Love, Me: A Pleasant Valley Novel

by Anna Brooks

  I direct my attention back to the place that was supposed to be my home. Half of the bricks are falling out, and the front of the house that used to be grass is nothing but overgrown weeds. Only one room has a light on, and a sheet with holes in it covers its window.

  Her shadow passes across the window, and I sit up straighter. I haven’t seen my mother in years. Upon my release from juvie at eighteen, she locked me out of the house with nothing. Literally nothing more than the clothes on my back. I had no money, no shelter, no food.

  I ended up going south with Brad—he was literally a life saver—and working construction for his uncle before I branched out and started tattooing. If I was going to live my life, if I was fortunate enough to survive what I went through, then I certainly wasn’t going to do it with a hammer and nails. I was going to do it pursuing my only passion.

  So after being gone for over a decade, I showed up on her porch step when I first came back to Pleasant Valley. The little boy in me wanted my mom to love me. I wanted her to forgive me. But when she looked through the window and saw me, her eyes were the same empty and soulless ones I grew up with. I wasn’t surprised when she just turned around and walked away.

  My entire life has been fucked up because of her and her choices. I’ve held the hurt and embarrassment that my own mother hates me as a standard for myself. That she just allowed some fucking druggie off the street into our home and gave him her attention while I starved, both literally and figuratively, for a crumb from her. The good news is I haven’t given anyone a chance to screw me over again. But the bad is I’ve pigeonholed myself into being so fucking lonely that sometimes, my chest actually hurts.

  Fuck it. I’m done. I don’t need her. She doesn’t want me, and I’m sick of wasting my life chasing something that will never fucking happen with the woman who gave birth to me. As of this moment, she’s dead to me, just like I’ve been dead to her since the minute I came into the world.

  I know what I want, and I want Rayne. With her, it’s not a matter of playing chase anymore. It’s a matter of my damn heart.

  Chapter 11

  Rayne

  I wake up with a smile on my face and a clarity I forgot even existed. The faint smell of Vaughn lingers on my pillow, and I want to stick my face in it and inhale, but that would be weird, so I don’t. I check my phone to see if he sent any more texts. The last text I got was at midnight, when he said leaving me alone was one of the hardest things he’s ever had to do.

  He’s so damn sweet. My first impression that he was a player was so wrong. If I were really looking hard enough, I would have seen that it was a façade. He and I are alike. Something made him so much of a jerk in the beginning. Just like I had reason to be such a bitch to him. He knows my reason, and I’m hoping he’ll trust me enough to share his with me soon.

  I hop in the shower and make sure to shave in all the places. There are so many things I forgot I loved. I miss being in a relationship. The excitement and the promise of it. The security and the sex. I miss sex. Vaughn doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who’s used to waiting for it, and I’m hoping he stays that way. Just thinking about it makes my thighs quiver.

  When I’m finished, I get ready for the day with a hopeful smile. I love my job and normally am excited to go there, but today, as I drive to The Lunch Box, I can barely contain myself, knowing I’ll get to see Vaughn in a little while.

  Not surprisingly, my parents are already there. “Hey guys,” I holler as I hip check the door to close it all the way before locking it.

  I hang my purse up on the hook and grab a hair net before washing my hands. It’s been nice having my parents back, and as much as I loved being in charge for a few weeks, I’m not ready to do that permanently. My dad hasn’t looked up from the onion he’s chopping, but he knows I’m here because when I stand next to him, he hands me one.

  “Are you not talking to me or something?” I ask.

  “I don’t know what to say. I’m ashamed at the way I acted, and I’m afraid you won’t forgive me.”

  “Dad”—I bump my shoulder into his—“I could never stay mad at you, but I hope you understand I’m not changing my mind.”

  “I don’t want you to. I was just surprised to walk in on my baby girl in bed with a man who looks so much older and . . . just not what I expected. I’m truly sorry.”

