North Pole Reform School

by Admans, Jaimie

  “I want to go outside! I want to build a snowman! Look, all the other kids are out there. I wanna goooo!”

  “I know, Ols, but you can’t until your bandages come off. You know what the doctor said.”

  “It’s not fair!”

  “It’s only until your burns are healed. It’ll pass in no time, you’ll see.”

  Oh no. I knew the little boy looked familiar. Last time I saw him, he was being carted off in an ambulance. Because of me. Because of that stupid school Christmas tree.

  A timer starts going off.

  “Time to change your dressings,” his mum says.

  The boy starts crying.

  “Oh, please don’t cry, Ols. It’ll be over before you know it.”

  “But it hurts,” he wails.

  “I know it does, but it won’t take long. You know it was the only way we could have you home for Christmas, otherwise you would have had to stay in hospital and have your bandages changed in there four times a day. We have to prevent infection and stop the skin sticking as it grows back.”

  I shudder.

  I feel quite sick actually.

  I did that. That boy is in pain and that family is going to have a rotten Christmas because of me.

  “Don’t you think we feel bad enough?” I stand up and shout at Noelle. “We don’t need to see this!”

  “Actually, it’s exactly what you need to see. Please sit back down, Mistletoe.”

  I grumble, but I do sit down again.

  “This is like a sodding Christmas Carol, this is,” Luke says. “You’re gonna be bringing out some ghosts in a minute.”

  “No ghosts,” Noelle says. “Just a slideshow now.”

  She fiddles with the remote again. “Damn thing is playing up today,” she mutters.

  Eventually the screen is filled with a picture of a smiling family.

  “No,” Luke says quietly.

  It takes me a while to realise that the smiling family sitting around a dinner table is Luke’s. He’s a young boy, reaching over for a piece of turkey. A baby girl sits in a high chair, clapping. His mum and dad are smiling at each other.

  It’s replaced by another picture. This time it’s of me as a little girl sitting on my father’s lap. He’s dressed as Santa of course, and we’re in his grotto at the supermarket. We both look happy. I’m waving a reindeer-antler headband around. I must have liked Christmas then.

  The next photo is of Luke again. He’s got a Santa hat on, and he’s making a “shh” motion at whoever is behind the camera. He has a bulging stocking in his hand, and he’s pushing open the door to what is obviously his sister’s bedroom.

  “I used to deliver her presents,” he whispers to me.

  I nod.

  The next picture is of me and my sister, sitting in the middle of the living room floor in a sea of torn wrapping paper. The whole family are sitting around and watching us with smiles on their faces. It’s clearly Christmas Day, and looking at the picture, I can’t remember why it was ever that bad.

  More photos pop up. They all show the same thing. Luke and me looking happy with our families at Christmas.

  And this is the last thing they choose to show us before we leave tomorrow.

  Sneaky bastards, those elves.

  “That’s it,” Noelle announces. She points the remote at the screen and presses a few buttons.

  “Oh dear, it appears to be stuck. Hang on.” She jabs at the remote again, and eventually the pictures of us disappear and various shots of the village come up.

  “What is this, like, CCTV or something?” Luke asks.

  “Exactly, yes, this is one of the— Blimey, the zombies are eager today!”

  I jump in my seat as a black-and-white CCTV video comes up. It’s of outside the dome. The camera is inside—you can tell it’s filming through the glass—but there are zombies everywhere. They’re milling around outside. Some are doing the same swaying movement that Luke and I had seen the other night.

  “Are there usually that many of them?” Luke asks.

  “No, it’s quite unusual. They’re out there, for sure, but they don’t usually come this close to the dome.”

  “Well, they certainly are today.”

  “They can probably smell that we have humans in. Obviously we don’t have humans here very often—it’s just elves and the zombies don’t seem very interested in elves. Santa is the only human around here.”

  “I hear that’s debateable,” Luke says.

  Noelle laughs. “We’re forbidden from speaking badly about the boss.”

  “Of course you are.”

  “Those zombies,” I say. “Should we worry about them?”

  “Oh, no, dear. Of course not. They can’t get in.”

