

  I catch a glimpse of Jake’s parents through the glass, stress is pouring off them. They are obviously concerned about how he’s going to handle this news. So am I.

  Jake reaches out and runs his fingers over the bandages on my forehead. He looks battered and in pain, but he’s still Jake. His eyes are the same, his smile the same, dimples the
same, and the love he has for me is the same.

  “I was so worried about you,” he says softly. I start to talk, but he stops me. “No. Don’t you see you are the one person I can’t live without? You are the one person I need. This accident proves we should be together. We need to be together.” Saying all of this takes a lot out of him. He’s losing his breath easily. I guess breathing is still difficult for him without the machines.

  “Jake,” I start. “I feel the same way, but something happened.”

  “What does that mean?” he asks.

  I can’t bring myself to actually tell him.

  “Jake, I was so worried about you, too. Seeing you here, I felt so helpless.”

  “I know, Dani. I thought they were keeping something from me. I thought something might be wrong. But seeing you, knowing you are okay”—he shakes his head—“that’s all that matters. Mel and Marcus will understand.”

  The heart that was slamming in my chest drops to my feet. “Well, that’s the thing. Something did happen. Mel is okay, but Marcus …” I don’t finish. I can’t. I hope he will fill in the blanks.

  “Marcus, what?”

  It’s so unbelievable that it’s not even something he would consider. If anyone could have survived, it would have been Marcus. I know this. It’s exactly how I felt before, too.

  I close my eyes. I see it from the other side now and know how difficult it must have been for Dax to tell me.

  “He’s gone, Jake,” I finally blurt out quickly, thinking if I say it fast, maybe it will hurt less.

  Jake just stares at me with a questioning look.

  I can’t bring myself to say it again. He must read my pain perfectly, and it begins to register. He cocks his head to the side and narrows his eyes.

  “What does that mean?” He shakes his head. “It can’t mean that. There’s no way. He was in the front. He can handle anything.” I see the tears start to well up in Jake’s eyes as realization settles in. He is lost, and I want to help him, but I don’t know how.

  “It’s that, Jake. It’s exactly what you are thinking isn’t possible.” I close my eyes when I say it. “He’s gone, Jake. Gone …” I whisper that last part more to myself.