DoubleBind

by Sindra vin Yssel

  “Well, part of it is that I only like to give pain to people who want it. It’s intense. It can make us both feel like we’re more alive.”

  “But when we had sex…”

  “That was intense too. It didn’t need much more. Just a bit extra.” He grinned. “Have you ever had anyone in your ass before?”

  She shook her head.

  “I didn’t think so, from the way you reacted. Something else to experience, sometime.”

  “Because it will hurt?”

  “No. That’s one thing that if it hurts, you’re going too fast and doing it wrong. It’s intense and that’s enough.”

  She closed her eyes. That made sense. Intensity was what she loved about her job and why she enjoyed getting to where she was. Challenging the board of directors to change the company had been the most nerve-wracking experience of her life and she fed off the adrenalin. The directors hadn’t and in the end that’s why some of them who couldn’t see her vision still went along. Maybe Karl and I aren’t that different after all. It was a strange thought and comfortable. Understanding him some made her feel safer.

  Maybe he can spend the night. It was an attractive idea and Meg let go of it reluctantly. It didn’t strike her as wrong, exactly, for Karl to sleep over while she had a date planned with Garrett, but it didn’t seem quite right, either. If a guy invited her to spend the night, she’d assume it meant he was pretty serious. Maybe guys didn’t think that way.

  “Can I see you next Friday night?” Karl asked.

  She grinned. “I was hoping you’d ask. That would be perfect.”

  “I better get going soon.”

  She had been intending to throw him out, but that made her wonder. “Are you allergic to cuddling, Karl?”

  He shook his head. “No. But if I cuddle with you for long, I’m going to start drifting off and then I’ll need caffeine to drive home and then I’ll have a headache in the morning.” He shrugged, then grinned. “Might be worth it, though.”

  Might, huh? No, Karl definitely wasn’t the cuddly type. But he had a sadistic imagination and that intrigued her. “Let me get you a Coke in case. You don’t have to drink it.” She got up and went to the fridge. When she returned, he was fully dressed and ready to go.

  “Friday night then,” he said. “I’ll pick you up at eight?”

  “Sure. Where are we going?” She handed him the Coke.

  “I think we might stay in if that’s okay? I’ll bring the toys.”

  She grinned. “Of course you will. I’m looking forward to it.” Anxiously. What nasty thing will he come up with? She was curious to find out.

  He headed for the door and she let him out. Leaning on it after she closed it behind him, she decided she was going to sleep well tonight, even if her nipples kept stinging. Karl had worn her out. She smiled contentedly.

  Chapter Five

  Meg never went out on a date on a weeknight and she wasn’t sure why she’d agreed to do so with Garrett. Okay, she had some idea—he was devilishly handsome and sex with him had been awesome. Of course, she’d never experienced him in private. Either way, she suspected she was going to hate getting up Thursday morning. Her focus had been on work for a long time. If she’d been anything but focused, she never would have made Quinn Cosmetics work. Another reason she didn’t go out on weeknights. She’d be thinking about work anyway.

  But this week she’d definitely been distracted. Thinking about Karl. Thinking about Garrett.

  She looked again at the e-mail Garrett had sent that morning. Hello, beautiful. Meet me at Harbor Seafood, seven o’clock. Skirt, no panties. Protocol will be expected. Kiss.

  They had spent the early part of the week exchanging e-mails and negotiating what he was allowed to do to her. She had agreed to submit to him for the evening, within limits. The note didn’t violate any of the things she said were off limits, but it had her thinking all day long. What they hell did “protocol” mean? She’d intended to ask Jannah, but she hadn’t had time.

  She’d considered showing up in blue jeans. Or wearing big cotton panties. Or a lacy thong so lovely he’d forgive her for it. No matter what, the simple direction had her wondering.

  With Karl, it was simple. He gave her sensations and put her into overload. Some of those sensations might not be what she was used to, but it was all sensation nonetheless. Physical, concrete. She hadn’t realized pain could turn her on, but now she knew.

