Getting Over You

by Jaxson Kidman

  Josie bit her lip and shook her head.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “This… this isn’t where I live.”

  14

  RUN FOR IT…

  NOW

  Josie

  The look on his face was amazing.

  He fell back and quickly reached for his shirt.

  “What did you say?”

  “This isn’t my house,” I said. “I don’t live here.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  I laughed, unable to help myself.

  I loved seeing this big and tough guy looking nervous.

  Crosby stood up, showing everything to me.

  From his beautiful built and cut body all the way down to those killer lines that sliced into his shorts. Not to mention the well-defined bulge pressing against the inside of those shorts.

  “Josie… what the hell…”

  I stood up and grabbed his hand. “Here. Let me show you something.”

  I pulled him toward the window.

  “What are we doing here?” he asked.

  He looked ready to scream… or smile…

  I pointed out the window and shrugged my shoulders. “That house across the street? With the dark blue shutters? That’s my brother’s house. I live in the guesthouse behind that.”

  “Then who lives here?”

  “Mrs. Amblers,” I said.

  “Who the hell is that?”

  “My neighbor,” I said.

  Crosby stood up.

  I was still bent over, which put me in a very interesting position. I was eye level with something and I grinned as I looked up at him.

  “You broke into your neighbor’s house with me?” he asked. “I’m confused…”

  I stood up and moved to my toes so I could kiss the scruff on his chin. “Something crazy, Crosby. You were the boy next door. Living a rough life. And now you’re living some kind of forced life. I am too. I thought maybe we could have a little adventure.”

  He touched my hips. “Without me knowing about it?”

  “I was going to tell you after we…”

  “We have to get out of here,” he said. “This is insane. If this lady sees us, she’ll call the cops.”

  “Not on me,” I said. “She knows me. I sort of needed to come over here anyway.”

  “For what?”

  “Kait got her something. Some kind of relaxation rock or something.”

  “You didn’t bring anything with you on our run, Josie.”

  “That’s because I brought the rock over earlier,” I said. “But she doesn’t know that. So, I have an excuse to walk right out the front door.”

  “You’re crazy, love,” Crosby said. Then he laughed. “Holy shit.”

  “Holy shit,” I said.

  I smiled back at him, feeling the worry and tension leave the room.

  This wasn’t exactly my plan.

  Standing outside with him, listening to him talk, speaking truths about him and about myself, I wanted him. I wanted him to take me, have me, and keep pulling those truths from my soul. And I wanted something crazy. At least in the moment. So the idea hit me, and I ran with it. Just like I ran with Crosby. By his side, keeping stride, with no fucking idea what I was doing or how I was going to actually survive a run with him. But I did. And it felt good. And it turned me on…

  Crosby grabbed my hand. “Come on. We need to get out of here.”

  I tugged back. “Go down the front steps and out the front door. Run to my car. Don’t stop.”

  “What are you going to do?” he asked me.

  “Kill her,” I said. I paused for effect. I winked. “I’m going to tell her I dropped the hippie rock off for her. Then leave. I’ll meet you at my car.”

  “Christ, Josie, this is fucking insane,” he said. “I don’t know what to say right now.”

  “Don’t say anything. Just get out of here before you get caught. She will call the cops on you.”

  He laughed again. Then he pulled me close and kissed me.

  That crazy passionate kind of kiss, where danger was just a breath away.

  Except for us, the danger had nothing to do with Mrs. Amblers coming home early or catching Crosby in the house. Honestly, if Crosby was with me, Mrs. Amblers would introduce herself, ask about us running, and offer us a glass of iced tea.

  I sort of liked messing with Crosby. He had an edge about him that had been lost for some reason. That edge made him laugh in that moment. That edge made him kiss me the way he did. That edge had his hands sliding up the sides of my body, his thumbs gently touching just under my breasts.

  I was melting. And I meant it.

  Completely melting…

  Crosby broke away from me and left the bedroom, hurrying towards the steps.

  We were definitely too old for this kind of stuff, but it felt good. It felt good to be wild and free for one second of my life.

  I crept down the steps and saw Mrs. Amblers standing at the kitchen sink.

  "There you are,” I said.

  She let out a cry and jumped as she turned. She had bright green eyes and bright white hair. You could see Mrs. Amblers coming from a mile away.

  “Josie!” she cried out.

  “I’m sorry to scare you,” I said. “I stopped over to bring a rock from Kait. I was yelling your name and I checked upstairs. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

  “No, don’t you worry about that,” she said. “Was the back door unlocked?”

  I hated lying…

  I nodded. “It was.”

  “Shoot. I keep forgetting to lock the back door.”

  “That’s okay. I didn’t steal too much.”

  Mrs. Amblers started to laugh. “You are too much, Josie. I love when you tell jokes.”

  “Well, no joking here… the rock is over on the table. Uh, I guess if you need anything else, call Kait?”

  “I will,” she said. “Thank you for bringing it over. I know Kait was busy today and I had a doctor’s appointment. If I knew it was going to be as quick as it was, I would have swung over to her studio to pick it up myself. I just wasn’t sure when I’d get back home.”

