Before he could escape or disappear if he was indeed my imagination, I clutched his hand tightly and led him to the couch. When I sat down, he didn’t have much of a choice but to sit as well. There was an unfamiliar hesitancy in his actions that hurt my heart. Before he left—no, before Tyler, he had been so happy and at ease around me. My eyes dropped to where our hands were joined, and I absently ran my fingers along the uncharacteristic callouses and rough skin.
“I’m so glad you came. I didn’t think you got my e-mails and messages, but Kayde, what’s going on with you? You’ve been so distant from me these last five years. You hardly ever talk to me. Hell, you barely spoke to Tyler. And… well, I’m sorry about Christian. I really thought he would come around….” His short huff had me looking over at him. “I really don’t know why he’s holding such a grudge. I wish I could take us all back to the days when we were carefree and close.”
“Those days are long gone, and there’s no use or sense in wishing for things that are unrealistic.” He dropped his head to the back of the couch and his eyes closed. “Time passes, and the choices we make determine our fate. We can’t undo any of that, any more than you can hold water in a net.”
“What happened to you to make you so cynical? You used to be so optimistic and happy, Kayde. Then you up and left for the Marine Corps—out of the blue, I might add—and you cut us all out of your life. Now this negative person I don’t recognize shows up on my doorstep. I don’t understand. Please help me understand.” It may have been stupid, but I just wanted everything back the way it was when Tyler was alive, Kayde was here, and we were all happy. Life’s unfairness was pulling me under like a massive undertow, and it was cracking the fragile grip I still had on my sanity.
“If you had seen and done the things I have, you would understand. But there’s no way in hell I’ll tarnish your goodness with the filth I carry in me. But I didn’t come here to talk about my downfalls and faults. I wanted to make sure there was nothing you needed. Not that there is anything that can make any of this better. I never should have… Fuck.” His voice cracked, and he turned his head slightly away from me.
By sheer instinct, I reached out to cup his face and turn him back toward me until our foreheads rested against each other. Every breath I took was his, and his stormy eyes were the darkest of gray. “Stop. This was out of our hands. It was pure shit luck, but it wasn’t any of our fault.”
Closing his eyes briefly before looking back into mine, he spoke so softly, I barely heard him. “But if I had stayed and joined the police force like we all planned, I could have been here to protect him or save him. I failed him.”
My heart broke for this sweet man who carried so much on his shoulders. Without thought, but trying rashly to offer comfort, I softly pressed my lips to his, tasting the salt of my tears that I hadn’t even realized I had cried.
Suddenly I was pulled to straddle his lap, and he was kissing me in what could only be described as sheer desperation. But I’m not going to lie, it was the most indescribable moment of my life. My entire body felt buoyant, floating free and unfettered. Tingling rippled from the tips of my fingers to the tips of my toes. Breathlessness stole over me, and my chest fluttered as if the butterflies of earlier were made of marble, battering my chest wall, trying to escape. My fingers grasped at his hair to find purchase that the short locks wouldn’t allow.
His hands slid up my back and into my hair where he clutched it tightly in his fingers, pulling my head away and back, exposing my neck to his lips, tongue, and teeth. My chest heaved, and he circled my nipple through the worn T-shirt, suckling until I whimpered. I pressed into him and felt his hardness pulsing against me.
Frantic need poured over me, and my fingers plucked and pulled at his clothing until they skated along his warm skin. A groan escaped him as he licked and sucked my other nipple, the vibrations moving from my breast to my core, causing heat and need to pool. The heat of his tongue made me realize he had lifted my shirt, giving him free access to worship my breasts equally.
“Fucking Christ, you’re as perfect as I always knew you would be.” His whispered words sent fire skittering across my chest, inciting an inferno of need between my legs. My hands slipped down into the waistband of his pants, pushing them down on his hips as I circled his length with my fingers. The silken skin of his cock slid smoothly through my hand as I gripped him tightly. He thrust up into my hand as he moaned my name. He was velvety soft over his rigid length, and I longed to feel it against my tongue.
