Captain Awesome Gets a Hole-in-one

by Stan Kirby

  “The trick is to try to aim for Washington’s mouth,” Sally explained. “That’ll put your golf ball right next to the hole when it lands on the other side.”

  “This time, whoever is in last place goes first,” Meredith called out. “Now, who was that again? Hmmmmmmmmm. Wasn’t it you, Charlie?” She gave him an evil smile.

  Charlie dropped his ball down on the green. “We meet again, Abe Lincoln,” Charlie murmured, squinting his eyes like a cowboy in a Western showdown.

  “You can do this, Charlie,” Eugene encouraged him. “It’s just like the time in Super Dude No. 55.”

  Charlie gave a determined thumbs-up, knowing exactly what Eugene was talking about. He swung his club, smacked the ball, and watched it fly right into Abraham Lincoln’s mouth.

  Gnarr! Gnarr! Gnarr!

  The horrible sound filled Charlie’s ears as the sixteenth president of the United States crunched his golf ball.

  “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Charlie fell to his knees. “You may be one of America’s greatest presidents, but you’re pure evil to me!”

  “Congratulations, Charlie. If it’s possible to do even worse than last place, you just did it.” Meredith smiled.

  One by one, the remaining kids each took their turn trying to hit their golf ball into George Washington’s mouth. But no one could.

  Abraham Lincoln destroyed the golf balls of Jake, Olivia, and Stan. The remaining kids played it safe and hit their golf balls into Roosevelt’s and Jefferson’s mouths. The golf balls rolled down the tunnels behind the presidents’ heads and ended up far from the hole.

  Then it was Eugene’s turn. He placed his ball on the putting green, carefully swung back his club, and . . . SMACK! The blue golf ball rolled right into George Washington’s mouth!

  “I cannot tell a lie!” a robotic voice announced from a speaker in George Washington’s head. “Nice shot!”

  Eugene, Charlie, Sally, and the rest of the kids ran to the other side of the presidents and waited for Eugene’s ball to come out of the small tunnel. It seemed like a billion years before the ball trickled out, slowly rolled toward the hole, and stopped just at the edge. Eugene took his club and gently tapped the ball into the hole. He had scored a two on one of the hardest mini-golf holes on the course!

  MI-TEE!

  But Eugene’s moment of victory was cut short when he turned and saw Meredith use her hand to roll her own golf ball into George Washington’s mouth.

  “Did you see that?” Eugene whispered to Sally and Charlie. “Meredith just cheated again!”

  “I cannot tell a lie! Nice shot!” George Washington’s robotic voice announced again.

  The kids quickly backed away from the hole as Meredith’s ball popped out from the tunnel, rolled across the green, and fell into the hole.

  “Wow! Another hole-in-one for Meredith!” Jake called out.

  Meredith walked over and plucked out her golf ball as the other kids cheered her on. None of them had seen what Eugene saw.

  “Looks like you’re in second place, Lose-Gene,” Meredith said to Eugene with an evil smile.

  By the time they reached the ninth hole, Eugene and Meredith were tied for first again. And things did not get any easier.

  The ninth hole had a large windmill that sat between the golf tee and the hole. The Raging River of No Return surrounded the hole and raged, waiting to take away anyone’s ball. The windmill’s four blades of doom circled around and around, threatening to knock unfortunate golf balls into two holes that looked like caves with teeth. The only way through was a path directly under the windmill and past the twirling blades.

  When it was Charlie’s turn, he studied the whirling windmill blades, waiting for the perfect moment. He waited . . . and waited . . . and—

  “NOW!” Eugene cried, eager to help out his best friend.

  Charlie smacked his ball. It zoomed toward the dreaded windmill, and just when it looked like it was in the clear, a windmill blade smacked the ball into one of the cave holes.

  “Ughhhh!” Charlie cried. “Next birthday party, I want to go bowling!”

  “Nice hit, Chuck. Now watch how a mini-golf pro does it.” Meredith nudged Charlie to the side and put down her ball. But instead of hitting it, she suddenly pointed behind everyone. “Look!” She gasped. “Abe Lincoln just ate a golfer!”

  Everyone turned to look. Meredith quickly grabbed her ball and rolled it toward the windmill blades.

  “Abe Lincoln didn’t eat anyone,” Eugene said when he turned around, slightly disappointed. “What are you talking about?”

  But then he saw Meredith’s ball rolling toward the windmill. It was all a distraction so Meredith could cheat again! he realized.

  But this time, even cheating didn’t help.

  SMACK!

  SPLASH!

  A windmill blade hit Meredith’s golf ball. It flew into the air and landed in the Raging River of No Return.

