Raising Attabury: A Contemporary Christian Epic-Novel (The Grace Series Book 5)

by Stallings, Staci

  Blinking the shock of that information down, Eric scowled. “No. I didn’t know that.”

  “Only a couple years ago. She was pregnant with Nat when it happened.” Dani’s gaze jumped back to Jaden who wasn’t even visible in the darkness. “So hard to even imagine, you know? You fall in love, get married, have a couple kids, and then one day…”

  The shift was palpable though he didn’t quite understand it. A second and her gaze slipped over to him.

  “I don’t… I don’t know what I’d even do without you.”

  The abject tenderness and vulnerability of the statement yanked his heart to a full stop, and he looked over at her. Gently he reached over and took her hand. “Let’s hope you never have to find out.”

  Derek and Jaycee hadn’t made it in by the time they were ready for bed, so they left a light on in the living room. Dani couldn’t explain it, but she was glad they weren’t at home in Raleigh with other things to be doing. Somehow being with him was comforting in a way she hadn’t felt it be in a long time.

  In bed, she looked over at him. “So you’re leaving early tomorrow?”

  “Yeah.”

  She nodded as the wish that she could just talk with him washed over her. However, she didn’t know how, so she rolled over. “Okay.” Pain jabbed into her heart, but she beat it back. “Good night.”

  “’Night.”

  The next morning when he traipsed outside their bedroom, Eric found the table empty and the living room light still on. Worry cascaded over and through him, and he strode down the hall to the master bedroom only to find the door open and it too empty. The worry took a nosedive into panic. Thinking through his limited options, he yanked out his cell phone and dialed Luke, thankful that Caleb had thought to give him everyone’s number just in case.

  “This is Luke?” It was clear by the sound of the question that Luke didn’t know who this might be.

  “Luke, hey,” Eric said, trying to keep his voice quiet and at least semi-calm. “This is Eric Richardson. Listen, I’m over here at Derek and Jaycee’s. Uh, they were supposed to come in last night, but I just got up, and they’re not here.”

  “What? Seriously? I thought… Okay. Hang on. I’ll give them a call.”

  “K. Call me back when you find something out.”

  “Yeah. I will.”

  When he hung up, Eric ducked into the master once again and turned on the light just to make sure. But not a single thing had been touched. Closing his eyes on the fear that knifed into him, he fought to breathe. “God, please, let them be okay.”

  Chapter 16

  Eating was about the least appealing idea on the planet as Eric went through the living room to click off the light and then to the kitchen to make something for breakfast. Breakfast. Who could eat at a time like this? “God, please…”

  His gaze brushed the clock, and he knew he had to get himself together. He was supposed to be at the pastor’s in 20 minutes. A bowl. It was by sheer force of will that he got himself to think through getting out the cereal. Unfortunately, the cereal was in the bowl before he thought to look for milk. No milk.

  Okay. Plan B.

  Leaning against the cabinet, he crunched on the dry cereal, not tasting it anyway. His body felt like it had a vise grip squeezing his chest so he almost couldn’t swallow. Without warning, his mind jumped to the highway as the pickup swerved in front of him. He crunched faster, the panic knotting tighter and tighter. He should have probably called Caleb. Maybe he knew something, but then again, what would he tell him now? He didn’t even know anything.

  “Morning,” Dani said as she walked by the opening to the hallway. However, when she saw him, her face fell in confusion. “I thought you’d be long gone by now.”

  He looked at the clock but didn’t really see it. “Yeah, uh…” The rest of that thought slipped completely away from him.

  “What?” She glanced down the hallway before taking a step toward him. “What’s wrong?”

  Did any of this make any sense? He looked at her and couldn’t tell. The breath made his head swim. “It’s just… Derek and Jaycee didn’t make it in last night.”

  Her eyes went wide and then wider still. “What? What do you mean? They’re not here?”

  The word could hardly come out of him. “No.”

  “You checked? You looked?”

  “Yeah.” Anger at his own helplessness sliced through him. “They’re not here.”

