Crushing Summer

by C. M. Stunich

  I slammed the door and checked in the rearview mirror. Nobody was following me, thank God. I'd snuck out of the house dressed in Kaitlyn's hoodie, the one with the junior high school Vikings logo on the front, and crumpled myself up in the backseat while my mom drove herself to work. After she'd pulled into the parking lot, she gave me the keys and told me to be home by midnight. See, she had her good points, too. She understood the craziness that was The Assignment.

  I locked the doors to the BMW, touching my fingers to the shiny black paint, trailing them along the side as I waited to see if any maniacal stalkers were going to burst from the trees, reciting Shakespeare sonnets and showering me with red rose petals. I was not going to put Casper and his sister in danger again this summer. I wasn't even sure about this outing, but I'd tried to soothe my fears by reminding myself that less than a quarter of my peers were even able to drag themselves out of bed by noon, let alone 5:45 in the morning.

  When I was satisfied that I was alone, I started down the path towards the beach and spotted two slim figures silhouetted against the rolling gray of the ocean. The morning was covered with a thick layer of white fog that would hopefully burn off by lunch time.

  I tucked my hands into the front pocket of the sweater and felt around for the guidebook I'd brought with me. California Coast: The Complete Guide to Tide Pools. San Aplastar even had its own chapter, talking about the protective curve of the bay and the abundance of unique marine life that called this area home. I pulled the book out and flicked through the waxy pages as I walked. The guide was supposed to be for all weather conditions, meaning I could drop it in a tide pool without hurting the paper.

  Welcome to San Aplastar, the text read. Be ready to get up early and wear closed-toe shoes. I paused and glanced down at my dirty sneakers. I hadn't bothered to tell Casper or Julie about that part of the assignment. The chances that either of them would show up in flip-flops seemed pretty slim. I smiled. Remember, you are a visitor here. Please don't touch the wildlife. A single brush of your finger could mean the end of a unique and valuable life here in the delicate coastal ecosystem.

  “Chloe!” Julie shouted, waving her arms at me. I noticed, even from this distance, that she was even paler than usual, and she didn't run forward to greet me either. She stayed seated on an old log that was positioned around an abandoned fire pit. I waved back and tried to keep the smile on my face. Last night seemed like some sort of nightmare, morphing into a dream at the fireworks show. The horrible details were foggy and the good ones, like Cage's and Casper's kisses, were even worse. I didn't know how awkward this was going to be. “Good morning,” she said to me, her eyes rimmed with dark makeup and her mouth almost as pale as her skin. “We brought breakfast. Care to join us?” Julie slapped her hand against a rolled up bag by her side. It was white with blue swirls, the mark of a Conch Bite Breakfast. Conch's was the only fast food restaurant in town. The rest had been outlawed by the city council. They wouldn't allow a McDonald's or a Burger King in the city limits. And yes, my mom was head of the committee that spearheaded that effort, too. But Conch's had been here forever, almost as long as Gander's. It was just part of the local climate. Plus, they served freaking awesome cinnamon rolls. Even my mother had to admit that.

  “Oh God yes,” I said, sinking down across from her, my hand brushing along the dry wood. “I'm starving.” My mind immediately fixated on thoughts of warm dough and gooey frosting making my stomach gurgle loud enough that it broke across the cries of gulls and the gentle crash of the waves. Julie and I both laughed as I clamped my hands over my stomach. “As you can see,” I said, taking a faux bow and sitting back up, my smile slowly morphing back into a grin. It was hard to keep a foul mood wrapped around your shoulders when you were being kissed by fog and teased with the first bright hints of a new day, peeking over the edges of the mountains.

  I looked up and watched as Casper made his way over to us, jeans rolled up to his knees and sopping wet. He made eye contact with me and my heart leapt up into my throat, threatening to choke me. Suddenly, all I could think about was kissing Cage, about what a nice person he was, how much I liked him. I felt like having those thoughts, without telling Casper what had happened, was akin to lying to him, and I didn't want to do that. Through some miracle of the universe, I was actually getting another chance to become friends with him. I didn't want to ruin that by having him find out later what had happened with me and Cage. At the same, I couldn't just blurt out that I kissed somebody else last night in front of his sister. That would be a tad bit awkward, to say the least.

