His to Cherish

by Stacey Lynn

  On the football field and the surrounding running track, the same shouts were occurring but louder, as the track coaches and runners prepared for a meet they had the next day.

  As I followed Aidan up the stands of the football field, I could only think about what we were doing, and why he was bringing me here.

  Once we were settled in the top row, I wrapped my arms around my stomach and tucked my hands into my sides.

  “Cold?”

  “No.” Nervous. Scared. Protecting myself. I was all of those things, but with the sunshine warming my skin, I was anything but cold.

  I watched a group of boys practice baton handoffs for a four-by-one-hundred-meter relay while the thick silence between us grew even more strained.

  While I waited for him to speak first, I could feel his eyes on me, watching me watch the kids, and I knew I had a soft smile on my face, because I adored these kids. Kids who thought they were older than they were, but were too young to be adults. I watched them struggle to find themselves every day, to resist peer pressure, to deal with the schoolwork that became harder and more stressful.

  My heart ached knowing that so many of these kids would go through such difficult times, and I longed to reach them in some way, in any way I could while I had contact with them. But my impression of them was fleeting because with my job, I didn’t have the chance to know any of them incredibly well—not as well as their teachers, anyway.

  “It’s hard to believe,” Aidan said, now looking down at the field, “that I was just a few years older than these boys when I became a dad.”

  That tightening in my chest whenever Aidan talked about Derrick constricted my breathing.

  I bit my lip to stay silent.

  “It was hard, you know, being so young and having a kid. Mandy and I were doing bottle feedings and changing diapers in the middle of the night while our friends were drinking beer for the first time.” He sighed, and his head fell forward. He shook it slowly as if clearing his mind. “I wouldn’t trade it, though, not any of it, even if this is how it ended.”

  The strain in his voice was thick, and my hands balled into fists, wanting to reach out to him and comfort him like I always did.

  “Mandy’s parents kicked her out when they found out she was pregnant. She moved in with my dad and me, but I think it was hard for her to be so young, only sixteen years old, and not have her own mom around to help her. It doesn’t excuse the fact she left us, but looking back, getting pregnant caused Mandy to lose everything.” He stopped and ran his hands through his hair. “I don’t think she was ever able to understand all that she gained as well.”

  I flexed my fingers trying to lose the tension building in my veins as my pulse thudded in my ears.

  “Why are you telling me this?”

  He scrubbed his fingers through his hair again and looked up at the sky, exhaling a deep breath. “Because for the first few years after she left, when I was trying to take care of Derrick, go to college, and help my dad with his company, she came back more frequently. And every time she did, if there was any girl around—which didn’t happen often considering I didn’t have time—she made my life, Derrick’s life, and the girl’s life hell until the girl eventually left. The first time, she left the girl threatening notes on her car after Mandy had seen her leave my apartment. The second time, she ruined a date by showing up in the middle of it, crying and claiming I never let her see Derrick. The third time—”

  I flicked my hand up, stopping him. “I get it,” I whispered.

  He shifted on the bench until he was straddling the metal and his thighs were on either side of my back and my knees. He reached out and took my hand, holding it between both of his.

  “Mandy has never grown up, Chelsea. She still thinks she has some claim on me because of Derrick, even though she’s been dating ever since we broke up. I think she struggles with the guilt of leaving when he was so young, but is still trying to find something to replace the family she lost. I don’t know.” He shook his head again, exasperated. “I don’t even care anymore except that I know if I hadn’t said anything that night, she would have made things difficult for you.”

  “Me?” I choked. Images of keyed cars, egged houses, blood spilled on my front step flashed through my mind. Was she crazy?

  “If Mandy would have had any idea you meant something to me, she would have stuck around longer and not left until she’d managed to push you away.”

  My back straightened. “So the smarter thing was to do it yourself.”

  “No, damn it. That’s not what I meant to do and I’m sorry. I’m so damn sorry I said that about you. It’s the furthest thing from the truth.”

