Seg glanced over at Phoenix.
“Thanks for coming, folks. We appreciate it.” With that, Phoenix ended the press conference, and Seg made a valiant effort not to run from the room.
Had Phoenix not been the one guiding him out, he probably wouldn’t have succeeded.
Two hours later, Seg was in his Range Rover.
Showing up at Roan’s house unannounced wasn’t the brightest idea he’d come up with lately. Not only because it was clear Roan wasn’t home, but also because it had brought the news crews right to Roan’s doorstep.
Seg should’ve known that the press conference he’d held earlier at Phoenix’s suggestion would have the reporters chomping at the bit. It seemed they were no longer questioning his sexuality since he’d come out and said yes, he was gay. No, now they wanted to know who’d snagged his attention. And if he’d thought his dating life had been under scrutiny before, he was now learning what that really meant.
Rather than wait for Roan, Seg hoped to string the reporters along with him. There was no way for them to know whose house this was. Well, unless they pulled the tax records.
Shit.
No doubt they’d already thought of that. Which meant they had all the information they needed on Roan.
Too bad Roan wasn’t answering his phone so Seg could warn him.
Not knowing where to go, Seg opted to drive around. He ended up in the marina parking lot only to find the place shut down tight.
“Shit.”
He dialed Roan’s number again. When it didn’t go right to voice mail, he held his breath and waited.
One ring.
Two.
“What?”
His heart slammed into his sternum at the sound of Roan’s voice.
“Hey.”
No response.
“Roan?”
“What?”
“We need to talk.”
A strangled laugh erupted on the other end of the phone. “Yeah, I’m thinking we’re beyond that at this point.”
Seg needed to talk to Roan. He needed to make this right. “Please. Let me explain myself.”
“I think you’ve made yourself pretty clear already.”
“Roan…” Seg wasn’t beyond begging.
A defeated sigh was the only thing he heard. Seg waited. He wasn’t going to give up. Not yet. This man was far too important to him for Seg to allow Roan to walk away without a fight. Yes, he needed to do some groveling, but he was prepared to. In fact, Seg was prepared to do any damn thing he had to in order to keep Roan in his life.
“I want to talk. To explain. At least let me do that.”
“Fine,” Roan groaned.
“Can I meet you at your place?” Seg asked.
“There’re reporters there.”
“We’ll ignore them.”
“It’s only going to give them more shit to write about.”
Seg shrugged. “I don’t care. The only thing that matters is setting things right with you.”
He prayed that was even a possibility.
“Fine.” The sound of muffled voices followed before Roan returned to the phone. “I’ll head home in about fifteen minutes. You can stop by after that.”
Relief swamped him. “Okay. I’m in the parking lot of the marina, so I’ll be there in a few.”
“Why are you at the marina?”
“I was looking for you.”
No response.
“Roan?”
“What?”
“Thanks for hearing me out.”
“Yeah.” Pause. “It’s kind of inevitable if I want to get my life back in order.”
Seg wasn’t sure exactly what Roan meant by that, but unfortunately, he didn’t think it meant something good for him. If he wanted Roan back, he was clearly going to have to work for it.
Considering Roan was the only thing in the world he did want, Seg was going to make every effort.
Half an hour later, Seg was following Roan up his front steps while a half dozen reporters shouted at them from the street. Of course, the circus taking place in the front yard was drawing the neighbors out of their houses. Seg hated that he’d brought this shit down on Roan, but for the life of him, he didn’t know how to change it.
Part of him didn’t want to change it.
Oh, sure, he would’ve preferred not to have the news media camping out in Roan’s front lawn simply to get dirt on their relationship—if they even had a relationship at this point.
He didn’t even want to contemplate this being over. Not yet.
While Roan unlocked the front door, Seg turned to the reporters. Their eyes grew wide as though he was about to make a big announcement.
“I’m going to tell you this one time. This is private property. You do not have permission to be here. We will press charges.” He didn’t bother to listen to their rebuttals, choosing to turn and follow Roan in the house.
Once inside, Roan flipped on the lights and Seg closed and locked the door.
“We should probably close all the blinds,” Seg told him, his gut churning.
Roan pinned him with a glare, then headed for the front windows. Seg took on the task of closing the ones at the back. The tension in the air thickened as they blocked out the view from the outside. Seg’s heart was beating faster than when they did drills on the ice. His mouth had long ago gone dry. He knew he had to make the first move, try to calm the waters between them. Not that he thought Roan was going to give him a second chance, but Seg had to hope.
It was all he had left.
“I’m sorry you were dragged into this.”
Roan spun around, his face a mask of anger. “This? Is that what you’re calling … whatever this thing is between us?”
“No. God, no.” Shit, Seg was fucking this up already. “I meant the reporters.”
Roan’s eyes narrowed.
“Look, Roan…”
“No.” Roan stood straight. “I don’t want to hear it. I let you come over here so you could see that I’m through. My tolerance for bullshit is so low I can’t … no, I don’t want to deal with this shit.”
Well.
That wasn’t how Seg had hoped this would go.
Neither of them said anything for several tense seconds. A million things ran through Seg’s mind. But only one thing made sense.
“I love you.”