He gripped the waistband of my sweats and jerked them down as I raised enough to let him slide them farther down. Never in my life was I more thankful for their oversized flexibility.
When I felt the heat of him pressing at my opening, we both froze momentarily. He didn’t so much as blink, and I knew we both held our breath until I dropped down, encasing him in my wet sheath. At that time, our exhales rushed from us with the force of a freight train.
“Holy shit. Sera. Fuck. You… Oh my God.” His disjointed thoughts matched my own; I could only close my eyes and feel. God, nothing had ever felt so good and right in all my life. Being connected to Kayde in this primitive way was like sweet heavenly bliss. For the first time in my life, I felt whole.
“Given Up”—Linkin Park
NEVER IN A BILLION years would I have imagined I would be like this with Sera. It felt like I had waited my entire life for this moment. Every nerve ending in my body screamed in complete and utter satisfaction. Fuck, it was heaven on earth, with my own personal angel actually here in my arms. Burying my face against her neck, I held her tight, preventing her from moving because I knew if she did, I would be lost.
Shit, who was I kidding? I was already lost. She had owned my heart since she was almost four and I was only five. Now she owned my very soul—what was left of it anyway. When she began to fidget and squirm, I held her even tighter until I couldn’t stand it any longer, gripping her hips in a bruising hold.
“Sera. Don’t. Move,” I ground out. She didn’t listen and continued to wiggle on my lap as she whimpered in need. My face still pressed to the curve of her neck and shoulder, I inhaled her sweet, sweet scent, and I was gone. Ruthlessly, I thrust up into her tight, wet heat, raising her up until her perfect tits pressed into my face. When she held my head to her, I savagely suckled her breasts, leaving red marks from my scruff on her smooth, golden skin. My teeth nipped, and then I reverently soothed her with my tongue.
Her pussy wrapped so tight around my cock, I didn’t think I would last five minutes. Each stroke into her was pure, unadulterated rapture. It was unlike anything I’d ever experienced in my entire twenty-four years. Once I started moving in her, I couldn’t stop. She just felt too fucking good. It was like coming home. It was so… right.
It wasn’t just me though, because she rode me just as hard. Frantic need washed like a tidal wave over the two of us as we slammed into each other. The echo of skin hitting skin filled my ears and drove me harder, faster, deeper with each movement. The pleasure continued to build until we were both racing toward the ecstasy that seemed so close, but just out of reach.
My rough hands skimmed over her lush, soft curves. She was perfect. So fucking perfect. Nirvana bloomed on the edge of my senses. So close. In. Almost. Out. Yes. In. Fuuuuuck. There….
My brain barely registered the roar that burst from the depths of my soul when her luscious body tensed against me and her pussy began to pulse around me. Vaguely, I heard her whisper-moan my name. Our emotional pain bled away, and all that was left was euphoria, a relaxing ebb and flow of the tide of our gratification.
Enveloping her in my arms, I held her close, and for the first time since I was a baby, I cried. Tears fell for the boy I used to be, for the loss of my childhood friend, for the loss of the friendship we three boys had, for the hesitation and lack of self-worth that kept me from claiming her for myself back when I was still young and innocent and more deserving of her than I was now. She held me as tightly as
I held her, and without words, she allowed my tears to cleanse my soul. When she pulled back and kissed my face, catching my tears with her tongue, I felt shame.
This beautiful, forgiving angel had allowed me to use her body and then cry over my sorrows when it was she who had lost her husband. One of my best friends.
At that thought, all the goodness and light she had built around me with her selfless acts crumbled, and I felt like the biggest piece of shit that had ever walked the earth.
What the hell had I just done?
Pushing her off me, I stood and jerked my pants up, feeling our combined fluids coating me. Jesus, what the fuck? No. Goddamn it, I was so fucked up. Her face registered surprise and shock at my actions. She should be shocked. I held myself in contempt.
“Kayde,” she began as she righted herself, then stood and took a step toward me. “What just happened?”