  His honesty didn’t quell the pain I still felt. The lingering echoes of hearing I was nobody had opened wounds I had thought were long since healed.

  “It hurt,” I whispered, too afraid to speak louder for fear he’d hear all the fears I truly had. “When Cory left me, he called me worthless. Said I was only half a woman because I couldn’t give him kids. I know that’s not true, but I can’t be with someone who thinks talking about me like that is okay, regardless of the reason.”

  I stood up and he let my hand fall from his.

  “I need to go. I appreciate the apology, but I’m not sure it changes anything.”

  I turned my back, shuffling down the bleachers until I got to the stairway. I wasn’t far from him when Aidan called my name. I hesitated, my eyes on the field, the distance, and my freedom from this painful conversation. Then I turned and faced him—one last time.

  “I cleaned out Derrick’s room the other day.”

  I frowned, not understanding. Aidan stood and I saw his hands shaking slightly as he moved toward me, silky and smooth like an elegant panther.

  My pulse sped.

  “You were right, you know,” he said, looking directly into my eyes. “I didn’t know it at the time, but a part of me was using you to keep from having to deal with Derrick’s death.”

  I flinched when his hand gripped mine again, this time tight and firm, strong and warm. There was no hint he was prepared to let me go again.

  “I kept telling you that you helped, and you did…you do. But with the time I spent with you, I’ve been able to avoid having to think about Derrick and what my life will be like without him.”

  My hand squeezed his. It was a reflex, but the longing to comfort him was back tenfold. As he stood in front of me, the sun shining on his face and in his eyes now that he’d removed his sunglasses, I could see his truth and his pain and the fact that he looked like complete and utter shit.

  It’d been a long week for him, and I had a sense it wasn’t just because he regretted the painful words he’d slung in my direction last week.

  “Aidan—” I started, but he cut me off.

  “I took Mandy to the cemetery.”

  Oh. I closed my eyes, sadness filling my pores. My chin wobbled. I hated that he’d had to go there, that he’d had to explain everything to her. Most of all, I hated that I hadn’t been able to be there for him.

  Damn it. I still loved him.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be.” He lifted a hand and reached up, pressing his thumb to my chin until I was forced to look directly into his eyes. “It was good, I think. I hadn’t been back, and while it completely sucked to take Mandy, to show her, and tell her what happened, I think it helped. Anyway, I’ve spent the week cleaning out his room, visiting Shane. I’m a wreck, Chelsea. I know I am, and I have a long way to go, but there was one thing I kept thinking the entire time I was working.”

  The way he looked at me made it clear what that thought was. My skin heated in response when his hand moved from my chin to my cheek, his thumb brushing along my skin.

  “Are you going to ask me what I was thinking?”

  I licked my lips. My heart fluttered inside my chest, butterflies flapped in my stomach, and my whole body was buzzing with the adrenaline that always flowed when he stood so close to
me. Touching me made it worse.

  “I was thinking,” he whispered, his voice rough and slightly wobbly, “it would have been so much easier if you were there, helping me.”

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t.”

  He was closer now, our bodies almost touching and our breath mingling in the small space between our lips. My eyes darted to the track below us to check that no one was paying attention to us. But that didn’t mean we should be here.

  I leaned back.

  Aidan smiled fleetingly, as if he knew why, but his hand pressed more firmly against my cheek, holding my attention.

  “I know you are, and you would have been able to help me through it. But I had to do it on my own, to know that I could. Even though I wanted to call you every hour of every day and demand that you help me, or demand that you go home so I didn’t have to deal with it at all. But that isn’t fair to you, and I won’t do that to you anymore.”

  My brow creased at the admission. I slid my eyes away, this time in pain, because how could he do this? How could he touch me in a way that said he wanted me but with his words tell me he didn’t?

  “Chelsea,” he said, bringing my attention back to him. “I’ve done this all wrong with you.”

