Somewhere Far Away

by E. L. Todd

  “When I return to New York, I’ll put in a good word for you.”

  She turned my way, and her eyes were heavy with gratitude. “You would do that?”

  “Of course. You’re doing amazing work here. Imagine what you could do with more resources.”

  A small smile stretched her lips, and her brown eyes looked brighter than usual. “Thank you…”

  “Of course,” I said. “It’s the least I can do after everything you’ve done for me.”

  “I’m just doing my job, Cayson.”

  “And I’m thankful you are.”

  She turned off her lantern then got into her sleeping bag. It made swishing noises the entire time until she stopped moving. It was pitch black. Out there in the middle nowhere, there wasn’t a single form of light.

  “Cayson?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Are you happy with your wife?”

  It was the most unusual question I’d ever heard. What provoked her to say that? “Why do you ask?”

  “It doesn’t seem like you have anything in common.”

  I guess we didn’t. Skye was driven by business, and I was driven by health care. Other than sports, beer, and pizza, there weren’t many commonalities we shared. “We do.”

  “Like what?” she asked.

  “Well…we have the same sense of humor. We have the same friends. We have the same hobbies.”

  “But your passions are totally different,” she said. “She runs a software company while your life is devoted to helping people. How do you guys sync up?”

  “Just because our jobs are totally different doesn’t mean we aren’t good together. And the company is important to her because it’s been in her family for two generations. It’s something her grandfather built out of his garage. It’s a lot more than just a paycheck.”

  “But it’s still completely different than what you do.”

  I had to keep in mind that Laura was just direct. Sometimes she said things that were offensive but she didn’t mean them that way. Even though it got under my skin that she was questioning my marriage, I knew it came from a good place. “Skye and I have a lot more between us than our occupations. We just have a connection…”

  “What kind of connection?”

  “I can’t really describe it…we grew up together and as soon as I hit the age to start liking girls she was the one I wanted. We’ve been best friends our entire lives. She’s always been the one to me.”

  “So, you’ve been together ten years?”

  “No. We didn’t get together until college. I’d always been in love with her but she didn’t understand her feelings until much later.”

  “Have you been with other girls?”

  “In relationships?” I asked. I assumed she wasn’t asking about the number of girls I slept with.

  “Yeah.”

  “I’d never had a real relationship besides Skye. The other ones were short there wasn’t any love involved. Skye was always the woman I wanted but I couldn’t get over her.”

  “What is it about her you like so much?” She asked a lot of personal questions.

  Normally, I would ask her to back off but since we were stuck together I couldn’t afford to piss her off. It would make the next two months more unbearable. And I think she assumed we were friends since I offered to help her out. That was my fault. “I can’t really put my finger on it. But I love everything about her, from her appearance to her good heart underneath.” I pulled out my phone even though I got no service and scrolled through the pictures until I found one of her. “This is what she looks like.” I tossed the phone at her.

  She caught it and stared at it. It was an image of Skye lying beside me in bed. The sheets were over her shoulder and her dark hair was scattered across the pillow. Her eyes were open and she stared at me, a relaxed look on her face. Laura didn’t say anything as she examined it. Then she tossed the phone back at me.

  I caught it then turned it off to conserve energy.

  Laura turned on her side away from me and didn’t say another word.

  I assumed she was going to bed, but I thought that was an abrupt end to our conversation. Not wanting to make things tense or awkward, I remained silent and went to sleep.

  ***

  Laura was very quiet for the next three days. She didn’t even look at me. We did our work in the villages and even stuck around for a few local games. They would use rocks to kick around and it was very similar to soccer. But she didn’t participate. Wherever I was, she wasn’t.

  That was fine with me.

  I didn’t understand what I did or said to piss her off, but I clearly did something. But since I knew I wasn’t wrong, I didn’t care. Perhaps she was just jealous I had someone waiting at home for me. Or maybe there was another reason altogether.

  She continued to share the tent with me, but she stayed outside until it was time for bed. Then she immediately went to sleep without saying a word to me. Personally, I liked the silence. I didn’t feel like talking anyway. The only person I wanted to communicate with was Skye but I didn’t have any reception where we were. I would just have to wait for the next opportunity.

  After a week had passed, she finally acknowledged that I existed. “Do you miss your family?” She lay in her sleeping bag on the other side of the tent. The lantern was off so we were in darkness.

  “A lot.” I missed everyone, and I particularly missed my new nephew. I wanted to watch him grow. Only three months would have passed when I returned, but it was still a lot to miss out on. “How about you?”

  “I don’t have a family.” She only said a few words, but they hung with heavy depression. I could hear the agony reverberate all over the tent. It went straight to my soul and made me feel more pity than I’ve ever known.

  “I’m sorry.” I wish I had something better to say.

  “My father ran out on my mom when he found out she was pregnant. My mom ditched me shortly afterward. I grew up in a foster home before I left for college.”

  I didn’t know what to say so I said nothing.

  “I guess I’ve always wanted to help people who had less than me because I know what it’s like to suffer. And I guess I hoped I would eventually run into my parents if I traveled the world enough.”

