A Girl Like Lilac

by Victoria L. James

  When I opened my eyes, I saw Joel on the floor, curled into a foetal position with his hands covering his bloody nose.

  Standing right by his side with his fists hanging down at his thighs and his chest heaving in breaths was Toby.

  My Toby.

  Quiet, shy, soft, gentle Toby.

  A raging bull let out of the gates, with knuckles covered in another’s blood, and a murderous glare in his eyes.

  I didn’t move. Toby didn’t, either. He was watching Joel, and I was watching him. Breathless. Shocked. Grateful.

  “She said no,” Toby eventually spat out.

  And right there and then, I knew…

  I knew with all my heart.

  The little boy who hid behind the curtain of the house next to me was gone.

  In his place was a young man. A protector I barely knew. An angel I needed to know better.

  THREE

  Toby

  That was the first time I got arrested for Lilac.

  Social suicide, as Chris later called it.

  The most honourable thing anyone has ever done for her, as she preferred to see it.

  “Toby,” Lilac whispered behind me.

  I glared down at the arsehole in front of me, wishing I could remove the images in my head, the fantasies, the things I wanted to do to him for daring to disrespect Lilac the way he had.

  I’d watched for a second too long, and Joel had made his move. I thought she’d had a handle on things, but he worked fast to try and catch her off guard. Her strangled whimper of distress set something off inside of me. An explosion of red and black, fire and war. I was stronger than I’d ever been the minute it was triggered. I could have moved a mountain for her. I would have, too.

  “Toby.”

  My breaths sawed at my chest, so hard that I was convinced dust was pouring off my skin from the friction. My muscles throbbed and pumped, begging for a reason to hurt Joel again.

  I said no!

  I heard her say those words.

  I saw him ignore them.

  Now there was blood on the grass, and my knuckles were torn like I’d stuck them in a bowl of razor blades. Just four hits to Joel’s face. Four. Four more than I’d ever made before. It didn’t sound a lot. It felt wild.

  Joel was rolling around in agony, groaning like he was the victim and I was the criminal.

  “Toby.” Lilac’s soft hand landed on my shoulder, making me flinch. My head snapped in her direction. As soon as I saw her amber eyes, my face softened, and muscles sighed, knowing she was safe. My spine relaxed and yawned. My heart, however, beat faster and faster as adrenaline took over.

  “Are you okay?” I pushed out, jaw tense.

  Her eyes seemed so unsure. She was unsure of me. I hated what I’d loved just seconds before. My strength now felt dirty, and my anger tasted like poison.

  “I’m sorry,” I offered to her quietly, scowling as I silently begged for some kind of forgiveness.

  “Thank you.”

  “Thank you?”

  Her hair was a mess and her eyes looked red like she was about to cry. One of her white vest straps was hanging down off her shoulder, and I immediately wanted to put right whatever I could put right for her. Raising a hand, I paused by her strap and waited for her to give me some approval. The last thing I wanted to do was to be like the other guy. She gave me a soft smile and a green light nod, so I gently pushed the strap up before I began to smooth her hair down with one hand, eventually dropping it by my thigh again and blowing out a breath.

  “You saved me,” she whispered. “That’s why I’m thanking you.”

  “Don’t encourage me to hit him again,” I whispered in return.

  “It’s over, Toby.”

  “I know, but…” I stopped to gather my thoughts and take a look all around. We were alone, apart from Joel’s groaning sounds coming from behind me. “Listen, Lilac; you should get out of here. Go. Sneak through the bushes or something. Through those trees, you hit the main road. Wait there, and I’ll find you in a few minutes. If I can’t, Chris will. I’ll send him.”

  “What about you?”

  I glanced back down at Joel who was growling in anger as he tried to sit up and spit the blood out of his mouth. “I need to take accountability for this.”

  “Then I’ll stay with you.”

  “You’ve been through enough.”

  Her eyes searched mine, her hand sliding slightly higher on my shoulder, closer to my face before she eventually retracted it and stepped away. “Make sure it’s you who steps through those trees in a minute.”

  “I’ll do my best.” I smiled, trying to show her I was fine, but I knew the way Lilac looked at the world. I was aware of how she saw things, how she viewed life. I had the feeling that she could see through every face and every lie anyone ever told.

  Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, she eventually turned and pushed through a small gap in the trees before she disappeared out of sight all at once.

  But not before she bent down to pick a purple flower from the overgrown grass and pushed it behind her ear.

  “You prick,” Joel snarled as he struggled to get to his feet.

  I rolled my eyes, inhaling slowly as I waited for him to stand. I could go again if he wanted to. Hell, I wanted to.

  “Don’t ever touch a girl that doesn’t want to be touched, Atkins,” I warned, turning to face him.

  “You’re in so much shit. Deep shit. Do you have any idea who my father is?”

  “Does your father know who you are? Bet he’d be really interested to know his son thinks he can take what he wants from who he wants around here.”

  Joel’s face was murderous, and I knew I’d just made a brand-new enemy out of the worst person I could possibly make an enemy out of in this sleepy village of Southwold. The new target on my back now throbbed, already taunting my old life.

  No more hiding behind glasses for me.

