Give Me Strength

by Kate McCarthy

  My brows drew together. “You do?”

  “We do?” Mac echoed.

  “You gotta walk around in your underwear.”

  “Henry!” Evie yelled. She yanked a couch cushion out from behind Jared and flung it at Henry’s head. It bounced off harmlessly and settled on the floor.

  “Not you two,” Henry replied, shuddering theatrically. “God! You’re like my sisters. Seeing you both in your itty bitties makes me wanna sandblast my eyes.”

  “Well think of Quinn like your sister,” Mac snapped out.

  When my eyes fell on Travis, he was frowning at Henry.

  My purse buzzed again and thankful for the interruption, I stood, scattering biscuit crumbs to the floor. Peter was quick to remove himself from Jared’s lap and scrambled over to hoover the mess.

  “Excuse me,” I told the room, and picking up my phone, I answered the call. “Lucy.” I left the living room for the back deck. Peter charged out behind me, and Rufus fell on him in a giant, quivery mass of furry elation.

  “You called and didn’t leave a message,” was her irritated reply. Lucy hated when people didn’t leave a message, but she had an automated answer service because she couldn’t work out her messagebank. No one liked leaving messages on an automated service.

  “Lucy.” I watched Peter yip as Rufus bounded in circles around him. “David’s out.”

  “He’s what?” she whipped out.

  I sucked a deep breath into my lungs and let it out slowly. “David’s out of prison.”

  There was a pause. “How do you know that?”

  There was another pause where I thought about how to explain without Lucy going all Uma Thurman in Kill Bill.

  “Oh my God. Where are you?” she asked. “Are you okay? Oh God, oh God, oh God,” she chanted. “Answer me, dammit.”

  “I’m okay. I’m at the duplex.”

  “Thank fuck,” she moaned.

  I sat down at the outdoor table and gave her a quick overview.

  “I’m coming over,” she announced.

  I was so relieved tears burned my eyes. “Thanks, Luce,” I whispered. Knowing she would drive like a bat out of hell to get here, I added, “Drive safe.”

  She growled something in reply before hanging up.

  “Quinn?”

  I looked up. Evie was standing there, two glasses of wine in her hands. She plopped one down in front of me and took the opposite seat. She looked effortlessly sexy in her black skinny jeans and three-quarter sleeved silver top. Her hair tumbled down her back in a wild riot of waves. It made me realise my own was a windblown mess. I brushed at it self-consciously.

  “I’ve sent everyone away. Mac and Henry have gone shopping, and the boys are next door. It’s just us—sort of. Jared, Travis, and Mitch are still inside. I just…” She paused, her eyes filling a little. “I know we don’t know the full story, but I know what it’s like to have someone after you. It’s like a black, heavy weight on your chest like you can’t get a breath. I had a stalker. It wasn’t even a fan,” she muttered with a short laugh. “Just some asshole that was pissed off at Jared.” She picked up her glass while nudging mine towards me. “In the end I was given an opening and went after him myself.” She grinned at me before taking a sip of wine and sitting it back down. “Can you imagine Jared’s reaction?”

  If he was anything like Travis, I was pretty sure I could.

  “He freaked out actually and left me. Blamed himself for the whole bloody thing.” She looked down at her hands.

  “But you two are so madly in love?”

  “We are. It wasn’t until later, when I got past the anger, that I realised being apart from me was killing him just as much. We worked through it though.”

  “The papers say that you…” I trailed off, realising I was dredging up memories for her that were best left alone.

  “I did. I shot that man and he died, and I’d never been more scared in all my life. But do you know what Jared said?”

  I shook my head in reply.

  “He said, ‘Courage is fighting fear head on, baby. As long as you have that, you’ll get through.’” Her chin pushed into her neck as she growled out the words in imitation of Jared and I giggled.

  “But do you know what he doesn’t know?”

  I shook my head again and took a sip of the warm, red wine.

  “Having him behind me, and all my friends…” she waved a hand around towards the duplex “…is what gave me that courage. We’re your friends now, Quinn. Granted, we might not know you that well yet, but I know enough. We all know enough to see the sweetness in your smile and the shadows in your eyes. If you need courage, Quinn, know that we’re standing behind you.”