  I swallowed a knot in my throat, pain lancing my heart at his words.

  “I haven’t even taken you on a proper date yet.”

  Wait. “What?” My eyes widened.

  A slight quirk of his lips, a crinkling around his eyes, and suddenly, for the first time since I’d been around Aidan, he seemed playful…happy, almost.

  “I know. I’ve totally messed this up and I intend to correct that, if you’re willing to give me a chance.”

  “But you just said you didn’t want to be with me anymore.”

  “No, I said I didn’t want to use you anymore so I could avoid reality. Now I’d like to be able to enjoy you.”

  The words flew through my body and made my stomach flip in the best way possible.

  “I don’t know.” This new happy but tired Aidan was appealing, but my heart was at risk again and I wasn’t sure I was ready to hand it over.

  “Let me take you out on a date, Chelsea. I want to pick you up and bring you flowers. I want to go out and not care about the looks I get from everyone, pitying the dad who lost his kid. I want you to watch football with me and pretend you enjoy it because you know Derrick and I used to do it together. I want to be able to talk to you about him, have you laugh with me as I remember him.”

  “But I like football,” I blurted, lost in all the things he wanted to do with me. He laughed softly as tears began stream down my face. His thumb glided across my cheek, wiping them away.

  “Even better, then.” He leaned forward, brushed his warm lips against my wet skin. “I’m a wreck, and this will always hurt…the hole that Derrick has left…But I have wanted to be with you since I saw you two years ago at Derrick’s middle school registration, and this time, I want to do it the right way. Let me court you.”

  A snicker fell from my lips and I couldn’t help but smile. “Court?”

  He nodded once, his dark green eyes swirling with lust and amusement. “You know what I mean. I’m so sorry for hurting you, and I suspect it won’t be the last time, but I can promise that in the future I will try my hardest not to take out my anger and pain from losing Derrick on you.”

  My breath escaped in small, quick pants. It sounded so perfect. Despite my earlier sincerity that I wouldn’t let anyone talk about me the way he had, I was beginning to understand him more. Better, at least.

  Plus, he was offering me the chance to know him freely, without any of the restraints that hindered us before.

  There really was no choice. “Okay.”

  “Okay, then.” His lips brushed against mine once and then twice before he pulled away. Gripping my hand, he tugged me down the stairs.

  “Where are we going?”

  He looked back, grinning a mouthful of perfect teeth. A happy, teasing smile I hadn’t seen yet.

  “I’m taking you to your car where I can kiss you without fifty kids staring at us. Then I’m going to let you go home and get ready for our date.”

  My feet almost stumbled down the stairs, but he reached out and steadied me. “Tonight?”

  “Yup. I’ll pick you up at six.”

  Chapter 20

  I brushed down the sides of my salmon-colored dress when my doorbell rang. As I reached to open the door, beginning my first real date with Aidan, my heart was beating overtime.

  There was an importance to tonight, as if Aidan and I were starting over.

  I wanted it to go perfectly.

  “Hi,” I said, practically breathing out the word and waving him in. As always, the first glimpse of Aidan stole my breath. “Come on in, I just have to grab my bag and sweater.”

  “You are beautiful.”

  I stumbled in my camel-colored open-toed sandals and fidgeted with the matching belt wrapped around my waist.

  His appreciative gaze swept from my scalp down to my toes, and my body prickled with interest. I bit my bottom lip, grinning brightly.

  “You’re not so bad yourself,” I said as I took him in; he was wearing dark jeans that looked brand new—not frayed at the bottoms like his regular ones were. Instead of his typical brown work boots, he was wearing shiny black dress shoes. The sleeves of a dress shirt with blue and white stripes were casually rolled up and pushed almost to his elbows. It was perfectly ironed as if it’d never been worn.

  A black leather watch caught my attention, and the way his hair was gelled and styled to perfection made me smile. I was understating his appearance. There was no word I knew of that could adequately describe the ferocious sex appeal radiating off him.

