Crash Landing

by Zac Harrison

  In front of John, the door of a lift – or “TravelTube”, as the computer called it – opened. John walked in, so engrossed in the conversation that he barely noticed. The door closed softly, as John said, “So you’re almost like a person?”

  “That is an interesting way of putting it. Almost, I suppose. The difference is that my mind is hugely superior to your soggy little brain.”

  John burst into laughter.

  “What an interesting sound,” said the computer.

  “Really?” asked John. “I’m just laughing.”

  “My databanks tell me that laughter, through increased abdominal activity, releases chemicals into the human brain that enhance positive emotions and supress pain sensors.”

  “You mean it makes us feel better,” said John.

  “That is another way of saying it, yes,” said the computer.

  “So, what’s your name?” asked John through more laughter.

  “I am called ‘ship’ or ‘computer’,” replied the voice. “The scholars of Kerallin do not name us.”

  “But that’s rubbish!” shouted John indignantly. “Everyone should have a name. Would you like me to give you one?”

  The voice was silent for a moment. Then, hesitantly, it said, “Yes. Yes, I would like that very much.”

  “Then from now on you are Zepp. For Zero-Electronic Personality Pattern. How’s that?”

  The TravelTube doors opened as the computer replied slowly, “Zepp. It is a good name.”

  “Cool,” John replied. “So tell me, Zepp, how can you help me catch up with the other students?”

  Back in his own dormitory, John kicked off his trainers and lay back on one of the squishy sofas while he chatted with the computer. For the next hour, the conversation jumped from the school, the headmaster, and the scholars of Kerallin, to Zero-G war and back to Hyperspace High again. All the time Zepp gave John information that would come in useful during his time on the vast spaceship. By the time Kaal arrived back from detention, the Earth boy and the computer were in the middle of a heated discussion about pop music.

  The green-skinned Derrilian stopped in the doorway, looking surprised to see John laughing. “Who are you talking to?” he asked, looking around the room.

  “Oh, just Zepp,” said John with a grin. “Come and join us.”

  “Well, it’s good to see you looking less depressed,” replied Kaal, throwing himself onto the sofa opposite and adjusting his wings with a rustle. “But who on Derril is Zepp? You haven’t gone mad and started talking to yourself, have you?”

  “Zepp is the ship’s computer. I gave it a name. Kaal, meet Zepp. Zepp, meet Kaal.”

  “We have spoken before,” said the computer, “but we haven’t been properly introduced. Good evening, Kaal.”

  “Oh, hi computer—”

  “Zepp,” John corrected.

  “Zepp,” Kaal said with a frown. “Why are you talking to the computer, John?”

  “It’s not just a computer. It’s got a personality. It thinks. It’s almost like a person, only—”

  “Only with a far superior mind,” Zepp interrupted.

  “Far superior to our soggy little brains,” John agreed with a chuckle.

  Kaal blinked. “Oh,” he said, looking slightly ashamed. “I didn’t know that. And all this time I’ve been giving it orders like it’s just a piece of machinery. I’m sorry about that compu— Zepp.”

  “It’s what I’m here for,” Zepp replied. “Though I must say, it is pleasant to have a conversation that isn’t just, ‘Computer: get me a drink’ or ‘Computer: set course for Arcachon Five.’”

  “We were just talking about music,” said John. “Zepp is a big fan of Coldplay, Jay Z, Adele, and The Beatles—”

  “What are they?” Kaal asked, looking confused.

  “You have much to learn, young Derrilian,” said the computer’s voice. “But now, it is almost time for lights out. Perhaps you would like some music while you get ready for bed?”

  Hey Jude by The Beatles began playing.

  “So this is Earth music, is it?” asked Kaal, as he stood and held out a hand to help John up from his sofa. “Not bad. And I thought Earthlings were completely useless.”

  “Next Plutonian martial arts class,” John replied with a grin, “I am so going to make you pay. You’ll see.”

  The two of them washed and changed, laughing, as John tried to teach Kaal to sing along while Zepp interrupted. Finally, they climbed into their beds as the music faded out and the lights dimmed.