  “Even that many of them?”

  “Our glass is indestructible.”

  I nod even though I don’t feel very reassured.

  “I’m sorry,” Noelle says. “You weren’t supposed to see that. Please don’t let it bother you. We’re quite used to them around here. They’re not doing any harm.”

  “I think that dance may say otherwise,” Luke says.

  “I didn’t know the village was under surveillance too.”

  “It’s only a recent development. The new Santa decided we weren’t keeping a close enough eye on things.”

  “Of course he did.” Luke grunts.

  Noelle manages to get the zombie images turned off the screen and smiles at us brightly. “I do believe that this completes your reformation. Congratulations, and enjoy your last night here.”

  Luke gives her a wink. “We will.”

  CHAPTER 23

  “Luke, Mistletoe, it’s time to see Santa!” Tinsel squeals happily as she opens the door. “It’s graduation day!”

  We know it’s graduation day. First thing this morning, Tinsel came to collect Joe and took him to see Santa. He didn’t return.

  “Joe has graduated,” Tinsel announced merrily when she came to collect Emily and Hugo for their graduation ceremony. “He has been sent home to his family to share a nice Christmas with them for a change.”

  We trudge across to Santa’s headquarters in the snow. “Hugo and Emily graduated with honours,” Tinsel tells us. “They’re even going to stay in touch. Turns out they don’t live far from each other. Isn’t that nice? Your turn next!”

  “Anyone would think you’d be glad to see the back of us,” Luke mutters.

  “Of course not, but it’s always nice to see a successful end to another reform group.”

  “Well, I’ll be glad to get out of here,” he says. “No offence or anything.”

  She grins at him. Clearly she will be glad to see the back of us.

  Inside, we’re summoned to approach Santa. He sits at an antique-looking wooden desk with Mrs Claus standing at one side of him. Navi waits on the other side, and Tinsel directs us to stand in front of the desk before joining him.

  “Ho, ho, ho,” Santa says, but it doesn’t sound like a laugh. It sounds like a bored guy who hates his job.

  “Luke Wyatt. Mistletoe Bell. It’s graduation day,” Santa says. “At least, it was graduation day, until I read your case files this morning.”

  “What?” Luke glares at him.

  “You two are charged with attempting to start a coup. Against me, no less. How dare you?”

  “What?” It’s my turn to ask.

  Santa reads from the papers in front of him. “Putting naughty children on the nice list, encouraging the letter writer to betray me—”

  “That hardly counts as betrayal,” Luke interrupts him.

  “Interrupting Santa,” Santa continues. “Harassing the Elf and Safety advisor—”

  “We didn’t harass him—”

  “Further interrupting of Santa. We’ve even got reports of you actively encouraging the zombies.”

  “We didn’t encourage them. One tried to eat us.”

  “Which it wouldn’t have done if you hadn’t been poking the glass. Trying to b
reak out, no doubt.”

  “No, we—”

  “This is extremely unreformed behaviour.” Santa glares at us. “Therefore, you will not be graduating today. You have let down yourselves and your fellow classmates, who have completed their stay and are currently on their way home to enjoy Christmas with their families. It is the twenty-second of December. Thanks to your horrendous behaviour during your stay here, you will now not get to enjoy Christmas with your families. So I hope you are pleased with yourselves to have let them down too. You will now stay here until you can learn to behave properly. Given your track record, I predict that to be sometime around July.”

  “Santa, if I may,” Tinsel starts to say.

  “This case is closed. You will not graduate. I am Santa and my word is the law. You will not argue with me.”

  “Oh, yes I bloody well will,” Luke says. “You can’t do this to us. You have no right. You—”

  “Navidad, your wand.” Santa holds his open hand out to Navi.

  “Santa, no,” Navi protests.

  “Your wand!” Santa bellows, and Navi meekly puts the candy-cane in his hand.

  “You, my boy, need to learn some manners. Part elf too. You’re a disgrace.”

  With that, Santa aims the candy-cane at Luke and a bolt of bright red sparks hits him square in the chest.

