Behind the Mask

by J. L. Ostle

  “Anonymous? Really?” Tegan shouts out.

  “It says you don’t want to say who you are until after you play,” Sam says, looking at the piece of paper.”

  I just nod. I can’t say a word as I know they will recognize my voice.

  “You have been playing nearly all your life.”

  I nod again.

  “Do you know all our songs?” Troy asks. I nod. “Even our old stuff?”

  I nod.

  “I’m kind of digging the silent thing,” Troy says to Sam. I roll my eyes. Of course he would try and hit on me.

  I am a walking vagina to him.

  “Play ‘Darkened Soul’,” Nate yells out.

  My eyes go straight to him and his eyes bore into mine. I nod, grabbing the guitar near me that’s plugged in. I check the strings, making sure it’s tuned in. I can feel my fingers trembling.

  I need to calm down.

  Taking one deep breath, I strum my fingers over the strings, hearing the notes echo around the room. I close my eyes and play the song that was on their first album. I was there when they rehearsed this song in my garage back at my childhood home.

  I know this song inside and out. Few seconds into it, I forget everything. It’s just me and the music. My fingers have a mind of their own and just play like they’re possessed.

  When I strum the last note, I open my eyes to the band and they are all watching me intently, but they don’t show any emotion.

  Was I bad?

  I thought I played it all right.

  “Play ‘Without You’,” Tegan shouts, crossing her arms. I know why she chose this song. The song is fast. There is a solo part for the guitarist. You have to have really fast fingers to keep up.

  I give her a nod, tuning the strings and once again I just play.

  They can throw every song at me, but I know each one like the back of my hand. I can’t help but smile when I get to the solo part of the song as I like watching my fingers dance along the fretboard of the guitar. When I am finished, I can feel my heart hammering in my chest.

  Adrenaline rush.

  I look at Tegan and she doesn’t look pleased. She doesn’t like competition. Growing up with her, I know she liked to be number one when it came to music. I didn’t want to compete with her, so I played when she wasn’t around.

  I learned their songs until I knew every song, every lyric, every beat.

  “Fucking hell, girl, you can play.” Troy stands up with Sam as they both clap and cheer, and the smile on my face gets bigger.

  “She was all right,” Tegan says, rolling her eyes, acting like she’s bored.

  “She was more than all right. She is amazing,” Sam says before sitting back down.

  “You are a girl, right?” Troy asks. I nod. “Just checking.” He looks at Nate. “What do you think, man? I think she will be great.”

  “In your bed, you mean,” Tegan spits out.

  “Jealous that she’s just as good as you, if not better?” Troy spits back.

  “Oh please,” Tegan says angrily.

  I stand there, bouncing from foot to foot. I don’t want there to be any conflict between them. Plus, it’s just temporary.

  “Who are you?” Nate asks, his voice sending shivers through my body. I look at him and he is leaning forward in his seat, looking at me.

  Really looking at me.

  I point to the sheet of paper in his hand, indicating for him to read on, which he does, as well as the others.

  “If we pick you, you want to keep the mask on during the whole time you’re with the band?” Sam says first.

  I nod. I watch as they whisper amongst one another. I can hear Tegan. I know she doesn’t want me taking her spot.

  They stop talking and all lean back in their seats. “You got yourself a deal,” Troy says, smiling seductively. I know that smile will fall off his face once he knows it’s me. “Now can you show us who you are?”

  I am about to take off the mask when I hear Naomi shout wait. I look at her wide-eyed.

  “Who the hell are you?” Tegan stands, shouting at her.

  “Really? You don’t recognize me? Jesus.” She stands at my side. “Before she shows you who she is, has she got the part no matter what. Is she in the band?”

  “What are you doing?” I whisper-shout at her.

  “Making sure you don’t get screwed over,” she says back to me.

  I look at Nate, who is studying me before he nods in agreement.

  “No matter what, she is in the band until Tegan is fit to play once again,” Nate says.

  I place my hands on the mask, ready to take it off when it’s Troy this time telling me to wait.

  “Seriously.” Tegan hits his arm.

  “What if my dream girl is a beast under the mask? I just want to hold the fantasy just a little bit longer.”

  I roll my eyes when he blows a kiss at me.

  “Okay, you can take it off now.” He sits back.

  I take off the mask and look at each of them and of course, it would be Tegan to say something first.

  “Fuck no. I don’t think so.” Tegan stands, walking to the stage. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?” she yells at me.

  “I just wanted to be given a chance, hence the mask,” I say sheepishly.

  “You are not playing in this band. This is my band, not yours.” She scowls at me.

  “I am not trying to take your band. I just want to play.” I plead to her and she is shaking her head at me.

  “It is not your band anyway. It’s Nate’s and he gave us his word, so it’s tough shit, dragon lady.” Naomi stands to my side, linking her arm through mine.

  “Once again who the fuck are you? This is none of your business,” Tegan shouts at her.

  “I have been best friends with your little sister for the last three years. I am a fucking roadie to your bloody band. You see me every day.” Naomi shakes her hands in the air in frustration.

  “I don’t care. Blair, you are not playing.”

