Cherishing You (Thirsty Hearts Book 3)

by Kris Jayne

  “Fine.”

  Jonah sighed and pressed once more. “Dad, give some thought to meeting with Trevor because whether or not you’re involved, I’m going to find out if he’s my brother.”

  “Half-brother.”

  “He’s not your half-son.”

  “I don’t think he’s my son at all.”

  “We’ll see.”

  He walked out of his father’s office and down the hall to the living room as his mother strode in from the kitchen.

  “Jonah, hello. I didn’t know you were stopping by today. Tell me, how is Shannon?”

  “Fine. I saw her yesterday at the doctor.” Jonah wouldn’t say anything to his parents until he had no other recourse. If they knew about the test, his parents would hold the questioned paternity over Shannon’s head for the rest of their lives.

  “Everything is okay, then?”

  His mother’s inquiry disconcerted him. ”Yes. Why?”

  “I would simply like to know what’s happening with my grandchild. With Shannon’s history, I think it’s best that you stay in contact with her. At least, when she lived with you, I didn’t have to worry.”

  “She’s fine. I talk with her. We’ve just had…I don’t want to talk about this.” He squeezed his temples between his thumb and forefingers.

  Sheila caught Jonah by the sleeve, pulling his hand away from his face to look him in the eye. “You don’t have to tell me what the problem is. Honestly, I don’t care. But Jonah, you must keep an eye on her. Please.”

  “I am, Mother. Don’t worry. I didn’t know you were so concerned about Shannon’s welfare.”

  “If being concerned about my grandson or daughter requires that I be concerned about Shannon, I’m capable. Believe it or not, after the initial shock, I made an attempt to get used to the woman, and if you’re having a baby, well…” Sheila sighed. “A grandchild is a grandchild. Who knows if I’ll ever get one from Vivienne.”

  His mother pursed her lips and rolled her eyes to the ceiling.

  “Thank you, Mom.”

  Jonah hugged his mother, trying to remember the last time he’d done so with any genuine feeling. They all went through the motions of being a family, but sometimes he wondered what was real. She pulled away, and Jonah took a look back at his father’s office.

  “Did you and your father have a serious talk?”

  “Yes.”

  “About the baby.”

  Jonah’s face heated. “In a sense.”

  Sheila brushed the back of her fingers over Jonah’s cheek and lowered her voice. “Don’t let anything he says get to you. Your father and I have been married forever, and I’ve learnt in dealing with him that half of his advice is good and reliable, and the other half is utter rubbish. You’ll know which is which when you hear it.”

  He chuckled and told her goodbye.

  His mother was the one with good advice. He loved her, but he had to know the truth about Trevor as much as he had to know the truth about Shannon’s baby. It mattered—even though he also knew a blood test couldn’t tell you who to love.

  * * *

  Even with her coat off, the suffocating heat in Dr. Simone Baker’s waiting room made Shannon sweat. She picked up a magazine and fanned herself.

  “Sorry again about the heater. We have a call into maintenance. It won’t shut off!” The pink cheeked receptionist wiped the back of her neck. “Thankfully, it’s just out here. Dr. Baker’s therapy room is much cooler.”

  Shannon smiled and nodded and thought about running out. Her promise to Kim and Penny anchored her to the chair.

  “Shannon.”

  Dr. Baker’s easy voice cheered her a bit. This isn’t going to be so bad.

  “Hi. Merry Christmas. I know it’s late, but I haven’t seen you since October.”

  “Thanks. Merry Christmas to you too. Let’s head back.”

  Once in the therapy room, sitting alone and cooling off on the couch, Shannon doubted the point of this visit again. Telling the story to another person? Her toes curled in her shoes.

  The doctor sat in a side chair to the right of the sofa, and Shannon darted her eyes left.

  “What brings you in?”

  Biting the bullet, Shannon began the story with arriving at Lindsay’s house and went step by step through the following twenty-four hours. Then, without stopping, Shannon told the therapist about Jonah. Dr. Baker didn’t comment until she finished.

