Getting Over You

by Jaxson Kidman

  “No,” he said. “I said I was leaving. Don’t fucking come after me.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m the same way. As you, I mean. Things we’ve been through. Secrets…”

  “I’m not a fucking art project, Josie. My life isn’t going to fix your life. That’s not how it works.”

  Crosby turned and ran.

  I didn’t chase after him.

  He was moving fast. Really fast.

  Everything I felt and thought about him was right. It was true. Whatever he was hiding,. Whatever I was hiding too. The depths of secrets and the heart.

  Crosby was already swallowed up by the horizon by the time I blinked away a stray tear.

  I really didn’t need to worry about Meadow’s dress ever being in my size.

  I had already fallen for Crosby.

  Now he was running away from me.

  21

  ONE TIME SWING…

  THEN

  Crosby

  I punched at the front door, choking back tears, thinking I could easily hide that I was drunk. I was in the same shirt I had been wearing for almost a week and was well aware of how I looked and smelled. But I didn’t give a shit about that. I wasn’t here to impress anyone.

  The front door cracked open a few inches.

  I saw one of Cindi’s eyes.

  I quickly shut one of my eyes.

  “Argh,” I said in what my mind said was a pirate’s voice.

  “Crosby…”

  “Cindi,” I said.

  “You can’t be here right now,” she said.

  “And here I am,” I said. “Come on, sis.”

  The door opened, and Cindi stepped out onto the porch.

  She was in a bathrobe. A dark green bathrobe that looked fuzzy and comfortable. Her hair was a knotty mess. Her eyes were sunken into her face. Large purple bags hung under her eyes. Her lips were dry and chapped. Christ, if anyone didn’t know the situation they’d think she was an addict or something.

  I touched her arm and she pulled away.

  “Cindi…”

  “You’re a mess,” she said. “You need to get out of here, Cros. Go find yourself somewhere.”

  “I need to do it here,” I said. “I need to know… I need to talk to you. About everything. About what happened.”

  “No,” she said. “I don’t want to hear anything else.”

  “You never let me… oh, shit…”

  My head and heart ached bad. Really bad.

  “Just go home, Cros,” she said. “I played nice long enough. Don’t make me be a bitch right now. I feel dead inside, okay? There’s nothing left of me now.”

  “There’s nothing left of me either,” I said. “All I wanted to do was take care of everyone, sis. Not myself. I wanted to take care of you. This house. Everything with Noah’s back. And Nic…”

  I hunched forward a little and groaned.

  I couldn’t say his name. I fucking couldn’t say his name.

  “Go away, Cros,” Cindi said. “You’re trying to put this on me.”

  I looked at my sister. “No, I’m not.”

  “You are. I told you not to come around here. Not for a while. Let me figure this out. Let me have a fucking second to myself.”

  “I took care of you,” I said. “When nobody else would. When our mother was out trying to fucking survive. I took care of you. I kept you safe. I kept you fed. I loved you when we had no father. The least you could do…”

  “The least I could do?” Cindi asked.

  Her eyes went wide. They were so bloodshot.

  It broke my heart.

  “The least you could have done was watch him,” she growled. “But, no, you had to look away. You were too fucking worried about your stupid fucking music. You let him fall into that lake. You let him drown.”

  Those last four words were like gunshots to my heart.

  I touched my chest and stepped back.

  I touched my mouth.

  I felt like I was going to throw up, yet I wanted - needed - another drink.

  As I tried to point at Cindi, my throat squeezed shut and I was unable to speak.

  Tears filled my eyes.

  “That’s the truth, Cros,” Cindi said as tears ran down her cheeks. “And what do I do with that now? I’m trying to do the right thing. He was my fucking son. And I don’t need anyone telling me how to feel. Especially you.”

  “I didn’t come here for that,” I said.

  “Time is up,” another voice said.

  The front door ripped open and out stumbled Noah.

  He was drunk too.

  I realized then what my poor sister was up against.

