by Amanda Daul
“I’m quite an expert when it comes to knowing when someone needs a drink,” he mused, his voice heavy, as he extended one of the glasses to Arissa.
At first she was hesitant, only eyeing the glass he held at first. When she looked back up to meet his waiting gaze, he motioned it toward her again. “Go on. It may not help your problems in the long run, but at least it will help you sleep tonight.”
Still hesitant, Arissa accepted the glass, but didn’t drink right away. She looked down at the folded piece of paper she still held tightly in her left hand. Grimacing, she tossed it onto the table, watching it skitter to a halt in the centre of the table. Finally, Arissa took a deep swallow of the dark liquid in her glass, resisting the urge to flinch as it burned her throat. It was oddly satisfying.
“Thank you,” she muttered, barely audible even for her. She felt too tired to put any effort into conversation, but too restless to sit in her chair again. Honestly, she didn’t know what she wanted.
After he refilled his glass, and topped off hers before she could decline, Trax settled into the chair across the table from her without invitation. It annoyed her how confident he was all the time.
“So,” he began, toying with the rim of his glass with one hand, the other elbow leaning against the back of the chair. The dim light of the lanterns brought of a golden glow in his skin, casting soft shadows across his face, highlighting each sharp feature. Though it occurred to her to think it, Arissa would not admit he was attractive. He was distracting and irritating enough as it was. “Are we going to discuss the obvious topic of this evening or are you wishing to prolong my visit again?”
She knew he was hoping she would take his bait, suggesting it was her idea for the late night call earlier that morning. No matter how curious she was about his proposed meeting, she felt as if she were walking into a trap he has set especially for her. If it wasn’t important enough to tell her when they were alone now, it certainly didn’t warrant a whole conversation.
Instead, she deliberately took the dialogue in a different direction. “What do you know about the prisoner they caught today?”
Trax twitched an eyebrow high with a slight shake of his head, amused, but he seemed disappointed. Her unwillingness to talk to him wasn’t new, which made it even harder for Arissa to read him. “It seems I’ll be playing along to your tune for now, love.”
“I told you not to call me that. The captive that they brought in...who is he?”
“I’ve no clue,” Trax scoffed, downing the rest of the contents of his glass. He eyed the glass as he toyed with it, slowly rolling the bottom edge in circles on the table. “You’re the leader of this outfit, not me.”
“You’re the founder. Are you telling me you have no interest at all in what you’ve created here? Or even how someone ended up in our boundaries with a live bomb?” Arissa was feeling her temper slowly rising and it was showing in her voice.
Trax glanced up to meet her stern gaze, again arching a thick, dark brow before quickly adjusting in his seat to lean far across the table toward her. “Funny how news travels only to the people who want to hear it. I wasn’t even present for most of the day and it would seem that I know more about it than you do.”
Arissa cocked her head, suspicious. “What are you talking about?”
“The bomb was a fake.”
“What? No...” Arissa exclaimed, too quickly, sitting up straight in her seat immediately. “It was a trick. A trick for what? Whoever he is, he wanted to get caught! He used an obvious threat to get himself detained here. He wants to be here. Why?”
She didn’t realize she was speaking her thoughts aloud, which is why she was startled and somewhat confused when he answered her rather abruptly.
“You keep asking me these questions as if you expect me to answer. Either your confidence in me is staggering or you’ve seriously misjudged my area of expertise.”
Exhaustion was ringing throughout every muscle and nerve in her body, feeling as if she had no control over what she was saying until she heard the words herself. “I didn’t know you had one...besides being able to locate women in the immediate area. That’s what you told me, isn’t it? Or was that just a misguided lie?”
“I never lie, Arissa. Lying is dishonest and dishonesty leads to a bad reputation.”
Arissa tilted her head, her eyes narrowed. “I’m not sure that yours is all that great to begin with.”