  A few minutes later John sat up and pressed the panel to close the screen to his bed pod. Kaal hadn’t been joking: the big Derrilian snored as loud as a cement mixer.

  Chapter 8

  “It is now zero six thirty hours, John Riley. Time to get up.”

  John lifted his head off the pillow and forced one eye open. The other eye followed quickly. John blinked in surprise as he looked around his bed pod. “Oh, right,” he muttered after a few seconds.”Spaceship. Hyperspace High.” His head dropped back and he pulled the covers around him. “’Nother ten minutes, Zepp. Snooze now.”

  “I have prepared a bath,” Zepp’s voice insisted. Cheerful pop music began to play. “You do not want to be late for Sergeant Jegger.”

  John sat bolt upright as he remembered his early flying lesson. “OK, OK, I’m up. What? Where?”

  “I thought you might like to start the day with a bath,” repeated the computer.

  Zepp had thought right, John decided, as he plunged into the hot water. Immediately, underwater jets began frothing the surface. “This is amazing,” said John, as he kicked off to the other side of the massive bath. “I could stay in here all day.”

  “You have twenty minutes until breakfast,” Zepp replied.

  “Oh yes, food. I meant to talk to you about the food.”

  “I have already corrected your menu,” replied Zepp. “And check the locker by your bed pod when you’re finished in here.”

  Wrapped in a warm towel, and brushing his teeth, John put his hand to the panel that opened the locker. The door slid back. John’s toothbrush almost dropped from his mouth.

  Yesterday, he’d thrown his rucksack into one empty corner of the locker. This morning the locker was full. Shelves to one side held neatly folded underwear, socks, and T-shirts. A collection of clothes and sports gear was arranged on hangers, all in silvery-grey and red colours that John had seen other students wearing. The school colours, he guessed. At the bottom was a rack of brand new silver trainers and, next to them, a gleaming ThinScreen, alongside a more familiar-looking bundle of technology. John could hardly believe his eyes.

  “Where on Earth did you get a games console and a copy of Doom Hammer?” he gasped.

  “I made them,” said Zepp, sounding a little smug. “Earth electronics are not difficult to copy. I had to make a few adjustments, but the console is now compatable with the ship’s screens.”

  “I-I don’t know what to say,” John stuttered. “That’s really... I mean... Wow!”

  “Just something to remind you of home, and we cannot allow your father to beat you when you return.”

  “You are awesome. Thanks, Zepp.”

  * * *

  “Double awesome,” John sighed, as the table served his breakfast in the quiet canteen. Gone was the Martian gunk. The tray that rose from the hidden compartment beneath held a large plate loaded with still-sizzling bacon, sausages, scrambled eggs, mushrooms, grilled tomatoes, buttery toast, and a dollop of ketchup. Next to the plate was a large glass of fresh orange juice and a steaming mug of tea.

  By the time he had wolfed down the last slice of toast, John felt better than he had since arriving on the ship. Making friends with the computer had turned out to have some serious advantages.

  Sergeant Jegger looked him up and down approving
ly as he raced from the TravelTube, right on time for his lesson. “Neat and punctual, Riley!” he barked, moustache bristling. “Both very important in the Starfighter Corps. Let’s get on with it, cadet. Board your ship.”

  John glanced over Jegger’s shoulder to where a t-dart was waiting on the deck. The day that had started so well took a sudden dip. He felt his knees sag. “I... errr... thought we were going to cover the basics, sir,” he babbled. “On the ground, sort of thing.”

  “Nonsense,” snapped the sergeant. “Got to get straight back in the cockpit after a crash or you’ll start to fear it.”

  “Like getting right back on a horse,” said John, nodding.

  The sergeant stared at him blankly. Clearly, they didn’t have horses on whichever planet he was from. “You’re wasting time, cadet,” said Jegger impatiently.

  “Yes-sir,” said John, slightly less afraid of the t-dart than he was of disobeying the instructor.

