Give Me Strength

by Kate McCarthy

  “What?”

  He shook his head in reply.

  “I don’t have a tell,” I told Mac, folding my arms over the sheet.

  She raised a brow.

  “You do,” Travis said as he flicked through his phone. “Everyone does.”

  I looked at Mac as Travis tapped out an email reply. “What’s Mac’s tell?”

  “She widens her eyes a little,” he replied, putting his phone back and joining me in looking at Mac, only he was frowning. “You can leave now.”

  Mac flared her nostrils. “Whatever. Downstairs, Quinn. We’re leaving soon.”

  She closed the door behind her, and I turned back to Travis. “Now as I was saying—”

  Travis interrupted me by pulling down the sheet, rolling over, and grabbing my hips.

  “Travis, I’m trying to talk.”

  “So talk.” He leaned down and began licking and biting my neck, running his hands up my torso until he held my breasts in his hands, his thumbs rubbing across my nipples.

  “Travis,” I moaned and arched my back into the touch.

  “You like me touching you?” he whispered into my ear.

  I grabbed his naked hips and yanked him down, feeling the length of him harden against the soft skin of my belly.

  “Yes,” I breathed.

  He slid a hand down between my thighs and chuckled in my ear as I squirmed against the feel of his roughened fingers.

  “You’re not talking.”

  A tear leaked out my eye and Travis froze.

  “Did I hurt you, sweetheart?”

  Another tear leaked out and he drew back.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered thickly.

  He rolled over, dragging me with him, until I was sitting above him and the tear rolled down and dripped onto his chest. I reached out to wipe it away, and he grabbed my wrist. “Don’t. Do you need to talk? I know your first counselling session with Jude isn’t for another few days, but I’m here now.”

  “Travis!” Another bang came at the door, this time from Henry. “Casey and Evie just got in from a surf. He says you two had something to do today?”

  “Be right there!”

  Travis slammed his head back into the pillows. “Christ. We need to get our own place.” He gave me a speculative look. “Move into the loft with me?”

  “Oh God,” I whispered, and as another tear threatened, I blinked it back with considerable effort. “I can’t.”

  Disappointment shadowed across Travis’s face before he schooled his features. “It’s too soon. I’m sorry.”

  “No,” I protested. “It’s not about time. I want to be with you. I miss you when you’re not there.” My face flushed wildly at the admission. I was not used to putting myself out there as much as I had been lately. Travis reached out and took my hands, giving them a squeeze.

  “I…it’s Rufus. He can’t live in a loft.”

  “He’s a big dog,” Travis agreed. “Needs space.”

  Reaching up he pulled me down against his chest, one hand holding me close, the other skimming down my back. He pressed a kiss against my head where it was tucked under his chin. “Maybe we can get somewhere together.”

  I thought quietly for a moment, feeling my lashes brush softly against his skin as I blinked. “What about Casey?”

  “We’ll work something out.” Travis exhaled softly. “Now tell me why the tears?”

  “Because.”

  “Because why?”

  I knew Travis wouldn’t let it go. “I love that about you,” I whispered.

  “Love what?” he asked gruffly.

  The vibration of his voice against my chest had me sighing in pleasure. “That you don’t let me close myself off from you. Most of the time I don’t even realise I’m doing it, but you never let me.”

  Travis rubbed his hand in circles on the small of my back, warming me. “You know what I love about you?”

  “What?” I whispered.

  “Your biscuits.”

  I sat up a little so he could see my glare. A chuckle rose from deep in his chest as he grabbed my ass in both hands. “I love this too.”

  “Travis!”

  He rolled us both over until we were side by side and brushed a thumb gently across my cheek, silent for a moment as his eyes drank me in. “Quinn,” he said softly. “I also love knowing I have you to look forward to at the end of the day, and I love knowing that when I open my eyes in the morning the first thing I’ll see is you.”