  “First of all, I am so dreadfully sorry that you were violated in that way. It’s inexcusable. There’s no wiggle room, Shannon, what that man did was a crime.” Shannon flinched. “What goes through your mind when I say that to you?”

  “I know it, but I don’t know it. I came onto him. I know I didn’t want it. But then I think how was he supposed to know that I didn’t mean it?”

  Dr. Baker held Shannon’s gaze, steadily. “Because he knew you had been given a drug. He knew that you could barely walk. He took advantage of you, plain and simple. I understand your confusion. You don’t know what happened, and your—I hesitate to say—friends are telling you that you’re culpable.”

  “None of them would use the word ‘culpable.’” Shannon managed a tiny smile, which Dr. Baker returned.

  “Maybe not, but the spirit of what they said feeds into many of the things you have thought about yourself—so I get that you’ve internalized that thinking. Familiar lies can be easier to believe than unfamiliar truths.”

  The doctor’s words slowly sank in, and a bomb went off inside her. Throughout her life, a series of men had used her when she was too young to object, too high to care, or too vulnerable to speak up. One after the other.

  Sure, she occasionally stumbled onto a good one, but the rest—users and abusers all of them. Shannon didn’t think she could take another one of those in her life.

  “Why do men like that always find me? How do they know that I’m the one they can fuck around with and treat like shit?”

  “Is that who you are? The way you frame the question assumes that you are someone they can fuck around with and treat like shit, but you hide it, and somehow they know anyway. Is that who you are?”

  “No.” The punch of the Shannon’s answer reverberated in the office. Her decisions and her behavior didn’t show it at times, but that was not who she was.

  “Good. So let’s think this through from the perspective of someone who isn’t to be fucked around with and who isn’t to be treated like shit. What would that look like?”

  Her shoulders sank. “She would have gone to the police, and she wouldn’t have cared what anyone thought.”

  “What makes you say that?”

  “She would stand up for herself.”

  “But you had reasons for not going to the police, right? What were they?”

  “That next morning? I just wanted to get out of there. I didn’t want to listen to people telling me how I asked for it and what great guy Aaron is. And I didn’t think anyone would believe me.”

  “And later—for example—after your friends suggested that you tell the police.”

  “I still didn’t think anyone would believe my story—especially after I waited so long. Now, there’s really no proof. Why rehash it all for nothing? I have enough to deal with. I’m pregnant. I don’t have my boyfriend to support me like I thought I would. I don’t have a place to live and half my things got destroyed by basically a tornado. I have my daughter and the custody situation. I’m trying to start a new career. Oh, and now my ex-husband is dead, and I had to arrange to have his body cremated and pick him up in a box.”

  Her neck tensed at the length of the list.

  “Maybe you are looking out for yourself by not giving yourself one more thing to handle.”

  “Do you think I shouldn’t go to the police?”

  “I can’t make that determination for you. I can tell that what he did was a crime, and that he deserves punishment. But you don’t have to be the agent for that if you choose not to be.”

&nb
sp; “But what if he does this to someone else?”

  “That’s something you can consider. Whatever you do, do it from a position of knowing what you’re worth and knowing what you want. Choose what you need according to your priorities.”

  Shannon’s mind switched back and forth but always stopped on the same thing. “I can’t deal with filing a police report right now. The questions and their interviews. I know if I wait it’s only going to be less believable, but I have to live with that. Maybe after this paternity stuff is worked out.”

  “Are you and Jonah on speaking terms?”

  “Not really. He’s pissed at me, but I’m pissed at him. He didn’t listen. He didn’t believe me when I said I didn’t get high on purpose.”

  “Would that make a difference in your mind? If you got high on purpose versus what happened?”

  “It doesn’t. That’s why I’m mad. As soon as I started to explain, Jonah wanted to believe the worst about me. That feeling was just under the surface.” Shannon floated her hand across her line of vision.

