Give Me Strength

by Kate McCarthy

  “Sure,” I agreed, and hearing a playful growl, our heads turned towards the dogs. In my inattention, Rufus had wrenched his bandage off and both dogs were proceeding to chew on it, taking great delight in tearing the thick threads apart.

  “Great.” Mac clapped happily. “I’ll introduce you to the rest of the band tomorrow then.” She turned to Henry, the pleased expression disappearing in favour of an irritated frown. “Have you heard from Sandwich?”

  “Um…Sandwich?” I echoed.

  “Evie,” she told me.

  My eyebrows flew up. “You call Evie Sandwich?”

  Henry just shrugged as Mac picked up her phone, her fingers a blur as she typed out a message. “Yeah, for her name: Jamieson. Jam. Jam sandwich. Now it’s just Sandwich. Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it.”

  Henry tugged his own phone from the front pocket of his jeans and started typing out a message as well, so I asked to use the bathroom.

  Mac waved her hand. “Sure,” she replied and directed me to the upstairs location.

  I wound my way up the staircase, stepped inside, and shut the door behind me.

  ***

  “Hey, Travis,” I heard Mac call out as I unbuttoned my pants. “What are you doing here? Didn’t you have to drop Casey at the airport this morning?”

  I paused, my hands frozen on my button because every word Mac uttered sent a tingle of awareness down the length of my spine.

  “I was supposed to but I had company. Mitch stopped by early this morning to pick him up and drop him off,” came the deep rumble of a voice that was so familiar my heart skipped a beat.

  What the hell? I knew that voice. It was both rough and soothing, sending me straight back to last night when Travis, with one arm wrapped around my waist keeping me close, had used the other to unlock his front door, all the while murmuring suggestive words in my ear that had me shivering with desire.

  I shook my head. I must have heard wrong. Shrugging it off, I undid the zip on my pants, pausing when Mac spoke again.

  “Company?” I heard her snort. “You are such a manwhore.”

  He laughed and I knew that laugh. Travis had arched my body over the bed, flicking his tongue down the length of my stomach, dipping playfully into my belly button and letting out a throaty chuckle when I’d squirmed breathlessly.

  My knees buckled and I sank down on the closed lid of the toilet seat, my eyes darting about the enclosed confines like they were on crack—or looking for an escape hatch.

  “So where is your company now?” I heard Henry ask.

  Good question, Henry. I covered my face with my hands, fighting a hysterical laugh because his company was currently sitting on the toilet in the throes of a panic attack. I couldn’t go out there looking like utter rubbish. My only course of action was to wait it out. I hunched over on myself, disbelief making my face hot.

  “She left me,” he replied.

  I heard Mac snort. “Of course she did, you sorry ass. All the good ones do.”

  After waiting out a few moments of muffled conversation, I heard Mac call out, “Quinn? Come and meet my brother.”

  Brother?

  I gave the toilet roll an incredulous stare.

  Travis was Mac’s brother?

  My hands shook as I tore off a few sheets of toilet paper and dabbed at the sheen of sweat breaking out on my brow.

  “Won’t be a minute,” I shouted.

  It was now or never. I had no choice but to go back out there. Hiding out in the toilet for the next however long Travis planned on hanging around would not be a good look for me.

  I stood, inhaled deeply, and reached for the handle of the door.

  “I have to get going anyway, Mac. I’ll meet Quinn another day,” I heard Travis call from somewhere inside the duplex. The sound of a phone ringing cut through the silence, and I heard him answer.

  “Yeah?”

  I stood frozen, my hand hovering over the door handle.

  “Can’t today, Tim. Tell the AFP to set the meeting up for tomorrow morning okay? Did they say what it was about?” The sound was echoing down the hallway, moving its way towards the front door. His voice trailed off as the door opened and closed with an audible click. Shaky with relief at avoiding an awkward encounter, I removed my hand from the door handle and instead moved to the basin. I flicked on the tap and cold water gushed over my hands, soothing away the abuse my nerves had suffered today.