  Neither was I.

  “That’s okay,” I said. “It’s my pleasure.”

  “How’s the painting going?” she asked, eyes really wide.

  “Great,” I said.

  Mrs. Amblers used to paint when she was younger. And she loved to talk about it.

  “I’d love to sit with you someday and paint, you know,” she said.

  “And I promise we will someday. I don’t mean to cut you short, but I have a meeting…”

  “Oh, of course,” she said. “I hope it’s a good one. Good news.”

  “Great news,” I said with a grin that only I understood the real meaning of.

  “Have a good one,” Mrs. Amblers said. “Thank you for the rock. I look forward to using it.”

  “Good luck,” I said.

  I had no idea about the rocks. Or yoga. But after Mrs. Amblers had a mild cancer scare last year, she took to Kait who got her hooked on yoga, clean eating, and now apparently, healing rocks. Was that really a thing?

  I left through the back door and jogged along the side of the house. When I looked up at the window out front, I felt my cheeks burning hot.

  I really had no idea what I was thinking.

  Living in the guesthouse at my brother’s house had me cooped up. Seeing his perfect life and perfect family… trying to figure out what I lost and what was supposed to be…

  By the time I got to my car where Crosby was waiting for me, he was already smoking. Pacing from the front to the back of the car, taking deep breaths, fresh sweat shining on his body.

  “Couldn't wait for me?” I asked.

  He stopped. “What the hell was that?”

  I opened my car door and got myself a cigarette. “I call it fun.”

  “Fun, huh?” he asked.

  “You didn’t have fun?”

/>   “I’m not sure breaking and entering counts as fun.”

  “It wasn’t breaking and entering. I knew where the key was. And I had a reason to be there.”

  “I didn’t,” Crosby said.

  “Oh, I think you had a reason to be there,” I said with a sly grin.

  Crosby laughed and closed in on me. “Be careful playing games, love.”

  “Is that a threat?”

  “I was just planning on a run,” he said. “You took it somewhere else. Left me craving for more.”

  “There are lots of houses on this street,” I said. “We can break into every single one of them.”

  “That’s not what I was talking about,” he said.

  He looked pissed off, yet he wouldn’t walk away from me.

  I stood there still trying to catch my own breath. I wasn’t like Kait. I wasn’t the type to wake up and just start working out and eating kale until it was bedtime. And it didn’t help much the way Crosby kept looking at me, that left over intention still hovering between us.

  “Want to go for another run?” I asked him.

  “No,” he said. He flicked his cigarette to the ground and stepped on it. “I want to know about you.”

  “About me?”

  He was then an inch from me. My back against my car. His hand touching my waist.

  “I want to know why you live here,” he said. “There’s a reason for it.”

  “Maybe there is,” I said.

  “Tell me.”

  “Why?”

  “I told you about my trip and why I hated it.”

  “You didn’t tell me why you don’t just play your own music,” I said. “You could be famous. You could tour the world and make millions of dollars and have thousands of women.”

  “Yeah, well right now, there’s only one woman that has my attention.”

  Okay, that works…

  He made me shiver with heat when he said that.

  “You’re hidden, yet you’re crazy. You’re quiet, yet so fucking loud at the same time. You don’t want to live here. But here you are.”

  “So, you’re going to go from guitar player to detective?”

  “And if I decide to do that?”

  I touched his chest. “You said it yourself, that me hating you was better, right? Well, you not asking questions is better for you.”

  “Right,” he said. “So, we just run and smoke?”

  “And sneak into neighbor’s houses and fool around.”

  “That’s my favorite part,” Crosby said.

  He started to back away and I caught hold of his arm. “I only know how to get in Mrs. Amblers house.”

  “Then I guess I’ll bring my crowbar next time,” he said.

  “You’re funny,” I said. “And you’re leaving?”

  “Are you inviting me in for dinner?”

  “It’s probably going to be some kind of fancy lettuce with fancier beans and kombucha.”

  “What the hell is that?”

  “Healthy stuff,” I said.

  “Well, that sounds appetizing,” he said. “I’ll be drinking a cold beer and eating pizza over at Billy’s. Just throwing that out there.”

  “Are you asking me out?” I asked.

  “We’re well beyond that, Josie. If I don’t see you tonight, then I’ll catch up with you for our next run.”

  Crosby jogged away, and I finished my cigarette, alone.

  But this time, I was smiling.

  There was a small closet next to the bathroom that was supposed to be used for towels. I had some towels in there, sure, but tucked behind those were paintings that nobody ever saw but me. After I moved into the guesthouse, I went through a time when time itself didn’t exist. When my urge to paint came and went. What I painted was always the same thing.

  I opened the closet door and dropped to my knees. I dug through the towels and junk stuff to get to the paintings. Pulling three of the paintings out of the closet, I sat back on my butt and leaned them against the wall.

  The emotion was as raw as ever. It’s what sort of held me in place. The reason why I lived in the guesthouse of my brother’s house. And while Crosby seemed like he cared, this was too much. I wasn’t sure how to explain my love for another man while trying to have Crosby touch me.