  “Luke!” I shriek as he flies backwards across the room. I start to go to him.

  “Move and you’re next, girlie,” Santa tells me.

  “I’m fine,” Luke mutters, getting to his feet.

  “Of course you are. I only hit you with the elf bolt. Next time it will be the human bolt, and you won’t be getting up for days after that,” Santa growls. “You pair are pathetic. You think you can come here and start a revolution. You really think the elves like you more than they like me? Hah! I’m Santa. Everyone loves me. Everyone!”

  He storms from the room, and Mrs Claus casts us an I’m sorry glance but follows him out timidly.

  “Bloody hell. Luke, are you okay?” I run to his side.

  “Fine. That fucking burns though.” He rubs at his chest.

  “He can’t do that to us, can he?” I turn to Tinsel and Navi, who have come over to take us back to our quarters with sad looks on their faces.

  “He’s Santa,” Navidad says. “He can do as he pleases.”

  “Yes, and he damn well knows it,” Luke says. “This is ridiculous. I can’t stay here.”

  “You have no choice, dear boy. If Santa hasn’t signed the graduation form then you cannot leave.”

  “But we can’t stay,” I add. “We’ve done everything you asked of us. We didn’t try to start a coup or whatever he thinks. The only thing we did was encourage Jingle to write his own name on his letters, and we read through the naughty and nice cases and put them on the correct list.”

  “Santa doesn’t see it that way. He thinks you’re trying to start a riot. He knows he isn’t very popular amongst the elves and he sees you as trying to start the fire that turns them against him.”

  “We haven’t done anything wrong. The only reason the elves don’t like him is because he’s a total bastard.”

  “Oh, no doubt,” Tinsel says. “Santa is supposed to be in the job for the love of Christmas. This Santa is only in it for the power. We made a mistake in hiring him last year, we can see that now, but we have no cause to fire him. He would bring an unlawful dismissal lawsuit bigger than an avalanche down on our heads if we even tried.”

  “I can’t stay.” Luke is still rubbing over his chest where the bolt hit.

  I grab his hand and pull it away. “Stop it, you’ll make it worse.”

  He gives me a soft smile and keeps hold of my hand instead of dropping it as I thought he would.

  He squeezes it as we walk back towards our quarters.

  Tinsel and Navi stop at the door. “Tomorrow Santa has to do a trial run with the reindeer and the sleigh. Most of the elves will be occupied with that, so I’m not sure what your schedule will be. Someone will come to get you in the morning. Probably Jingle would like your help again, especially now that Emily has left.”

  “I’m sorry about this,” Navi says. “I genuinely did think you’d graduate today. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three left will.”

  “I think you’ve both done really well here,” Tinsel says kindly. “Better than I expected when you first came. But I’m afraid we can’t fight Santa. He’s the boss.”

  “He’s a bad boss,” Luke mutters. “He probably beats Mrs Claus, did you think of that?”

  “If you’re in charge of hiring and firing, surely you must be able to do something? Can’t you get rid of him for job unsuitability or something?” I ask.

  “There’s no such thing, Mistletoe,” Tinsel says kindly. “He’s here to stay now, at least until he does something unforgivably wrong or decides to retire.”

  “Yeah, I can see that happening,” Luke grunts. “Power-hungry bastard.”

  They send us in and Wenceslas waves us sadly back up to our room.

  The door locks behind us with a menacing click.

  CHAPTER 24

  No one comes to get us the next morning. In fact, everything is suspiciously quiet. Luke and I are sitting on the sofa watching Christmas with the Kranks for lack of anything else to do. It’s strange without Emily, Joe, and Hugo here too. Things are quiet.

  “Maybe they forgot that we’re still here,” Luke says.

  Suddenly there is a flurry of activity. An alarm starts shrieking out across the village, so loud that we have to cover our ears. I run to the windows, but they’re still covered by a snowdrift.

  “MAYDAY! MAYDAY! ALL ELVES REPORT TO SANTA HEADQUARTERS IMMEDIATELY! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!”

  It’s a loudspeaker, the voice of an elf blasting across the village.