  “Well, that makes no sense. Where would they…?”

  His cell phone went off, and he nearly slung the bowl to the cabinet which caught it with a clang. He took one glance at the phone and swiped it on. “It’s Luke.”

  Standing there in utter shell-shocked bewilderment, Dani walked over, leaned on the sink, and crossed her arms as she listened to him.

  “You did?” Eric took a long, steadying breath, and Dani felt the relief as well. “Okay. Good. Good. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I’m glad. Great. Okay. Yeah. I’ll be there. Thanks. K. See ya in a little bit.” And he hung up and took another long breath before looking over at her sheepishly. “Sounds like Jaycee got food poisoning or something. They’ve decided to skip this weekend and let her get some rest.”

  The relief felt better than even she had realized it would. “Oh, thank goodness.” Then, she really saw him, head down, not looking at her. Softness for him wafted across her heart. She had no idea how he would take it, if he would brush her off or what, but her steps carried her over to him, and her heart followed.

  Right in front of him, she gathered up her bravery and put her hands on his crossed arms. “You okay?”

  The horrible answer to that question met her when his gaze did. She tilted her head in quiet understanding. “Oh, baby.” Her arms went around him, and after only a second, he latched onto her and held on tight. She couldn’t quite fathom the desperation he clung to her with. Somehow she hadn’t envisioned him falling apart like this over nearly anything. Over this? That surprised her more than she wanted to admit.

  After a very long minute, he came up from her, sniffed hard, and holding his gaze away from her shook his head. “I’d better get going. They’re gonna be waiting on me.”

  Dani nodded though she wasn’t at all sure that was the best idea in the whole world. “Okay. You gonna be okay getting up to town?”

  He laughed softly. “Yeah.” Then she knew he was struggling because he pulled her into another hug. “I’ll be fine.”

  It was a very good thing for the drive to Ridgemount because it took the whole way to get himself put back together. Why the morning’s events had shaken him so badly, he couldn’t quite tell. In the pastor’s office, he found the other guys talking quietly. He had to studiously keep his gaze off them so he wouldn’t lose it again.

  “Morning,” the pastor said to him, “we’re glad you could make it. Luke told us what happened.”

  “Yeah,” Eric said, barely managing to sound unfazed by it. “Got my attention, I’ll tell ya that.”

  “Well, come on in. Let’s go ahead and get started.”

  Seriously hoping they wouldn’t all think him crazy for sounding the alarms over what turned out to be nothing, he went over and sat with the others. A moment and he remembered the cell phone, took it out and handed it to the pastor who put it under his chair with the others.

  “So, let’s start with a prayer,” Pastor Steve said, and he said a few words that Eric had to really concentrate on to get. Prayer finished, the pastor looked around at all of them. “Well, welcome back. I don’t know about all of you, but it’s been quite a week around here.” He shook his head. “Jane and I have been having some… well, some interesting discussions to say the least. Not about what we’ve talked about here, exactly. I mean, not about what you all have shared but about what I’m getting out of it and bouncing things off her to get her perspective.”

  He paused and grew sheepish. “Okay, I’m not going to lie. This whole thing is doing some work on me too. The putting the cell phone thing dow
n wasn’t too hard for me, but this last week…” He cleared his throat and shifted forward in the chair. His gaze slid around to each of them before falling again. “As a pastor, you’re kind of trained on the how to love people thing. It’s your life’s work, or it’s supposed to be. But this week, being challenged to really love those closest to me, at home.” He shrugged. “I didn’t think that was going to be so hard, but it’s really turned into a project.”

  The others all sat silently, trying to figure out how deep this might go and looking more uncomfortable by the second.