  When I wound my way back out onto the outdoor deck, Mac was sitting there by herself, chatting on the phone.

  She held up a finger to indicate she would only be a minute, so I watched the dogs for a moment. Rufus appeared thrilled to have a playmate. Both he and Peter had moved on from chewing the bandage to eating what looked like someone’s brand new shoe. This Peter character was utterly adorable, but he obviously knew it; he was going to teach my dog bad habits. If Rufus came home thinking shit like that would fly in my house, he would have another thing coming.

  “Are you okay?”

  I turned. Mac had hung up the phone and was eyeing me curiously.

  No, I was definitely not okay. I couldn’t believe the day I’d had today. I needed to go home and have a nice hot shower, an icy cool wine, and find my bed. The problem with that was that I knew the dreams I’d be having tonight, and they would be hot.

  I smiled at Mac because after everything I had a job. A great one. “Of course.”

  Mac remained sceptical, arching her brow at me. “Okay. You just looked a little pale there for a moment, but now your cheeks are all flushed.”

  “I’m fine, really. So tell me…” I began and resumed my seat, the curiosity to hear more about Travis overwhelming me. “You said you had a brother? That must be nice.”

  Mac froze from collecting her bits of paper on the table and looked at me. “You think? I have three of them. All older.” She shuddered theatrically.

  Travis times three? My eyebrows flew up.

  “First there’s Mitch, the eldest at thirty. He’s a detective with the Sydney Police. Travis, who was just here earlier, is twenty-eight, and Jared, who’s dating Evie, is twenty-six. I’m the youngest at twenty-four.”

  Forgetting my curiosity for the moment, I imagined how nice it must have been to have three older brothers looking out for you. Tears burned my eyes and I averted them, hiding the sharp burst of pain. “All older, huh?” I murmured wistfully. “Must be nice to have that.”

  Mac finished fussing with her papers and folded her arms. “You know, it has its moments, but yeah, it’s nice, and if I hear you spreading that shit around, I’ll call you a liar.” She winked at me to soften the words, but I was pretty sure she meant them.

  Clearing my throat, I asked, “So what do uh… Travis and Jared do?”

  “They own a consulting business together. Evie’s older brother Coby is a partner as well, and so is Casey, a guy that Travis went to uni with.”

  Considering the size and location of the loft I was in last night—all retro red brick interior feature walls, modern leather couches and a high-tech kitchen—I could only conclude the consulting they did was a lucrative business. Places like that came with a mortgage I was sure would pay off the national debt.

  “What sort of consulting do they do?” I asked, sitting back in my seat, imagining engineering or investment banking.

  “They consult on kidnapping and hostage cases mostly and are slowly building a security division that Jared is taking over. Travis has a degree in psychology and both have associate degrees in policing practice.”

  “What do you do?”

  “I’m a consultant,” he said with a wave of his hand as though it wasn’t important. “What about you?”

  Travis might have been seriously sexy in bed, smart, and some kind of tough guy, but he was obviously someone who wasn’t keen on talking about what he did for a living. “It’s not dangerous work, is it?”

  “It is,” she replied and rattled off all their injuries, which included Casey rolling hi
s car, Jared being knifed, and Travis getting shot. I flinched yet she continued on. “Travis and Casey handle most of the custody cases that escalate into unsafe situations.” A small furrow marred her perfect brow, and she gazed off in the distance, her eyes unseeing. “I’m starting to think the job is getting to Travis though.”

  My heart gave a lurch, which was odd because I barely knew him. To say it didn’t sound like an easy job to do was an understatement, but I said it anyway.

  Her eyes softened. “I know. Every week he sees abused children and that must be really hard.”

  My hands shook. Seeing it must be hard? Oh God, try living with it: the anxiety and fear, the pain, locking your door at night yet still unable to sleep, the feeling of being utterly alone and never seeing a way out.

  Mac continued, “I think he needs—”

  Breathless, I stood up and banged the table, knocking Mac’s half empty bottle of water and cutting her off. It tipped, spilling everywhere.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry.” Tears burned from both my clumsy and emotional behaviour. “I’ll just get a cloth,” I blurted out and ran inside.