  “I remember the first morning I woke up and all I saw was you.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I was horrified. Not at first, because you were lying on your stomach, one arm curled under the pillow and the ahh…sheet wasn’t quite covering you. You were the most beautiful man I ever saw, and I panicked because I was quite the opposite—”

  Travis frowned. “Quinn—”

  “Let me finish. So I ran, but obviously not far enough because there you were again, and I cursed my luck. How was it fair that someone I wanted so much was never meant to be mine? Everything that was ever beautiful in my life was always taken from me, and it was scary to think you’d be the same. But you never stopped fighting for me, and you forced me to see that maybe I really was worth fighting for. You took away all the ugly on the inside, Travis, and you made me beautiful.”

  There was a slight quaver in my voice because saying that wasn’t easy, but the way he was looking at me made my heart want to burst.

  “Christ, sweetheart.” Travis crushed his mouth down on mine, kissing me wildly, his hands fisting in the back of my hair as his lips moved over mine until he broke away, breathing heavily. “Have I told you how much I fucking love you?”

  Later that night in the dressing room of the White Demon, Jamieson on a set break, Mac was fiddling with my hair. Turns out today was not only an epic shopping day, but a semi-makeover day too. My hair was freshly cut. Not only that, it was done by Evie’s hairdresser who, according to her, was shit hot. Looking at Evie’s glossy mane I could only agree. The past few months my hair had grown, but I really liked the shorter style. Now it was choppy and styled in messy waves and sat just above my shoulders.

  Lucy, here with Rick for the show, met my eyes in the mirror. “Does it look okay?”

  Her eyes softened as she reached out and ruffled my hair. “You look perfect.”

  “It’s shorter than Trav’s hair now.” Mac turned from playing with my hair to smirk at Travis where he stood leaning against the wall talking with Jared and Henry. “When are you cutting your hair? People might start mistaking you for a girl.”

  I turned from my seat to look at Travis, and just like every time, my mouth went dry. His wide chest and muscled arms were on display in his fitted Jamieson shirt, golden stubble covered his jaw, and his hair barely fit into the tie that was holding it off his face. He was utterly beautiful.

  “Travis isn’t cutting his hair,” I announced.

  He raised his brows at me. “I’m not?”

  “Neither is Jared,” Evie told the room as she uncapped a bottle of water.

  Everyone looked at Jared. Another inch and he’d be tying it back too.

  Cooper nudged Frog, knocking him off his perch on the arm of the couch. “I told you. Chicks dig guys with long hair.”

  “Why the fuck do you think I haven’t had my hair cut for three months?”

  Ignoring the chatter around all of us, Travis pushed off against the wall, and watching him stride towards me took my breath away.

  “Ordering me about already?” he asked.

  I stood up. Tilting my head to meet his eyes and sliding my arms around his neck, I grinned. I couldn’t help it.

  “You have a problem with that?”

  “No. I like it.” He leaned in and rubbed his nose against mine. “I spoke with Casey today and Coby. Coby has a big house in Coogee he lives in on his own. Said he could rent it to us and he could move into the loft with Casey. At least until we worked out what we wanted to do. We coul
d build a house or buy one and renovate.”

  From her nearby vantage point, Evie obviously overhead Travis speaking and shouted, “No! Don’t do it, Quinn. Just buy one all ready to move into. Renovations are more painful than being shot.”

  Jared rolled his eyes. “Baby, I’ve been the one doing all the work while you’re the one standing by causing drama because you keep changing your mind.”

  Evie raised her eyebrows at me as if to say “see my point?”

  Travis smiled down at me. “Well we have plenty of time to make a decision. Still not too soon?”

  “No!” I bit my lip, thinking of how it would be to live with Travis. The past two weeks we hadn’t slept apart, but to have our own space? No interruptions, no fights for the bathroom, quiet lazy mornings in bed.

  “Oh,” I breathed, “I can have my hands and lips on you in any room in the house, whenever I feel like it. When can we move in?”

  Travis slid his hands down my back, gripping my ass firmly, his eyes dropping to my lips. “Tomorrow.”

