Rekindled Hearts

by Brenda Minton

  “What about your insurance money? The fire had to take a good chunk. How will you buy when you lost so much?”

  “I’m not in as bad a shape as some of the people around here.”

  “Fine, I get that, but I drove over here to show you these properties because you asked.”

  Lexi sighed. “Okay, I’ll look at the houses, but you have to give me room to breathe. I’m going to make this decision on my own.”

  Her mom smiled, pleased and thinking she had won. Lexi skimmed over the properties that two hours ago she wouldn’t have considered. Now she had to consider them, and her future. Colt had been shot at, and he hadn’t bothered to tell her.

  Colt drove past Lexi’s three times and on the fourth trip down her street, her mom’s car was gone. He pulled in and parked next to Lexi’s truck. He didn’t get out. Instead he sat in his Jeep and looked at her house.

  He didn’t know what he was going to say to her. He couldn’t go in, accusing her of keeping things from him. Not when he had things he’d kept to himself.

  For three hours he’d been beating himself up, because he hadn’t been there for her. But then again, she had very carefully closed him out during those last six months of their marriage. She had distanced herself and so had he.

  Colt walked up to the front door and she opened it before he could knock. Her nose flared and her eyes narrowed. She crossed her arms and stared, and he was the one that was taken by surprise. He had planned on being the one doing the confronting, not the one feeling defensive.

  That look did it, though. He took a step back and nearly apologized before she told him why she was mad.

  “You should have told me.” Her brows arched and her head tilted, waiting for an answer to an accusation he didn’t get.

  “What should I have told you? Maybe we should talk about things you should have told me.”

  “I tried to get you to let me in, to share what you were going through. What else could I have said?”

  “You could have told me you were pregnant.” He lowered his voice and took another step, leaning against the door frame, wanting her to walk into his arms.

  She didn’t. Instead she sighed and shook her head. “I was never pregnant. I wouldn’t have kept that from you. No matter what.”

  A catch in her voice told the story that her words wouldn’t tell. He moved, wanting to pull her close, but he didn’t. He wasn’t ready, and from the steely look in her eyes, she wasn’t looking for someone to comfort her.

  “Your mom said…”

  Lexi shook her head. Her lips pursed and her nose turned pink. She didn’t cry. “I thought I was pregnant, but I wasn’t. I was happy, sad, I don’t know, about a million emotions that I can’t begin to explain to you.”

  “I think I understand.” Because even now, thinking of her having his child did unexpected things to his heart, to his brain. And thinking that they might never have a family, that twisted other emotions.

  He came to terms with one fact: that he wanted more than friendship with her. He wanted her back in his life.

  He wanted to hit something. He wanted to hold her close and tell her they could work this out. He wanted to scream to God that this wasn’t fair, because it shouldn’t hurt so much to love someone, to want to give them everything and to be afraid of taking more than that, leaving them with nothing.

  “You didn’t tell me Parsons shot at you,” she whispered and tears did fill her eyes, spilling out on her sunburned cheeks.

  “I didn’t want you to worry.”

  “I can deal with worry, Colt. I can’t deal with you hiding things from me. I can’t deal with you not trusting me to be strong and to have faith. That’s something that has changed in the last two years. I’m a stronger person. I have stronger faith.”

  “I know you’re strong.”

  “So, we’re back to square one, back to you trying so hard to protect me that you pull away from me.”

  “Maybe, I don’t know.”

  “I still love you.”

  He had never felt so gut-stomped in his life. He sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes, thinking how that felt, to hear those words again after so many years. How right it felt.

  And how much it scared him.

  “Lexi…”

  “No, I’m not asking you to say something. I’m not trying to put you on the spot. I just wanted you to know that I can’t be just a friend.”

  “Okay, that’s fair.” And now what? Where did he go from here? “What do we do now?”

  With feelings that weren’t over and done with?

  “I don’t know, Colt. I can’t do this anymore, trying to be your friend and knowing that there are still walls between us.”

  Clear blue eyes stared at him, waiting for his answer. Friendship. He had been fooling himself, too. Calling it friendship had been a safe way for him to be in her life again.

  “Lexi, how do we go back?”

  “I’m not asking you to go back. I’m telling you that I’m moving forward.”

  “You’re going back to Manhattan?” This was coming at him too fast to think the rational thoughts he needed, the words that would have pleaded for her to stay, to give them a second chance.

  She didn’t want a second chance at the same old thing. He didn’t have to ask her to know how true that was. Him, his job, it was still who he was.

  When she nodded, he wasn’t surprised.

  “Yes, I’m thinking about moving back to Manhattan. I don’t know what else to do at this point. I’ve changed, Colt.”

  “And you think I haven’t.”

  “Have you?”

  He took a step back from her doorway. “I don’t know. I’m still me. I’m still a cop. And I still wouldn’t want anything to hurt you.”

  “Those aren’t bad things, Colt.”

  “Maybe not. But I don’t know if I can be the man you need me to be.” He turned and walked away, but she was in the doorway, the light of her living room behind her, and he kept thinking of Gavin on that moonless night, and Gavin’s wife, stoic as tears coursed their way down her cheeks.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “This can’t be the end.” Jill tossed the romance novel on the table in front of them and turned to look at Lexi. “I thought you said it was good?”