  “Something’s wrong,” I say to Luke.

  “Jeez, you think?”

  “MAYDAY! MAYDAY!”

  “Hey, Mis, the door is open.” Luke has gone to try the handle of the door to our quarters and found that it swings open in front of him. It’s never been unlocked before.

  “Come on,” he says, and I follow him.

  “Hey, Wenceslas,” Luke shouts as we run down the stairs.

  The desk is empty. Wenceslas is nowhere to be seen. In all the days we’ve been here, I have never seen that desk empty.

  When Luke goes to try the front door, we find it’s open too. The siren is still shrieking out and a voice is still shouting.

  “MAYDAY! ALL ELVES REPORT TO SANTA HEADQUARTERS IMMEDIATELY! ALL ELVES TO SANTA HEADQUARTERS IMMEDIATELY!”

  When we step out into the snow, it’s enough to send a shiver down my spine. The village is empty. It’s like a ghost town. There’s no music playing. There are no elves. Even the Christmas lights are switched off.

  “This is like bloody Silent Hill,” Luke says as he looks around.

  “Where is everyone?” I ask.

  “Well, I’d guess that they’ve all gone to Santa Headquarters, wouldn’t you?”

  “Should we go too?”

  “I don’t… Mis, look around. If we want to escape, now is the time to do it.”

  “You’re saying we should leave?”

  “I’m saying that Santa’s on a sleigh run. The top of the dome is probably open. I’m saying there is no one around to stop us. If Wenceslas isn’t on the desk, then I’m betting Winter isn’t in the stables. We could take a reindeer and get out of here. Right now.”

  “Luke…”

  “No more questions. No more ‘Eh, Santa’s got to sign the graduation form, oh and by the way, Santa hates you.’ No more elves. We could do it. We could go now.”

  “MAYDAY! MAYDAY!”

  The siren blasts out as I think about what he’s saying. He’s right. This is probably the one and only time we will have a chance of escaping. Santa does hate us. Santa might not sign the graduation form until July. He might not sign it ever.

  But what about the elves?
/>   “Something’s wrong, Luke,” I say again. “We can’t just leave them. It could be serious.”

  “There are like, three thousand of them. I’m sure they can deal with it.”

  “No. No, this is wrong. Something is happening. Something bad. They don’t start shouting mayday and sounding alarms for no reason. Maybe we can help. I’m going to Santa Headquarters. Please, will you come?”

  Luke rolls his eyes in defeat. “Can’t blame a guy for trying.”

  I grin at him and we make our way through the empty streets and go into the building we came out of yesterday.

  If we thought the empty streets were creepy, this is worse. Every elf in the entire village is standing in the foyer. The door clatters shut behind us and at least a thousand pairs of eyes turn our way.

  Tinsel and Navidad are standing at the top of the staircase, and beside them is Noelle, fiddling with a TV screen.

  Garland, the maintenance army elf is near the back of the crowd, and he makes his way over to us.

  “Morning, my little cucumbers,” he says.

  “What’s going on?”

  “We’re not sure yet. All we know is Santa’s in trouble.”

  “Winter has not yet returned,” Tinsel announces. “We’re trying to establish a link with the sleigh camera. Everyone stay calm until we have some further information.”

  “Where’s Winter gone?” Luke hisses to Garland.

  “He’s taken Rudolph Jr and gone out to look for Santa.”

  “Where’s Santa?”

  “If only we knew,” Garland mutters.

  Navidad is on the phone where he’s standing next to Tinsel. “Oh no. Oh no. This is very bad. Very, very, bad.” He shakes his head sadly.

  “What?” One of the elves shouts.

  “I’m hearing of stockings stuffed with reindeer body parts and half-eaten hamsters,” he tells us before turning his attention back to the phone. “Oh no. What was that? A dog, you say?”

  Navi turns back to us. “It would appear that Santa has changed his eating habits from milk and cookies to family pets.”

  “What?”

  I hear the word zombies sweep through the crowd of elves.

  “Yes!” Noelle bangs the table in victory. “I’ve got a link to the sleigh cam!”