  Losing her son.

  Dealing with her asshole husband, who was drinking his grief away.

  Just like I was doing.

  She had nobody.

  I let her down in a way I could never fully understand.

  “Sis,” I said.

  “Don’t Sis anyone,” Noah said. “Get the fuck out of here, Crosby.”

  “Noah, back off,” I said. “I’m talking to my family.”

  “Yeah? You want to kill her too?”

  “Noah!” Cindi yelled, crying.

  “Fuck you,” I spit at Noah. “I didn’t…”

  “Yes. You. Did.”

  Noah moved at me.

  I was quick to throw the first punch.

  But my drunk mind wasn’t able to throw a decent one.

  I punched him in the chest.

  Like some weak punk that had never thrown a punch before.

  Noah swung, and he didn’t miss.

  His knuckles slammed against my jaw and I took one step back and realized I was off the porch and on the steps. I fell down the porch steps, landing hard on the sidewalk.

  Noah stood at the top step. He cleared his throat and spit at me. His aim was pretty good, hitting me in the chest.

  “You fucking come back here again, and I’ll fucking kill you,” he said. “You fucking murderer.”

  Noah turned and as he walked, he bumped his shoulder into Cindi as though she were invisible to him.

  I looked up at my sister as I tasted blood in my mouth.

  All I wanted to do was tell her I was sorry. So, so, so sorry. No matter what I said though, it was going to sound like an excuse. And it was an excuse. Except there was no excuse for what I had done. For what I let happen. That I couldn’t get to him. I couldn’t swim fast enough to save him.

  Cindi wiped a tear off her cheek and turned away.

  I listened to the front door shut and lock.

  I put my head back and stared up at a blue sky with thick, white clouds. The kind of clouds Nicholas loved. He and I would try to figure out what the clouds looked like.

  But this time, I couldn’t figure out what they looked like.

  Fresh tears blurred everything.

  22

  ONE TIME KNOCK…

  NOW

  Crosby

  I had worked out twice already. And I ran twice. My body ached everywhere but it did nothing to stop the ache in my chest. I had cancelled a writing session with Jonny, making up a bullshit excuse that I was feeling under the weather. Jonny, being the guy he was, knew when to press at me and when to leave me the hell alone.

  He left me the hell alone.

  Which was probably for the worse.

  I showered. I drank. I played guitar.

  I played the song Josie loved so much, hating that she loved it because I loved it too.

  She had gotten close to the fire.

  Way too close to the fire.

  And it was my fault for letting it happen.

  It was almost a sense of instinct that kicked in when I saw Josie’s niece fall to the ground. I heard her talking about her knee and before I could stop myself, I was helping. And, of course, Josie was smart enough to see the way I acted. To know I had experience with kids.

  But the story…

  I played the last few chords of the song Josie loved.r />
  When I heard someone knocking at the door, I shook my head.

  Jonny was here. With whiskey. To try and win me over so I would talk about what was going on in my life.

  I slowly walked to the front door and unlocked it.

  I did not expect to see Josie standing there.

  She was empty handed, but her eyes were full of baggage.

  I had to give her credit for being so bold. Especially when she reached out and put a hand to my chest.

  “Crosby… what are we doing here?”

  “This is my house,” I said. “What are you doing here?”

  “Whatever it is, I’m here,” she said.

  “Why do you want to know so much about me?”

  “Because I want to know I’m not alone. The pain…”

  I gently touched her wrist and pushed it off my chest.

  I had two choices at that point. I could shut the door and lock it. That would protect Josie for the long term. She would leave, pissed and hurt, but it would fade. I would never see her again. That was the simple way to handle this.

  The other choice…

  I stepped forward and slipped a hand to the small of her back.

  When I pulled her close to me, she let out a gasp.

  She kept her hands at her sides and I stared down at her.

  “The truth changes everything,” I whispered.

  “I know, Crosby. I know.”