  I didn’t know how to respond. “Thanks, Evie.”

  She nodded and downed the rest of her wine, urging me to do the same. Finished, she grabbed my hand. “Come on. There’s a brand new bed in my old room. I bought it and took my old one to our house at Bondi. We can put some sheets on it for you.”

  We passed through the kitchen where Travis, Jared, and Mitch appeared involved in a heated discussion. Silence fell and I could feel their eyes on us while we raided the linen cupboard. Evie filled my arms with sheets and thick quilts, and I stumbled up the stairs behind her, finally disappearing from their view.

  Evie insisted on putting the bed together while I put my things away in the wardrobe, chattering all the while about the single Jamieson was due to release later that month. Soon we were done and could hear Mac and Henry returning, bringing Lucy in their wake because I could hear her talking loudly.

  “We’re back,” Mac shouted up the stairs, “and I’ve got the makings for mojitos! Arriba, arriba!”

  “That’s Mexican, Mactard,” we heard Henry say.

  “What’s Mexican?”

  “Arriba, arriba,” he replied.

  “So?”

  “Mojitos are Cuban,” I heard Travis say.

  “What the fuck ever,” Mac said, clearly irritated.

  I shuddered. Mojitos weren’t my thing. It was the limes. Lucy made a bad prawn and lime risotto once, and the four of us—Rick, Lucy, Justin and I—had been up sick all night. I’d hunched over the toilet and tossed what I was sure was every cookie I’d ever eaten in my entire life. Limes and I had never collided since.

  When Evie left I promised I would be down in a minute, yet when I left, I wound my way to the back deck to check on Rufus. Dusk was coming. The air was getting chilly and a pink glow was warming the horizon. I pulled my cardigan tightly together and folded my arms when the sound of someone lighting a cigarette came from my right. Glancing sideways, Travis was caught in the illuminated glow. He was leaning back in the deck chair, elbows resting casually along the timber arms as he exhaled a long plume of smoke.

  “You smoke?”

  He shrugged. “Sometimes. When I need to think.”

  I forced my legs to approach where he sat. “It hasn’t been the best day.”

  Travis met my eyes without moving, and I thought my heart would beat out of my chest. “You could say that.”

  “Look,” I began, and scratched awkwardly at my brow. “About today. I appreciate you helping out. I’m sorry I got you involved in my mess but you shouldn’t feel obligated after…after…”

  His jaw clenched as he leaned over and stubbed his cigarette out in the nearby ashtray. He stood up, close enough that his chest brushed against mine. I took a step back.

  He cocked a brow at me. “After I fucked you?”

  My cheeks flamed wildly, even as lust had the breath leaving my body at the thought of him doing it again. “I haven’t made that common knowledge.”

  “Christ,” he muttered.

  “What?”

  He shook his head irritably. “You think I helped you because I fucked you and now I’m gonna tell everyone?”

  God. He needed to stop saying that. I took another step back. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “What did you mean then?”

&n
bsp; “Effing hell, Quinn, get your butt inside right this— Oh...”

  We turned towards the door. Lucy stood there with her mouth open. She cleared her throat. “Sorry, I’m just gonna…” she indicated behind her with a hand wave. She winked at me and disappeared inside.

  My eyes returned to Travis. I had no idea what to say. With one last lingering look at his face, I turned and retreated back inside.

  ***

  “Oh my fucking God, Mac. I thought you said you knew how to make mojitos?” Evie yelled.

  Returning to the living room, I passed by Jared and Mitch in the office. Mac and Evie were both busy blending up a storm in the kitchen, and Henry and Lucy were on the couch.

  She met my eyes with indecision. She didn’t know whether to tackle me to the ground in excitement at seeing me with Travis, or smother me out of fear after what happened today.

  “Sit down on the couch, Quinn,” Mac yelled over the roar of the blender. “It’s mojito time!”