  The door flew open and chatter died off. Seth stood there in dark jeans and a navy collared shirt with the sleeves rolled up. There was a hard edge in his eyes that took away from the pretty appeal of his features.

  He eyed Travis and growled, “Get your hands off my daughter.”

  My mouth fell open and if anything, Travis pulled me tighter against him.

  Then Seth curled his lips a little. “Just kidding. Sort of.”

  “Alright!” Mac clapped loudly. “Set break over. You lazy assheads get your butts back on that stage.”

  “We’ve still got ten minutes,” Cooper protested.

  Jake slapped him up the back of his head. “Ouch.”

  The room cleared out and with Travis pressing a soft kiss against my lips with sad eyes, he told me to find him by the stage after. Brow furrowed, my eyes followed his retreating back until he was gone too.

  The moment of silence was deafening until Seth shrugged. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to clear the room.”

  “Umm…that’s okay. Have a seat.” I indicated to the couch and then waved at the bucket of ice filled with beer, soft drinks, and water. “Drink?”

  “Sure. Beer’s good.”

  I plucked out a beer and a soft drink for myself and handed it over.

  “So…” I murmured, feeling awkward. Seth was my father, but I didn’t really know him yet. Despite seeing him a few times since the drama, this was the first time I found myself alone with him without people shooting at us.

  Seth uncapped his beer and took a sip. “So…this is your job, huh?”

  The muffled thump of a beat started pounding through the walls, indicating Jamieson had taken to the stage for their last set.

  “It is. I worked for Jettison Records before Mac hired me, but I love this. It’s exciting. Hearing them perform, watching the crowds go nuts. No day is ever the same, and I get to travel for the first time in my life. Well…actually I’ve only been to Melbourne so far and uh, I discovered I’m not a good flyer.”

  “I’m not either.”

  “Oh.” Remembering the glance Travis shot me before he left the room, I cleared my throat and asked, “So what are you doing here?”

  Peeling away at the label on his beer bottle, he offered me a reassuring smile, but it didn’t appear genuine enough to reassure me. “I’m leaving for work. I…can’t tell you where. Can’t tell anyone really.”

  “Oh,” I muttered again and forced my own smile. “Well, for how long?”

  “I don’t know. Six months… a year maybe.”

  “Huh.”

  Funny. I’d just found my father and now I was losing him. I thought maybe we were heading towards a new road together. Seth was already looking for the exit. I guess that made me wrong.

  Then I looked at his knuckles—they were white, and his face, I could see it on his face. There was no choice.

  “I’m sorry. I spoke to your...to Beth. I went and saw her.”

  I exhaled shakily and rubbed sweaty palms along my jeans. “I’m not sure I want to hear...” I indicated for him to tell me anyway.

  “She’s… it was difficult seeing her like that, knowing that was what you lived with. Not that I knew her all that well, Quinn, but she’s hard and coarse and well, frankly, she’s a bitch.”

  I nodded my agreement. “A douchebag.”

  “A poor excuse for a mother,” he added.

  “A selfish cow.”

  “She’s someone who never deserved you.”

  I searched his eyes and found nothing but honesty. “You’re absolutely right.”

  Seth cleared his throat. “My career always came first with me. I’m two years shy of forty, and I’ve never been in love or married or had kids of my own. I’ve watched on as my brothers did all that, and I never felt I was missing out because I was the one making a difference. Meeting you made me realise how much I was sacrificing. I know you’re a full grown woman in your own right, but you…you’re my daughter, and I want a chance to learn how to be father. I want you in my life, so I…this job is my last one. I’ve handed in my resignation.” He stood as he spoke, starting to pace the room. “Is that okay? I mean, I realise now that I’ve gone and done it without even thinking about you and what you want. God.” He paused and looked at me. “That’s really selfish, right? I’m sorry. We’re not off to a good start. Not at all.”

  He started pacing again and I watched him silently, my heart tripping over itself.

  I stood up.

