His to Cherish

by Stacey Lynn

  As the first set of fireworks went off and background music began to blare through speakers, he wrapped his arms around his knees, caging me in.

  “This is nice,” he whispered, nuzzling my neck with his nose.

  The warmth from the air and his breath sent pleasurable shivers racing down my spine.

  “And your friends are pretty incredible.”

  “So are yours,” I whispered between the firework blasts. “Even if they aren’t here tonight, it’s clear you guys have a special friendship.”

  I was thinking back to the night of Derrick’s birthday. In all the hours of fun, my curiosity about David hadn’t diminished.

  “We all met in college,” he began to explain. “There’s been some crazy shit between us, but they were there for me when Derrick was little, always helping out. We used to get some crazy looks around campus when we’d be hauling this little kid all over the place.”

  I laughed softly, imagining these sexy grown men as barely adult males, struggling to take care of a kid. But it warmed me, too. Not only were they successful and handsome, they were incredibly kind.

  Good men.

  It was about time I’d found one of those.

  “Anyway, David went through some shit in Chicago after Declan’s ex-wife left him a couple of years ago, but that really isn’t my story to share. He started talking about coming back to help him out at Fireside Grill and leaving his job, but Dec refused his help. Told him to get his own shit together. Then everything with Trina happened, and then Derrick…I think he just thought it was time. We’re all trying to get him to pull his head out of his ass like Tyson said, but it’s slow going. The man’s messed up.”

  “Your secret is safe with me,” I said, and twisted so my lips brushed against the column of his throat. A low growl escaped his lips.

  “How is it that I’ve had you so many times this weekend and yet all I want to do is take you home right now and make love to you again?”

  I swallowed, emotion thick in my throat. “How is it I feel the same way about you?”

  His head dipped and his eyes met mine. His jet-black hair blended in with the dark night sky. Fireworks boomed in the distance. Lights from the blasts flashed in Aidan’s dilated pupils.

  Music blared through speakers. Kids ran with sparklers, dancing and squealing. Murmurs of verbal appreciation of the show going on echoed around us.

  I heard none of it.

  Saw none of it.

  It was just Aidan and me—speaking a thousand words and making promises as we stared into each other’s eyes, even though not a single word was spoken.

  The screeching of a loud firework followed by a ground-shaking boom broke the contact between us and I shifted in his arms, looking back at the brightly lit sky.

  As the finale thundered and blasted, making it feel as if we were close enough that the fire from the fireworks would rain down on our heads, Aidan’s arm tightened around my shoulders and his lips rested against my ear.

  “You know what I said outside Beth’s the other day, that someday I’ll be letting you know I love you and I don’t want you worrying that it has anything to do with Derrick?”

  A reply lodged in my throat. “Uh-huh.”

  He nipped at my earlobe and soothed the sharp sting with his tongue and then his lips, sucking on my sensitive skin.

  “I just want to prepare you that that day will come soon, and I want you to be ready to hear it.”

  —

  “Well this is a surprise.” Aidan’s green eyes gleamed in the sun as he watched me approach.

  I was on summer break and getting antsy for more work. I took a summer job working with Kate at the bakery, but hadn’t been able to get my mind off Aidan all morning, so I decided to bring him a treat at his current job site.

  He was becoming a habit I wasn’t willing to kick.

  I handed him a pink bag from Kate’s Kakes and took a sip of my iced mocha drink. “I thought you might be hungry.”

  His eyes lingered on the bag before slowly raking down my body, pausing on my legs before coming back to my eyes. A glimmer of interest flared in his gaze and my breath caught. This man disarmed me in every way possible, but especially when he was looking at me like he wanted to taste every inch of my skin.

  “Hungry, yes. I most definitely am.”

  The look on his face told me he wasn’t talking about the food.

  I lifted the bag. “I was talking about a cupcake.”

  “Me, too.” He winked. “Get your head out of the gutter.”

  Rolling my eyes, I looked around the dirt-covered lot I was standing in and its giant hole in the ground.

  “Show me around?” I asked, trying to calm my fluttering pulse.

  “Of course.” He took my hand and began walking me down the street to the model home at the entrance to the new neighborhood.

  My jaw dropped when I saw the massive but beautiful home with a rock front. It had several steep peaks and gables, a three-car garage, and an incredible, professionally landscaped front yard.

  Aidan’s company had been contracted to build a new development of these gorgeous, dream-style homes that I could only imagine owning in my most vivid and far-reaching dreams. Each house sat on over an acre of land just outside the city limits.

  He’d been working on this project since before we had met, and while he’d talked about the headaches it was causing, it was one of the largest building contracts he’d been given. He was working hard to ensure every home was perfectly built.

  He almost lived at the site day in and day out, making sure all his crews—from the basement digging, to cement pouring, to framing, insulation, and finishing—were on track for meeting their deadlines. With the warm summer weather, they were busy today. The sounds of drills and electric nail guns and music blaring while the crews worked echoed in the air, almost making it difficult to talk.

  “This home is incredible,” I told Aidan once we reached the front door.

  “It’s basically become my office.” He opened the door, stomping the dirt off on the wooden front porch before he let me in first. “Want a tour?”