  “You and he were in a heightened situation right after your ex was killed. Maybe you’ve both said some things you regret.”

  “Well, he hasn’t apologized. That’s what hurts. He knows that I wasn’t sober when Aaron slept with me, and he still didn’t support me.”

  “Have you told him that?”

  “No.”

  “Consider it. Think about what you would say to him. If the baby is his, you’re going to have to work this out, and even if it isn’t, you love him. It sounds like he cared for you. Maybe you shouldn’t let that go until you’ve told him—in a calmer state of mind—what happened and how it impacted you.”

  “What if he still doesn’t believe me?” Shannon’s fears manifested in the question, and her eyes welled.

  “What if he doesn’t?” Dr. Baker asked the question easily with a shrug.

  “I can’t bear to have him look at me again like he did—especially after I explain the whole story. If Jonah told me that I was asking for it, I couldn’t take it.” She squeezed her eyes shut, spilling tears down her cheeks.

  “Whether he believes you or not, you know the truth, and if after you tell him what happened, he can’t see it, then you know who he is, and you have to ask yourself if that’s good enough for you. Look at it like a woman who knows what she’s worth. No one else’s opinion or actions can take that from you.”

  The room stilled around Shannon, and a calm settled her within. If he didn’t believe her, she could let him go for good.

  Chapter Forty-Six

  Jonah vowed to avoid thinking about his drama for at least one night and ring in the New Year with cocktail-fueled partying into the early morning.

  Unable to withstand Graham’s prodding about Shannon, he spilled the story to his friend and swore him to absolute secrecy.

  “You can never, ever tell anyone what I just told you. The only reason I’m saying anything is that I have no one to talk this over with except my sister. She’s not on my side.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. Some kind of sisterhood thing.”

  “But she’s your sister.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “But why let Shannon keep working for her? That’s above and beyond.”

  “She feels some weird kinship with her. I don’t know. When Shannon and I were dating, I was grateful. My parents haven’t been thrilled about our relationship. Now, it’s annoying.”

  “Tell her.”

  “I did. She made a good point. Shannon’s not going to be able to wait tables throughout her pregnancy. She’s going to need income.”

  “That’s not your problem. She’s an adult.”

  “I can’t just…leave her on her own.”

  “Or you can’t just leave her alone. You’re still in love with her, and I think that’s a terrible idea. Once a person shows you who they are, you have to believe them.”

  “Where’d you get that gem?”

  “Oprah, or someone on Oprah. It sounds like something Oprah would say.”

  Jonah cackled. “When did you watch Oprah?”

  “Back in the day. She had some quality programming, and it helped me learn about women.”

  “You are not an expert on women.” Jonah bent sideways, laughing.

  Graham took Jonah’s jeers in stride. “Maybe not, but I do know that a woman with Shannon’s background doesn’t turn things around overnight. How long ago was she in rehab?”

  “She got out about a year ago.”

  “If she’s with you but hooking up with someone else, she still has major issues and at least another year of bad decisions in her. Cut your losses. Move on. If the baby is yours, be a good dad, but that’s your only obligation to her.”

  Everything his friend told him made sense. He wasn’t responsible for Shannon—as she herself told him on many occasions. No matter how reasonable it sounded, however, Jonah couldn’t accept it.

  “Things don’t feel finished. I don’t know why. You’re right. It should be over.”

  “And it’s not because you’re in love with her.”

  “Doesn’t that matter?”

  “No. People fall in love with people who are bad for them every day. Love conquering all is a lie.”

  “I don’t believe that.”

  “Then let it conquer all and be done. Take her back and quit bitching.”

  That thought rankled but, for whatever reason, went down easier.

  “Am I that big a fool?” Jonah answered his own question. “I don’t think so.”

  “I don’t think you’re a fool, and I’m being glib on purpose. Going back and forth like this is insane. The rational thing to do is to get over her, but love is not rational. If you’re waiting for the idea of taking a chance on her to make sense, you’ll die a lonely man. Now eat your food. We have a party to attend.”