  She was opening up to me and I had no clue why. Then it struck me hard in the chest. She didn’t have any family, and she probably didn’t have any friends either. The fact she trusted me enough to share a tent with me told me I was the only person she trusted. Therefore, she probably saw me as a friend. “One day you’ll realize you don’t need them because you’ll make your own family.” It was the only words I could give her.

  “I don’t think that’s in the cards for me…” She released a deep sigh, and it was full of pain.

  I wasn’t good at this sort of thing. I didn’t like talking about feelings and emotions. The only people I could have this type of conversation with were Skye and Slade. Other than that, I was pretty clueless. I’d been traveling a full month with Laura and I knew her very well professionally. But I’d never really taken the time to know her personally. “Why do you say that?”

  “I haven’t found anyone that keeps my attention for more than a few minutes.” Laura was very pretty. She had a long and lean body, and her face was naturally beautiful. She didn’t need make up to heighten her appearance. I wasn’t attracted to her, but I knew other men were.

  “Maybe you’re looking in the wrong place.”

  “I’ve been traveling for a long time so I’ve looked many places.”

  I didn’t know what facial expressions she was making because we were in complete darkness, but the tone of her voice told me this was a very painful topic. “It doesn’t seem like there are any good guys out there. They are so self-centered and self-absorbed. None of them are like you, compassionate and selfless.”

  I didn’t like being the standard she compared other men too. Perhaps I was being paranoid but I hoped that didn’t mean she saw me as a s
uitable partner. I made it clear I was married. It would be an awkward two months if she made a pass at me and I had to turn her down. We would never recover from that. “I admit I’m a good guy in comparison to most men, but there are also a lot more men who are much better than me.”

  “I have yet to meet them.”

  I rested my hands on my chest and was unable to close my eyes. My body was rigid and tense.

  She fell silent and didn’t say anything else.

  Neither did I.

  ***

  Perhaps I was overreacting, but I feared Laura had feelings for me. Naturally, when a girl spent a lot of time with a guy she was bound to develop some sort of feeling toward him and vice versa.

  I just hoped that wasn’t happening with us.

  I told her I was married from the beginning so I assumed that would prevent emotions before they even started, but I got the impression Laura didn’t care. It didn’t seem like she thought Skye was good enough for me, even though she didn’t have enough information to make such an assumption. Whether Skye was good enough for me or not was irrelevant.

  I loved her.

  I steered clear of her as much as possible. Now I went out of my way to make sure we weren’t close to each other. While that worked, the bigger issue was the fact I shared a tent with her. The easier solution would be to remove her but I felt too guilty doing that. If she was afraid of her safety, how could I ask her to leave? If something bad happened to her I would never forgive myself.

  But then I felt like I was betraying Skye. The instant I became suspicious that someone had feelings for me, I should walk away and cut off all contact with them. Skye would do the same for me.

  But I didn’t have that option.

  The stress was starting to kill me.

  Even though Skye would never know about this and had no way of figuring out, I still felt dishonest. I was still putting myself in a situation that would make my wife uncomfortable. Of course, Laura couldn’t do anything to me against my will. In that regard I was safe. If our genders were reversed, I would be forced to end the mission and return home.

  After seeing the gratitude in everyone’s eyes after I handed over the devices, there was no way I could go back. I had to finish this mission no matter how tired, sore, and irritated I was. This wasn’t about me. This was about them.

  We had dinner around the campfire, and I ate my beans right out of the can. They were cold but I was so hungry I couldn’t wait to cook them over the fire. The other men were there, and I caught them sneaking glances at Laura from time to time.

  At least I knew she wasn’t exaggerating.

  My body had changed a lot in the last month. My beard was getting long and my hair had never been at this length. I always had a fit and strong body, but now I was in the best shape of my life. My thighs were thick and tone from all the walking, and I had absolutely no fat on my body. The constant exercise and strict diet had made my body even stronger.

  I wondered how Skye would feel about it. Would she be even more attracted to me than she already was? I hoped so. Because when I saw her again, we were going to be confined to the bedroom for at least a week.

  I really missed sex—a lot.

  I hadn’t had a chance to call Skye, and since she was depressed over her father I never made an invitation for cyber sex. I knew that would be insensitive and inconsiderate. When I had the opportunity, which hardly ever happened, I jerked off and thought about my wife.

  But it wasn’t the same.

  I really missed her. I missed kissing her and sucking her bottom lip. I missed taking her nipple into my mouth and sucking it until it was raw. I missed her taste. I missed feeling her body pressed against mine. My hand was so lame in comparison.

  But I didn’t have a choice.

  After I finished my dinner I returned to the tent. Even though I knew I had no service I checked again just to make sure. Skye and I hadn’t seen each other in a while and I just wanted to look at her beautiful face. It comforted me like nothing else did. It just made me feel better.

  When I knew there was no possibility of me calling her, I put my computer away and got into bed. Laura didn’t join me and remained outside the tent. She was probably writing in her journal beside the fire.