  I had her lifted up to eye level, my hands cupped under her perfect ass. We were kissing, but taking breaks to look at each other. Challenging each other with our eyes, seeing who would bend or break first. For me, I kept my lip snarled, making it clear that this was about desire and need. Even though the way my heart raced in that moment suggested it was something more.

  “Tell me I was right,” I growled at her. “With everything I’ve said.”

  Josie gently nodded.

  A sense of innocence washed over her face.

  Worry and innocence.

  For some reason that combination was sexy to me.

  “You’re not sleeping on my couch tonight, love,” I said.

  “I know that,” she said.

  She grinned with a smile that threw everything out the window. The wall I had built and kept tall and sturdy didn’t just crumble, it fucking imploded.

  I stepped over the ashes of that wall, with Josie in my arms, and took her upstairs.

  In some way, there was still a little bit of that rockstar blood in my veins.

  I touched Josie’s hips, following the lines of her curves over her shirt and her jeans. She stood at the side of my bed, on her toes, kissing me back as hard as I kissed her. My fingertips flirted with the button on her jeans. With one flick, she let out another gasp, realizing her pants were now open for me.

  I kissed gently from her mouth to her neck, tasting the sweetness of her skin. There was nothing fancy about Josie at all. There were no fancy perfumes or clothes. No makeup. Her hair forever looking the way it did when she woke up on my couch. That drew me to her in a dangerous way.

  My teeth touched her neck as I groaned in the back of my throat, knowing that I was coming close to the point of not being able to stop. My hands touched her hips again, this time cutting into her jeans and pushing. Her hips wiggled left to right, a seductive dance that had me stripping her jeans down to her knees.

  I left a trail of kisses from one side of her neck to the other. Her knees started to bend as though she wanted to sit on the bed.

  Not yet, love.

  I put my right hand to her back and kept her straight and sturdy.

  She let out a moan as I bent my knees, dropping down before her.

  I lifted her shirt and she took deep and shuddering breaths.

  Her belly danced before me.

  She shivered when I kissed below her belly button, the tip of my tongue slicing like a knife down to the line of her panties. But I didn't stop there. No fucking way. I bit and pulled, leaving Josie to hurry and touch the side of her panties, pushing them down for me.

  In so many ways, she was a beautiful, hot mess as she stood there, jeans and panties stripped down to her knees.

  With the tip of my nose, I moved from her smooth lower belly down to even smoother skin. Skin that was warm and maybe forbidden. The scent of her need hit me, and I gritted my teeth, feeling a deep and wild hunger that only she could fulfill.

  My hands touched her lower back and just barely using my fingertips I tickled down and around the curve of her ass. Josie sighed and jumped forward, her hands grabbing my shoulders. I kept going though, down to the backs of her legs. When I pulled at the bend of her knees, Josie fell back to the bed.

  After gently stripping her from the waist down, my hands traced lines up her legs, moving to her inner thighs, not stopping until I felt the warmth of her core against my fingertips. I watched carefully as Josie’s hands gripped at the sheets and lifted her hips off the bed. My left hand eased down a little, resting at her trembling thigh. My right hand slid up and down her eager folds. She shivered, just once, letting out a groan as I used just two fingers, feeling her top to bottom. I turned my fingers and broke her threshold as she welcomed me with a burning warmth that made me grit my teeth. Her back arched as she cried out. She was swollen and in need, leaving me wondering how long a woman as beautiful as Josie had been waiting for this moment.

  I came forward and kissed her smooth skin. Right where I had left off from before.

  Down just a little bit more and the tip of my tongue made a devilish cutting move, pulling up at her soft clit. Her body jumped at my touch. I moved my hands to her hips and held her where I needed her as I repeated the same move against her clit over and over. Her hips bucked and danced as she groaned. She managed to peel a hand away from the sheets and reached for my hair. My tongue tasted all of her sweetness, suckling against her dew-laced petals, savoring everything she had to offer. As I turned my head, I thrust my tongue at her, her core pulsing for more than just my mouth.

