Getting Over You

by Jaxson Kidman

  “So, you’re leaving now, huh?” I asked.

  “I came out for a drink and a smoke. I did that.”

  She took one step and I moved to block her way. “Why do you live with your brother?”

  “Not with my brother,” she said. “In his guesthouse.”

  “Same thing.”

  “Not really.”

  “Answer the question.”

  “Why do you run?” she asked.

  “It’s good for my health.”

  “And the smoking?”

  “I call it balance,” I said.

  Josie laughed. “You’re easy to talk to, Crosby. That worries me.”

  “Why would that worry you?”

  “You’re dangerous,” she said.

  “Only if you let me be dangerous,” I said, stepping closer to her.

  “Is this the part where you try to do something stupid and kiss me?”

  “See, you’re the dangerous one,” I said. “You’re hiding, Josie.”

  “I’m standing right in front of you.”

  “No, that’s not what I meant,” I said. “You used to hide your paintings from me. I never saw one of them. And now you’re hiding in a guesthouse. And you hide in your car to smoke. Everything hidden, huh?”

  “And you’re willing to judge me based on that?” she asked.

  “You tell me.”

  Josie lifted her right hand and touched my chest.

  I didn’t expect a surge of heat to shoot through me. I almost felt like she was going to bring me to my knees for a second.

  “A guy like you… who runs, yet smokes… you’re fake.”

  “I’m fake?” I asked.

  “Totally fake,” she said. “You don’t run for any good reason at all. So, you’re fake about it. So maybe I’m not the one who’s hiding. Maybe you are.”

  I touched her hand on my chest and peeled it away. I stepped back and slowly brought her hand to my lips. I kissed the back of her hand and winked.

  “Can I buy you another drink?” I asked.

  “Why? So you can offend me? And then get pissed off and walk out?”

  “Yeah,” I said.

  “No thanks,” Josie said. “I’m happy to just know who the boy with the guitar is.”

  I let her hand go and moved out of the way. “Then have a great night, Josie. I’m happy to know the name of the girl who liked to paint. Too bad I never got to see one of those paintings though.”

  “They weren’t very good.”

  “And neither was my guitar playing,” I said.

  “Are you any better at it now?”

  I laughed, picturing my dining room as a recording studio and the fact that I had never had a real job in my life because it was all based around music.

  “I’m okay,” I said. “What about your paintings?”

  “Eh, hit or miss,” she said with a smile that cut through me in a way that hadn’t happened in a long time. “Have a good night, Crosby.”

  As she walked by, I reached for her hand at the last second. “Hey.”

  Josie looked back at me. “Hey.”

  “Thanks for meeting me here.”

  “Thanks for inviting me.”

  “I’m going to be going for a run tomorrow,” I said.

  “I’m going to be going for a cigarette tomorrow,” Josie said.

  She tugged to break my hold and I let her go again.

  I watched her walk away, not sure exactly what the hell just happened.

  I sat back down at the metal table, alone, and drank the rest of my beer.

  My mind kept thinking about her and whatever she had hidden behind those amber-brown eyes of hers.

  She was a distraction. One I needed more than she knew.

  But she’d have to be just that.

  A distraction.

  If she knew who I really was and what I had done, she would never talk to me again.

  7

  TRYING TO GET THIS RIGHT…

  THEN

  Crosby

  I stabbed the pencil into the notebook so hard, it broke. I threw the notebook across the room and ran my hands through my hair.

  “Fuck you,” I said to the nobody around me.

  It was driving me crazy that I couldn’t find the words I needed.

  There weren’t many chances like this one.

  To actually play a full set at a mostly packed bar, but with people in the audience that could pull the trigger on a music career. I could wake the next day and my life would be changed forever.

  But I needed something new.

  I needed something to give.

  I wanted to blow everyone’s minds away. I wanted the bar to be in complete silence as I sang the song. To have all their attention on me, hanging onto every word and every note.

  Except I couldn’t come up with shit.

  I had the vision in my head for the song. A boy and a girl. Young love. Living across from each other. Broken homes. Broken hearts. This new love that was confusing but felt so right. And then they’re split apart, only to let time get between them, but not forever. That was the whole thing. It was about time. Fighting time. Wasting time. Chasing time. Losing time.

  “Time,” I said.

  Everything was about time.

  I looked around for the notebook I threw. And I needed a new pencil, or a pen.

  My phone started to buzz against the table.

  “Shit,” I whispered.

  “Hey, Cindi,” I said, calming my voice.

  “Where are you?” she asked.

  “On my way,” I lied.

  “Crosby,” she said. “Nicholas is waiting for you.”

  “When are you going to give up the Nicholas thing? It’s Nick. Or Nicky. A real bad ass name. A rockstar name. Give the kid some umph.”

  “Yeah, right,” Cindi said. “Tell you what, if his uncle actually shows up on time, he can have a say in the name.”

  “That’s not fair,” I said. “I’m…”

  I’m under a ton of pressure, Cindi, okay? I know you and Noah hit some hard times with his back going out and shit. So, I’m trying to help. I really am. I know you have to work a double today and you don’t want Nicholas sitting around doing nothing. I have no idea why Noah insists on putting himself in danger by working when he shouldn’t be. But that’s your life. If I can just write this fucking song, then I can help you. I can help everyone…

  “Crosby?”