Pouring himself another drink, he took a moment before answering. While he was focusing idly on his glass, Arissa took the moment to study his expression again. He was in a heavier mood and much less enthusiastic than he had been at their last meeting.
She frowned. Having always considered herself great at reading people and understanding what they were thinking, she felt discouraged when she realized that Trax actually looked hurt. It couldn’t possibly be from what she said, could it? Why did she even care?
“Perhaps you’re right.” His voice was definitely heavy with whatever he was feeling, she just couldn’t decide what. The look in his eyes when he met her gaze again was almost startling. For a moment, Arissa almost felt bad for him.
“You just don’t give me a very good vibe, Trax. You make me feel like I shouldn’t trust you. And I don’t. I haven’t exactly kept it a secret that I don’t like being around you. Why I’m sitting here now, drinking with you in the dark, I have no idea.”
He was quick to fire back. “You’re not exactly my favourite person, either, Arissa. What with all the verbal abuse and whatnot...”
Arissa already had fiery words ready on her tongue to toss back, but she was interrupted by a sudden, rapid knocking on the door. She glanced back to Trax, eyeing his spiteful expression one more time and got up to answer the door. Ignoring him completely until she had her hand on the door handle, Arissa glanced over her shoulder once to see that the room was empty and Trax was gone into one of the adjoining rooms.
The impatient knocking continued until she jerked open the door, ready to snap harshly to whichever guard or solider had interrupted her. She didn’t feel prepared for another disaster or even another conversation. It still felt like her mind was stuck on Trax and his annoyingly intriguing personality.
When the door was open enough to see the figure standing in the dark before her, Arissa felt her tense expression melt away as her heart dropped suddenly. Then she quickly swallowed hard, feeling her stomach quivering as she gasped the last word she had been expecting to speak.
“Cayl.”
Chapter Eight
“What the hell are you doing here?” Arissa nearly screamed.
Cayl didn’t bother to greet her or offer a smile. He simply stalked past her, radiating anger and frustration. “I came to finish our conversation. If you can even call it that, you left so quickly.”
Well, this ought to be fun, Arissa thought to herself, slamming the door behind them. Her words were even more spiteful and bitter than they had been with Trax.
“You can’t be here. I have too much to do, you’ll just distract me,” Arissa sputtered out hurriedly, not sure what to say. She still felt shell-shocked by his sudden appearance. He was the last person she had expected to see.
She could see him pacing the floor behind her and then suddenly froze when his eyes landed on the table. A pang of worry hit her when she realized he was studying the two tumblers that were resting on the tables, both completely drained and the bottle that was less than half full. It was evident what was going through his mind when she saw the narrowed look in his eyes.
“Yeah, it looks like you’re really busy,” he muttered, violently.
Ignoring his hidden accusation, Arissa suddenly became very aware that Trax was in the other room. Knowing how much the two men loathed each other as it was, she didn’t want to find out what would happen if Cayl knew he was there. He would jump to ridiculous conclusions and Arissa didn’t have the patience to detangle such a mess.
“What do you want?” she snapped, folding her arms
tightly across her chest.
“I already told you, we need to finish this. I thought giving you today to cool off would help, but I can see it didn’t.”
Arissa struggled to keep her anger at a rational level, hoping to find a way to get through to Cayl that would make him leave. She didn’t want him there, he only reminded her of what she needed to leave behind if she was going to achieve anything. Besides, Cayl was not a solider or a fighter. With what Arissa had in mind, she couldn’t have him anywhere around, for fear of him being injured. She needed him alive above everyone else, to care for Janelle.
Thinking of her name tugged at her chest, and as if he could visibly see the pain, Cayl began elaborating, “In case you were interested, I left her with my sister. You were in such a hurry to leave us behind, to come back to the camp, I was wondering if you even cared about your own dau-”
His words were cut off when she slapped him hard across the cheek. At first she had considering being sensible and try to talk her way out of the inevitable argument, but that was too far.