  The last thing I felt like doing was sitting around drinking and chatting. Today had been a wild roller coaster ride, and whenever I got off those things I always felt like I was going to fall off the end of the earth. Now it seemed the current plan was to add alcohol to that. And limes. Yet I found myself sinking into the couch anyway.

  Lucy stood and leaned over me, wrapping me in a hug. “We can talk about it later, okay?” she whispered in my ear.

  I nodded, fighting back tears at the familiar comfort of my best friend. She returned to the couch.

  “I’m moving into the duplex,” I told her.

  “Really?” I could hear the relief in her voice. “That’s perfect. I’ll visit you so much you won’t even get a chance to miss me.”

  “But I will anyway,” I told her.

  “No more Step Up movies, no more cooking for me all the time, no more—”

  “Okay!” I laughed. “You’re right. I won’t miss you at all.”

  Her eyes fell on Evie coming towards me with a drink. “Now you sound a little too happy.”

  I rolled my eyes in reply, sinking back into the comfortable couch.

  Evie brought the first drink over with a grin and held it in front of me. In their defence it did look pretty. There was lots of ice, slices of lime, and sprigs of mint. I took the glass and felt everyone’s eyes on me, waiting for me to take a sip. I brought it cautiously to my lips and breathed in the smell of limes like they were caustic fumes. My stomach lurched feverishly, yet I drew in a mouthful.

  It burned like fire. I swallowed rapidly and choked out, “Effing hell. Oh my God.”

  Evie nodded, her eyes sparkling. “Good, right?”

  “Strong,” I rasped, feeling my eyes water.

  “Damn straight they’re strong, Quinn,” Mac yelled as she churned out another batch. Seemingly satisfied, Evie returned to Mac in the kitchen like some kind of evil alcoholic mixer apprentice.

  Soon we all had drinks and were piled in the living room with pitchers. Evie was curled up on the floor because Mac had spread herself out, leaving no room for anyone else. Everyone studiously avoided the subject of David in favour of band talk. I knew they were doing it deliberately—the drinks, the gathering, the conversation—and rather than feel manipulated, I felt grateful for the effort.

  “Enjoying yourselves?”

  We all turned as Jared walked in the room. His lips tipped up as Evie winked at him, and I sighed. Travis and Mitch came up behind him.

  “We have to go out,” Travis said, his eyes on mine.

  I took a sip of my drink to distract myself from the belly flutters and shuddered.

  “Where?” Mac demanded.

  “Out,” Mitch said. “We’ll be back later. Don’t wait up.”

  When they left, Henry put some music on while Mac kept busy refilling everyone’s glass with her evil potion. As the night wore on, I realised it really was evil potion because it was taking me back to Travis kissing me, his tongue in my mouth and all over my skin. All I wanted right then was him and to tell everyone how hot as fuck he was, and with my eyes on Mac, I blurted out, “I slept with your brother.”

  Everyone froze while the music kicked on loudly in the background.

  Lucy giggled.

  I closed my eyes, my face flaming wildly at my drunken admission.

  Henry moaned. “Those Valentine brothers don’t waste time, do they?”

  Evie punched him in the arm. “It was years before Jared and I got together,” she pointed out.

  “Yeah but that’s because you had issues.”

  Everyone returned their eyes to me; Mac’s were wide as she asked the all-important question. “Which one?”

  “Travis,” Lucy supplied.

  Mac’s mind was ticking over. I could see it. It was just how she looked when in the office scheming over business documents. Then she asked the all-important second question. “When?”

  I downed the last of my mojito and pressed my lips together on a giggle. “I’m afraid that’s classi...” I hiccupped “…classified.”

  Mac pointed at Lucy. “You know.”

  Lucy pressed her lips together.

  “Let’s just ring Travis and ask,” Evie suggested as she tried to put her glass down on the edge of the coffee table with exaggerated care and missed completely. She watched it tumble to the floor, ice and mint splattering the cream rug carelessly.

  Mac started to stand, as though she thought Evie’s idea was a great one. Despite my mojito loaded status, my reflexes were like lightning, and I leaped up, tackling her, and she went crashing down beneath me.