  I grinned as I brushed against him to walk through. His body stiffened and my gaze lingered on the pulse beating in his throat as I passed him. “Of course.”

  As he closed the door behind me, the air thickened with whatever it was that seemed to constantly flow between us. It was always there. Palpable and warm and arousing.

  I flinched as his warm hand landed on the small of my back and he gently prodded me toward the kitchen, where he took the bag from Kate’s Kakes from me and placed it on the counter.

  I gasped as we hit the large but warm and inviting space. It was elegant and majestic, but made for families at the same time. A see-through, double-sided fireplace set the kitchen and eating area away from a small sitting area. All around, floor-to-ceiling windows provided large amounts of sunlight, heating the house and giving a beautiful view of the outside landscape.

  “Come on,” Aidan said, now holding my hand and tugging me toward him. I followed him reluctantly, saddened to leave this space that somehow called to me. I could almost see the family that would be there, the rambunctious kids running and sliding in their socks over the weathered and darkened wood floor, homework scattered across the large island. The cabinets were a dark cherry, and the granite countertops begged for me to rub my hands all over them. Or cook a holiday dinner and invite everyone I knew.

  “You’re amazing,” I said as we headed back to the entryway where the wood floor turned to marble and the doorways were wide and arched. Everything was open, flowing from one room to the next, but all the rooms had their own “emotion” to them. From the dark woodwork in the built-ins in the office to the white wainscoting in the formal dining room, the rooms alternated between masculine and feminine, but all of it screamed home and comfort.

  My eyes burned as we passed the bedrooms, two with their own private baths and the last two connected with a bathroom
between them. It was decorated in pinks and purples, clearly made for a girl, and I couldn’t help but think of the kids that I would never have.

  “You okay?” Aidan asked when a choked sound escaped my throat.

  My lips pressed into a thin line and I nodded as he led me toward the master bedroom. “This place is stunning.”

  I tried to change the subject, and I didn’t know if he caught the glistening in my eyes or not, but he allowed it and continued guiding me toward a small balcony in the master bedroom. I ignored the king-size bed that sat in the middle of the room with walls painted a dark blue, almost navy color but more green. It was unusual, like the Caribbean Sea at sunset, maybe, and it was startling in a good way against the white trim woodwork and vaulted ceiling.

  “This is the best part of this house.” He pushed back sheer curtains and opened the French doors. Turning around, he held out his hand. “Come out here with me.”

  My feet moved slowly, trudging over the thick caramel carpet until my palm was in his. He pulled me toward him with a sad smile on his face and kept tugging me until my forehead was pressed against his chest and our entwined hands were wrapped around my lower back.

  “I didn’t think those rooms would be hard for you to see,” he murmured into my hair.

  I breathed in the scent of him and my shoulders relaxed. “Sometimes it hits out of nowhere, and sometimes I don’t think about it at all.”

  “I can imagine.”

  And he could—in a way worse than I’d ever have to experience.

  “Now come sit,” he said, almost commanding. I couldn’t help the grin that pulled at the corners of my mouth.

  “My goodness,” I exhaled as soon as we stepped out onto the balcony. My feet immediately moved to the edge, where my fingers curled over the black iron railing. “So beautiful out here.”

  Aidan’s body came up behind me, warming my back when he leaned against me. His hands gripped the banister on the outside of mine.

  “I’m blown away by how gorgeous this house is.” My voice was a whisper, in awe of my surroundings. Not only of the house and the neighborhood that Aidan was creating, but of the gorgeous backyard in front of me.

  It rolled and dipped gently until the lawn met a line of trees in the distance. Through the trees that were beginning to bloom, I could see a creek. Birds chirped, and I closed my eyes, imagining that the crews weren’t slamming away in the background and that I could hear the water flowing in the distance, the gentle, lulling sound of water as it moved over rocks.

  “I knew you’d like it, but I didn’t think it would affect you like this.” His voice was equally quiet as mine, and we spoke in hushed whispers, as if afraid we’d interrupt the magnificent view of nature in front of us.

  “I always wanted a house like this,” I admitted. “Not the inside, and not as grand maybe as this place is, but I always wanted land like this. A place where you had natural privacy, the space for gardens, and the space to just be.”

  “Yeah?” His lips were by my ear and I shivered from the intensity of my thoughts and Aidan’s warm breath as it flowed over my skin while he trailed his lips from my ear to my jaw, stopping at my throat.

  My grip tightened around the railing.

  “Cory wouldn’t give that to me. Said he wanted to live in town, so I had to make do with the yard I had.”

  “I think we’ve already discussed my feelings about your ex.”

  I nodded. “I know. But sometimes I wonder if I would have seen him for the man he was, if I would have been able to have my dream.”

  A family. If I would have tried with another man, would he have become just as frustrated with me as Cory had? The fertility treatments sometimes left me feeling insane, the constant tracking my cycles, the hormones, and doctor’s appointments, the crazy fluctuations of weight and moods, only to have every month end with me collapsing into a ball of tears in the bathroom.

  But was it possible to find someone who would put up with all of that? If a baby with me was just as important to him as it was to me?

