Change (Kitsune)

by Melissa Stevens

  "No, why would I?"

  "You're afraid to shift again aren't you?" I knew by his voice he was sure in his conclusion.

  "Not afraid exactly…" I trailed off, after a moment’s hesitation I blurted it out, "But what if I can't do it on purpose? What if it was just a freak thing and I can't do it again. Or even worse, what if I can make it to wolf and not back to human again?"

  I heard him take a deep breath and let it out slowly, looking for the right words before he spoke again. "Nickie, if you're strong enough to shift back to human with the instructions I gave you and no other help, then you're perfectly strong enough to shift on your own, any time you want."

  "I can't shift alone, at least not at first. I need a spotter, someone who can call for help if I can't shift back."

  "Ok, I guess I can understand that. What time do you have to be to your parents this evening?"

  "No later than six. Why?"

  "I'll be there in fifteen minutes. That'll give us more than five hours for you into shift to your wolf, and back again, and even get the Anikitos or Harmonia to come help you shift back if you need it, before you have to be at your parents."

  "Are you sure we should do this today? We can't wait?"

  "Yes, we need to do it today. No waiting. The sooner the better, the longer you wait the harder it'll be to convince you can do it."

  "I guess… "

  "Good, now, pull a couple of the steaks from the freezer, I know you have some. I'll be there soon."

  "Ok, I guess I’ll see you then." I set down my already disconnected PCD onto the table.

  Not knowing what else to do, I did as Brandon had asked and I pulled a couple of steaks from the freezer and dropped them into a bowl of warm water to thaw while I waited for him to arrive. It wasn't long and when his knock sounded on the door I jumped. I was so lost in thought that I missed hearing his footsteps coming up the stairs.

  I knew it was Brandon at the door before I opened it to find him standing there, patiently waiting to be let inside. I motioned him inside and turning, I watched him as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

  "Are you ready for this?" He asked.

  "I'm not sure," I said nervously, "But it can't hurt. I've got no excuses now and I think I'll be better off to do it now than to continue to put it off. So, what's the first thing we need to do?"

  "Well," he said slowly, trying to keep from upsetting me, "You have two choices, you can either change into something you don't mind being destroyed or you can do what the rest of us do, and just take off your clothes first. Because, just like your clothes the other day on the trail, when you shift whatever clothing you're wearing are destroyed."

  Hearing this unsettled me more than a little bit, I'm a modest person. While sure, I might wear things like leather knee boots and hot pants out dancing, there was relatively little skin showing. I just wasn't one to wander around in little to no clothing, and I just wasn't sure I could handle the lack of clothing, not just for me but for everyone.

  "Are you sure?" I asked, holding out hope that he was trying to pull one over on me.

  "Sorry." He said, "I can make this a little easier for you if you'd like. How about I tell you what you need to do, then you go in the bedroom, strip and then shift. Once you're in wolf form I want you to come out and see me. I want to see you in wolf form to make sure you made the shift with no problems. After that, anytime you're ready, I'll fire up the grill while you try to shift back. Once you're human again, I'll toss the steaks on. Then I'll answer any questions you want to ask while we eat."

  "Why are you so stuck on eating? I'm going to be going to my parents and if I don't eat there they'll know something’s up." I asked, skipping anything about my shifting for the moment.

  "Because shifting takes energy, shifting once takes a lot of energy and shifting twice takes at least double that. After you've shifted twice you'll be starving. Remember how hungry you were Friday? It won't be quite as bad because you won't be doing the healing too, but trust me, you'll want something to eat. And eating now will keep you from eating more than normal in front of your family in a few hours.” I nodded, that not having occurred to me, “So, I'll fix something to eat, if you don't mind my invading your kitchen for a few minutes, while you practice shifting."

  "Ok, I guess," I was reluctant, not that I minded Brandon taking over my kitchen, he was a good friend and had spent a lot of time there, but something just didn't feel right. But as he started to explain to me what to do, I dismissed my misgivings and listened closely.

  "Good, now the first step is to sit, or bend down, it's possible to shift while standing but it's easier if you don't have to, especially at first. Then basically, it's the reverse of shifting to human, which you already know how to do. You just picture your wolf form and will yourself to take that shape."

  "That's it?"

  "That's it. It may take a few minutes to manage it at first, but with practice it gets faster."

  "Okay, let me double check this and make sure I have it clear... I picture my wolf form, a large wolf with fur the same color as my hair. By the way are all Kitsune wolves the same color as their hair?"