Roan’s snort of derision echoed in the living room. “You’ve got a fucking funny way of showing it. Fucking puck bunnies? Is that how you profess your love, Seg? No fucking wonder you’re single.”
Ouch.
Seg’s heart constricted and he held Roan’s gaze. “I don’t want to be single,” he said softly. The tortured tone of his voice should’ve made him wince, but it was truly how he felt. He loved this man. “I know I fucked up, but I swear to God, I didn’t do anything with that woman. I was…”
“What? You were what? Pissed? Hurt? Scared?” Roan shook his head, his gaze dropping to the floor. “And you think flaunting a chick is going to make you straight?”
Fuck. Seg took a step closer. Then another. His muscles were coiled tight, his body gearing up for a fight. He got the feeling this was going to be the fight of his life.
Roan’s head snapped up, his golden eyes locking with Seg’s as Seg closed the distance between them.
“I’m not straight,” Seg admitted. “And yes, I had a moment of panic. I freaked out. I was fucking terrified.”
“So much so that your new girlfriend helped ease your pain?”
Seg thrust his hands in his hair. “Nothing happened with her. I went home alone.”
“You shouldn’t’ve been with her in the first fucking place, Seg.”
“I know.” He tugged on his hair until pain shot through his scalp. “Trust me. I fucking know.”
Staring into Roan’s eyes, he prayed that Roan had an ounce of sympathy for him. Something to tie them together, because the thought of losing Roan forever…
That was worse than the idea of
never being able to play hockey again.
Too bad he hadn’t realized that before he’d gone and fucked shit up.
ROAN FELT AS THOUGH HE were suffocating. The pain wasn’t confined to his chest either. It radiated outward, through his entire body.
It took everything in him, but he met and held Seg’s gaze, needing this to be over because he couldn’t take any more. He wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep until Seg didn’t matter. Until everything they’d been through these past few months was merely a fuzzy memory. Eventually that day would come. It would probably take years, but Roan would endure. After all, he had no other choice.
“I love you, Roan,” Seg whispered, dropping his hands to his sides as he took another step closer.
Roan knew he should step back. Hell, he should probably turn and run, because he felt his resolve crumbling from the tormented look on Seg’s face.
He didn’t want Seg’s love. He wanted…
Fuck. Who was he kidding? He wanted Seg’s love more than he wanted anything, but he wasn’t about to let Seg know that.
“You should’ve thought about that before.” Renewed anger sparked in his gut. “I fucking waited for you, Seg. I sat at your house and waited for you after the game. I was there. If you’d simply come home that night, I could’ve helped you through it,” he snapped. “Instead, you ran off to the bar, sat some … woman… God. A fucking woman, Seg. You were so hard up to convince the world, and probably yourself—”
“No!” Seg moved so quickly Roan didn’t have time to put space between them. Seg’s hands cupped Roan’s face, holding him in place, their gazes slamming together. “I wasn’t trying to convince myself. I know what I want. Who I want. I’ve known it since the first night I took you back to my place.” Seg’s voice lowered as he continued. “I’ve known it since then, Roan. I spent an entire year thinking about you. Only you. I had one night with you, yet you consumed my every thought. I was desperate to see you again.”
Roan swallowed hard.
“And then there you were,” Seg whispered. “At the arena. And I tried to tell myself that I couldn’t make it obvious, that there were people around who would see my interest, but I couldn’t help it. I had to talk to you. I couldn’t let you walk away again. I knew then.”
Fuck. Roan wanted to believe him. Every word. He wanted it all to be true. Everything he’d felt these past months… He needed it to be real.
But he couldn’t ignore the fact that Seg had hurt him.
“I can’t do this,” Roan confessed, his words laced with the gravel that seemed to be clogging his throat. “I can’t wonder whether or not you’re gonna run into the arms of a woman when you’re scared. That’s not how it works.”
Seg leaned in, his forehead resting against Roan’s. “I know. I fucked up. And I know it doesn’t make it right, but I swear nothing happened. I didn’t so much as kiss her.”
Roan jerked back. “But you touched her, Seg. I saw the fucking picture. She was sitting on your lap smiling at you. It was what you wanted.”
“No!” Seg once again grabbed Roan, jerking him closer, his hand clasping the back of his neck, his fingers massaging the tense muscles. “God no. The only thing I want is you. In that moment, I knew it was wrong because it felt wrong. But I won’t lie. I was scared. I thought my world was crumbling down and I panicked.” He swallowed. “But my heart belongs to you, Roan. Only you. Now and forever.”
Roan’s defenses were weakening with every tortured word that came out of Seg’s mouth. It pained him to see him hurting, although he deserved it. Seg deserved to feel the same gut-wrenching agony Roan had felt when he’d heard Seg on the phone that night. But shit, Roan didn’t want Seg to be in pain. He didn’t want him to hurt. He didn’t want him to be scared. Roan wanted to take all of that away because…
Because he loved Seg. He loved him and wanted to protect him from the world. He hated himself for it because he knew Seg had the power to break him. To shatter his heart.
Yet it was the truth.