  And yet, with all that Aidan had lost, there was no way he’d want to go through that again.

  A lump lodged in my throat as the cold realization washed over me.

  I tensed, my arms straightening, and Aidan noticed.

  He pulled away, his hands falling from the rail, and he shifted until he was leaning against it, next to me.

  “Talk to me,” he said with that quiet voice that always sent my mind straight to the gutter he’d accused me of being in earlier.

  “I just…I wanted a family. Always. It’s the one thing I’ve always wanted, and I don’t think I’ll ever have it.”

  Not if I stayed with him. I couldn’t imagine he’d want another child after losing Derrick, and I wasn’t getting younger. Late twenties was prime baby-making time, but with my medical history, it could take years, putting me in the high-risk age range. And by then, Aidan could be nearing his forties.

  It was too much to ask, too early to even think about for us, and as the fears began swirling inside me like a funnel cloud out of nowhere, I had to look away from him.

  “Kids?” Aidan asked, his arms now crossed over his chest. I could feel his eyes on me, studying me, and watching me completely freak out even though I remained silent.

  “When I was a girl, anytime anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always said a mom. It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted.”

  “Are you sure you can’t? Or are there options left to try?”

  God. My throat burned. Did he even get it?

  I sniffed, unable to fight back the tears any longer. How did a simple trip to see Aidan at work turn into this?

  “There are options,” I finally said, shaking my head. “Odds are extremely low, risks are extremely high. Not to mention the sky-high costs. It wouldn’t be easy, and it could take years.”

  Years. I was running out of time. But I wasn’t ready to give up Aidan. Not now.

  I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

  Shaking my head, I took a step away, needing a minute to gather my composure.

  “God, I don’t know what hit me today.” I laughed, but it was shaky, and Aidan had a tight expression on his face when I finally pulled my eyes to his, braving the idea of facing him again. “I know it won’t happen, not for me, not now. Some days it just hurts.”

  I shrugged it off. I knew Aidan could see my pain, but his expression twisted into something different.

  His eyes were soft and his hands fell to his hips. “I always wanted more kids.”

  What? My head jerked back. “I didn’t…I wasn’t…” God, I couldn’t even speak. I was stunned speechless when a wistful smile spread across Aidan’s lips.

  “I’m not saying I’m in any place to have children now, by any means. Derrick’s death is too sharp.”

  His lips twisted as he said death, and God, I was so stupid for spilling any of this today.

  “But I always wondered what it’d be like to someday get married and have a family when I was in the place I am now.”

  “I’m not asking you for this, Aidan,” I said, still confused, and pulled back.

  “I thought we were building something here, something I like a lot, and the timing isn’t the best at all, but if we keep moving closer to one another, there’s a whole future I could imagine with you. I don’t know where I’ll be in time with the thought of kids, but I don’t think I could count them out, either. Someday.”

  Fire burned beneath my skin and I spun on my heels, heading back to the master bedroom. Aidan’s heavy footsteps followed behind me, slow but sure.

  I didn’t look back until I was in the kitchen, my hands spread out on the granite, my breathing ragged.

  “I don’t want you to leave me over this.” His deep voice made me jump even though I knew he was there. “I can’t predict the future any more than you can, I just wanted you to know where my head is. I don’t want to hide anything from you.”

&
nbsp; I shook my head, processing his words before I pushed off the counter and spun to face him. “I’m not leaving you, I just…I wasn’t prepared for this conversation.”

  He seemed to measure his words carefully before responding, but I gave him time. “I think I’ve learned lately that time doesn’t matter. I told you before I wanted to do this right, and I like where we’re going. I know we have time, but I don’t want you worrying about anything with me. We’ve been together for only a few months, and I know they haven’t been easy or necessarily happy ones, but you forget that I’ve watched you for two years, wanted to ask you out for two years.”

  “Aidan…” My head was foggy and heavy, and while what he was saying was beautiful, it was so much more than anything I’d intended to delve into over his lunch hour.

  “Why’d you come here today?” he asked, pushing off the doorway to the kitchen until he was in front of me. His hand reached out and gently brushed a lock of my hair behind my ear.

  I tried to think of my reason. Some of it was out of boredom because I’d been helping out at Kate’s Kakes the last few weeks since school got out, but it still left me with a lot of time on my hands.

  But it was more than boredom that had led me here. So I was honest when I looked up at him.

  “Because I missed you.”

  He grinned, that slow and easy smile I was beginning to see all the time now. I ate it up like chocolate and my stomach flipped. “I miss you, too, when I’m at work.”

  Suddenly changing directions, he said, “Let’s go to Chicago next weekend.”

  “What?”

  I felt like I’d missed a step.

  “Yes. Chicago. Derrick and I used to go, and we were supposed to…” His voice trailed off and I remembered Derrick’s birthday and opening day for the Cubs. “I still want to take you. Share some of that with you.”

  “Why?” I rasped, my body buzzing with a strange sensation.

  “Because I like being with you and I want to share things with you that I enjoy.” He leaned down, brushing a kiss against my lips and then back to my ear before I could blink. With his head in the crook of my neck, his tongue darted out and licked my skin.