“What just happened? We never should have done that, that’s what happened! Oh my God.” My hands laced behind my neck, I paced as I tried to make sense of my actions. If I honestly analyzed my feelings, I truly didn’t feel regret at what we had done, just guilt that I could be so selfish. Because I fucking loved it. In fact, my body wanted her again. And again. And again. Until neither of us could stand. Until there wasn’t a coherent thought in either of our heads. Until she loved me as much as I loved her.
But I also knew that was ridiculous and wishful thinking. I didn’t deserve her. Not in the slightest. She was everything good, and I was everything bad.
“Don’t say that.” Hurt saturated her whispered plea.
“¡Caray! Don’t say that? Don’t say what, Sera? The truth? We shouldn’t have done that. It was wrong of me to do that to you. I defiled you, and I can’t take that back!”
Her hurt morphed to anger. “Are you fucking serious right now? You defiled me? Really? Kayde, you were always one of the sweetest and kindest boys I knew. How could you ‘defile’ me? That’s ridiculous!” Her shouted words only made me angrier.
“Goddamn it, Sera! I’m not the same person I was back then!” I yelled.
“None of us are, Kayde! That’s life!” She was magnificent in her fury.
“You don’t understand the things I’ve done! ¡Dios en el cielo! You deserve better than anything I could give you. Better than anything I am.”
“Stop.” The mixed expression of shock and hurt on her face ripped at my chest.
“No! Jesus fucking Christ, Sera. I just fucked my dead best friend’s wife on the night of his goddamn funeral, for fuck’s sake! What the hell kind of person does that?”
At the word “dead,” she gasped through her teeth.
Pain laced through her every word. “Kayde. You didn’t force me. I’m a grown woman. I have the ability to make my own choices. We needed each other, and we shared something beautiful in that need.” A slender hand reached out and softly slid down my arm, but before she could grasp my hand in hers, I stepped back.
“Then choose to forget about me. Forget this happened. It was fucked up and it was a mistake. I’m sorry. It should’ve never happened.”
Without another glance in her direction, because I was afraid it would be my undoing and I would stay to take her again, I grabbed my boots and walked out her door into the pouring rain, barefoot. Tossing my boots in the passenger side of my Jeep, I climbed in and slammed the door.
Fingers gripping the steering wheel, I willed myself not to look at her, but just like Lot’s wife, I couldn’t resist. As I pulled away, I took one last glance at her standing on her top step, getting drenched in the downpour. Unfortunately, I didn’t turn to salt. Which would have been for the best, because then the rain could have just washed me away.
That last image of her would be burned into my memory for years to come. Despite the rain, I could see the tears that ran down her face as she screamed for me to stop.
Chest aching like someone had cut the last of my heart out, I kept driving. Stopping at my abuela’s long enough to throw my meager belongings in my duffel bag, I didn’t wake anyone to tell them I was leaving. Instead, I grabbed a piece of paper from my grandfather’s desk and jotted down a quick note full of bullshit about having an emergency back at base and having to leave immediately. It would be a long time before I came back, but I didn’t write that. My family meant the world to me, but the fear of what I might do to Sera if I stayed any longer or came back too soon pushed me to go.
She didn’t need my kind of trouble.
It was early the next evening when I pulled up to the address Erik had sent me after I called him to tell him I was almost there. The sky was an overcast dark gray that matched my mood just fine. Wisely, he hadn’t asked why I was showing up so suddenly. The trip had been miserable. Between driving in the damn snow halfway here and no sleep… shit, truthfully, that wasn’t even that bad compared to the fact that the whole fucking drive I smelled her on my skin. The scent of her exotic spicy perfume and sex filled my Jeep. Jesus, I needed a damn shower. ASAP.
Looking out my window, I studied Erik’s family home. The house was an old Victorian house. A big fucking house. Like in my world, it would damn near be a mansion. What the fuck was Jaeger thinking, joining the Marine Corps when his family was obviously rich?