  "No, you just happen to be, which will make it easier for you."

  "Okay, so I picture my wolf form and simply wish myself into it?"

  "Not just wish, but will. You have to want to be the wolf and concentrate on wanting to be the wolf, your skin will tingle and feel really strange, like it did the last time and then you'll be the wolf."

  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "Okay, I think I'm ready to try this, wish me luck."

  "Good luck. I'll be in the kitchen working on getting the food ready. Join me once you’re in your wolf form."

  "You know where it is, make yourself at home" I said, heading through the doorway into my bedroom. I pushed the door until it was touching, but not latched. I was apprehensive, I wasn't sure I would be able shift into my wolf form on purpose, at least not alone.

  I slowly, nervously took off my clothes and folded them neatly before stacking them on the foot of my bed. Once I was ready, I bent down until I had one knee resting on the floor next to my other foot. I leaned forward until my chest pressed against my upraised knee and placed my hands on the floor just in front of the knee and foot supporting my weight. I closed my eyes and pictured in my mind a large wolf, one with soft auburn fur just the color of my hair. I wanted to be that wolf I NEEDED to be the wolf. I felt the tingling start, the almost stinging sensation all over my skin and then the bones and muscles in my body started to shift, the strange sensations almost broke my concentration but I remembered that it was something that should be happening, and I refused to let it to distract me. It's a little more painful to shift when you do it in purpose, or maybe it was that without the shock from the snake bite I was less distracted and I was now noticing it more.

  When the shifting and tingling finally subsided, I opened my eyes. I didn't feel any different. Wondering if it worked, I looked down at myself and found that I was covered in shaggy fur. Carefully walking over to the full length mirrors attached to my closet doors, and inspected my new body. I was large for a wolf, and the same deep red- brown color of my hair. I definitely wouldn't be mistaken for someone's dog, unless there was some huge, red, cross-breed roaming around that I didn't know about.

  I scratched at the bottom of my bedroom door enough to get my nose in the crack and swing it open as I left my room I marveled at the different perspective of my apartment in this form. I went into the kitchen where I could smell the potatoes that Brandon had started cooking in the microwave and the seasonings he had put onto the steaks that smelled so appealing. I heard him rattling things in one of the cabinets at the other end of the room. I walked over and used my nose to nudge the hand that was resting on the top of the cabinet door and watched him jump as I startled him. He must have really been concentrating on what he was looking for not to notice me come into the room.

  "Oh! You did it! Great
!"

  I snorted at him and thought *Thank you, Captain Obvious.*

  "Hey," He laughed, "That wasn't nice!"

  I sat down, shocked. I hadn't intended for him to hear that.

  "I guess we can be pretty certain now about that telepathy, huh? I might as well make use of it…do you have any corn?"

  *Yeah, it's in the cabinet over the microwave*

  "Great, I'll fix that too. You can stay like that for a while if you want or you can go shift back. It's up to you."

  *I think I'll go shift back, thanks. I'll be back in a minute* I thought at him, heading for the bedroom.

  Once in my bedroom, I sat down in the spot where I had shifted earlier and concentrated for a few moments on shifting back into human form, when the tingling stopped I stood up and quickly dressed again. I walked out of the bedroom to find Brandon standing out on my balcony in front of the grill, the scent of the steaks on the grill making my stomach growl.

  "Wow!" I told him, "Those smell really great!"

  "I told you, shifting twice takes a lot of calories and you need to replace them. These are almost done. Can you go grab a plate to put them on? We‘ll separate them and add the rest in the kitchen."

  After shutting off the grill Brandon carried the plate with the steaks into the kitchen, "Just have a seat and let me finish here," he dished the steaks onto separate plates and added the sides he’d prepared.

  "You shouldn't be waiting on me in my own kitchen, Brandon. Hhow about I get the drinks?"

  "That would be nice"

  "What do you want?"

  "Tea would be great if you have any, if not I'll take a soda."

  "You know me, if there's no tea in the house it's almost a catastrophe," I pulled out two plastic cups and filled them with ice before pouring the tea. "You'll have to live with plastic, 'cause I'm not risking handling any more glass for a while"

  He chuckled, "Not a problem"

  I put cups down in front of the two chairs then grabbed flatware and napkins out of the drawer for both of us. I was headed back to the table with them as Brandon set both plates down on the table next to the glasses. We took our seats and started eating. I was surprised at how hungry I felt and how quickly I devoured the food in front of me.