“Do you love me, Roan?” Seg asked, tilting Roan’s head just enough to force him to meet Seg’s gaze. “Tell me you love me. Tell me there’s a chance that I didn’t ruin everything. I need to hear it.”
Roan didn’t want to admit it. If he kept that to himself, his heart stood a better chance of repairing the damage this one man had done.
“Please tell me,” Seg pleaded, his eyes glistening.
And that was what broke him. Seeing this man so close to the breaking point was more than Roan could bear.
“Yes,” he choked out. “I love you.” He narrowed his eyes. “God help me, I don’t want to, but I do.”
Seg didn’t move, their eyes still locked together. He could sense that Seg was searching for something. A second chance, maybe?
Roan knew he shouldn’t give him one. He shouldn’t.
But he would because he fucking loved him. He didn’t want to live without him. He wanted everything Seg had offered before that stupid fucking reporter had stuck his nose where it didn’t belong.
“I want to be with you, Roan,” Seg whispered, as though realizing the battle waging inside Roan’s head.
Roan swallowed hard.
Seg continued, “I want to be with you and Liam. I don’t care who knows. Hell, I don’t care if I get ousted from the league. None of that matters anymore because I know that the only thing that’s important is how I feel when I’m with you.”
He was so fucking weak.
Not Seg. Roan.
Roan wasn’t strong enough to resist this man. He did love him, no matter how painful it was to accept it. Would Seg pull this stunt again? Roan didn’t know. He would never know.
“I’m not sure I can trust you,” Roan admitted. “I want to, but…”
Seg nodded, but he didn’t leap into a million platitudes aimed at convincing Roan otherwise. Did that mean it was a possibility? Would Seg have another freak-out moment and end up in some woman’s bed because he needed to feel better about himself?
If only Roan could predict the future.
Then again, if he could’ve done that, he would’ve done it when he was fourteen years old and he’d come out to his parents. He would’ve kept his secret to himself in order to keep his family together.
Or would he?
Knowing what he knew now, would it have made a difference? Would his entire life be different?
Would he own a marina with his best friends?
Would they have met Teague? Or Hudson?
Would Noah and Dare be together now?
Would Cam have even met Gannon?
Would Cassie still be alive?
Would Liam even be here?
Would Roan have been in that bar at the same time as Seg at that one moment in time?
It could all be different.
Did he really want that?
No. He didn’t.
Seg leaned in again, slower this time. When his forehead rested against Roan’s, Roan closed his eyes. The warmth of Seg’s hands on his neck offered him comfort he hadn’t known before. He felt whole when he was with Seg.
Even now.
Even after all this.
“I can’t tell you that it won’t happen again, but I can show you. I can prove to you that you are it for me.”
“You came out to the world today, Seg,” Roan stated.
“I did.” He pulled back. “Did you watch?”
Roan forced his eyes open and nodded.
“I came out because I’m tired of hiding. I want to be happy. This … you and me … this is my happy. You and Liam are all I want in this world, and I’m prepared to prove that to you.”
“It won’t be easy,” Roan told him.
“Probably not. But that’s okay. I’m not looking for the easy way out. As long as you’ll give me another chance, I’ll endure whatever I have to in order to make this right with you.”
Roan’s defenses were crumbling. The pep talk he’d given himself on the d
rive over had been pointless. He was going to give in.
After all, he was in love with this man, and when he thought about spending the rest of his life without Seg in it…
Yeah.
He wasn’t sure he was strong enough to do that.
Even if it was the best thing for him.
Then again, he wasn’t even sure that was true anymore.
Twenty-Six
A SECOND CHANCE WITH ROAN?
Seg hadn’t thought it would be possible, yet he could see the indecision in Roan’s eyes. He wanted this as much as Seg did.
Sure, Roan had good reason not to give in, but Seg wasn’t going to give up. He’d screwed up in a big way, but he could make this right. He could prove to Roan that he was worthy of his love. He had to.
“What do we do about these reporters?” Roan questioned, taking a step back.
Seg allowed him to move away, not wanting to make any assumptions just yet. Although Roan was acting as though he could forgive Seg, that didn’t mean it was so. “It’s not what you want to hear, but they will go away eventually. There’s no story here.”
“Not anymore,” Roan added, his tone still rough with disappointment.
“Right. Not anymore.” Because Seg had announced to the world—and all of his teammates—that he was gay.
He still didn’t know how things were going to go at practice tomorrow. Hell, he might end up boycotted from the arena by the same guys he’d considered family for all these years. Seg wasn’t sure which he was more scared of. Them ousting him … or them accepting him.
He’d spent so long pretending to be someone he wasn’t in order to appease everyone else. The idea that all this hiding could potentially be behind him filled him with as much fear as elation. No one knew how this would play out.
Locking eyes with Roan, he held the man’s stare.
He now had someone to live for. Someone who didn’t deserve to be in the dark with him. He wanted the world to know that he was in love with Roan.
“So, you talked to Phoenix?”
Seg nodded, holding Roan’s gaze. “I did. He was dragged into this mess because of my stupidity. Plus, I’d intended to talk to him before this happened.” Seg knew that if he’d done that, they probably wouldn’t be in this position.
Harmless (Pier 70 Book 4) Page 22