  I moved my right hand to her lower belly and spread my fingers wide. Josie quickly put her hand to my hand and clawed at my fingers. Something about that move was subtle and really sexy.

  With my left hand, I traced lines again along the curve of her hip, memorizing her in case I never had the chance to touch her again.

  My lips moved from her sex to her hip. My left hand cut between her legs with speed, two fingers plunging deep into her pussy. Josie cried out and arched her back again. Where my fingers had traced lines was where my lips now kissed. My fingers thrust at her, digging and twisting, feeling secret spots that made my cock ache inside my jeans. I was rock hard; my mind screaming to open my jeans and finish this night the right way. Yet it was my heart that had me guiding Josie along this path of pleasure alone… at least for the moment.

  I held my fingers deep inside her core as I kissed over her leg, thirsting for more of her sweetness.

  But Josie made a move, inching her hand down to my hand pleasuring her. She crept her fingertips to my wrist and hooked her fingers, digging her nails at me. As she pulled, wanting it harder, she groaned and arched her back higher.

  “Yes,” she purred. “Fuck, yes.”

  I moved up her body, nuzzling my nose over her shirt and not stopping until I reached the swell of her breasts. I teased her as much as I could, which was just me teasing myself.

  Her hips bucked harder and faster, matching the speed of my hand.

  She finally lowered her back down to the bed and looked at me.

  “Don’t stop,” she whispered in a breathless voice.

  “I never would,” I said back to her.

  I lowered my lips to her neck and quickly kissed up to her ear.

  “Fuck, love, you feel amazing,” I growled into her ear. “I can’t wait to feel all of you.”

  Josie rushed to grab the back of my shirt. She let out a louder sighing cry. Her hips drove up harder against my hand as I controlled her pleasure. I had her on the edge and I wasn’
t going to play any games with her.

  She made another bold move as she turned her head just enough to nibble at my ear. When she did, I grunted and caught myself thrusting at her. The bulge inside my jeans impossible to hide.

  “Oh, Crosby… fuck…”

  “Right now, love,” I growled into her ear. “Right now.”

  I pulled my fingers back and slammed them forward.

  Josie cried out, her wild voice bouncing off the walls of the bedroom.

  Every muscle in her lower body tightened as she held there.

  I felt her cresting, the climax of her pleasure exploding.

  Josie pulled at my shirt, pulling it up as she pulled her body tighter against mine. She let out whimpers and cries, biting at my shoulder, at my shirt, over and over as I felt her core throbbing with relief.

  The moment she started to catch her breath, she wasted no time in pulling harder at my shirt, wanting it off. I slipped down as my shirt went up, letting her take it off me. I peeled my fingers away from her sweet body, knowing there was much more to come.

  With my shirt off, hovering over Josie, her hands touched my chest. Her nails scratched at me as her eyes burned with a wicked passion I didn’t know she had. A sweet madness that attracted me to Josie and now had me wanting more of her.

  Her hands raced down my body, cutting right into my jeans. When she touched my hardness, I hissed. I used one hand to open my jeans and used that same hand to push them down, letting myself finally be free. Her hand touched my hard skin, following my full length from tip to root.

  She whispered an oh sound before biting her lip.

  She moved back on the bed a little and I moved after her, leaving my jeans to fall to the floor. Using my knees, I opened her legs again, closing in on her core.

  When I touched her swollen center, I sucked in a breath and held it. She was far beyond ready again and having her wasn’t just a threat to the lower half of my body. She was a threat to my fucking heart too.

  Josie touched the bottom of her shirt and started to lift as I lowered down, opening her again. This time it was much different. She stopped lifting her shirt as her back started to arch again. That instinctive feeling to seek release from the growing pressure, but there was none. Not until she came again. My right hand slapped against the side of her waist and I pulled at her as I thrust forward, taking myself to the hilt. Her insides shivered as she put her head back.