I almost announce myself when I hear the giggling coming from within the maze, one laugh I have heard all my life, bubbly Amy loved to have fun. But the other… the other I almost never got to hear.
I had to sit and listen. “Okay guess what this one is?”
I see flashes of light coming from the cracks in the sheets and I realize the giggles are reactions to shadow puppets. I try not to hate myself for never showing Maddie a shadow puppet before.
Her tiny voice is thoughtful, “A dog?”
“Nope, guess again.”
“A… um, oh… a bird. I can see the wings!”
“Yep! Bird’s Nest Palace has to have birds!”
“How do you do the wings?”
“Here, let me see your hands.”
I almost have a heart attack, shouting my reaction before I can even think, “NO!”
Both girls let out a little scream and Amy throws the door of the tent open. “Oh, Rob! Are you okay?”
‘Are you okay?’ was the question I was about to ask, but seeing Maddie’s face only worried about me and not the person who just asked to touch her hands makes me pull my shit together. “Oh, yeah, so sorry gals – I stubbed my toe.”
Amy struggles a bit to pull herself out of the fort and falls into me as she tries to find her feet. “Oh, sorry! So sorry, I know the place is a wreck, I didn’t think you’d be back so soon. I was going to have it cleaned up.”
Maddie’s voice is full of concern, “Cleaned up?”
I know that tone and rectify her worry right away, “No, no we don’t have to take it down. You can keep it up as long as you want.”
Amy laughs with relief, “I remembered how much fun I used to have with these.”
“Yeah, yeah, me too, ah, I guess I just forgot about them.”
The truth is sometimes I forget that although Maddie is different than most kids, in so many ways she is still the same. I’m grateful to Aim for reminding me.
Amy grabs her purse and phone as she gives me updates. “There is a casserole in the oven, it should be done in about an hour. Oh, and I know it looks strange, but it should taste good, but if you guys don’t like it no worries at all, I won’t make it again. Should I be here the same time tomorrow?”
“Oh, I’m sure it’s great. Yeah, tomorrow same time if that’s okay?”
“Sure! See you tomorrow, princess!”
“Bye.”
As I see Aim out the door, I start to whisper my customary question of ‘how was it?’, but the way she’s beaming stops me. I guess… it was… good.
After I close the door, I maneuver past the blanket fort and into the kitchen. Still in a daze, happy things seemed to go well, but imagining how it may have played out if I hadn’t come home early. Imagining Maddie having an episode over Aim touching her hands. The scene I play out in my head is cut short when I look at the casserole sitting in the oven under amber lights.
It’s green.
The color Maddison found most comforting. One of the few color foods she would eat. The entire thing... is green.
I open the door to look closer. I can make out chicken and noodles and cheese and other things that aren’t usually green. How did she do that? Then it dawns on me that dinner won’t be a negotiation, that I won’t have to beg her to eat foods that weren’t comforting shades, but were healthy for her. And right there in the kitchen I get choked up.
But I man up and tell myself to stop getting emotional over a casserole when I hear little footsteps coming across the tile. I rub my eyes to make sure they aren’t watery before I turn around, “I really like your fort, hon.”
“It’s not a fort, it’s a palace. And you can visit anytime, but you aren’t allowed to come in the nest room at the back. You are too big anyway.”
I was stunned, but happy to grant her request, “Okay, sure hon. I won’t.”
“Okay.” Then she turns to head back into her palace of blankets, but not before giving her final word on the new babysitter situation. “Amy smells good. I like her.”
“Oh, great!”
What I wanted to say was I know how you feel.
Amy
As I pull into Rob’s driveway on my second day of babysitting, I realize I had been in a trance through the entire drive. Replaying the triumphs of the previous day in my head. Wondering if Rob took one look at the green food color experiment in the oven and gotten ill. Wondering if Maddie was looking forward to seeing me again.
I’m not even out of the car yet before my last question is answered – a little body is flying down the walkway and waving.
“Hey, princess!”
“Hello. I slept in my nest last night.”
I get out and dig in my trunk while she watches, “Oh fun! I brought a few blankets from my house in case you wanted to add a few rooms to-”
When I turn around Rob is right behind me. I manage to say hi while I slam into him, “Oh, hey!”
“Hey, Aim. You look extra beautiful today.”, without asking he takes the pile of blankets out of my arms. I know my response to this should be ‘thank you’, but instead I laugh and automatically argue.
“Oh, no I didn’t even- “
“You do.” The almost stern way he cuts me off is oddly flattering. This time I answer the way I should have in the first place.
“Oh, thanks.”
Then he tucks the pile of blankets that had filled both my arms under one of his and turns to Maddie. “Can you give us just a minute, hon? We’ll be right there.”
She thinks about it for a moment before she thoughtfully says, “Okay.” When she’s out of earshot Rob starts… well… gushing.