  But Garrett could make her wet with some words. Some arrogant directions he had no right to give her. She’d agreed to submit once she got there, not beforehand. She was a strong, independent woman.

  She was still wearing her blue suit from work, which had a skirt that came to several inches above the knee. She’d worn heels as usual and a cream-colored silk chemise under it instead of a blouse, so she felt there was some sex appeal. She’d freshened her makeup and painted her lips a deeper shade of red. Pantyhose had been replaced by stay-ups and she’d taken off the comfortable underwear she’d been wearing. She had one last decision to make. She was already late and she didn’t want to spend a lot of time making it.

  She pulled the lacy thong on. He might never know. I’ll excuse myself for a moment before we get intimate. She picked up her purse and walked out the door of her apartment. One of the reasons she liked where she lived was the number of good places to eat within walking distance and Garrett had chosen a place a few blocks away even though he had no way of knowing where she lived.

  She remembered the protocol question and took out her phone. Calling while walking was one of the ways she saved time. But there was no answer from Jannah.

  Not knowing what was meant by protocol made her feel nervous. She should have made sure she was prepared, like she was for a business meeting. Next time, she would be. She ducked into a sandwich shop and used their bathrooms, feeling slightly guilty about ignoring the customers only sign. Still, she wouldn’t be long. She closed the door, slipped her panties off and put them in her purse. Then she continued on her way.

  Had she planned on following directions in the first place, she might have changed to a longer skirt, but it was too late. It was a windy day and she could feel the breeze blowing up her skirt as she walked. It made her tingle. She hurried her step. Late was one thing, but she didn’t want him to think she wasn’t going to show. And besides, maybe sitting down she’ d be less aware of what she wasn’t wearing. She didn’t doubt that was part of the reason for his request. He wants me off balance. And aroused.

  When she arrived she looked around the small but packed waiting area. There was a family of four and a beautiful young Latino couple and several more, but no Garrett. Had he given up on her? She couldn’t see him at a table either, but a part of the restaurant was shielded from view. She walked up and asked the blonde taking down names for the waiting list.

  “I’m meeting someone; he may already have a table. Garrett?” She didn’t know his last name, she realized. “Tall guy, dark hair, handsome…”

  “So you’re the one,” said the blonde, who gave her a quick once over. “Right this way.”

  How strange. The woman didn’t seem hostile, but it made Meg wonder. It sounded like Garrett wasn’t just another customer. Maybe he made a habit of bringing his dates here, or possibly he knew the girl and had talked about Meg to her. Hell, maybe he’d been gregarious enough to make idle chit-chat while he’d been waiting. I scarcely have a right to get jealous of whatever it was. I’m dating two men. But she felt vaguely annoyed anyway.

  “Come with me, please.” The woman grabbed a menu and led her to the back of the restaurant. Meg couldn’t help but notice that the woman’s tight black skirt didn’t show any visible panty line and she had a very nicely shaped ass.

  Garrett was sitting at a booth in a secluded corner, wearing a black silk shirt and slacks, looking handsome as ever. He had a sport coat on the seat beside him. He smiled when the woman approached. “Thanks, Belinda.” He gestured to the seat opposite him. “Have a sea
t, Meg. Good to see you.”

  Belinda opened the menu and put it in front of her as Meg sat down, but as she reached for it Garrett snatched it away. “That’s okay, Belinda. I’ll be ordering for her.”

  What the heck?

  “But of course you will,” said Belinda. “Why do I even bother?” Belinda took the menu from him and walked away, her hips swaying more than necessary.

  Garrett smiled at Meg. “I’ve been thinking about what we did last night and your reactions. And I’ve decided I like you calling me Sir when you speak and unless I miss my guess, you’ll enjoy it, too.”

  That was what he meant by protocol. She hesitated and took a breath. Well, fine, but she wasn’t going to back down from her statement. “You’re a bit of a control freak, aren’t you, Sir?”

  “As are you,” Garrett replied. “I’ve done research. You’re driven, successful and both CEO and chairman of the board of your company. Tonight you get to let that go and be not in control, Meg.”