  I had a father. One who wanted me. I had friends, a great job, a lazy dog, and a man who loved me, all because one night my best friend dragged me to a bar and I locked eyes with a man who took me home and showed me something beautiful.

  I made a mental note to put up with listening to Lucy say “I told you so” a thousand times and to buy her round trip tickets to Paris. Then I caught Seth in a hug. He hesitated before his arms came around me and held on.

  “When are you leaving?” My voice was muffled against his shirt.

  “Two weeks.”

  I pulled away so I could look at him. “What are you going to do when you get back?”

  He shrugged casually. “I don’t know.”

  “Will I be able to ring you?”

  “Probably not.”

  “You’ll be safe then, right? I mean, I can’t go rescuing you from all your operations, you know.”

  He chuckled. “I’ll be safe.”

  The door opened. “Everything okay?” Travis asked, his eyes on me first.

  “I should get going,” Seth said.

  “You can’t stay?”

  He looked from Travis to me. “Maybe next time. I just wanted to see where you worked, but I’ll see you both tomorrow anyway, right? The family’s looking forward to meeting you both.”

  I was nervous and excited, but mostly nervous, and maybe a little bit sick. I’d planned a day of baking tomorrow, trying out a new recipe: orange and almond cake. I’d planned to bake extra because I thought it might be something Jared would like. Also, part of my shopping expedition today had been a “finding the right outfit to wear to meet the family you never knew you had and really wanted them to like you.”

  “They’re gonna love you,” Seth told me, no doubt seeing fear in my eyes. “Promise.”

  With a kiss to my forehead and nod towards Travis, Seth left.

  “You knew he was leaving.”

  Travis leaned down and picked me up. I wrapped my legs around him and he sank back into the couch.

  “I did,” he agreed. “He told me today. He was worried it would upset you.”

  “Did he tell you he also quit his job?”

  Travis looked at me with some surprise, his brows raising a little, so I told him what Seth told me.

  When I finished, Travis said, “Maybe he could come work with us.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Why not?”

  “Seth said you were a bunch of cowboys which probably m
eans he doesn’t think you’re as all that as I think you are.”

  “As long as you think I’m all that, then that’s all that matters.”

  I brushed a kiss against his smiling lips.

  “Now, back to this morning. Why the tears?” I sighed and he laughed. “You said you loved that I didn’t let shit go. Having a change of heart?”

  I pursed my lips. “No.”

  “Then…?”

  “Because I realised that this was my life now.”

  “And that made you cry?”

  “Yes.” I knew it would sound stupid, but how do you explain that you were crying because you were happy without it sounding lame when the tears felt anything but. “Somehow, even after everything I’ve been through, I feel like a very lucky person.”

  Travis nodded and his eyes crinkled. “Because you have me.”

  I held his face in my palms. “Because I have you.”

  ***

  The alarm blared like a fucking freight train, and I rolled over and slammed it with my fist. The noise died a fast and satisfying death. Happy, I rolled back over, dragging Quinn towards me and wrapping my arm around her middle.

  I slept naked and the best part about that was Quinn did too. Frowning, my hand patted her belly and I realised she was wearing her cotton robe. Not only that, the knot she’d tied was tight enough to make it impenetrable to my searching hands. The closest bit of naked skin I could find was the back of her neck. Her pale blonde hair tickled my nose as I leaned in and tasted it with my lips and tongue. I nipped the skin lightly with my teeth, just the way I knew she liked it.

  She moaned and rolled towards me, the cotton robe gaping open slightly at her thighs from the movement. Happy, my hands found the smooth, naked skin and trekked their way upwards. Still sleeping, she wriggled towards me, and it was all I could do not to growl in pleasure. Even when my arms were wrapped around her as tight as I dared on her slight frame, it never felt close enough.

  Feather light, her hands trailed down my chest, her fingernails scraping my nipples just the way she knew I liked it. I closed my eyes, groaning softly and growing hard at her touch.

  A pounding fist came at the front door, and Quinn’s hands stilled. “Tell me it’s not Saturday morning.”