“I don’t know how you made that thing last night but it was brilliant – I’ve never seen her eat so much and she loves the blanket fort, er, palace – I should have thought of that before, and I was thinking maybe if I made the position a salary type thing you wouldn’t mind staying on longer, and maybe when the school year starts we could incorporate home-school stuff in – and it’s okay if that’s not something you’re interested in, but I thought maybe we could go to lunch tomorrow and discuss it. Marcy said she could come by and watch Maddie if that’s something you wanted to do?”
I blink and try to process everything he just said. All I heard was ‘go to lunch’. Rob wants me to go to lunch.
“Ah, oh, sure, yeah, okay.”
He wants to go to lunch with me. Air is getting thinner.
Wait. Hold on.
“Wait. Homeschool? Maddie said yesterday she was looking forward to going.”
“Yeah, I know. I meet with the principal and advisor tomorrow to find out if they decided to let her attend this year. Last year for preschool they said, ‘she wasn’t ready’. There’s a chance she can now, but I’m not holding my breath.”
I think the tone of my voice was something new to him, because he took a small step back at my next question.
“What fucking time tomorrow?”
Rob
The thick skin I was worried about Amy having was beginning to look like plates of armor sitting in the office of the elementary school.
“Excuse me? Can you repeat that please?”
The woman advisor looks down at the wording of her paperwork and repeats her verdict, “We don’t feel Maddison has the necessary social skills or self-control to succeed in a normal classroom environment.”
Amy crosses her curvy legs and sits back. But her tone is anything but casual, “Oh, I understand. And how would the school recommend she learns social skills at home by herself?”
“There are many programs for children with special needs to learn life skills.”
“Ah, I see. So she is supposed to learn the skills to succeed in the real world in a non-real world environment?”
The advisor is taken aback by this and looks to the principal. Since he also has nothing to offer, the woman resorts to another tactic, “I’m sorry Ma’am. But what relation are you to the child?”
Although I have s
tayed relatively quiet up to this point, I think maybe this is a moment to step up, “Oh, she’s her… uh, well, she’s- “
Amy corrects my stumbles without missing a beat, “I’m her care-giver and disability advocate, which is why I’m here, to make sure she isn’t the victim of discrimination.”
The tension in the air is almost touchable as the advisor shifts in her seat, “I assure you we reached our decision with Maddison’s best interests in mind.”
Amy laughs, but not her real laugh, this was borderline condescending, “No, I don’t think you did. I think the accommodations she would require are an inconvenience and it is easier to turn her away than put in the time and effort to make this an environment she could thrive in.”
“Ma’am, you misunders- “
“No, I don’t think I do. But I do want to make sure YOU don’t misunderstand. I fully intend to get the support of the ADA to back up Maddison’s disability rights lawyer in the case we make against this school. May I please have a copy of your decision and the reasons you created for not being able to accommodate her condition in writing?”
The advisor begins to shuffle through her papers nervously and I can see the sweat begin to bead on the principal’s forehead. Aim is winning. Holy shit.
The truth is, I don’t have a lawyer for Maddie, though I guess I probably should. But the way Amy said it, I almost believed I already did. The elementary school office staff certainly believes it.
Finally, the silent rotund principal clears his throat, “We didn’t realize how strongly you felt about Maddison attending Sam Worth Elementary. Taking that into consideration, we will assign her to a placement specialist and enroll her in our Individualized Education Plan which should accommodate any challenges she may face here. Do you find that satisfactory?”
Amy uncrosses her curvy legs, which are apparently clad in thicker skin that I could have ever guessed. It doesn’t happen often, but Marce was so right.
“Absolutely. Thank you both, I’m glad we could come to an understanding.”
I follow Aim’s cue and shake the two sweaty and almost trembling hands extended over the desk to me and follow her out of the building. When we get to my hybrid she’s midway through a rant.
“Who else have they treated this way? What makes them think they can just brush off any child who isn’t a cookie cutter version of what they expect a student to be. I swear if they give her any trouble while she’s attending I will-
I end her speech by slamming her against the passenger door. I can’t tell her how I feel about what she just did with words, I’ve never been eloquent - so I let my body explain. I press against her hard and grab the side of her face with both my hands as I kiss her. I kiss her hard and deep. It was rude, really – I didn’t ask or even give her any warning. But she doesn’t resist. In fact, the way she kisses me back makes my whole body ache.
My hero.
I’m a martial artist, a successful business owner, and a grown ass man… and this woman just saved me.
Amy
I didn’t know it was possible to cycle through emotions so quickly. I was happy they let Maddie in the school, I was furious they tried not to and now… I was… well, in a wet dream.
It has to be a dream. There’s no way I’m making out with the infatuation of my life in an elementary school parking lot.
Is there?
When he pushed me against the car and grabbed my face I was almost afraid. Maybe I had crossed the line and made him angry – the look in his eyes was so intense – I had never had anyone look at me that way. All I could relate it to was anger.
I was wrong.
When he finally pulls his lips away from mine and lets my face go I don’t move. I don’t even open my eyes. I’m afraid if I do… I might wake up.
“Aim? Are you okay?”
I still don’t open my eyes, but I manage to nod.
“Amy?” I feel the back of his hand against my cheek.