  “Quinn!” Mac called. “It’s just water.”

  I grabbed a cloth from the kitchen sink and paused to take a deep shaky breath, trying to push the memories away.

  “Quinn?”

  Flustered, I spun around, wringing the bit of material in my hands.

  “Is everything okay?”

  “Sorry,” I offered. “I’m not usually so…” I was going to say clumsy, but that was a lie. “I guess I’m just a bit nervous about starting the new role.”

  “Well being nervous is good, right? Means you care about doing a good job.” She tilted her head. “Why don’t I show you the office? Then we can talk all the boring stuff, like paperwork, and get your employment forms drawn up.”

  Mac ushered me into the back office and pointed to a huge black and white photo mounted on a board that took up half the wall. “That’s Jamieson,” she said. I could hear the pride in her voice, and it thrilled me to know this was something I was about to become a part of.

  The photo was of the band playing on stage. “Evie...” she pointed “...who you sort of met this morning. She’s mostly the lead singer but is amazing on the guitar too when she gets it out. Henry, as you know, is lead guitarist, but he can play bass as well, and sometimes he sings. I met them both when we were living in Melbourne. We all went to university together. That’s Frog…” she pointed to the bass player “…and that’s Cooper.” She pointed to the keyboardist. “They’re pretty tight, and be wary... They’re letches.” She chuckled but it died off when she pointed at the drummer. “That’s Jake,” she said and her lips pressed flat. Then I thought I heard her mutter, “the asshole,” but I couldn’t be sure, so I leaned forward to get a closer look. He was shirtless, with a wide chest and powerful shoulders. His hair was a buzz cut and tattoos covered his entire left arm, his right shoulder, and one around his torso. He looked serious and intense, absorbed in the action of pounding the drums.

  Mac sat down at the desk and ushered me over. She tapped on the keyboard and called up the schedule. She ran over the next two weeks with me, handed me a pile of employment papers and a contract. “Check it carefully,” she warned. “We have a confidentiality clause in there you need to know back to front.”

  She handed over an iPad and an iPhone. “Here. That phone is for business calls. When you have to go out, you’ll need to divert the office phone to the iPhone, okay?” I nodded and she continued. “It’s all synced to this computer and my iPhone and iPad as well. You’ll now be in charge of keeping the schedule updated. Here...” she handed me another large envelope. “This is original signed paperwork that needs to go to Jettison Records. That needs to be delivered first thing in the morning, so why don’t you do that and then come here and get yourself acquainted in the office first. Then you can meet us on set for the music video at lunch time and meet the rest of the band.”

  I gratefully agreed, grabbing what I needed from the desk before Mac ushered me into the kitchen where Henry was pouring a cold drink.

  “Where’s our drink, asshead?”

  Henry smirked and levered himself up on the kitchen counter. “Get your own.”

  Mac glared and then looked at me pointedly. “See what I have to deal with? Welcome to my world.” She huffed and opened the fridge. “Do you know if Sandwich is doing the shop? There’s no food.” She half turned to face me. “Another drink, Quinn?”

  I declined and she opened a bottle of Diet Coke. The front door slammed and Evie came whizzing into the kitchen. She looked different then she did when she took off hurriedly this morning. A grin was splitting her face a mile wide. It was infectious and I found myself smiling back as she opened the fridge and grabbed her own drink, and Mac introduced us properly.

  “So tell us,” Mac demanded, hands on her hips.

  Evie raised her brows at Mac. “Tell you what?”

  “Chook,” Henry said warningly to Evie from his seated position on the kitchen bench. “She’s gonna blow!”

  Henry chuckled as Mac tried to push him off.

  “Jared bought a house and we’re moving in together.”

  Silence reigned as both Mac and Henry froze, so I figured this must be pretty big news. I wondered how it would feel, that sweet burst of love, of sharing it with someone else every day and building a life together. Immediately I thought of Travis and my chest burned. I rubbed at it a little. Was it possible for water to give you indigestion?