  “You’re gonna regret this, Hunter,” he threatened before he began to march away, wiping his nose on the back of his hand, his shame bleeding from him like red paint on a wet canvas.

  “I’ll never regret keeping your lips away from hers.” He didn’t hear my whisper. No one did, but I meant every damn word.

  I had two choices left. I could face the music back at the party house, or I could sneak out through the trees and spend a bit more time with Lilac before things turned ugly. And they would turn ugly. This town was predictable, and so was everyone in it.

  Except her.

  My feet decided for me, pushing to the right and following the same path Lilac had taken as I snuck through the trees, bent down to pick up a purple flower, and climbed over the small fence that would set me free from sweet-sixteen hell-vana back there.

  She was waiting for me, pacing back and forth with tear stains down her cheeks and her arms folded tightly across her chest like she wanted to hug her body and reassure herself it belonged to her.

  The night had turned cool all at once, and I didn’t have anything but my arms to keep her warm. I wasn’t sure she was ready for anyone to touch her again.

  “I’m glad it’s you,” she said with a sad smile.

  I hated seeing her sad. Misery wasn’t a look I associated with her. Magic and beauty and mystery were all I ever wanted to see on her face.

  “I probably won’t be able to stay long.” I ran a bruised, bloody hand through the top of my hair.

  “You won’t? Why?”

  “Have you forgotten who Joel’s dad is?”

  “Oh.” She looked down at the pavement before she sighed softly and swallowed. When she glanced back up, her eyes were filled with unshed tears again. “You’re going to get in trouble?”

  “Maybe.”

  “I don’t like the thought of that.”

  “It doesn’t bother me.” It didn’t, and that was a strange feeling. I’d take any punishment served. I do it all for her because she deserved to be spared from Joel’s greasy touch. How could you re
gret using violence if it saved someone innocent from feeling pain?

  “Would you walk with me? To the beach?” she asked, almost shyly.

  “Sure.” Lilac shivered as a cool breeze blew around us. “Don’t you think we should get you home, though? You’re cold, and you’re shook—”

  “Just walk with me, Toby.”

  “Sure,” I whispered.

  We walked the streets in relative silence; apart from the thirty-seven times I asked her if she was okay. Nothing else was said until we got near the ocean and the sound of the waves washed over us. Lilac stepped down onto the beach with a small jump, and the minute she connected with the sand, she blew out a long breath, let her head fall back, looked up at the sky and closed her eyes.

  I couldn’t look away. The Adam’s apple in my throat seemed to get caught when I wanted to swallow, and my knuckles throbbed when I tried to shove them in my pockets and hunch my shoulders closer together.

  “How can people be so stupid?” she eventually croaked.

  I thought about the best way to answer that question. It wasn’t an easy one for me. I, more than anyone, knew we were all wired differently in the head. One person’s happiness was another man’s misery.

  “I said no.”

  “I heard you.” I pushed my hands deeper into my pockets, curling in on myself as I watched her drop her head down and turn to look at me.

  “I was scared,” she admitted. “For just a split second, I was scared. And do you know what the worst thing is? It wasn’t that he was touching me when I didn’t want him to. It was that I was about to stand still and let him have his way, even if it was just a kiss. It seemed easier. I didn’t realise I was that girl.” Her brows pinched together, as though the admission caused her physical pain. “Then you came along, and I didn’t realise you were that boy, either.”

  “What boy?”

  “The brave one.”

  Brave. I wasn’t brave. I was the biggest coward going. I hid behind glasses and curtains, not telling anyone of the life I lived at home. I pretended things were better than they were on all fronts. I ignored the daily gnawing at my stomach that was trying to tell me something was off—something more than just Mum’s struggles.

  “Lilac, I’m not brave.”

  “Yes, you are.” She smiled, her eyes drifting to the pier behind me. I followed her gaze, glancing at Southwold Pier with its signature white wood and orange lights casting a glow on the whole beach in front of us as the waves crashed around its weathered legs.

  When I looked back, Lilac was staring at me again.

  “Don’t make me out to be a hero. I was just a kid in the right place at the right time.”

  “All superheroes start out as ordinary people. They just feel better saving others than they do saving themselves.”

  “That’s not who I am.”

  “If you say so, Toby.” Her eyes were playful as she stared at me. “What were you doing down there anyway? Were you spying on me?”

  “Would you think less of me if I was?”

  “No.”

  “Then, yeah, a little bit.” I half-smiled.

  She did, too. “I’m grateful for your stalker tendencies.”

  I laughed softly, rolling my head back and looking up at the sky. “Me, too. Me, too.”

  “I hope you don’t get into much trouble.”

  “I’ll handle it.” I shrugged.

  “See?” she said, moving closer towards me until she was by my side and resting her head on my shoulder. “Brave.”

  I looked down as my hands automatically held her like she was made of glass—worried my calloused fingers would somehow leave a mark on her perfection, branding her as faulty goods. I was scared that she would slip away, and I wouldn’t be able to feel her, see her, or smell her anymore. The purple flower she’d picked up along the way was now tucked into the side of her hair. The one I’d picked up was crushed in my pocket, weeping at the way I’d crumpled it in embarrassment.