  After dinner, he and Graham sauntered into Jesse Hampton’s posh New Year’s Eve bash in his spectacular loft apartment south of downtown. With the clear, cold night, they had views of the illuminated buildings all the way to the Trinity River and, inside, views of gorgeous people up for a good time.

  The DJ struck up thumping electronic music matched to flashing kobo lights with “Happy New Year” dancing all over the room.

  Graham shouted above the din. “Jesse must have had to invite all the neighbors to keep them from calling the cops.”

  Jonah observed the swaying throng of party goers a few steps below the entry.

  “It looks and sounds like an Abercrombie and Fitch.”

  Graham laughed. “It kind of does.”

  “That’s not a good thing.”

  “Yes, it is. You need to start the New Year with a bang—and by that I mean, get laid. Nothing drives out the memory of an old woman like a new woman.”

  “That’s cold.”

  “That is the precise advice you gave me when I broke things off with Melanie.”

  “That was stupid advice.”

  “No, it wasn’t. You need to remind yourself that Shannon isn’t the only woman in the world. You’re a rich, good-looking, single, heterosexual man. You are a real-life unicorn for most of these women—a mythical creature in the flesh. No. That’s too girly. You’re a dragon. Go get a lady out of a tower.”

  Graham slapped Jonah on the back, pushing him forward into a crush of people. At least a dozen women gyrated in front of him—some of them covered in party glitter, most of them in miniscule cocktail dresses, and all of them eyeing Jonah.

  Six months ago, the buffet of hot women would have made him salivate. Now, he had no appetite for it.

  “None of them appeal to me in the least. It’s meaningless,” Jonah declared sourly.

  “Don’t tell me Shannon has turned you gay. Wouldn’t your parents love that?”

  “Ha, ha, Graham.”

  Jonah perused the crowd again, this time locking on a familiar face.

  Emily swayed on the corner of th
e makeshift dance floor with a crowd of her friends. She wore a strapless jumpsuit in leather. Jonah couldn’t remember ever seeing the demure elementary school teacher in anything that hot.

  He always thought of Emily as sweet—if boring—and that’s what he wanted right now. She noticed him and waved. Nothing about her seemed sweet tonight—maybe a good thing.

  Jonah downed his cocktail and threw the cup in the trash a few feet away. He pointed in Emily’s direction and, they navigated toward her through the crowd.

  Right as he reached her, the music blasted the beginning of a new song. Jonah had to lean into her ear to talk. “It’s good to see you. It’s been a while.”

  “It has. Happy New Year.”

  “Happy New Year. You remember Graham?”

  Emily said hello to his friend jammed beside him, but didn’t take her eyes off of Jonah. She smelled like jasmine—a scent he loved. Someone whooped and careened into him, sending him bumping into Emily. She teetered and giggled, and Jonah saw the sheen in her eyes.

  “Where’s your girlfriend?” She breathed into the side of his neck and stroked his shoulder.

  “She’s not here.”

  “On New Year’s?”

  Shit. He couldn’t explain what he felt about Shannon to himself, let alone Emily.

  “We’re taking a break right now.”

  That news sent Emily’s hand from his shoulder to his neck, and she pressed closer to him, laughing.

  “I knew I could just wait it out.” Her fingers wound up the back of his head, tipping it closer to her.

  “Just because I’m not here with Shannon right now doesn’t mean that I’m hooking up with you.”

  “Really? You made a beeline for me as soon as you saw me.”

  “I made a beeline for someone I knew. I thought we could catch up and have an awkward conversation about the weather.”

  “Dollll-ars to donuts, it’s more than that. That’s why I came here tonight. Confession…Your mother told me you’d be here.”

  His father must have mentioned something to his mother.

  “That’s presumptuous,” Jonah replied, losing his humor. “Exactly how often do you speak with my mother? Or did she call your hotline with news about my life?”