  Jegger’s voice began speaking in his ear even before John had the helmet completely over his head. “Orders, cadet. Listen up and listen good. You’ll take off, give me one circuit, then land. Over and over until I’m not thoroughly ashamed to be your instructor. Got that?”

  “Yes-sir.”

  “Pre flight checks—”

  The first take-off was worse than he had managed the day before: the landing almost ended in another crash. But as he practised, John began to relax. This time, he remembered to concentrate on every word that Jegger said. After half an hour, his take-offs were almost smooth.

  “You’ve made some progress, cadet,” said Jegger, clapping a hand on John’s shoulder as he stepped down from the spaceship at the end of the lesson. “Your reactions are good and your control over the dart is improving. Give me another few years and I’ll make a starfighter out of you.”

  John grinned, even though he knew he wouldn’t be at Hyperspace High long enough for that to happen.

  “Tomorrow we’ll start some simple flips and turns, then increase the speed. Give the others a bit of a show by next week, eh?”

  As John’s jaw fell open, a chime sounded. “zero eight hundred hours tomorrow, then,” said Jegger gruffly. “Off to your next class. Punctuality, that’s the thing.”

  “Zepp, can you hear me?” whispered John, as he watched the sergeant walk away.

  “Of course.”

  “What is my next class?”

  “The ThinScreen will tell you everything you need to know.”

  Fishing the ThinScreen out of its slim, silver case, John tapped it. At once, it blinked on. An icon in the corner marked “Timetable” flashed once. Another tap and a new screen opened. “0845 hours. Galactic Geography. Doctor Vilkard Graal. Lecture hall F, deck thirty-six,” John read. A clock in the corner of the screen told him it was now 0839. Slipping the ThinScreen back in its case, he ran for the TravelTube.

  “What’s wrong?” John asked Emmie, as he slid into a spare seat between she and Kaal and dropped his ThinScreen on the desk. Emmie’s golden skin was pale and she was trembling.

  “Not a good class for her,” replied Kaal in a whisper, shaking his head.

  “My worst,” groaned Emmie. “It’s Doctor Graal, she’s just—”

  “Awful,” interrupted Kaal. “She’s a Gargon. As a species, they can be, well, less than friendly.” He nodded towards Mordant, who was leaning back in his chair, looking pleased with himself. As usual, G-Vez was by his side. “He’s half-Gargon. Graal’s favourite. You get the idea.”

  “And I’m useless at Galactic Geography,” moaned Emmie, slumping over the desk until her forehead rested on its bright surface. “No matter how hard I study, I can’t seem to remember anything.”

  “Well, look at it this way, Mordant was right about one thing: however bad you are, I’m worse,” said John sympathetically. “You won’t be bottom of the class at anything while I’m here.”

  Emmie turned her head towards him, silvery hair falling over one eye. “Like to bet on that?” she asked mournfully.

  The door slid open. A great black shape slithered through the door on thick tentacles.

  “Good grief, what’s that?” yelped John.

  “Doctor Graal,” hissed Kaal.

  “No way,” whispered John, shocked. He had seen some strange creatures since coming aboard Hyperspace High, but none so downright ugly as Doctor Graal.

  The great octopus creature reached the desk at the front of the lecture hall and turned to face the students, oozing red eyes sweeping along the rows of desks. Without so much as a “Good morning,” Doctor Graal opened her rubbery mouth and, with a stern squelch, said, “We will start the term with a quiz. Question one: What is the name of the longest mountain range on planet Chole Prime?”

  One of Mordant’s tentacles shot into the air. John instantly saw the resemblance to Graal.

  “Mordant. Yes?”

  “The Skivrak Range, Doctor Graal.”

  “Very good. Where would you find the continent of Mest?”

  Mordant’s tentacle reached into the air again. “On planet Zelastian.”

  “Excellent. What is the name of the only known planet to have no land mass above sea level?”

  This time, Mordant didn’t even put up his tentacle. “P’Sidia!” he shouted.

  “Bravo, Mister Talliver,” said Doctor Graal, clapping two of her own tentacles together with a slapping noise. “As usual, you are extremely well informed. But let us see how well your classmates have prepared. Lishtig ar Steero,” she continued, turning to face the purple-haired boy John had met the day before. “The surface of planet Selleticon is formed of what type of rock?”