Not my business.
When I looked up, I noticed him standing on the massive porch leaning on his crutches. Giving him a nod, I turned off the ignition and climbed out, stretching my leg, which felt like my muscles had been knotted up into my groin from sitting so long. Reaching for my bag, I decided it could stay in the Jeep for a while; I’d get it later. Tromping through the snow that had accumulated on the sidewalk, I headed toward the warmth of the house.
“Hey, man, the drive okay? Good to have your Jeep back?” Steam cohabited with his words as he spoke. Yeah, that’s fucking cold to me. He leaned his crutches against the side of the house so he could hug me. Hey, it was a manly kind of hug, not some sissified hug. I’m not ashamed to say I loved this guy like the brother I never had.
Looking over my shoulder at my lifted, blacked-out Jeep Wrangler with oversized tires and wheels on it, I grinned. I fucking loved my Jeep. My plans were to modify it for rock crawling. “Yeah, that drive was long as fuck, but it was okay. And hell yeah. It sucked having it stored at my family’s while we were gone. I missed it. You still using your crutches? Thought you’d be going for runs by now.” Giving him shit again made me feel more normal.
“Shit, I try but my mom trips. I walk just fine, but she’s all worried and taking my doctor’s orders to the T. So pretty much I just carry them around and use them when she’s looking.” Snickering, he looked over his shoulder to make sure she wasn’t anywhere around. Trying not to, but failing, I busted out laughing at this grown man being afraid of catching shit from his mom. Aw, who the hell was I kidding? I’d be the same with my abuela.
“Erikson, is this your friend? Why are you making him stand out here? He must be freezing coming here from Texas. Come in! And you better be using those crutches, not just having them hold up the walls.”
Erik looked sheepishly at her before she stepped back and motioned me in. Little did she know, it could get downright fricking freezing in the mountains in Afghanistan, especially at night. But it was definitely colder here than back home. And I fucking hated the cold.
“Yeah, Erikson, get your damn crutches.” Mumbling quietly to him as I walked past him made me grin.
“Man, fuck you. Indigo.”
“Erikson! Language!”
We laughed, and that earned us both a dirty look, which we appeared duly chastised for. Moms were a novelty to me since mine was never around long. “So, are you boys staying here and heading back together? Erickson never told me what his plans were.”
Erik rolled his eyes as he stood behind her where she couldn’t see him. “That’s because he never told me if he was coming for sure until this afternoon, when he was a couple hours out from here.”
His dry reply brought back my reason for
heading up here when I did, and I struggled to swallow the baseball-sized lump in my throat. Never able to get anything past him, I noticed as he narrowed his eyes at my actions.
His mom was oblivious to the unspoken conversation going on behind her as we made our way to the kitchen. “Well, I’ve got coffee or hot chocolate, if you want something warm, or there is beer in the fridge.” Erik’s look of “Are you serious? You won’t let me drink right now!” had me pulling my lips between my teeth to keep from laughing.
“Coffee’s fine, Mrs. Jaeger. Thank you, ma’am.”
“Oh, look at those manners! But please, call me Sheila. There’s sugar on the table and creamer in the fridge.” She bustled around the kitchen, pulling mugs from the cupboard and pressing the button on the Keurig to start my cup of coffee. She handed it to me when it was done, and I held the cup in my cold hands, allowing the heat radiating through the ceramic to warm them. She was right that it was cold out. Not the coldest I’d ever experienced, but cold just the same.
“Thank you, ma’am. I mean Mrs. Sheila. Black is fine though.”
His mom’s blush made her appear like a young girl despite the fine lines around her eyes. She seemed like a kindhearted woman, and I could see several physical resemblances between her and her son. It made me feel the ache of longing for my mother. Not for the first time, I wondered why I was never good enough for my mom and dad to keep.
“Of course! Are you hungry? I could make you something.” She began to rummage around in the refrigerator, already looking for something before I could even answer.
Kayde's Temptation: A Demented Sons MC Novel Page 4