  Tears start to prickle behind my eyes. I feel like my dreams are being crushed. I just wanted a chance. I wanted to show the world what I can do, even if it was just for a little while.

  “But—” A tear falls down my cheek.

  She interrupts me. “No buts, you are not playing in this band.” She points her finger at me.

  “Yes, she is.”

  We all turn to Nate, who is walking up the steps to the stage with Sam and Troy right behind him.

  “I told her no matter what she can play. Besides, you heard the rest of the auditions play. She outshines them by a mile. We need her.”

  “No, we don’t. There has to be someone else. My sister can’t play,” she says to him.

  “Give me a good reason why she can’t.” He folds his arms.

  Her mouth opens then closes, then opens again. “She won’t be able to handle this lifestyle. It won’t be safe for her.”

  “She has been with this band since the very beginning. She goes on tours, deals with our drunk asses. She puts up with all of us. She knows what she is getting into.” Sam looks at me, walking toward me, pulling me to his side. I smile up at him.

  Nate then walks toward me. I feel like I’m frozen on the spot. “That’s why you want to wear the mask, so when all this is over, no one will know who you are and you get your life back.”

  I try and form words but nothing comes out, so I just nod. I need to stop nodding.

  “She’s in the band,” he says in a final tone.

  “I can’t believe this shit,” Tegan huffs.

  “You’re in the band,” Naomi shrieks. I beam at her.

  I’m in the band.

  “For now. Don’t get too comfy, sis, this is my band. You are still my PA,” Tegan says.

  “I just want to play.”

  She continues glaring at me before walking away. I finally release the breath that I was holding in, my body relaxing.

  Naomi shrieks again, jumping up and down. “You are
in the band, the fucking band. All that hard work is finally paying off.”

  I start jumping up and down with her. I feel like I’m dreaming.

  “It’s only for a few weeks. Then it will be back to normal,” I tell her.

  “A few weeks is enough to enjoy being in the limelight. Enjoy it while you can.” She is right. Who can say they are going to be the lead guitarist of Blacken Hart? No one may know it’s me that is doing it, but who cares.

  I am not in it for the fame. I just want to know what it would be like to play in front of a crowd.

  “I will enjoy it. At least when I’m at the retirement home when I’m old and wrinkly I can say I played in a well-known band.”

  “That’s the spirit. Now come on, let’s go get a milkshake to celebrate. I fancy one with whipped cream on top.” She rubs her stomach with a dreamy look in her eye.

  “Someone say whipped cream?” Troy stands between us, putting his arms over my and Naomi’s shoulders. “I do like whipped cream.” He winks at Naomi and I swear I can hear her swooning from here. “So, kiddo, sorry for the flirting. Why didn’t you tell me you could play?”

  I shrug. “There was never a point to say.” Which is true. It’s not like they would have asked me to join them.

  “Can you do anything else?”

  I pause for a moment.

  “She can sing, dance, and play the piano,” Naomi says in a cheery tone.

  “Is that right?” He looks at me then back at her. “You are her best friend?”

  If Naomi’s smile could get any bigger her face would break.

  “I am. I’m the one who made her audition.”

  He steps back.

  “Well, I am glad you did.” He gives her his signature smile then looks at me. “You did great, kiddo. I look forward to playing with you. No pun intended.” He starts walking off. “Enjoy the whipped cream, Naomi,” he says before turning and heading where Sam and Nate is. I look at Nate and the smile on my face falls when I notice him watching me.

  How long has he been watching me for? He breaks the spell first by walking out the door.

  “Troy is so hot and he was so hitting on me. It is about time he noticed all this hotness.” She glides her hand up and down her body.

  “You do know he is a player, remember? A dawg,” I remind her.

  “So? If I can have one night beneath the sheets with him, I can die happy.” She looks up at the ceiling. “I bet he would make me scream.”

  Okay, that’s too much information.

  “Thanks for sharing that scary image.” I link my arm with hers.

  “Oh, come on, you know if it were Nate you would let him fuck you anytime, anywhere.”

  I blush just thinking of him even kissing me. “That look on your face says it all. You never know, he may start to see you differently now that he’s going to see how sexy you are with a guitar in your hands.” I start laughing.

  “Thank God you said guitar and not something else.” We both start laughing. “Besides, he sees me like I’m a nobody. He wouldn’t think of me as anything else. Plus, have you seen the girls he shacks up with? They are like model gorgeous.” I sigh. “And I’m sure he’s pining over my sister.” I groan.

  How can I compete with my older sister who screams sex?

  “Don’t remind me. I still don’t know what he sees in her. I need a milkshake more than ever, now that you depressed me.” I chuckle. “At least we have our dreams because tonight I am going to dream up something very dirty that would make the whore blush.” She waggles her eyebrows at me.

  “Again, too much information.” We both laugh, heading out of the building. Before we leave I look back just once, looking at the stage.

  I am going to get to play.

  I just hope my mom and dad are looking down at me right now.

  A few hours with Naomi celebrating me getting in the band was what I needed. I still feel like I’m dreaming and I’m going to wake up any second. I’m on cloud nine until I walk through the front doors and see Tegan standing there glaring at me.