  “Why did you pick up the flower when you left?” I asked her.

  “I wanted a reminder of the time when a boy saved me the way boys save girls in those stories I like to read.”

  My chin dropped closer to the top of her head. I wanted to plant a kiss there, to use my lips for something they’d never been used for before, but I didn’t. One boy had already tried to touch her without permission that night. I wasn't about to be the second. I just let my mouth linger, hover above, suspended by fear of rejection, yet close enough to feel the heat of her and let it burn my skin.

  “I think I’d like to go home now,” she eventually whispered.

  “Then I’ll take you.”

  The moment Lilac reached out for my hand and entwined her fingers with mine, I became lost. Time seemed to go quickly after that. I could stare at her face for hours and it would feel like seconds.

  A police car was waiting outside my house when we turned into our street.

  Lilac stopped in her tracks and tried to pull me back, but I shook my head and insisted I face the music. I could only imagine the tension inside my house and the way my parents would be reacting to the police being there to arrest their—usually quiet—fifteen-year-old son.

  “I hate that you’re going to get in trouble for me,” Lilac said as we stood at the end of my driveway, both her hands now holding mine.

  “It was worth it.”

  “Let me come in with you.”

  “You’ve been through enough. Don’t worry about me.”

  “But…”

  “Go to bed, Lilac. I’ll be fine.”

  She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. Then she moved closer and placed a sweet, gentle kiss on my cheek that I wanted to draw around and have tattooed there for the rest of my life.

  “Goodnight, Toby Hunter.”

  “Goodnight, Lilac Clarke.”

  When she turned to walk away, I made a point to watch her until I knew she was inside. I was behaving like the most chivalrous teenage boy that ever existed, when deep down in my stomach there was a beast awakening, growing to life, telling me of all the fantasies he was going to have about that girl. My mind may have been able to pretend we were just friends, but every other part of me disagreed.

  Desire flooded me.

  They took me to the station that night, two female police officers acting on behalf of Joel’s father, no doubt. Thankfully for me, crime was almost non-existent where we lived, so the room they questioned me in wasn’t as intimidating as the movies made those places out to be. Unfortunately, because crime was non-existent, it meant my arrest would soon become big news for all the gossipmongers who wanted to turn Southwold into Emmerdale Farm.

  They let me off with a caution and warned that the next time I decided to use Joel Atkin’s face as a punching bag, I’d be charged officially. I told them that as long as he didn’t try and treat anyone else’s body as a free for all buffet feast, they had nothing to worry about. I’d behave.

  When I got home in the early hours of the morning, my mother was waiting up for me. She was only thirty-three, but she looked older than her years. A hard life and stress had done that. It had given her wrinkles too soon and turned her skin ghostly pale. She was smoking a cigarette around the small kitchen table when I eventually stepped inside my home. Her eyes were puffy, and her foot was jiggling on the floor when she glanced up at me, holding her cigarette in the air and squinting through the smoke.

  “Well?”

  “Just a warning.”

  “Thank God,” was all she said before she worried her lips together and looked down at the table, her foot bouncing up and down furiously.

  “Didn’t know you believed in God,” I countered as I moved closer to her.

  “Praying never harmed anyone.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Desperate times call for desperate measures.”

  “Mum, I—”

  “Did that boy really try and, you know… force himself on her?” Her misty eyes travelled
up to mine.

  “She said no several times and he refused to listen.”

  “You were the only one to step in and drag him off her?”

  “I mean… yeah.” I nodded, scowling as I watched her face change.

  The tension felt thick as I waited for her to speak, and when she did, her strangled cry tore free, so did her thick, heavy tears. “I’m so proud of you, Toby.”

  Proud of me? She was proud of me?

  Whatever. I was taking it.

  I rushed over to be by her side, wasting no time in throwing my arms around her shoulders and pressing my cheek to the top of her head. There were several sides to Mum, a side effect of both depression and the Bipolar disorder that had taken over her life more and more in recent years. I never knew which side I was going to walk in on. One minute she could be screaming and shouting, telling the world how she hated it and wanted to die. The next minute she’d have my brothers and me in her arms, showering us with kisses as she cried and told us she was the luckiest woman alive.

  It was selfish of me, but I was grateful that her softer side was out to play that night.

  “It’s okay, Mum. Lilac’s safe,” I whispered as her tears tore through her body, making her bounce.

  “Thanks to you, baby. Don’t ever change. Don’t ever stop doing what’s right. You’ve just saved a young girl a lot of pain. I can’t even imagine what she…”

  I thought of Lilac and the look of sadness she’d been wearing on the beach. Had I saved her the pain? Had I saved her from shame? I didn’t know. The only thing I was absolutely certain of was that if I had to do it all again, I would. Only next time I’d make sure Joel never got up off the ground. He had no right to touch her. She deserved nothing less than the best. Whatever that was. Whoever that was.

  FOUR

  Lilac

  I, Lilac Clarke, being of sound body and slightly strange mind would like

  to ask you, Toby Hunter, to be my date

  for the end of year prom/ball-thing we’re being forced to go to.