  Charlie gasped. “If the ball goes over the Wild, Wild Waterfall, Meredith is out of the game!” he told Eugene and Sally. “That’s part of the rules!”

  Maybe we should just watch!” Sally said.

  “I’ve always wanted to see a ball go over the waterfall,” Charlie added.

  Eugene thought for a moment. Then he sighed. “Guys, not even Meredith deserves that,” he told his friends. “Especially on her birthday.”

  “Then there’s only one thing we can do,” Sally replied.

  BACKPACKS!

  UNZIP!

  CAPE!

  SUPERHEROES!

  Captain Awesome, Nacho Cheese Man, and Supersonic Sal burst onto the scene. They were ready to save all golf balls that needed saving.

  “Everyone, stand back! This is a job for the Sunnyview Superhero Squad!” Captain Awesome cried.

  “Save my golf baaaaaaall!” Meredith screeched. “It’s the only pink one I haaaaaaaaaaaaave!”

  Supersonic Sal dashed ahead of Captain Awesome and Nacho Cheese Man. She dropped to her knees at the water’s edge and strained to grab the ball.

  “I . . . can’t . . . reach . . . it . . . it’s . . . too . . . far,” she said as the current carried the ball toward the waterfall.

  “Let my canned cheese do the work!” Nacho Cheese Man held up his canned cheese. He raced ahead of the ball and pressed the button on the can.

  SQUIRT!

  A stream of cheddar shot out and covered the rocks that sat in the water just before the waterfall. And just in time! Meredith’s golf ball bonked off one rock, then another, and then it stuck to the cheese on the very last rock at the top of the Wild, Wild Waterfall!

  “We did it!” Supersonic Sal cheered.

  “Yeah, but how are we going to get the ball out of the Raging River of No Return?” Nacho Cheese Man asked. “I don’t think it’s safe for one of us to go into the water.”

  What would Super Dude do? Eugene thought so hard, his head hurt. Then he remembered Super Dude No. 199.

  “Guys! Do you remember when Super Dude used his cape to catch the nuclear egg grenade thrown by Eggs Benedict Arnold so it wouldn’t hit the ground and explode? Watch this!”

  Captain Awesome took off his cape. He held the ends and spun the middle around until the cape looked like a long, thick rope. He aimed at the golf ball and . . .

  CRACK!

  Captain Awesome used his cape to whip the golf ball from the water! The ball bounced off the side of the river and over a grass slope, rolled around the edges of the ninth hole . . . and dropped in!

  GASP! Everyone gasped.

  Meredith looked at the Superhero Squad and smiled. “I hope everyone saw what just happened. I got a hole-in-one!”

  Everyone went to congratulate Meredith. Then they moved on to the next hole.

  Eugene stuffed his Captain Awesome cape into his bag. He hung back to talk to Meredith. “I know you’re cheating,” he said to her.

  “What?! Who?! Me?! NEVER!” Meredith cried. “I don’t know what superpowers you have, Captain Lame-O, but
supersight obviously isn’t one of them.”

  “Have you ever read Super Dude number 244?” Eugene asked.

  “You’re joking, right?” Meredith replied.

  “Tic-Tac-Terrible was cheating at Galactic Space Checkers. Every time he cheated, Super Dude caught him,” Eugene said. “But Tic-Tac-Terrible kept cheating because he wanted to win so badly. In the end he was working so hard at cheating that he forgot to have any fun. And do you know what Super Dude said?”

  “Ummmm . . . don’t play checkers with Tic-Tac-Tofu?” Meredith asked.

  “Tic-Tac-Terrible, and no, Super Dude said, ‘Winning isn’t everything and cheating spoils the fun for everyone,’ ” Eugene explained. “Especially the cheater.”

  Meredith crossed her arms and glared angrily at Eugene. “Whatever, Eugene,” she said.

  At the same time, both Meredith and Eugene realized that she had called him by his real name. Suddenly they couldn’t help but smile. Then Meredith turned and walked to the tenth hole.

  The kids gathered at the special tenth and final hole. Not only was it the last hole, and not only would any kid lucky enough to score a hole-in-one get a surprise, but standing over the hole itself was Super Dude!

  Or at least a big plastic statue of Super Dude.

  “Whoaaaa,” Eugene, Charlie, and Sally said at the same time.

  Each partygoer placed their golf balls down, and each party-goer missed. But they didn’t really care. They were all eager to see how the Mini-Golf-Battle-of-the-Century between Eugene and Meredith would end.

  All Eugene had to do was hit his ball past the supervillain obstacles in fewer strokes than Meredith and he’d be the winner.