  “Did you…buy this outfit today?” I asked, unable to hide my surprise.

  An endearing pink graced his cheeks. “Are you ready?”

  I nodded and flashed him a wink, signaling that I was letting him off the hook from having to answer the question. His avoidance was enough. I grabbed my bag and cardigan, in case I got cold wherever we were going, and when I turned around, I was no longer nervous.

  Knowing that Aidan was like me, wanting this night to be special, somehow calmed me.

  This was important to him.

  After helping me into his truck, where I had to carefully keep myself from flashing him too much as I got situated, he pulled out into the street, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

  I leaned over and gently pressed my palm to his thigh. “Why are you nervous?”

  His hand dropped from the steering wheel and his fingers covered mine, squeezing gently. I felt that squeeze travel from my heart to where my thighs met.

  “I told you I don’t date much.”

  “And?” I grinned. I couldn’t help it. He looked like he wanted to shift with unease on his seat.

  “It’s just been a long time. Between Derrick and work and wanting to be an example for him, I’ve always been careful about who I let into my life.”

  His lips tightened as if maybe he’d said too much.

  I scooted across his large bench seat and rested my head on his shoulder.

  His shoulders tightened before relaxing.

  “It’s just me, Aidan.”

  “I know,” he murmured, tilting his head and pressing a gentle kiss on my temple. “That’s why this is important.”

  My chest constricted, but this time it wasn’t from nerves or fear. He had the ability to eradicate all of that inside of me with a simple brush of lips over my skin.

  It wasn’t long before we pulled into Rube’s Steakhouse on the edge of town. It looked like an old, run-down metal barn, but what awaited me inside was heaven.

  Pure heaven on a charcoal grill.

  I pulled away from Aidan and twisted my neck so I was looking into his eyes. “I love this place.”

  “Yeah?” he asked, uncertainty draining from his eyes. I almost wanted to laugh. “I didn’t know if you’d want t
o go somewhere fancier, but you seemed to like steak…”

  I pressed my fingertips over his lips, ignoring the way his hot breath heated my fingers and tickled my palm. “Stop trying so hard.”

  Beneath my hand, I felt his sigh and then watched his shoulders relax. His strong fingers wrapped around my wrist and he pulled my hand to his lap. “You’re giving me this chance I’m not entirely sure I deserve. I want it to be perfect.”

  “It will be. Come on.” I opened my door and hopped down before he could help. “Amaze me with your grilling prowess.”

  Inside Rube’s, the tabletops were made of thick wood and textured from years of casual dining. I loved this place and the concept of being able to choose your own cut of meat and grill it yourself.

  It was casual and fun and the perfect kind of place for me. Much nicer than a restaurant with a white tablecloth and candle in the middle where I had to worry about setting my sleeve on fire when I reached for my wineglass, or flinging a bite of chicken across the floor when my knife scraped against the china.

  The fact that Aidan brought me here told me two things: he wanted to be comfortable…and he wanted me to be comfortable.

  I couldn’t help but smile.

  He knew me, and that thought brought a slight hop to my step as the hostess seated us after we had chosen our cuts and requested service for our drinks and sides.

  Aidan watched me, his own eyes alight with amusement as my gaze wandered to the other customers and the crowds standing at the grills in the back.

  “Thank you,” I whispered, even though the chatter of the customers and the hissing of the grills made my words barely audible. “For bringing me here.”

  “At the risk of repeating myself, thank you for the chance.”

  I grinned and he reached across the table, taking my hand and pulling me to my feet. With his other hand, he wound his fingers around our two bottles of beer and led me back to the grill.

  We stayed together while he grilled our steak and garlic bread. We chatted politely with other customers as we all huddled around the large circular grills. More than once, he laughed in a way that was uninhibited by sadness and grief. More times than I could count, he had his hand on me. My waist, my hip, my back—it seemed as if every time I moved, Aidan found some way to keep us connected.