  “Sorry, did you say you and my brother were moving in together?”

  “Uh, yeah, I did,” Evie replied.

  Henry scooted off the bench, folded Evie in his arms, and whispered something in her ear. I could see her eyes soften, and then Mac was squeezing her hard. I felt like I was intruding on a private moment and took a step back.

  “I love you, you know I do,” Mac told Evie when she pulled back, “but you know what this means.”

  “I do?”

  She started to chuckle slowly until it escalated into a full on wheezing, tear streaming, hyperventilating moment. “Sandwich,” she choked out.

  “What?” Evie shouted.

  “Your days of chips and chocolate are numbered. From now on it’s mung beans and grilled chicken all the way.”

  Henry also started to wheeze with laughter and looking at the three of them, I had absolutely no idea what was going on.

  She flexed her jaw. “Thanks for the support.”

  Henry waved a hand at her as they both gasped for air. Evie muttered a “nice to meet you” at me, grabbed her bag, and said, “I’ll be in the damn car waiting when you’re all ready to leave.”

  ***

  At around six that evening I was utterly exhausted from a day I was still trying to wrap my head around. Putting a tray of chicken in the oven, I started to relax, but a phone call from Mac ensured the day had not finished with me yet. I picked it up, answering absentmindedly as I placed a saucepan on the stove top.

  “Quinn?”

  “Hi, Mac.”

  She paused. “There’s a slight problem. I missed giving you some of the paperwork today that needs to go to Jettison Records in the morning.”

  “Oh. Well that’s okay. I can just leave a little earlier and swing by to get it first thing.”

  “That won’t work because we’ll be out early. They want us on set at six in the morning, and I forgot to give you a key. Can you come get it now?”

  “Actually, Mac, I sort of can’t leave right now. I’m sorry. Can I swing by in maybe an hour or so?”

  Justin was eating dinner here tonight, and I was in the middle of making it. We traded business. He walked Rufus for me every other day, and I fed him a home cooked meal. Food for Justin was a high commodity. It made sense because not only did he share an apartment with three other guys, he was also Lucy’s younger brother. Justin never ate anything at their place. Neither did I for that matter, but Justin was moving soon
. Finished with uni, he was taking a new job interstate, and I was losing my dog walker.

  “Okay. Um…hang on,” Mac told me.

  I heard a muffled sound as though she was putting her hand over the speaker. “Travis,” she hissed.

  Oh no.

  “I need you to drop some papers over to Quinn’s on your way to Mum and Dad’s place.”

  Her words left me feeling like my body had just plummeted through an open trapdoor beneath my feet. I spun around from the stove and glanced down at my very unsexy, but very comfortable, pink fairy princess pyjamas, and I knew that just having washed my hair, it would be fluffed out to wild proportions.

  “Mac,” I heard him say, sounding put out. “Can’t you do it?”

  “No, I have to get to Mum’s early to help with dinner. I don’t have time. Come on, asshead. It won’t take a second.”

  “Mac,” I shouted down the phone. “Really, it’s okay. I can—”

  “No, no,” she cut me off. “It’s all good. Travis said he’d love to help out.” I heard a loud thump and a muffled ouch. “He’s going to deliver them to you, okay? Just hang tight. He’ll be there in half an hour.”

  “Uh…well I think—”

  She cut me off again with, “Anyway, I have to go. Thanks so much Quinn. I’ll see you tomorrow,” and hung up the phone.

  My fingers dialled Lucy in a panic. Yes, she only lived next door, but there was no time for such pleasantries as knocking on the door.

  “Yo, Quinny,” she answered.

  “Lucy.” I poured out two wines and tucking my phone between my ear and my shoulder, I raced into the bedroom and sat them on the bedside table. “I have a problem and I need you here yesterday.”

  I flung open the wardrobe door.

  “Calm down and tell Lucy what’s wrong,” Lucy said in her fake, soothing voice. I know it’s fake because it takes on a low, drawn-out pitch when she thinks I’m behaving like a five year old, which quite frankly, I knew I was doing right now, but I had good reason.