  The opposite of Bryan is what he’s really thinking. “It’s okay.” I understand that my sudden change of heart was a shock to him, especially since I was with Vaughn when he discovered it. Dad wasn’t here when I initially started the doubt months ago, so he hasn’t seen the course of my struggle. Then again, I didn’t tell my parents anything when they got back from vacation.

  “Bryan was a good man, and it’s going to be hard for me to accept someone else in your life. I’ve hated seeing you so sad over him, but I also held out hope because I knew he made you so happy. I just want you to be happy, and I hope to God this tattoo guy does that for you.” Dad doesn’t know everything either; Bryan begged me not to tell him.

  If he only knew that Vaughn makes me a hundred times happier than Bryan ever did. “Vaughn. His name is Vaughn. And he is a good man too, Dad. He really is. And he makes me really, really happy.”

  “I can’t wait to see that for myself.”

  “You will.”

  We continue prepping, and my mom flits in and out, setting the table and filling the salt and pepper shakers.

  We go about the day as normal, and when Vaughn walks in at a quarter to twelve, I can feel the smile on my face stretching my skin. “Hey.”

  “Hi.” He leans down and kisses the top of my head.

  I don’t want to make too much of a scene since I am at work, so I take a step back. “Are you hungry?”

  “I’m actually running late, so I can’t eat, but I wanted to say hi before my appointment.”

  “Hi.” I lean against the counter, so I don’t fall since he makes me all jellified.

  “Want to grab dinner with me? I can pick you up around seven thirty.”

  “Yeah. I’d love that.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you later.”

  “‘Kay.”

  He looks over my shoulder and nods, then kisses my cheek. I watch him walk away and turn to go back into the kitchen when I run into my dad. He offers a wobbly smile, and I’m not sure if it’s happy or sad, but either way, I know he’s giving me his approval.

  “Well, I haven’t seen a smile that big on your face for far too long.”

  “I haven’t been this happy in far too long.”

  He squeezes my shoulder, and I continue walking to the kitchen. Between orders, I make a sandwich for Vaughn, and as soon as we close for the day, I rush it over to him. I wave at the camera inside, and a second later, he comes from around the corner.

  I hold out the bag. “I brought you some food.”

  “Thanks, baby.” He gives me a hug as he takes the bag.

  “You’re welcome.”

  “I wish I could hang out for a bit, but I have a hot date tonight, and I’ve gotta keep on schedule if I don’t want to be late.”

  I playfully roll my eyes and wave over my shoulder as I walk out. A short ride later, I’m at my place and so excited to get ready for tonight. He didn’t say if we were going somewhere fancy, but I’m taking a wild guess that it won’t be anywhere he has to wear a suit.

  I’m brushing my wet hair free of knots when the bristles catch on my necklace. I set down the brush and look at my reflection in the mirror. My fingers twirl the ring, and I hold it up to my mouth and kiss it before reaching behind me and undoing the clasp. My eyes automatically snap shut as I remove the necklace. In order to see where I set it, I open them again and gently place the silver chain in my drawer on the bottom of my vanity.

  I feel more naked with it gone; not just my skin, but also my entire body—inside and out—feels vulnerable right now. It’s the right thing to do. I know it is. It’s well past time.

  Kennedy’s voi
ce booms through my apartment as he tries to find me.

  “In the bathroom.”

  “Are you decent?”

  “Yes.” I laugh.

  He leans on the doorframe but doesn’t say anything and just watches me.

  “You’re creeping me out.”

  “You’re happy.”

  “I really am.”

  “I love the change, Rainey.”

  I twirl my brush in my hand and once again say out loud what I’ve been afraid to answer myself. Kennedy has always brought that out in me. He makes me speak my thoughts out loud, where they’re much easier to process. “Is it too sudden?”

  “Honestly?” He crosses his arms, and the tight white t-shirt he’s wearing stretches over his muscled arms.

  “Yeah, hit me with it. Tell me if I’m doing this too fast. I mean I was just at Kristine and Aaron’s house what, not even two full days ago, finding out they’d deleted my messages to their son who I was putting my life on hold for, waiting to return. And now, I’m getting ready for a date with a man who makes me feel . . . everything.”