  “I checked the caves, but I didn't see anyone,” Casper said, and my heart plummeted back into my stomach, splashing into the emptiness with a crash I was sure they could both hear. Even here, in this moment, The Assignment was still very much a part of our interaction. I wish that didn't have to be the case, that I really had opted out of being Crush. Maybe I'd made a mistake accepting the position? Maybe being what was essentially another Outcast would've been an improvement? I don't know.

  I examined Casper's face. He looked much better than he had last night, much less swollen, the blood and grime wiped clean away. He'd even put a healthy dose of makeup over the bruises. I could still see them, but they weren't as bad.

  “Thank you, brother dearest,” Julie said, reaching up and handing Casper a big, fat cinnamon roll covered in silver foil. “Now sit down and eat.” She gestured over at me with her chin and winked, making me smile. I watched her bend down with a small grimace, like the motion hurt, and fish out another roll. She tossed it to me as Casper hovered for a moment and finally settled on the spot next to me. I tried not to grin like an idiot.

  “So,” Julie said as we all unwrapped our food. I took a bite of mine and tried not to swoon at the warm heat, the spices, the gentle kiss of sweetness in the frosting. “Did you know there are 126 different species of gastropods that live on or near this beach?”

  “Gastropods?” I asked, looking a little closer at her eye makeup. Something wasn't right about it. As a smile pulled at the corners of her mouth, I saw why. It wasn't makeup. That darkness around her eyes was part of her complexion. I tried not to panic, glancing over at Casper. He was staring at me, but he didn't seem overly concerned. To me, though, it looked like Julie was rather the worse for wear. I swallowed hard and set my cinnamon roll down.

  “Snails,” Casper supplied, ruffling his dark hair with his hand. His nails were freshly painted, solid black again, and his tattoo was peeping out at me from the sleeve of his black long-sleeved shirt, reminding me of that fateful day on the beach when we'd met. It seemed like months ago, but it was only days. You know things are bad when time moves slow like that. Good times made months seem like days, not vice versa. It was a well known fact. I was surprised Einstein hadn't come up with a law for that. “Julie spent all last night curled up with an iPad researching sea animals.” Neither of them mentioned the fight yesterday, so neither did I. If they didn't want to talk about it, it wasn't my place to either. Casper had said all he needed to say last night anyway, slipping from my room and out the front door before my mom even came down the stairs to see who it had been. She'd also disabled the doorbell and put a No Trespassing sign in the front yard. I'd made sure to give her a kiss on the cheek this morning as a thank you.

  “And you?” I asked him, wondering if he spent a whole hour lying on his bed with his fingers pressed against his lips like I had. It wasn't that I was falling head over heels, ready to give my life for the boy or anything, but I liked the tingle that clung to my mouth for the rest of the night. It was like I'd rubbed an excessive amount of that lip plumping gloss they sell over my face, the kind that's supposed to irritate your mouth and make it look like Angelina Jolie or something. That's how it was, but in a good way, like I had Pop Rocks smeared over my lips.

  “I spent the night avoiding my parents and trying to figure out why … ” He paused and his breath caught in his chest. Awkward silence descended over the three of us, lea
ving the waves and the birds to make their music in peace.

  “Don't mind me, Casp,” Julie said, wiggling her brows at him and taking a massive bite of her cinnamon roll. “Tell the girl you were singing acoustic songs about her last night.” I snorted and slapped a hand over my mouth as Casper sighed and shook his head at his little sister. When he turned to look at me, he didn't deny her accusation.