Okay. I let my eyes flutter open and meet his. “Yeah. Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
“Oh, um, sure.”
“Do you wanna come home with me?”
“Yeah? Yeah.”
Yeah.
Rob
On the way to my house it’s all I can do not to kiss her again, every red light and stop sign was an opportunity I had to resist. I wanted her to know how she made me feel. How proud I was of her, how I have always thought she was beautiful. The primitive side of me could only show it with my body. The non-primitive side of me tried to explain my gratitude.
“You were incredible in there.”
“Oh, thanks. I don’t get upset often, really, but they just made me so mad.”
“You were a force of nature. I never know what to say when people are assholes. If we could just fight about it I’d be fine, but civilized society or whatnot frowns on that.”
She laughs but says something profound, “Oh well, we all have different weapons.”
And her weapons have slayed me. I reach over and take her hand and pull it to my mouth. I kiss it longer than I should. I can feel the race of her heart in her wrist and the way her breathing quickens. I wonder if she could possibly want me as badly as I want her in this moment.
Who am I kidding? This moment? Every moment. Every moment for as long as I could remember.
I speak against her hand. “Oh, Aim.”
The loud blare of a car horn behind us snaps me out of my heaven and reminds me I’m still in traffic and the light is green. I focus on the road again, but don’t let her hand go. I just can’t. Her skin on her arm is so soft. I begin to imagine how the rest of her feels. I inhale that wonderful smell that only comes from her, not soap, not perfume, just her.
I kiss her hand again before I continue, “Marce has Maddie for a few more hours. I hope you can stay till then.”
“Oh, sure. Yeah.”
The hesitation in her voice makes me release her precious hand, “Are you sure?”
“Oh, um, yeah, I want to… it’s just…”
“What’s wrong, Aim?”
“Nothing! No, no, nothing. I just, no guy has ever asked me over, or kissed me or anything before so…”
I almost choke. Playing it cool with everything I have, I ask her to clarify, “So, you’ve never been intimate with anyone is what you’re saying.”
“Yeah. I mean no. I mean I haven’t, no.”
I am such an asshole, she got her first kiss slammed against my car in a parking lot. How romantic.
“Oh, geez, Aim, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t’ve-”
“Oh, please don’t be! I’m so glad, I’ve always…um…”
“Yeah… me too.”
I reclaim her hand. But I promise myself I’m not going to claim the rest of her today, I’m going to go slow and treat her the way she deserves.
I have to resist the irresistible.
And then, in time, if she lets me, I am really going to treat her the way she deserves. The way I should have don’t long ago. For as long as she’ll let me.
Amy
I wonder if he can feel my heart pounding in my hand. The way he just leaves his lips against it makes me sure he can. I try not to pant and shake as he speaks to me the way I always wished he would.
What I did at the school wasn’t even my proudest moment. I got angry, which I almost never do, I even threatened people. Honestly, I acted crazy. Under normal circumstances I would be ashamed. But Rob was acting like I was some kind of hero. The thought of being alone at his house with all this affection coming my way was making me both thrilled and nauseous.
Shit! Why didn’t I shave above the knee?!
I try to remember which pair of underwear I have on, I get sicker as I realize I have on an old comfortable pair with holes along the waistband.
Shit.
I calm down at his next words, “Don’t worry, Aim. We’ll take it slow, okay? I just wanna be with you.”
“Okay, yeah, thanks. I wanna be with you too
.”
And I do. I always have. It makes me hate the little voice in the back of my mind trying to make me doubt everything that’s making me so happy.
Why now? Why after all these years are you suddenly desirable? So you won’t quit? So you will be a permanent babysitter with benefits?
Stop. You know Rob. He is a good guy, a good man. If he likes you then he likes you. He knows you. Just stop.
When we get to his house I expect that slowness he talked about. But apparently our versions of slow are a bit different, because the front door wasn’t even fully closed behind us before he was kissing me again. For the first time in my life, both my feet came off the floor at once. Although I was sure I was too heavy for anyone to lift, he picks me up like I was a much lighter woman and brings me to the couch that is still draped with sheets and blankets on every side.
There in the middle of the fabric palace he kisses me the way they kiss in movies. The voices of worry and nervousness in my head fade into passion as I kiss him back. His mouth begins to drift down my neck and send shock waves through my whole body. Suddenly I understand what everyone was always going on about. This is the most perfect feeling there is. His full beard is so soft and his hands on my back are so gentle.
Then one of his hands slides from my back around my waist to my belly. Before I can become self-conscious, I gasp into his mouth as he moves it up to hold my breast. His huge hand tries to envelope all of it - an impossible task, but the kneading motions he makes as he tries sends waves of pleasure through me. Now his trail of kisses traveling down my neck continues until he reaches my chest.
The sound of the front door opening almost makes us both fall off the couch. Marcy’s face instantly registers what she interrupted. “Oh! Sorry! So sorry! “
Rob and I both try to act normal, but our hellos are oddly high pitched and tense. I try to straighten out my clothes and smooth my hair and, well, not look like I was just having the time of my life.
Seal's Professor Page 20