  “It was sort of good. At least it has a happy ending.”

  “Yeah, the heroine in that book wasn’t stubborn and intent on driving the love of her life out of her life. Of course they got together in the end and had their happy-ever-after.”

  “Is there a point in that statement?”

  Jill put her feet up on the coffee table and made a face.

  “Of course there’s a point. My point is that you and Colt are both stubborn, and you both have to learn to give a little and see each other’s side of this love story.”

  “Thank you, Dr. Jill.”

  Jill laughed. “You’re so welcome. Remember to pay when you receive my bill.”

  “I’ll buy your supper instead. Let’s go to Isabella’s.” Lexi stood up, needing a change of pace and a change of subject.

  “Isabella’s is closed. They’re having an electrical problem.”

  “Pizza?” Lexi would have eaten dirt to change the subject.

  “No, I’m pizza’d out.”

  “Oh, come on, Jill.” Lexi sat back down. “Let’s do something.”

  “I want to talk about those real estate magazines on the coffee table.”

  “They show houses for sale.” Lexi picked up one of the magazines. “Very pretty homes.”

  “You don’t want one of those.”

  “I know I don’t. I want that little house a mile east of town, the one that has a covered front porch, a fenced yard and five acres.”

  “A swing in the backyard and a little playhouse.”

  “I want it for the land and the covered porch.”

  Jill laughed and jerked the magazine out of Lexi’s hand. She swatted Lexi on the arm with the rolled-up paper.
“You want a happy ending. You want Colt to walk through the door and tell you he’ll do all of the right things.”

  “Would that be so bad?”

  “No one ever does all of the right things, Lex. That only happens in daydreams of fourteen-year-olds. You could ditch Colt and find something that looks better from the outside, but then you’ll realize that the replacement has problems, too.” Jill smiled big. “Like computers, you know, we constantly get new updated programs. But each year, when the updates are complete, there are still problems. It’s like you trade one glitch for another.”

  “So, what you’re saying is that they all stink, leave dirty clothes on the floor and forget to wash their coffee cup?”

  “Exactly. And they all have something that is going to drive us crazy. Colt is a worrier. But he’s been in church for the last couple of weeks. He’s trying to have faith.”

  “I know.” Lexi glanced down at the listings of homes for sale. “I don’t really want to leave.”

  “Then don’t. If you stay, that doesn’t mean working things out with Colt. Or maybe it does. But don’t go.”

  “Because you’d miss me?” Lexi teased.

  “A lot of people would miss you.”

  “I would miss it here, but I don’t think I can stay and do this friendship thing with Colt. This is a small town and we’re always going to be around each other. I don’t know how to stay here and watch him go on with his life with someone else.”

  “Take time, Lexi. Pray about this.”

  “Let’s go do something. There are a few teams from church that are working on houses in town, helping with repairs that insurance wouldn’t cover.”

  “It’s six o’clock.”

  “They’re putting up lights and working late. It’s supposed to rain in a few days and they want to get some work done before that happens.”

  “You’re serious?” Jill reached for her shoes. “What about eating?”

  “We can make a sandwich.”

  “This is about avoiding dealing with your feelings for Colt, right?”

  “My feelings have never been a secret, Jill.” Lexi smiled, because this was a move to leave the conversation behind.

  “Okay, let’s go. What do you have in the fridge?” Jill was already crossing the room and opening the door to peek in at the contents. “Smoked turkey?”

  “Sounds good. I’ll grab the bread and get us some bottled water.”

  “Do you want to drive?” Jill slapped turkey on the bread.

  “No, they’re just a block down the road. We can walk.” Lexi tossed a piece of turkey into the kennel with the sheltie. “There you go, Lassie.”

  “I can’t believe he got you that dog.”

  Lexi reached into the kennel and the dog licked her fingers. The puppies, four of them, curled around the momma, and they were growing fast. They were almost ready for Josie and Alyssa to spend time with them.

  Lexi needed to write a note to remind herself to talk to the girls to see what they planned on doing to bring Josie and Silas together. And then she felt a little silly, because she was involving herself in the matchmaking attempts of two little girls. Did she really want to help stick sweet Josie Cane with Silas Marstow?

  “Lexi?”

  “I’m listening. The dog was sweet. Come on.”

  Jill opened the front door and Lexi followed her out, locking it behind them. She glanced in the direction of her burned-out home. Another dream undone.

  She had other dreams. She could check into homes in Manhattan. Or she could start with the house on the east side of High Plains. Purely out of curiosity, she planned on making an appointment to see it. Maybe if she saw it she would have her answer. If she loved it and could buy it, she would stay. That sounded simple enough.

  As they walked, she tried to think about life in Manhattan, and how different it would be. She wouldn’t have these friends or her church. She wouldn’t have her patients or people like the Stalwarts.

  “Earth to Lexi.” Jill bumped her arm. “What’s up?”

  “I was thinking about how it would feel to leave here.”

  “I wish you wouldn’t.”