  “Okay,” the pastor finally said. “The truth is, I got really brave, or stupid, one night and I just asked Jane pointblank what I could do to make her feel most loved.” He put up his hands. “Now I got her permission to share this with y’all, so don’t think I’m talking out of turn or breaking a confidence or anything. Honestly, at first I’m not sure she even really knew how to answer me, but then one night she asked if I was serious about wanting to know.” He smiled ruefully. “Not sure I wanted to know that bad, but I said yes, I did.” Sliding his hands back and forth together, he squinted into the words. “I’m still trying to figure out how best to put this into words, so I’m just going to say it, and you all can get out of it what you can.”

  They all nodded, and Eric braced himself for what was coming.

  “Okay, apparently we kind of get it backward as guys,” the pastor said. “We, I think naturally, go to the physical part of the relationship. We go out, change the world, work, whatever, and when we come home, we just want to relax and be taken care of. That means a nicely-kept house, well-behaved kids, a nice meal, and well, time with her in the bedroom when everything else settles down.” His ears tinted a little pink, and Eric wondered just how uncomfortable the good pastor was sharing this. “The problem seems to be that they’re not like that. For one thing, they’ve had a hard day too. They’ve given to the children, to the community, to their work. They’ve given until they’re pretty much bone-dry, and what to us feels like filling back up, to them can feel like trying to give when they’re all out of emotional juice to give to anyone else.”

  The pastor took a breath. “At first, I wanted to argue with her, but then she said it like this, ‘What is it like when you’ve been out all day, taking care of people, and you come home and I need you to take care of the kids or help with homework or make supper because I’m going to be gone? Doesn’t it feel like you might not make it through this because you’re so unbelievably tired?’ And, I have to admit, that is how it feels. I mean, I don’t know about you, but I want to think I’m there for my family. I make it a point to be home for supper, go to games, to provide, but when she said that, I really had to ask myself if I’m really there for them or if it’s more that they’re there for me, to fill my need-bucket at the end of the day.

  “She talked about how when I come home, and she needs to talk about something, I’m not always attentive because I’ve been talking to people all day. I can’t say I’ve ever really thought about that before, but I do see what she’s talking about.” His head hung low once again. “So I come home, expect her to fill me up and let me relax after my day. I don’t really talk to her except to ask if she got the bill paid or if somebody called. Then, when we get in bed…” He shook his head. “Well, you know.”

  Swallowing, he let out a breath. “It’s really hard to admit it, but I’ve been trying to love the world while essentially neglecting my own wife.” He lifted his chin and sniffed. “Fortunately, she did give me a few insights on how to stop doing that, so, for what it’s worth to you guys, here’s what she told me. There are apparently about five or six ways to love someone.” Picking up his hand, he ticked them off his fingers. “Talking to them. Spending time with them—actually spending time, not just being in the same room on your cell phone or whatever. Giving them gifts—big or little. Touching them without the whole bedroom thing in mind. And caring for them or like doing nice things for them. She said that the thing she thinks most women want is to feel safe, like she’s not on her own with stuff, like you’re protecting her and helping her. Can she trust you with things, or do you let her down and she begins to think she just needs to deal with everything on her own? Or worse, criticize her for how she does things, so she gets the message that it’s easier not to tell you, not to ask for your help. That that would be easier for everybody.

  “She said it’s hard because when I do things and it causes a fight because it took my time or I get upset because it was harder than I thought it was going to be, she hears that as it’s her fault and she should just handle it so I’m not upset.” He shook his head. “Sorry. I’m trying to get this all processed and say it so it makes sense, but I’m not even sure it does right now.”

  “No,” Luke said, pulling his arm up on the chair and straightening. “I hear what you’re saying. Sage keeps telling me about stuff that needs fixed in the house, and when I don’t get to it, she calls someone else to fix it. That’s happened more than once, and then I get upset because she spent the money to get someone else to do it when I could’ve done it.”

  “Except you didn’t,” Greg said with a nod that Luke returned reluctantly. A second and Greg laughed softly. “Don’t feel bad. I’m right there with you. The van’s had a funny knock to it for… oh, I don’t know how long. I kept telling Em I would take it in on a Saturday, but I guess I never really got it done. The other day she took it in. She told me she’d gotten it fixed, and when I asked how much it was… Well, let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.”