  My happy mood vanishes.

  I walk past her, heading up to my room, but I hear her walking close behind me.

  “We need to talk,” she says, but I don’t say a word. I just continue walking until I reach my room and sit on my bed, waiting for her to tell me once again I shouldn’t be in the band.

  “Tegan, I don’t want you to think I am doing this to hurt you. Can’t you see what an amazing opportunity this is? I am only in the band until your hand gets better.” I plead with her to drop this.

  “I don’t think you know what you are getting yourself into. You see how stressed I get. You will need to learn all the songs as you know Nate doesn’t like playing the same ones at each concert.”

  “I know all the songs, Teegs. I grew up with you and the band. I watched every concert, every practice. I know I can do this.” I see her right eye pulse, so I know she is trying to hold back on her anger.

  “Just quit, Blair. I have looked after you, cared for you since our parents passed away and this is how you repay me? By stabbing me in the back?”

  Where is this coming from?

  “I am the one who has been looking after us.” I stand up, tears burning my eyes. “I am the one who cleaned our childhood home. I made sure I filled the cupboards with food. I worked part-time to keep money coming in as you and the band rehearsed and went to gigs. Even now I am still cleaning up after you and the band,” I say, frustrated.

  “I paid for your college.” She throws in my face.

  “Why do you think I’m your PA? Do you think I even get paid?”

  She pauses thinking it over.

  “I haven’t received one dime since I started working with you. Yes, I sleep here, but I made sure you all get up from your drunken nights to attend your interviews, your concerts, your recording sessions. It’s me. I don’t even get a thank you.” Tears fall down my cheeks.

  “You should have said you weren’t getting paid,” she says matter-of-factly like it’s my fault.

  “I shouldn’t have had to. You should have made sure I was as I’m your little sister. But did I complain? No. You are my family. I want to stay with you and as long as I have a roof over my head and food in my belly I’m fine. We grew up loving music. Mom and Dad always said we were made to shine, to play to the world. You got your dream. I just want to experience it. Only for a little while.” I walk past her out the door, tears falling quickly, and it hurts more that she isn’t even trying to follow me.

  I turn the corner when I almost fall back landing on my ass when a pair of arms grab hold of my waist, steadying me. By the tingles that are rising up my arms I know it’s Nate who caught me, which means he heard every word I said.

  “You okay?” he asks me, concerned. I step out of his touch as I find it hard to think when his arms are around me.

  “I’m okay.” I walk around him down the hall, wanting to reach the movie room. I want to get sucked into a comedy to cheer myself up.

  “I heard what you said.”

  I inwardly groan. “I’m sure you did,” I answer back, not stopping. He strides to my side.

  “You haven’t gotten paid not even once?”

  I shake my head and turn to see him rub the back of his neck, making his arm bulge. When he looks at me my cheeks blush, so I look away.

  “I know you do a lot for your sister and for us all. I have lost count on how many times you have put all our drunken asses into bed.” We both chuckle.

  “It can be funny at times. You all do talk honestly when drunk.” I give him a cheeky smile and he groans.

  “Please don’t tell me that I have said stupid stuff.”

  I wish I could say that he is actually really nice to me when drunk, very open, but I don’t.

  “Now that would be telling.”

  He laughs. “I still can’t believe you at today’s auditions. You were so good. It’s crazy thinking I have been around you for so many years and I did
n’t even know you could play.”

  I shrug. This is probably the longest conversation we have had.

  For him being sober.

  “I’m full of secrets.” I’m not, but it felt right to say.

  He smiles at me. “I bet. So, what are you doing now?”

  I stop walking and face him, biting my lip. I notice his eyes go to my mouth before he looks at the ground then back up at me.

  “I am going to watch a few movies in the movie room. You can join me if you like.” I put my arms behind my back, holding on to my fingers as I wait for his answer when we hear Troy walking up the stairs.

  “Nate man, I just scored us two blond hotties.”

  Behind him two girls with very long legs smile sweetly in our direction.

  “Hey, kiddo, please cover your ears,” he jokes. “They are willing to do anything, and I mean anything.”

  I look at Nate and see his eyes on them.

  “I will let you go and have some, umm, fun,” I stutter over my words.

  “He will. Come on, man.” Troy heads to the girls, whispering something in their ears, making them giggle.

  “Rain check?” he asks me.

  “Of course.” I put on a fake smile and he jogs over to Troy and the girls and wraps his arm over one’s shoulder, saying something into her neck. I watch them head down the hall, a little disappointed.

  What did I truly expect?

  Him to choose me over Miss Long Legs?

  I laugh to myself as I head to the movie room. Going through the bookshelf of DVDs, I pick a few Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell ones. I know their films will make me laugh. I am settling into my seat, a blanket over me when my phone rings. I see the caller ID showing Naomi.

  “Aren’t you sick of me yet that you need to call me?” I laugh.

  “What can I say, I miss you when you leave me.” We both chuckle.

  “What’s up?”

  “I wanted to know if you saw Troy yet and if he asked about me or asked about the whipped cream?” She giggles.