  Lexi shrugged. “I know. Don’t worry, I’m not going to make hasty decisions. Okay, I guess I am being a little crazy about this, but I promise I’ll slow down and pray.”

  “I’m glad to hear that. I do think you should look at that house you like. Oh, and think about your friends.”

  “You’re right, I have a great career and wonderful friends. But Manhattan isn’t the other side of the world. We could still get together for lunch and to shop.”

  “At real stores?”

  “As if our stores in High Plains aren’t real,” Lexi teased.

  “Shall we go to the Bartons’ house?” Jill pointed to a house a block away from where they were. Blue tarps still covered a vast section of roof. Lexi nodded her head. The entire town had been covered with blue tarps after the tornado. A quick fix for roofs that leaked, until someone could do the job of getting them fixed.

  Most of the tarps were gone, now. But there were still a few people who couldn’t afford the repairs and weren’t getting government assistance. The blue tarps still covered sections of those roofs. All over town, churches were doing fundraisers to meet those needs.

  High Plains Community Church had raised thousands of dollars at their carnival. And now the Garrisons’ lumberyard was helping out with supplies. Lexi followed Jill to where Michael stood, a hammer in his hand and a perplexed look on his face.

  “Problem?” Jill asked, smiling a little too big, a little too amused.

  “I set my bag of nails down and now I can’t find them.”

  Lexi pointed to his baseball cap, turned upside down on the bed of his truck. “Are those the nails, in your cap?”

  He shook his head and laughed. “That’s where I put them.”

  “Love does crazy things to a man,” Lexi teased. “What can we do to help? With the building, I mean. Not with your relationship.”

  “Good question. I think the guys are looking for someone to help with the siding.”

  “Sounds like a job we can handle.” Lexi pulled on leather work gloves that she’d stuffed into her pocket when they left the house. And Jill walked away, because she’d seen the man of her dreams.

  “Lexi, Colt left town.” Michael took the bag of nails out of his hat and dropped them into the tool belt he’d strapped around his waist. “Did he talk to you?”

  “No.” Her lungs caught, and she waited for the rest, because there had to be more. His eyes were narrowed and he looked down, staring at a spot on the ground for a full minute before looking up to make eye contact.

  “He has a friend on the Wichita police force. I think he was going to visit him, maybe go fishing.”

  “He needs some time off.”

  “I’m worried that it’s more than time off. He’s mentioned in the past that his friend keeps trying to talk him into moving over there.”

  “He won’t leave, Michael.” Or would he? Not that it mattered to her. They were moving on. Maybe they were both going in new directions?

  She leaned against the side of the truck and waited for the world to stop spinning. She had come to terms with the idea of her life without him in it. But she had planned it with him still in High Plains, close enough to touch.

  This ached deep inside her, the way it had hurt two years ago when they’d finally called it quits.

  “Lexi, don’t give up.”

  She nodded and remembered that only moments earlier she’d been thinking about faith, and all of that peace she thought she had. Closing her eyes, she realized it was still there, still within grasp.

  A prayer away.

  She sighed and let out a deep breath. “I’m fine.”

  “Of course you are.” Michael handed her a hammer. “And one thing to remember, Colt is praying. He came to me and asked me to pray with him.”

  “That’s good. And really, maybe it’s time fo
r Colt and me to move on, to let go of the past.”

  Letting go didn’t feel good. But it felt a lot like letting God have control, and she knew He wasn’t surprised by any of this. As surely as He had taken care of Tommy, and Kasey, even Jesse Logan, as surely as He had planned a special friendship between Alyssa and Lilli, she knew He would take care of her. He would take care of Colt.

  Colt flexed his fingers on the steering wheel because he’d been driving for hours. Somewhere along the way he’d changed directions. He’d been on the road, heading for Wichita, but he’d taken a different exit, a highway going north and then east. He was heading for Iowa, and Gavin’s family.

  He needed to know that they were okay.

  For whatever reason, they held the key to his own future. He didn’t know how to explain that, so he hadn’t told anyone. He had called his buddy in the Wichita police department and told him he couldn’t make it, not this week. But he hadn’t called home.

  Lexi. He wanted to call her, to tell her he was thinking about her. He wouldn’t. They hadn’t spoken all week. By the time he got home, she might be gone, back to Manhattan.

  If he let her go, she’d find someone else. She’d have a family. With someone else. And that was the right thing. Or so he’d been telling himself. She deserved security in the form of a husband who would come home every night, always be there for her and the kids they would have.

  She would never get that knock on the door, telling her that her husband had been killed in the line of duty.

  And as he thought through those ideas, he remembered Michael asking him where faith came into all of this. And Colt had known then that he couldn’t continue to control his own life, not like this. He had spent a few years, quite a few, having faith in his own abilities. It had landed him here, on this road, divorced and living with the guilt of something he couldn’t control.

  So he was on his way to Iowa, because he had lived with guilt for three years and it was time to face Gavin’s wife. He needed to know that she’d forgiven him.

  And then he’d move on. Whatever that meant.

  He drove faster, miles slipping away as he approached the little town in southwest Iowa where Lisa lived, with the three kids she’d had with Gavin. Three kids, left without a dad. A wife, left to carry on alone.