  “By all that’s MI-TEE, let Super Dude guide my ball!” Eugene cried. He took a deep breath. Then he whacked his golf ball.

  The ball ricocheted right off Doctorpus and his eight arms of chaos! It bounced past the League of Evil Babysitters! It spun past the vacuum pull of the villainous El-Sucko! It went up a small hill, rolled down the other side, smacked into the heroic feet of Super Dude . . . and rested right on the edge of the hole. Eugene tapped in the ball with his golf club.

  “MI-TEE!” Eugene shouted. “Thank you, heroic feet of Super Dude!”

  The only way Meredith could beat him now was if she got a hole-in-one.

  The kids turned to Meredith.

  Meredith stood, with her golf ball in hand, and looked up at the towering plastic Super Dude statue. She stood motionless for what seemed like an eternity, then she sighed and dropped her ball onto the ground.

  Eugene waited for her to tell everyone to look away. But she never did.

  Meredith gripped the club in her hands. She gave the ball a steady whack. It shot past the supervillain obstacles, bounced off Super Dude’s left foot, and fell into the hole.

  “I got a hole-in-one!” Meredith jumped up and down and cheered louder than she had all day. “Yes! Thank you, Super Dude!”

  Everyone cheered for the birthday girl.

  Eugene didn’t even care that he had lost to Meredith. It was an awesome shot, and she had played the last hole fair and square.

  “No one ever gets a hole in one on that hole!” Max Maxtone cried. “We have two prizes for the winner and runner-up. The winner gets to choose which one they want,” he said as he held out two wrapped packages.

  Meredith closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and said, “The one on the right!”

  Max handed her the prize and she ripped off the paper.

  “Ugh! What’s this?!” Meredith growled, holding up a superduper-size stuffed doll.

  “Why, that’s Tic-Tac-Terrible!” Max Maxtone explained. “He’s a Super Dude villain. See, one time he was playing checkers against Super Dude and—”

  “What?!” Eugene interrupted Max Maxtone as he opened up his prize: It was a pair of fuzzy pink bedroom slippers.

  “Those are for your feet,” Max said proudly. “To keep them cozy and warm.”

  Meredith and Eugene looked at each other and then down at their prizes.

  Faster than anyone could say, “Switcheroo,” Eugene and Meredith traded prizes.

  Eugene smiled to himself. It had been a day of ups and downs, but he knew he had taught Meredith an important lesson. And he had come in second place!

  MI-TEE!

  Mission Control, this is Eggle-1, do you read me? Over,” said Eugene McGillicudy. He picked up a plastic egg from his desk and carried it around the room. “We’re now flying over Sunnyview Elementary. . . . Roger that, Roger.”

  “That’s so not the way to decorate an Easter egg,” said Meredith Mooney, the pinkest girl in school. She was dressed in a pink skirt that matched the pink bow in her hair. Her light pink shirt matched her light pink shoes that blinked with pink lights on the toes. “What’s that supposed to be, anyway?” she asked.

  “If you must know—My! Me! Mine! Mere-DITH! It’s Eggle-1,” Eugene said. “It carries egg-stronauts to the twelve slots on the orbiting Space Carton.”

  “Oh, good grief,” Meredith said with a groan.

  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  LITTLE SIMON

  An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing Division • 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, New York 10020 • First Little Simon edition July 2014 • Copyright © 2014 by Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. LITTLE SIMON is a registered trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc., and associated colophon is a trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc. For more information or to book an event contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com. Designed by Jay Colvin. The text of this book was set in Little Simon Gazette.

  www.SimonandSchuster.com

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Kirby, Stan. Captain Awesome vs. the evil babysitter / by Stan Kirby ; illustrated by George O’Connor. — First edition. pages cm. — (Captain Awesome ; #12) Summary: “When Eugene goes mini-golfing for Meredith Mooney’s birthday party, he realizes he’s actually an excellent mini-golfer! But Meredith realizes this too, and she starts to cheat so that she’ll win. Will Eugene reveal her cheating ways?”— Provided by publisher. [1. Superheroes—Fiction. 2. Cheating—Fiction. 3. Miniature golf—Fiction. 4. Birthdays—Fiction. 5. Parties—Fiction.] I. O’Connor, George, illustrator. II. Title. PZ7.K633529Cagk 2014 [Fic]—dc23 2013047670

  Cover design by Jay Colvin

  Cover illustration by George O’Connor

  ISBN 978-1-4814-1432-6 (hc)

  ISBN 978-1-4814-1431-9 (pbk)

  ISBN 978-1-4814-1433-3 (eBook)