  “I’m on my way,” I said. “Right now.”

  “Bye.”

  Cindi hung up and I let out a growling sigh.

  I hurried to pack a bag and went to pick up Nicholas to take him to the lake for a day of fun.

  “Uncle Cros!” Nicholas yelled, as he dropped his bag of toys and came running at me.

  I dropped to one knee and caught him as he sailed through the air and into my arms. His messy blond hair was getting pretty long, and it danced in the air as he jumped at me.

  “How are you, kid?” I asked.

  “I’m great. Lake day today.”

  “Definitely,” I said. “Lake day. Did you pack your toys?”

  “I’m making the biggest sand castle ever,” Nicholas said.

  “I hope so,” I said. “Anything under ten feet tall and I’m knocking it down.”

  He giggled. “You’re crazy, Uncle Cros.”

  “Crazy Cros,” I said and shook my head, sticking my tongue out.

  I stood and started to spin, Nicholas in my arms. He let out a crying laugh.

  When I put him down, I palmed the top of his messy hair and made him look at me.

  “Take five minutes and go double check you have everything.”

  He started to move his feet and I turned him around as I held his head. It was a little game we played together. He would fake run and I would fake hold his head. Then I’d lift my hand and he would take off.

  Which he did.

  Down the hallway and into the kitchen that Cindi had been coming out of. She had to jut her
hip to the left to avoid Nicholas crashing into her.

  I put my hand to the railing on the steps that went upstairs.

  “He’s full of energy today,” Cindi said.

  “I’m already tired,” I said.

  “You don’t know tired, Crosby,” entered a third voice.

  There was Noah, my brother-in-law. He was rough and tough, working in landscaping and construction for as long as he could remember. Beating up his body to make a living. Which was a pretty honorable thing, except he made sure to remind you of it every time he saw you. And if you didn’t do the same work, then you were worthless to him. So, for a guy like me to play guitar, smoke, drink, and live a simple and fun life… I was certainly not favored by him.

  “How’s the back?” I asked.

  I wasn’t afraid to flick droplets of gasoline to the fire of tension between myself and Noah.

  Cindi hated it.

  I felt her cringing.

  “I’m fucking moving,” Noah said. “Going out to check on some work.”

  “You have to make sure you’re taking care of it though, man,” I said.

  “Pretty boy giving me advice,” he said.

  “Noah,” Cindi said. “Don’t be an ass.”

  He nodded. “Family over marriage.”

  “Not even close,” I said. “Come on. Don’t do that.”

  Noah walked with a limp and a pissed off look on his face. “Bring my kid back in one piece. Without tattoos and some disease from groupies.”

  “I’ll do my best,” I said.

  “Asshole,” Noah muttered.

  He went out the front door and I looked at Cindi, grinning.

  “What?” she snapped at me.

  “I can see why you fell for him,” I said. “That personality and charm. Whew.”

  “Dammit, Crosby,” she said. “You’re such an ass.”

  I laughed. “It’ll be fine. I’m only playing. I know how he is. He’s embarrassed that he looks weak in front of you and me.”

  “He’s been hard on himself. It’s because of his goddamn father.”

  “How is he with Nicholas?” I asked. I quickly put a hand up. “Never mind. Don’t answer that. It’s your family. It’s not my place. Unless you need something from me.”

  Cindi stepped forward. “I need you to take Nicholas to the lake, so he can tire himself out. Okay?”

  “Done,” I said.

  “Thank you.”

  Cindi started to turn, and I touched her arm. “Hey. Sis.”

  “What, bro?” she asked, rolling her eyes.

  “You ever think about finishing up college?”

  She burst into laughter. “Are you kidding me?”

  “I’m serious,” I said. “You were only a year out of finishing your nursing degree.”

  “Then I got pregnant and that was that.”

  “It doesn’t have to be. I can help. I mean, what if Noah’s back never lets him work again? Or work the way he wants to? You don’t want to sling plates around…”

  “Of course I don’t,” she said. “But I have to for now. Go enjoy your day at the lake.”

  I stopped talking.

  I didn’t want to upset Cindi. She had a terrible habit of hiding her feelings. I blamed my mother for that. Cindi never got a chance to be herself, ever. To express herself. She was used to swallowing things down and just working to get through it.

  I walked into the kitchen and found Nicholas sitting on a chair at the island, spinning around and around.

  I let him spin a few times before grabbing him off the chair and throwing him over my shoulder.

  “Okay, sis,” I called out. “I’m taking out the garbage.”

  “I’m not garbage!” Nicholas cried out, as he slammed his fists against my back.

  I laughed.

  “Have fun, baby,” Cindi said to Nicholas.

  I turned around so an upside-down Nicholas could see his mother.

  “Tell your mother you love her,” I said.

  “I love you, Mom,” Nicholas said.

  “Love you too.”

  I looked back and smiled. “Have a good day.”