  “I think you were waiting for some kind of permission, and by you finding out about the phone . . . I think that was the push you needed. And this thing with Vaughn’s been brewing for quite a while. I’m proud of you for doing what I’ve been encouraging you to do. Go out and live your life.”

  The words sink in, and everything he says makes sense. But still, I ask him again. “So it’s not too soon?”

  “No. I think you’ve known for a while but was in denial about it.”

  “I don’t think it was denial. More like holding out hope, being overly optimistic.”

  He laughs. “Okay, whatever you need to tell yourself.”

  “Shut up.”

  “What are you doing with your hair?”

  I turn to look at him instead of his reflection in the mirror. “I don’t know yet.”

  “Where is he taking you?”

  “He didn’t say, but either way, I want to look nice.”

  “You always look nice, Rainey girl.” Kennedy rubs his hands together and steps into the bathroom. “Do something fancy!”

  My arms get sore from holding the curling iron, but the result is worth it. I’ve pinned the large curls and given myself a pinup kind of feel; the red lipstick just adds to it. I usually wear my hair down straight or in a bun. I can’t remember the last time I curled it. Hell, I can’t remember the last time I was this excited for anything.

  “Looks great.” Kenny inspects at the back of my hair and gives me a thumbs-up. “Really pretty. I’m sure he’s going to love it. Now, what are you going to wear?”

  I usher him out of the bathroom, and he follows me to my bedroom where I grab a white dress from the closet and hold it up. “I know it’s after Labor Day, but I’ve wanted to wear this forever.”

  Without saying a word, he motions for me to put it on. Once he turns around, I drop my robe and slide the silky material up my body. The bright white shell of the dress stops at mid-thigh, and the neck is strapless with a sweetheart neckline. What caught my eye was the off-white lace that covers the top half from my waist all the way up to my chin. It’s so different, and I couldn’t not buy it. But since it’s not really club material, I couldn’t wear it out yet. I was saving it for something. And this seems to be the perfect reason.

  “Okay, zip me please.” I turn around, and Kennedy’s soft hands pull the material together as he zips it closed. When he reaches my neck, he pauses then continues until it stops.

  “Turn, turn. Let me see.”

  I spin around on the ball of my foot. “Yes? No?” I chew on my lip, waiting for his answer.

  “It’s a definite yes. I love it. You look even more beautiful than you normally do.”

  “Yay!” I do a little happy dance. “Shoes. I was going to do red. But strap or no strap?”

  I put one on each foot and look in my full-length mirror as Kenny checks them out, too.

  “No strap,” we say at the same time, causing us both to laugh.

  Kicking off the shoe with a strap, I grab his arm to steady myself and then slide the other non-strap shoe on. He opens his mouth to say something, but a knock on the door interrupts him.

  “Oh, my God.” My nails dig into his arm, and the weight of what I’m about to do hits me so fast I almost miss it. “I don’t know if I can do this. Kenny, what the hell? Why am I freaking out all of a sudden?”

  I rapidly suck in breaths through my nose and fan my face that’s suddenly burning up.

  “Relax, just breathe deeper and relax.”

  The knock sounds again, and Kenny yells, “One minute, Vaughn. She’ll be right there.”

  “I’m going on a date.”

  “You are.”

  “With Vaughn.”

  “Yes. You’re going to go and have a great time.” He crouches down a little and frames my face with his hands.

  Wow, that hit me out of nowhere. I don’t like it. I don’t want to be the girl I’ve been for years. I don’t want to be hung up on a guy who is dead . . . I mean what kind of person does that? I’ve done a lot of thinking lately; hell, since I met Vaughn, I’ve been thinking, and I realize now how desperate I must have seemed to everyone else.

  “You okay?”

  I grab his wrists. “Yeah. Thanks. I just . . . I’m really nervous.”