  My inner thighs trembled as I thought about him touching me. His fingertips sliding along my body. We had been just seconds away from…

  The door to the guesthouse opened.

  I looked back and Kait was already inside.

  “Shit,” I whispered.

  “There you are,” she said. “We missed you for dinner.”

  “Sorry,” I said. “I have plans. I was…”

  “Are those paintings of…?” Kait pointed and didn’t say the name.

  I nodded. “Yeah. They’re old.” I hurried to get to my feet and I turned the paintings around. “I should get rid of them anyway.”

  “Don’t do that,” she said. “They’re important to you. To your life. Your soul. Your healing.”

  I forced a smile. “Everything okay?”

  “Meadow was asking about you,” she said.

  “Because I wasn’t at dinner?”

  “Yeah. She… she was worried you died from smoking.”

  “What?” I asked.

  Kait nodded. “She thought you got sick and that’s why you weren’t at dinner. Someone at school told her when you get cancer, you get really sick, and then you die. Sometimes really fast.”

  “Like in four hours fast?” I asked.

  “I swear, sometimes she has the soul of a wise eighty-year-old woman… and other times she really is eight years old. Maybe even younger when you factor in her innocence.”

  “She’s something special.”

  “She’s really worried about you, Josie.”

  I could feel the judgment coming off Kait.

  “I’ll go talk to her,” I said. “Show my face to prove to her I’m still alive.”

  “You ever think about quitting?”

  “Kait…”

  “I know,” she said. “Sorry. I just have to ask.”

  “I have nothing to say to it,” I said. “It’s my life right now and I’m just figuring it out.”

  “I know you are,” Kait said. “Do you want to tuck Meadow in?”

  “I would love to,” I said.

  The walk to the actual house was always weird for me.

  Corey was in the kitchen with a towel thrown over his shoulder as he washed the dishes.

  “There she is,” Corey said. “Was going to call out a missing person’s report on you.”

  “Seriously?” I asked. “You don’t see me for a day and you’re that worried?”

  “Busy day today?” he asked.

  “You missed a spot on that plate,” I said.

  “Damn,” Corey said. He hurried to scrub, smiling as he did so.

  I rolled my eyes and went to Meadow’s room.

  She was sitting on the edge of her bed. Her hair wet and perfectly brushed and straight. Her pink nightgown was almost too cute to handle.

  When she saw me, her eyes went wide and filled with tears.

  I dropped to one knee as she ran at me for a hug.

  “I was worried about you,” she said.

  “Oh, Meadow, I’m fine.”

  “I thought…”

  “Hey,” I said as I touched her face. “I’m fine. I’m right here. I actually was out on a run.”

  “A run?”

  “Yeah. Exercising. Being healthy. Enjoying life, Meadow.”

  “Did you quit smoking?”

  I sighed. “Meadow, I know what that means to you. And your heart makes my heart feel so full. But I’m okay. There’s a balance in life, okay? You won’t understand what that means for a long time, but I’m always going to be honest with you.”

  “Will you tuck me in?”

  “Of course,” I said.

  I stood up and she grabbed my hand tightly.

  My heart
twisted at the notion that she thought I was dead.

  I tucked her into bed and hugged her for as long as she needed.

  “I love you, Aunt Josie,” she whispered.

  “I love you, Meadow,” I said. I touched her hair. “You never have to worry about me. I’m not perfect, Meadow. I never will be. But I’m always here for you. Always.”

  She smiled and rolled to her side.

  I stayed there and gently scratched her arm until she drifted off to sleep.

  When I left her bedroom, I stood there and touched the corners of my eyes. She had gotten to me. Her little mind and heart were so beautiful. And she was right. I shouldn’t smoke. I should maybe have an actual job. An apartment that was my own.

  My entire life had been at a standstill since Denny died.

  And never once did I really care about it.

  I collected my emotions and thoughts and walked downstairs.

  Corey and Kait were in the living room, so I snuck out through the door off the kitchen.

  I laughed out loud at the nights sky when I thought about my day.

  Going from running with Crosby to almost having sex in the neighbor’s house to tucking my niece into bed.

  And in some ways, the night was just getting started.

  15

  DON’T TELL…

  THEN

  Crosby

  The final song of a four-song set and I had everyone staring at me. Their eyes were big. They were listening. They were actually fucking listening to me as I sang and played these songs. It took me a long time to convince Billy to let me play his place. It was kind of a big deal to play there. Usually, from there you were invited to play in the city at bigger clubs and venues and from there… it could really get crazy. The good kind of crazy.

  There had already been a few people talking about me. One offer came my way, but they wanted me to change too much about me and wanted to change my writing style and process.

  When I strummed the final chord and stepped back from the microphone, I waited for a reaction. A few people clapped, and the rest didn’t give a shit about me anymore. I took my guitar off and crouched to put it away in its case. I walked off the small stage and was greeted by Cindi, who threw her arms around me.

  “You are amazing,” she yelled into my ear.

  I laughed and hugged her back. “Thanks for coming, sis. Where’s the little guy?”

  “Really?” she asked.