  “What if you pick something I hate, Sir?”

  “I won’t.”

  “Or I’m allergic to.”

  “I won’t do that, either. What are you allergic to, Meg?”

  “Nothing that I know of.”

  “Then my odds are excellent. I’m an experienced Dom, Meg. I’m not going to take unnecessary risks. And if I did order something you were allergic to, you’re an intelligent woman and would speak up. Maybe even say a safe word if you thought of it.”

  Meg frowned. He had an answer for everything. “What’s your relationship with Belinda?”

  He raised an eyebrow.

  “Sir?” she added.

  “She’s my cousin.”

  “Women don’t sway like that for their cousins, Sir.”

  Garrett covered his face with his hand, as if suppressing laughter.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “She wasn’t swaying for my benefit, love. She doesn’t, er, sway that way. That was all for you. I’m guessing she liked what she saw.”

  “Oh.” That put the head-to-toe look Belinda had given Meg in the doorway in different perspective.

  “I’m rather hoping you’re not interested.”

  Guys usually thought it was hot for women to be into women, at least until they were left for one. “Does she usually flirt with your girlfriends, Sir?” Am I a girlfriend? And how many girls has he brought here, anyway?

  “It’s happened before. Usually her sense of whether they’ll flirt back is pretty good.”

  “Not this time, Sir,” said Meg. One experiment in college had been enough. But obviously the answer to how many girls he’d brought here was more than a few. She opened her mouth to question him on that, but the waiter appeared, dressed in a traditional jacket and black bow tie.

  “Good evening. Are you ready to order?”

  “Yes,” said Garrett. Meg was sorry she’d gotten distracted by Belinda from the whole issue of him ordering. Although it was kind of romantic, in a pushy kind of way. From what she’d seen of Garrett, romantic in a pushy kind of way seemed to describe him well.

  “What will the lady be having?” The waiter didn’t even look at Meg.

  “She’ll have the shrimp scampi. And we’ll share a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, please.”

  Meg loved shrimp scampi. And Sauvignon Blanc was her favorite white wine.

  “And for you, sir?” asked the waiter.

  “Salmon Florentine, please.”

  “Very good, sir.” He whisked away Garrett’s menu.

  “Do you order for all your dates?” She still didn’t know how he’d managed to pick a dish she loved and her favorite wine, but the idea he did this all the time and gotten under her skin.

  “Meg. It was a difficult day at work, wasn’t it?” Garrett looked her in the eye.

  “A bit.” She frowned, wondering how he knew. “And that was your fault. Because of your letter. It had me wondering and that had me distracted and I’m not used to being distracted.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind and try to avoid distracting you at work. Although the idea of you thinking sexy thoughts during the day is kind of attractive. Were they sexy thoughts?”

  Meg blushed. “Some of them.” Like the one of you and me in the supply closet and you pulling up my skirt and bending me over. Yes.

  “Good. However, work is done. If you want to talk about work, we can do that. If you want to have me show you more about dominance and submission, we can do that, too. We don’t yet know each other well enough to be able to do both at the same time. In fact, if we’re going to do the latter, I don’t want to hear one word about work, yours or mine.”

  “I don’t want to talk about work.”

  “Well, then. The alternative is why you’re here, yes?”

  She nodded. She wouldn’t have agreed to a weeknight date with anyone and Garrett was right. Because she was curious about him as a Dom, she’d gone along. “Yes. Yes, Sir.”

  “Good. Then drop the attitude and we’ll have a wonderful time.” He reached over and took her hands and held them in his. “I promise, Meg.”

  She bit her lip. “I still don’t understand why you would order for me when you don’t know me well enough to know what I like.”

  “Was I right? I’m a very good observer and I often pick up on cues people don’t know they’re giving. It’s served me well tending bar at my pub and as a Dom.”

  “You couldn’t observe that, Sir,” Meg insisted.