  “I was trying to figure out why I like you so much,” he said. It was probably the frankest thing anyone had ever said to me. I blinked at him, feeling the cold air leach the heat out of my food as I sat there staring with a mouth full of food. I swallowed my bite and set the roll down on the foil covering my lap. I wiped my fingers off on my pants and turned to face him fully, tilting my head to the side to study his face. Casper was a handsome guy, that's for sure, even as beat up as he was. He wasn't as much my 'type' as Cage was, but I liked him anyway, even though I knew nothing about him.

  “And what conclusion did you come to?” I asked him as Julie shifted and leaned forward for a better listen. He reached out a finger, and I thought for a moment he was going to touch my lips. Instead, he placed the whorls of his fingertips on the tip of my nose.

  “Definitely not your nose,” he said with a crooked smile and a wince. “You look like Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer or something.” I laughed and slapped his hand away, cupping my palm over the center of my face.

  “My best friend's boyfriend punched me in the face,” I said and I watched as Casper's forehead turned red and his fists clenched by his sides. “It was an accident,” I added, thinking of Justin's odd behavior. Whatever he was up to, I didn't want him to drag Heidi down with him. As soon as I was finished here, I was stopping by her house to check in on her. “Cage and him were having a fight in my driveway. I tried to break it up.” I shrugged and dropped my hand into my lap. “Oh, and Cage Lawrence kissed me last night.” I kept staring at Casper waiting for his reaction. The skin on his forehead got all wrinkly, but he didn't say anything for awhile.

  “Why would you think you had to apologize for that shit yesterday?” he said, emphasizing the word, flinging it off the tip of his tongue like it was poison. “If it wasn't for you and Cage – ”

  “You never would've been in that mess,” I finished and he shook his head.

  “I was the one getting my panties in a wad about that guy.” Casper paused and turned to look over his shoulder at the sea. When he glanced back at me, his eyes were just a bit lighter, like he'd dumped some his pain into the ocean with a single look. “Even though he's not all that bad anyway.”

  “I like him,” I admitted because I didn't want to hold anything back. Julie licked her lips and flicked her gaze between the two of us, like she could sense the spark flickering there, small but bright. Casper shrugged and picked up the small container of orange juice that was sitting by his feet.

  “Well then,” he said with a tight smile. “I'll just have to make sure you like me better.”

  “Holy crap, that's ugly,” Casper said, pointing at a skate. It was spinning in circles in a tiny pool near the Mohawk cliffs. Personally, I felt sorry for it. It looked like it was trapped, and that's never a good feeling to have. “Is that a sting ray?” he asked as he tilted his head to the side and examined it with squinted eyes. “I thought they were supposed to be bigger than that?” Julie rolled her eyes and looked up at me. I tried not to focus on the dark circles under her eyes, but it was hard. I didn't know what yesterday had cost her, but I knew she didn't have much to spare. I hated to even think it, but … The Assignment could very well cost her her life, even indirectly. That was a scary thought.

  “Like you know anything about marine life,” Julie said, flipping through the guide with pale, shaking fingers. “It could be a dolphin for all you know.”

  “It's a skate,” I said, smiling. Not that I knew anything about sea creatures either, but like everyone else in San Aplastar, yearly field trips to the marine biology lab up on the hill were a must. I'd picked up a few facts here and there. Casper raised his eyebrows but didn't comment. His hand snuck into his pocket and came up with a cigarette. I watched him contemplate it for a moment before he pushed it back down.

  “At least it moves,” he said, referencing the rest of our finds for the morning: barnacles, algae, kelp, a few snails. “That's something.” Julie laughed and hovered her palms above the water, letting her eyes drift closed, like she was absorbing the message of the sea through her skin.

  “You just don't know how to appreciate the little things,” she whispered and her voice made me shiver. It was hollow and far away, like she was speaking to us from underwater. Casper heard it, too, and I saw his eyes flash with pain. When he glanced over at me, I pretended not to be looking, hoping to give him a little bit of privacy. “If I wasn't about to drop dead, I think I'd seriously consider studying marine biology.”