  Due to my lightweight status, she rolled me off with ease and gasped out, “Grab the phone, Sandwich!”

  “No!” I howled.

  Henry was shaking his head. “And this is the part where living with girls isn’t so great.”

  “Shut up, Henrietta,” Mac retorted.

  Evie made a grab for the phone and started dialling. Her fingers stumbled in their haste, and she squealed as I made it to my feet and started coming for her. She started running and dialling and giggling and then the phone was to her ear. When she started talking to Travis, I wanted to sink well beneath the floor and into the dirt until I never saw sunlight again.

  Instead, I sank into the couch and covered my hands with my face and wailed, “I’m never drinking again.”

  Lucy snorted and I pointed my finger at her. “This is all your fault.”

  She waved her hand at me. “Not this again.”

  Evie’s eyes flattened. “Travis isn’t telling,” she said with drunken disgust. She tossed the phone at me, and I caught it by reflex. “You talk to him.”

  I held the phone against my chest to muffle the sound and hissed, “No!”

  Evie raised her eyebrows. “He’s waiting to talk to you, Quinn.”

  I put the phone to my ear with a shaky hand. “Travis?”

  “Quinn.” His deep voice washed over me, making me hot enough to blush. I shushed the girls when they started squealing and making kissy noises like we were ten years old. Henry started throwing cushions at their faces while Travis asked, “Are you okay?”

  “All good,” I sing-songed.

  “Are you sure?” He didn’t sound convinced.

  “Positive,” I replied as a rogue cushion slapped me up the side of the head. I aimed a glare in the direction it came from, and Henry laughed. “You just keep doing whatever it is you’re doing, and I’ll keep doing…whatever it was I was doing, and we’ll just, you know, umm…”

  “Keep doing it?” Travis sounded amused.

  I grinned. “Yeah.”

  I watched Evie disappear into the walk-in pantry when he said, “I have to go. Be good, okay?”

  “Okay,” I breathed out, watching Evie now dance her way back out of it with two big bowls of chips. Henry pounced and she shouted, holding them above her head as she danced out of his way.

  The night wore on and curled on the couch, I found my eyes drifting shut as chatter continued on
around me. Before I knew it Rick was there collecting Lucy, and Jared was carrying a sleeping Evie out the door. My eyes fluttered sleepily as I was lifted and cradled gently against a hard, warm chest. My body rocked softly as stairs were climbed, and then I was lowered into cool sheets. I stretched my legs out, moaning as my head spun. Forcing my eyes open to halt the earth’s wild rotation, they focused on Travis quietly leaving the room.

  “Travis?” I whispered and leaned up on one elbow.

  He paused at the door and turned. “Go to sleep, Quinn.”

  Even exhausted I knew I was in for a sleepless night, and I wasn’t sure I could bear it. “Will you stay?”

  He hesitated.

  “Just for a little while?”

  Travis nodded and walked back into the room. Sitting on the other side of the bed, he bent over and slipped his shoes off. Then came his jacket and when he peeled his shirt off, I had to close my eyes. I felt the bed depress with his weight as he stretched out.

  “Quinn?”

  I opened my eyes. The covers were pulled to his waist and he was on his side facing me.

  “David’s back in custody.”

  “Was that you were out doing tonight? Helping the police find David?”

  He nodded.

  My eyes burned and I squeezed them shut.

  “Come here, sweetheart.” Travis cupped the back of my neck and pulled me against his chest.

  The gesture broke open the fear that had me bound in knots, and I clutched at his arms. “I just want him to leave me alone,” I choked out, the words muffled.

  “I know, sweetheart.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead, his arms tightening around me, not letting go.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Travis buried his face in my neck, breathing deeply. “Don’t ever be sorry,” he whispered against my skin. “Not for that.”

  He rubbed his hands up and down my back soothingly and eventually exhaustion had me drifting off into a deep, even slumber.

  The next morning I woke to gritty eyes, a pounding headache, and an empty bed. My head thumped back into the pillow as I groaned, remembering last night’s emotional outburst with embarrassment. Without hesitation, Travis had been there for me all day, and as a thank you I’d cried all over him.