  “Correct.” He smiled. “Sometimes it’s nice to have a mystery. But I’ll pull back the veil if you think that would help you.”

  She nodded. She wanted to let go and let him take charge. But it was hard. “Yes please, I think it would. Sir.”

  “It’s simple. I called Jannah and asked her what you liked to eat and drink. And I told Frederick ahead of time I’d be ordering for you.”

  She smiled. Jannah. Of course. Jannah still wants me to get together with Garrett because she doesn’t want me to get with Karl. “Thank you for explaining, Sir.” She was getting used the salutation and he was right. It was good for her, in part because it took her out of the headspace she was in from work. She didn’t have to call anyone Sir there, or anything but their first name, but she was being called ma’am all the time.

  I’m still not that submissive. But since it’s fun, I’ll do it.

  “Did you need to use your safe word with regards to any of my directions, Meg?”

  Right. Safeword. I could have worn the panties after all. Still, she was pleased and strangely proud to be able to say, “No, Sir.”

  “Now normally I wouldn’t explain this because I’d want you to trust me. But Frederick is far away, no one else is going to approach us and while my seat has a great view of the restaurant, yours is quite private. So stand up and show me you followed directions.”

  He didn’t mean… “Excuse me, Sir?”

  “Stand up and show me you aren’t wearing panties. If you wait, I can’t guarantee what I said about Frederick will be true anymore, so do hurry. I could come over and check for myself.”

  He would, too. She stood up, although not completely because the table was in the way. But she could at least get up high enough for the purpose. She lifted her skirt quickly and flashed him.

  He smiled. “Good girl.”

  She let her skirt drop, feeling like all the blood had rushed to her face and neck.

  “You know, you’re a lovely shade of pink. It suits you. I think I’m going to enjoy making you blush.”

  “Oh, this once was enough, Sir.” But part of her warmed to what he said. He had plans for more than the moment and she was part of them. She didn’t know how she was going to juggle both him and Karl, especially if she went back to Iron Butterfly, but she knew she didn’t want to give up either of them.

  “Oh, I don’t think so.”

  “Can I sit down now, Sir?”

  “Yes. You’d best, Frederick is on his way back with the wine.”

  Sh
e sat down in a hurry.

  Frederick was there a moment later, with the wine and a basket full of different kinds of bread. She was grateful for the distraction. It gave her time to calm herself. Deep breaths.

  “So did you enjoy your evening with Karl?”

  In her experience, the last thing most dates wanted to hear about was a previous partner, much less a current one, so the question took her aback. “The flogging? Yes, that was good. I could do that again, Sir.” Would Garrett flog her the way Karl had?

  “I meant Saturday.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “Jannah’s been talking?” For her friend to tell Garrett what she liked to eat was fine. But she didn’t appreciate having a confidence shared.

  Garrett shook his head. “Karl didn’t mention you by name, or say much, so don’t be angry with him. He said he had an amazing night with a woman who enjoyed some pain and I made an intelligent guess.” He held up his hand, stilling her protest. “Don’t worry. I’m not jealous.”

  “You’re not?” Meg found that hard to believe.

  “Karl does things I wouldn’t do. I do things differently. You need to find out for yourself what suits you.”

  “Do you ever flog girls, Sir?”

  “Sometimes. But it’s not my thing. What I want isn’t masochism, it’s submission and what’s the point of having you submit to something I don’t enjoy doing when there are other, more pleasurable activities?”

  That made sense, she supposed. And yet she wanted it all. “Would you flog me if I wanted it?”

  He waited.

  “Sir.”

  “Possibly. If you’d been a very good girl, as a reward. But would it be satisfying to you, if it wasn’t turning me on?”

  She sipped her wine, buying time to think. What Karl had done to her physically definitely gave her a charge, but so did his enthusiasm. The notion that he might make me take more because he’s a sadist. The fact that it makes him hard. She took another sip. “Some,” she said. “I think. I’m new at this, Sir. But not as much, you’re right.”

  “You are new at this and you’ll discover what you like in time and through experience. Do you know what a service top is?”