  “Julie, stop,” Casper said, voice rough and angry. I don't think he meant to be so harsh on his sister, but he didn't seem to know how to express his concern. Or maybe that was just me projecting. I'd only spent a handful of hours with the Alice siblings and not a lot of it had been good. “Don't say things like that.”

  “I'll be lucky to last the summer,” she said, turning to look at me over her shoulder. Her skin was so white. I'd never seen a human being with skin that was the color of snow like that. It was like all the blood had been drained from her body, like she was a paper crane, ready to blow away in the wind. “That's what the doctor said last night.”

  “The doctor's a frigging quack,” Casper snapped, scrunching up his face. “Screw him.” Julie turned back to the tide pool with a sigh. I knelt down next to her and watched the skate spinning in fruitless circles. It was a pale brown color with dark spots, like bruises all across its back. I could almost feel its desperation to get back to the ocean. I looked up and watched as the tide crept back in, slowly but surely. Eventually, the skate would get its wish and escape its tiny prison. Hopefully like I'd escape San Aplastar one day.

  “I'm really going to die, Casper. It's going to happen, and it's okay.”

  “Stop talking like that!” he growled at her, moving forward and stepping inadvertently into the tide pool, right on top of the poor skate.

  “Casper!” Julie shouted, pushing him back. He fell to his butt in the sand while Julie reached out a hand and brushed her fingers across the back of the flailing animal. It darted away from her and then, as if nothing at all had happened, it went back to swimming in frantic circles around the pool. “Watch your step,” she said as Casper scrambled to his feet. “You nearly killed it.”

  “Because you won't stop,” he said, slapping one hand against the other, bending down next to her so he could stare into her pale face. His eyes were wet for an instant before he dashed the tears away with the back of his hand. “It isn't funny to me. I don't want to hear about it. I don't want to even think about it.”

  Julie spun to face him, her raven black hair flying around and smacking her brother across the forehead. She didn't try to hide her tears, letting them fall fat and round down her face. I swear to God, I could hear each individual drop hitting the sand.

  “Well, I have to think about it, Casper. I have to think about it every second of every day. My whole life is like an hourglass, and I'm just sitting here with nothing to do but watch the granules of sand falling, saying goodbye to the world for me. I don't have any choice in the matter, so if I want to talk about it, if I want to freaking joke about it, I'm going to because it makes me feel better.” She reached her hand up and grabbed her wig, tearing it off her head. Her scalp was covered by a thin nylon cap and underneath it, I could see a fine layer of scraggly blonde hair. “If you don't like it, then you can just screw off.” She threw the wig at his chest and then stood up, storming across the sand in her black lace dress and boots.

  Instead of chasing after her like he usually did, Casper just leaned over and put his elbows on his knees, dropping his forehead to his forear
m. I bent down next to him and sat as close as I could without touching him.

  “Are you alright?” I asked, because I had the feeling that none many people did. He didn't answer right away, and I started to wonder if I'd overstepped my bounds. I lifted my face up and let the cold breeze sting my cheeks. The sun was finally winning its war against the fog, warming up the horizon and casting pale yellow light across the water, but it hadn't been long enough to make much of a difference in the temperature.

  “I … don't really know,” he said, keeping his head down. His razored hair blew gently in the wind, fanning around his head in soft tufts that I could hardly keep my hands off. I'd never been around a boy I wanted to touch like this. My body kept trying to work to convince me that I was freezing and he was warm, that if I touched him, I could banish the chill and light myself up from the inside out. I wasn't a hundred percent certain that that wasn't true. “You know what I think?” he asked me, finally raising his head enough to look me in the eye. Some of the foundation had worn off his face, staining his black shirt and giving me a glimpse of the real damage underneath. His bruises made mine look like nothing. “I think she actually likes being the Outcast.”

  “Why would anyone like that?” I blurted back at him, imagining the horrific scene at The Walk. Nobody in their right mind would ever enjoy being hunted like a prey animal. Casper shook his head at me, reaching up to touch the missing plug in his ear. The silver jewelry still glinted at me from the opposite side, but his left one was covered with a small, pink bandage.