  “You too,” she said. “Thank you for everything you do, Crosby.”

  “Not a worry in the world,” I said.

  I could smile and make Cindi feel comfortable, which was why I did it.

  Even if my mind was running in a million directions.

  At least we were going to the lake.

  Nicholas could chill in the sun. Eat junk food. Drink juice. Play in the sand. Walk into the water.

  And I could get some work done.

  Everyone would be happy.

  Nothing else mattered but that.

  8

  TRYING TO SEE THE WRONG…

  NOW

  Josie

  I tried something different.

  I stood outside my car and enjoyed my afternoon smoke. Leaning against the door stretching my neck, letting the day wash off my shoulders.

  It had been a long and busy day.

  Facing that wall at the restaurant and nothing else was taxing on the mind. Painting a mural that size was tricky. I had to keep everything in perspective to the size of the wall to make sure nothing looked out of place or swollen.

  It also didn’t help to have to listen to Joe and Anthony argue over the silliest things. And then have Anthony telling me how amazing my work was.

  Eventually I just slipped earbuds in and listened to some music, which I normally didn’t do when it came to painting something so serious.

  As I leaned against my car and took deep breaths, my eyes kept looking to the left.

  Waiting for him.

  Crosby had managed to nestle into a small part of my mind.

  And when I saw him appear, on another run, I felt my heart start to race a little. I looked around as though I weren’t supposed to be meeting him.

  There was this sense of no way when it came to Crosby. Just because of the way we met - then and now. And because he was everything my brother and sister-in-law weren’t. While they were forever trying to get me to eat healthier and quit smoking, here was a guy who would go out on a run and stop to have a cigarette with me.

  And at the same time, I just didn’t want to hear about it from Corey or Kait about meeting a guy or seeing a guy. They were both pushy in their own loving way, forever trying to get me to talk about what happened and trying to get me to find someone new.

  To me, the less Crosby knew, the better.

  We could be casual, talk, flirt, have fun, whatever.

  Today he wore a black tank top that had a large sweat ring that hooked halfway down the shirt. Today’s bandana was red. His shoulders and biceps glistened with fresh sweat. The scruff on his face was as messy as ever.

  When he saw me, he waved, and then he sped up.

  I caught myself biting my bottom lip as my eyes moved up and down his body.

  He was big. Strong.

  Running fast, right toward me.

  He made me nervous yet comfortable at the same time. He challenged me without knowing he was doing it.

  He stopped running and I was hit with the musky smell of his sweat and skin.

  I took a deep breath. The smell made me jittery.

  “Josie,” he said.

  “Crosby,” I said. “How’s the run?”

  “Exhausting,” he said.

  “How many miles so far?”

  “Just now, or in total?” he asked.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, I ran this morning too.”

  “You run two times a day?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why?”

  “Why not?”

  “Are you a closet health freak or something?” I asked. “Do you go home and make kale smoothies with fancy berries?”

  Crosby laughed. “No. I go home and drink a beer.”

  I cocked my head. “You run. You smoke. You drink beer. I don’t get you.”

  “What you co
uld get… a smoke for me?”

  “Oh, shit, right,” I said.

  This was our routine now.

  Him meeting me at my car so we could smoke and talk. And flirt.

  I wouldn’t tell him, but it was becoming my favorite part of the day.

  He stood there, sweating, lighting his cigarette. And something about the way his eyes looked at me as he smirked while doing so made my knees start to buckle just a little. Thankfully I was still leaning against the car.

  “How was your day? How’s the mural coming along?”

  I almost forgot I’d told him about that.

  I kind of just said whatever I wanted to him. Which was weird.

  “It’s coming along,” I said, shrugging my shoulders.

  “Not the dream job, huh?”

  “Can’t complain. I get to paint and make money.”

  Crosby turned and put his back against my car. “That’s one way to look at it.”

  “And you? How is the guitar playing going?”

  He laughed. “It’s more than that, Josie. I get to write and record.”

  “So, you’re a real musician, huh?”

  “Something like that. I have a writing partner and we try to make music that people want to buy for other artists.”

  “Why not just play it yourself?” I asked.

  Crosby slowly turned his head and his eyes looked evil. “Why are you painting cows at an Italian restaurant?”

  “You win,” I said.

  “Hey, when can I check out some of your paintings?”

  “When I hear one of your songs,” I said.

  “Just turn on the radio. I’m sure you’ve heard plenty of them already.”

  “And you’ve probably seen stuff I’ve painted.”

  Crosby finished his cigarette and dropped it to the ground. He stepped on it and kicked it under my car.

  “Thanks for the smoke, Josie,” he said.

  “Sure.”

  “You want to come for a run with me sometime?”

  “What?” I asked.

  “You heard me. Come for a run. We’ll jog, slowly.”

  “Now you sound like my sister-in-law.”

  “What does she look like?” Crosby asked.

  “Why?”

  He leaned in really close to me. His lips an inch from my ear. “Because a woman in yoga pants is charging right toward us, Josie.”

  My cheeks burned red as I got rid of my cigarette.

  Kait waved as she stepped off the sidewalk into the street to come talk to me.