“Don’t talk about her,” Arissa hissed, quietly. “Nobody can know. And you have no right to say those things to me. Everything I’m doing is to protect my family, not to mention our country.”
Cayl laid a hand against the red mark on his cheek, taking a moment to process her words. It was true, besides Landon and Yasmine, they were the only ones who knew about Janelle’s existence and it was a fact that she had neglected to tell Cayl. From the moment she found out she was pregnant, Arissa knew that if the General had known about it, he would have found some way to use the child against her. There was no way she could allow that to happen. Arissa had kept her secret as long as possible, but when it came to the point it was no longer possible to hide her increasing bump, she had volunteered to go on a trek across their entire realm, after an infamous criminal that she told them would be a couple month trip there and back. They had accepted her request to leave the IT and she had spent the time hidden in their mansion until Janelle was born. As soon as she was able, she set out to capture the same man within a few days, her cover story fitting precisely into the fabricated timeline. The man had not been exactly cooperative, the result ending with him unable to contradict her story. It had only been a week after that when the Governor had been murdered and Cayl kidnapped.
“I’m not so sure. It seems like you’re using it as an excuse to not face the issues you know we have. You’ve changed, Arissa.”
“Of course, I’ve changed! I spent months thinking you were dead! All that time, I was trying to convince myself every single day that you were alive out there somewhere, while trying to keep myself out of the General’s crossfire. The day that we got home, I knew something was off. What had happened changed both of us and we...Cayl, we just don’t work anymore. This war is more powerful than us and I have to do what’s best.” Arissa knew she didn’t have to come right out and say the words that she knew would break her. Cayl knew her well enough to understand what she was saying.
“No. I am not just going to accept that you’re moving on from us, just like that.”
“I am not trying to hurt anybody!” Arissa reminded herself to lower her tone when she heard her voice becoming desperate. “I’m doing this to protect you. I can’t explain it any more than that. I’ve made my decision. Now you need to leave, Cayl.”
Arissa intended on stalking past him, to the table, but before she made it that far, Cayl reached out and grabbed her forearm tightly, jerking her back to him. He was clearly angry, but so was she and she never took being pushed around well. She shoved against him, trying to free herself but he held her solidly.
“Cayl, let go of me,” she demanded, her voice deep, but on the edge of fear. She had never witnessed Cayl this controlling before.
“I am not letting you walk away again. The only way I’m leaving is if you’re coming with me.”
“Cayl!” she shouted, fighting against his grip, almost afraid of her own husband. Her eyes grew progressively wide as she continued to struggle, her heart pounding painfully in her chest. She didn’t even notice the shadow to her left.
“Let her go.”
Arissa had temporarily forgotten about Trax until he emerged now. He stood off to the side, not interfering yet, but ready to react. His eyes were afire, burning into Cayl’s own heated expression. Trax looked darker than she had ever seen him, a different kind of intense that she knew.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Cayl shouted to him, loosening his grip on Arissa, but still not releasing her.
“Let her go,” Trax repeated, slowly, every syllable a clear threat. His expression was murderous, his still eyes never leaving Cayl’s.
With another firm jerk, Arissa freed herself from his grip, feeling more unsettled than she had after her confrontation with the prisoner earlier that day. She did not need this right now, not when everything else was already happening.
“Trax,” Arissa spoke softly, nearly a whisper. Her hurt expression almost appeared sad, discouraged. She stared at him until he ripped his threatening gaze away from Cayl and met her own. Whatever emotion that was being emitted from her eyes was enough for Trax to understand and she saw him relax his stance slightly and shift back so that he was out of sight, but close to her. The way he was moving, acting, watching so intently...it was almost as if he was protecting her.
“What is he doing here?” Cayl demanded, glaring at Arissa with a burning gaze that she had never seen from him before. Either this was the first time she had seen him seriously jealous or there was something else going on. She doubted the latter, or he would have told her already. Cayl wasn’t one to waste time.