  “Don’t be.” He drops his hands and begins to back up. “I’ll let him in on my way out.”

  “Okay.”

  He closes the door behind him, and I look in the mirror one more time. Twisting and turning, I give myself a minute before I have to see him. Kennedy didn’t mention anything, but I know he noticed when he was zipping up my dress. I’m not wearing Bryan’s ring on my silver chain for the first time since my senior year of high school.

  “You all right in there?” Vaughn’s harmonious voice filters into my bedroom, and I take it as my cue.

  I twist the knob on the door and don’t expect it to fly open, which results in me jolting forward right along with it.

  “Shit.” Vaughn grabs my arms. “Holy shit.”

  Being braver than I feel right now, I look up at him and meet a pair of lustful eyes. The same eyes that were on me right before he slammed me against the wall and had me rubbing on his damn leg like a slut.

  “Hi.”

  “Damn, Rayne. You look stunning.” He releases me and shamelessly devours me with those damn eyes.

  “I wasn’t sure what we were doing. I can change if—”

  “You’re not changing.” He links his fingers through mine and draws me so close I can feel his heart beating through his shirt. His arms wrap around me tightly, and I do the same, weaving my fingers together at his lower back. “I’m such a bastard.”

  That has me pulling my head back to see him. “What? Why would you say that?”

  “Because I didn’t even think about this being like a date.”

  “Oh.” I sigh.

  “No, not like that. Like the fact I didn’t even go change after work or that I didn’t bring you flowers or that I didn’t make a reservation at a classy restaurant. I literally just thought I’d pick you up and we’d grab some food at a bar or something. Fuck.” He runs his tongue along the top row of his sparkly white teeth and shakes his head.

  “Hey, it’s okay. We don’t have to go somewhere fancy at all. I just have this dress and haven’t worn it. I can go toss on a pair of jeans, and we can hit up—”

  “No. We’re not doing that. You deserve an actual date, and I’m taking you on one.”

  “Really, Vaughn. I’m fine.”

  He raises an eyebrow, and the glint in his eye comes back as he takes a half a step closer to me. “You are fine, baby. And I can’t wait to show you just how much.”

  Chapter 12

  Vaughn

  Her breath hitches in her throat, and I cover her mouth with mine. I have honestly never seen anyone as beautiful as she is. She’s always so damn pretty, but dressed
up like this, with a tight ass dress and heels that I want digging into my back . . . she’s downright stunning.

  She doesn’t hesitate, and when her tongue slides against mine, I grip the outside of her thighs. My fingers are so close to her perfect ass, but I’m not allowing myself to go there yet because if I do, we’ll never leave this apartment. And I’m taking her out on a damn date.

  Her hands tug at my coat, and her tight little body presses against me. If I could continue to devour her with my mouth, I’d spend all night on her. I’d kiss every single inch of her skin and touch her in a way I never have before. I’d be soft and slow. Give her gentle and leave her wanting more. That’s what she deserves. Not a quickie in her hallway.

  With that thought, I reluctantly pull back, but not before kissing her bottom lip, then her top. My lips linger on her forehead before I finally put a little distance between us.

  If her flushed cheeks and her shaky hands didn’t give away her desire right now, the way she’s pressing her thighs together certainly does. And damn, that does something to me. Having a needy woman in front of me and walking away is not something I’m used to. But she’s not what I’m used to either. She’s greater than anything I’ve had before, and I need to show her that somehow.

  “We need to leave before we take this too far.” My balls are turning blue as I say the unfortunate truth.

  “Yeah, sure.” She tries to tug her skimpy little dress down as she walks along the hallway toward the kitchen, which does absolutely nothing.

  I follow and wait by the door for her while she puts her coat on and grabs a little purse.

  “Do you leave the lights on or off when you’re gone?”

  “On.”

  Waiting for her to lock the door, I try to quickly come up with an idea of where I could take her. She reaches for my hand, and I gladly hold it as we make our way to my truck. I press the unlock button on the key fob and open her door then help her up before getting in my side.