  “What is that?” Eric asked before he thought about not. “I mean, I hear you. Couple weeks ago I told Dani I’d go get Ja from school. No big deal, right? Except when I got there, they wouldn’t even give her to me. They had to call Dani to get her permission to let me take Jaden from school.” He shook his head. “I mean, I get it now. You can’t just let the kid go with some dude that shows up once, but…” He swiped at his nose as he ducked his head. “Okay, this is gonna sound really bad, but when I got home, I let her have it.”

  “Dani?” Caleb asked with concern.

  Slowly Eric nodded not just his head but his neck and shoulders as well. “Yep. Both barrels. Why wasn’t I on the list? How embarrassing it was to have to get her permission. The whole nine yards.” He let out a breath. “It really wasn’t her fault, but I guess it felt good to make her feel as bad as I did about it.”

  “You weren’t on the list because…?” the pastor said.

  A short shrug and Eric snorted. “Because I’d never really wanted to be bothered with picking her up before, so Dani didn’t bother to put me on the list.”

  “Ouch,” Caleb said.

  “Yeah. Ouch.” Thinking it through now, Eric’s spirit caved. “Not only could I not be bothered with picking Ja up, I couldn’t even be a man about why it happened. It was just so much easier to blame Dani for it.”

  The pastor nodded. “That’s exactly the kind of thing Jane was talking about, how they need to feel protected and safe and taken care of, and too often we’re the ones shredding their feelings of security. For us, making love makes us feel loved. For them, they have to feel loved and taken care of first, and that makes them feel like making love. Otherwise, they just feel used, like you only need them to fill your needs but you aren’t even trying to fill theirs.”

  For a long moment, the room got stone-cold silent.

  “This assignment isn’t going to be easy, is it?” Greg asked with a good amount of dread to the question.

  “I’m afraid to even ask,” Luke said with apprehension snaking through the statement.

  “Gentlemen,” the pastor said, “I think it’s time to start loving them the way they need us to.” He tipped his head. “And may I just, right now before we say even one more thing, ask for prayers for me doing that because I can see this crashing and burning already.”

  “Me too,” Luke said.

  “Who knew marriage would turn out to be this big of a challenge?” G
reg said.

  “And I thought getting to ‘I do” was hard,” Caleb said.

  Eric shook his head. “I don’t think we’ve seen anything yet.”

  “I sure hope Jaycee is all right,” Dani said as she and Rachel got to work on the armoire. The intricate wood carving on the front of it was not going to be easy to sand and refinish. She took one look at the doors and laughed. “I’m going to let you do that part.”

  “Gee thanks.” Rachel grinned and got to work as Dani tackled the side which was just a flat piece of dark-stained wood.

  “No problem.” Her heart lightened as she ran the sandpaper over and over the uneven finish. “You know that handrail really did turn out amazing. Where did you learn to do this stuff anyway?”

  “My dad. We used to do projects out here for hours. Wood, metal, welding. Didn’t matter, just so we could be together.”

  “He sounds great.”

  The pause told Dani not to ask anymore.

  “Yeah. He was.” The soft sound of the paper sliding over the wood overtook everything. Bending the other way, Rachel kept working. “He passed away a couple years ago. Crazy how much I still miss him.”

  Dani’s heart slipped down another couple notches. “I’m sorry.” She thought through what she now knew. “Did he die before…?”

  “Nathan?” Rachel nodded. “Yeah. He and my mom were in a car wreck. That’s why she’s got the walker. Just crazy how fast life can change. One minute you’re one person and the next…” She didn’t finish that, but she didn’t have to.

  Dani felt the quiet pain radiating from her. “Wow. I don’t know how you even keep going after that. I think I’d just fold up the tent and go home.”

  With a shrug, Rachel dug under the little tarnished gold knob. “I couldn’t. I had the kids to think about and mom.”

  The thought of how needy a mom could be raked across Dani’s heart. “You must’ve felt like the last soldier standing.”