  Lishtig stared at the ceiling, tapping his forehead furiously with one finger. “Wait, I know this,” he muttered. “Umm... is it sedimentary rock?”

  “Correct,” said Graal, with obvious distaste. “Emmie Tarz, what process gives gas planets bands of different colours?”

  Emmie looked stricken with fear, her face grew even paler, and a bead of pearly sweat broke out on her forehead. “I don’t know,” she croaked.

  The teacher’s red eyes glared at her. “Just as I have come to expect. The answer is belt-zone circulation,” she rasped. “Perhaps you might know the answer to this one: By what name do we commonly refer to silicate or carbon planets?”

  “I’m sorry, Doctor Graal,” Emmie replied in a tiny voice, slumping even further in her chair.

  John’s heart sank as he watched her eyes brim with tears.

  “Diamond planets. What is the name of the largest continent on planet Earth?”

  John could hardly believe his ears. He knew the answer.

  Emmie covered her face with her hands as Graal looked around the room. “This is what happens when you don’t study,” the teacher belched. “But Ms Tarz will have plenty of time to rectify her lack of attention in detention this evening.”

  “Oh no,” moaned Emmie.

  Seeing that Graal was looking away, John leant towards his friend. For once he felt grateful for the geography lessons back at his old school. “Asia,” he hissed in her ear. “It’s Asia.”

  Shooting him a look of gratitude, Emmie sat up straighter in her chair and said loudly, “Asia, Doctor Graal.”

  The doctor turned back to her. “Wrong,” she spat. “You really are the most utterly stupid student I have ever taught. The answer is Europolia. Detention starts at—”

  “No, it isn’t!” shouted John. “The answer is Asia. There’s no such place as Europolia. You mean Europe, which is only the sixth-largest continent on Earth.”

  A gasp ran around the lecture hall. Several students snickered. From the corner of his eye, John saw Mordant laugh and lean back in his seat with a sneer on his face. Hovering in the air next to his master, G-Vez emitted humourless laughter.

  “YOU!” screamed Doctor Graal, glaring at John wi
th pure venom. “What is your name?”

  “John Riley,” replied John, as calmly as he could manage. “And the correct answer is Asia.”

  “How dare you question me! How dare you tell a teacher she is wrong!”

  “I’m sorry, Doctor Graal, but Asia is the largest continent on Earth and there’s no such place as Europolia.”

  “You’ll be expelled for this.”

  “Why not ask the ship’s computer?” suggested John politely. “I have heard that its databanks are infallible.”

  “Computer,” roared the doctor in triumph. “Tell this appalling creature the name of the largest continent on planet Earth.”

  Zepp’s voice filled the lecture hall. John had to bite his lip to stop himself grinning as the computer announced, “The largest continent on planet Earth is Asia.”

  A thin stream of grey drool ran from Graal’s mouth as she gazed at John. Hatred burned in her red eyes. Her massive body trembled with rage.

  “The sixth-largest continent on planet Earth is named Europe,” continued Zepp. “There is no continent called Europolia.”

  Seconds ticked by in stunned silence. No one in the room dared to breathe. Doctor Graaal stared at John until he felt that her eyes would burn through the back of his head. Nevertheless, he refused to drop his own gaze and looked back at her calmly.

  Abruptly, her great octopus-like bulk shifted. Turning away, the doctor roared, “ThinScreens out! Read the first three chapters of Helius Ka-trill’s ‘Continental Development in Various Planet Types’. I want an essay from every student by the beginning of the next lesson.”

  As Emmie bent to pick up her ThinScreen, she gave John the most dazzling smile he had ever seen, whispering, “Thank you.”

  John could feel his cheeks flushing. Just then, Kaal’s huge elbow smashed into his ribs in what the Derrilian probably thought was a gentle nudge. Kaal winked as John turned his head.

  Even so, John felt his gloominess return. Something told him he had just made a big mistake – and an enemy.