At this point, Arissa didn’t care what she said to him anymore. This had definitely been the final blow, after this, there was no way that she could ever consider contact with her family again. If she had to deal with this drama every day, she would be better off turning herself into the General right now.
“Trax is doing what you won’t. He’s helping me. All you’ve done is try to discourage me, to pull me away from what I am here to do. I’m glad he’s here because finally I have somebody around who understands what it’s like to be responsible for something bigger than yourself. He’s here because what we both want to achieve is more important than anything else.”
“Drinking in the dark is pretty important to you now, is it? You’re not fooling anyone, Arissa, and neither is he! I’ve been with you here enough to see that! You don’t think that I-” Cayl’s words were growing progressively angrier and for a moment he seemed to shift his weight ahead, advancing towards Arissa again.
As if on cue, Trax was suddenly beside her again, reaching an arm out in front of her, but Arissa stepped between them quickly. She shot a hot look to Trax, warning him to retreat and then back to Cayl, her words quiet, but just as hurtful as his expression was.
“I already told you, I made my decision. This has nothing to do with Trax and if you don’t believe me, that’s your problem, not mine. I suggest you leave now, Cayl. Before you make me do something that I don’t want to.”
Completely disregarding her warning, he continued on, as if he were talking to somebody other than the woman he had been married to for over ten years. “I know you better than you think I do, Arissa. I don’t believe that you’re doing all of this just because of the General. You’re afraid. You scared of...what you’ve left behind and when you get scared, you run. You’re running from me, Arissa. I thought we had been through enough together that you wouldn’t have to anymore. I guess none of that matters to you. I thought you trusted me enough to see that I would understand. Apparently, I was wrong. Something has changed in you, like you said. Or maybe you’ve always been this way and being around him,” Cayl sneered as he jerked his head toward Trax who was still standing beside Arissa. “Is just bringing it out in you.”
Her dark eyes glistened bright with unshed tears, hearing each stabbing word and taking it immediately to heart. She had been w
ounded too many times to remember over her years in the forest, even taking an arrow on one occasion and a gunshot on another. But none of those hurt as much as it did hearing Cayl talk to her, about her that way. Her skin felt icy cold as she watched his fiery eyes slowly burn out, fading into an empty stare that reminded her of just how much pain she was causing him. She was well aware of it, she just couldn’t force herself to care, to keep above the sea of emotions that would only drown her.
Waiting until the lump in her throat had cleared, Arissa spoke gently, each word being spaced evenly. “I really wish you would have left. Now you give me no choice.”
Without another word, or bothering to read his expression, Arissa brushed past him. Her heavy boots falling against the floor was the only thing that could be heard until she reached the door, pulling it open just enough to gaze out into the yard of the camp. It was completely dark outside, but she knew her call would be heard.
“Guards!” she yelled out, letting the door close on its own, immediately, then returned to where she had been standing in front of Cayl, able to see the door behind him.
“Oh, hell no! You can’t just call your guards on me, Arissa. I am your family, and the only thing you’ve got left.”
“No, you’re not. Not anymore, Cayl. I have more than that. I have a goal. You say that I run when I’m afraid. That may have been true in the past, but that is not who I am today. If you haven’t noticed that by now, I’m more than happy with the choice I’ve made because I can see that you are living a different life than I am now.” Arissa knew she should rein in her emotions, before she said the one thing that she wanted to tell him above all else. Now that she had finally spoken what she had been feeling, her last words came as a natural reaction to his surprised expression. Something dark and spiteful flared up in her in that moment and suddenly, she wanted him to feel the pain and hurt that he had caused her in every moment since his kidnapping. Not having realized it until now, but it didn’t surprise her that she had obviously been feeling this way, so detached from him for a long time coming. Perhaps it had been her subconscious way of preparing herself for this separation, but she didn’t feel at all remorseful when she took a step closer to the man she had once been so close to, whispering loud enough for all of them to hear, “I’m not sorry for leaving you.”