  After I lay still for a few minutes, sleep took me. I was always so exhausted every single day that I couldn’t keep my eyes opened even if I tried.

  ***

  A dream came to me—and it was a good one.

  Skye lay on top of me and she straddled my hips. She leaned over me and kissed me with her soft lips. My hands were on her thighs then they moved to her waist. It felt so real. Our lips moved together, slow and passionate. A strand of her hair fell loose then touched my shoulder. My hand tucked it back behind her ear just because I wanted to feel it. My tongue slipped into her mouth and I felt hers. It was small and warm.

  I loved kissing her.

  I was as hard as a rock. My cock wanted to be inside her and feel her like I had so many times before. There was nothing like making love to my wife. It was the best thing in the world.

  I was suddenly aware of my hands and how hot my lips were. It felt real, like it was really happening. My heart was beating fast, and then my eyes suddenly felt heavy. My sub-conscious came to reality and I realized the dream wasn’t real.

  It was really happening.

  Our lips still danced together and our tongues moved passed one another.

  What?

  I opened my eyes, and Laura was on top of me. Her hair was over one shoulder and she gripped my arms as she leaned over me.

  What the fuck?

  I savagely pushed her off of me. She flew off my body then hit the hard floor. Surprise came into her eyes and she held herself up on her arms.

  I was breathing hard but not getting enough air. Did that just happen? How the hell did it come to that? I immediately wiped my lips on my arm because I felt disgusted. I even spit to get every ounce of her out of my body. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” She crawled on top of me while I was sleeping and touched me in a way I didn’t want to be touched. I could honestly strangle her right now.

  “You kissed me back…”

  “Because I was asleep and dreaming about my wife.” I was so furious my hands were shaking. I left my sleeping bag then grabbed her by the elbow. I viciously shoved her out of the tent then threw her shit after her. “I allowed you to share my tent because you told me you were afraid someone would take advantage of you. But instead, you did the exact same thing to me. What the hell is wrong with you?” I was yelling so loud that I knew I was waking everyone up.

  She stood there with guilty eyes, her things scattered around her feet.

  There were so many other things I wanted to say but I knew I should keep them to myself. “You’re on your own, Laura. You disrespected me and touched me when you know perfectly well I don’t belong to you. I told you I was married—and happily married. I will no longer protect you.” I turned back into my tent. “Good luck.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Sean

  “The wound is healing nicely. There’s no sign of infection and your blood work looks good.” The doctor game me a professional smile, a fake one he used all day, every day.

  “Thank you.”

  He made a few notes on his clipboard. “I’ll see you again in two weeks to make sure everything is progressing well.” He turned away and headed to the door.

  “Dr. Teisman?”

  He faced me. “Yes, Mr. Preston?”

  “I’m in a lot of pain…can I have something stronger?” I didn’t like admitting weakness to anyone, especially my wife. It made me feel emasculated. It didn’t feel good to admit something could hurt me. Scarlet was sitting in the corner but I purposely didn’t look her way. I wish I could ask for stronger pain medication when she wasn’t around, but she never left my side.

  “Hasn’t gone away?” the doctor asked as he approached me again.

  “It’s pretty bad�
��can’t sleep much.”

  He took out his prescription pad and made a few notes. “Be careful with this. It’s strong and addictive.”

  Scarlet didn’t look at me as she spoke. “He can’t have that.”

  I turned to her in surprise.

  She still wouldn’t meet my gaze. “He’s had substance abuse before…”

  I knew what she was referring to. It happened twenty years ago and she clearly hadn’t forgotten. I had surgery on my shoulder in college and I still had pain medication for it. When I was depressed over our break up, I abused the prescription I had. “It was twenty years ago. I’m fine.”

  Dr. Teisman eyed me hesitantly. “I’m sorry, Mr. Preston. Under these conditions, I can’t give it to you.”

  I was growing irritated. “I wouldn’t have asked for them unless I was in extreme pain. My wife will keep an eye on me and make sure I don’t abuse them.”

  “Then why did she bring it up?” he questioned.

  I kept my cool and tried not to snap. “With all due respect, if I wanted something stronger I could get it. I have the money and the connections. Nothing could stop me. So, just give me the damn pills.”

  Dr. Teisman eyed Scarlet.

  She nodded slightly without looking at me.

  He handed the prescription to me. “It only has two refills. You shouldn’t need more than that.”

  I snatched it out of his hand and tried not to glare at him. “Thank you.”

  He nodded then walked out.

  Acting like nothing just happened, Scarlet stood up then adjusted the wheelchair so I could get inside. I was perfectly capable of walking, but she insisted I relax as much as possible until I was completely healed.

  I didn’t get off the examination table. “Was it really necessary to tell him that?”

  She remained calm and didn’t rise to my hostility. “It’s the truth, Sean.”

  I was a lot more irritable than I normally was because I was in so much pain. It was a type of pain I’d never known in my life. I’d been injured before, but since this cut went so deep I felt paralyzed. “I’m not a pill-popper. You shouldn’t give people the impression that I am.”

  “That isn’t what I said,” she argued. “I just know you’ve struggled with it before.”