  "Are you feeling more comfortable about your ability to shift yet?" Brandon asked in between bites.

  "Some. I'm less afraid of suddenly shifting and being stuck in wolf form now. That's something."

  "It'll get easier with practice, and if you try, you can learn to shift fast enough to change in mid-leap."

  "Really?"

  "Yep. I can’t do it, but I've seen it done. I have to admit though, I've never tried it, so I don't know exactly how difficult it is to learn."

  "But you have to admit. It would be cool.” I said.

  "It would be cool," He admitted before he changed the subject "You're gonna want to work on your reluctance to be undressed in front of others though. It isn't that the Kindred are immodest exactly. It's more that we're just very comfortable with casual nudity. We learn not to make an issue of it."

  "Really?" I wasn’t sure if I could become so casual about it.

  "Think about it this way. We often run in groups, several of us will meet somewhere very rural, and shift, run in wolf form together then shift back before heading back into town. No bedrooms, no restrooms to change in."

  "I guess it makes sense, but still."

  "I know the idea of its new to you, and it makes you uncomfortable. But think about it for a while, get used to the idea."

  "I’ll try." We ate in a comfortable silence for a few minutes.

  Soon we’d both finished our meal. We cleaned up our plates, loading them in to the empty dishwasher, before going into the living room and to sit down. Brandon broke the silence "You're going to want to call and tell Bill about the telepathy. He'll most likely assign someone to work with you and help you develop the skill."

  "I'll tell him, but I'll probably wait until tomorrow. I'm supposed to see if I can get some time off and go see him in the morning if I can, if not, I'll call him and let him know."

  We visited for a little while longer before Brandon took off and I started getting ready to go to the weekly family dinner at my parent’s house.

  I changed into something a little nicer than what I wore around the house and took the time to comb out my hair on my way out the door to the weekly family dinner. By the time I got there I was feeling much more comfortable about shifting. I was no longer afraid that I would suddenly find myself as a wolf again and not be able to shift back.

  Sunday dinner at my parent’s house is a mandatory event for everyone. The only acceptable excuses for missing dinner, if you are in town, are sudden serious illness, and death. Yours.

  That particular Sunday I’d planned to arrive a little early so I could help Mom with the last of the cooking. When I got to the house I didn't bother knocking on the door, none of us kids did, before I let myself in. I called out as I closed the door to let them know it was me. They both came to greet me, stepping out of different rooms, but with the same purpose in mind. My mother popped out of the kitchen while my father had a bit farther to come from the living room at the end of the short hallway.

  While hugging my mother I noticed that she carried the scents of yeast and cinnamon with her, they were like a soft dusting on the surface of her skin, which held a natural lemony scent, and it made me wonder briefly what she had made for dessert. My father's customary bear hug smelled of soil and the oils and fuels that his tractors often smelled of, it hovered over the sweet almost sugary scent that seemed to come directly from his skin. I followed my mother into the kitchen to help her with dinner while my father returned to the living room to the baseball game he had been watching.

  "How has your week been?" Mom asked as we got to work.

  "Busy." I replied, "Work mostly, but I went hiking with Brandon on Friday, spent some time with Izzy on Saturday."

  "And how is Brandon doing these days?" She asked.

  "Pretty good. He's still working up at the mine, but he's on his seven day, so our days off lined up and we were able to get together for the first time in a while," I said, referring to the week off that all the shift workers at the mine get once a month.

  "That's nice. How are his parents?"

  "Good, as far as I know. He hasn't mentioned them in a while and I didn't think to ask when I saw him this time."

  We visited a few minutes longer before my sister Brittney and her family arrived. I stepped out into the hall to see them. The kids were in their usual wild animal state of excitement, if I didn’t know better I would have thought that they hadn't seen them in months instead of the matter of days that it had actually been. They were excited to see me too. I like to think of myself as their favorite Aunt. They know that when Aunt Nickie is around there will always be something fun happening. What can I say; I love the little heathens and do as much as I can with them. I often pick them up and take them to the park for a couple hours of exhausting fun when I can make the time. But I have to admit that at the end of the outing, I'm glad I can take them home to their mama and retire to the peace and quiet of my own apartment.

  I picked up 4 year old Jimmy as he raced by and swung him up above my head, he squealed and laughed before I lowered him until I could hug and kiss his squirming body. I inhaled the clean grassy scent of the little boy, savoring the freshness. He swiftly escaped the 'baby kisses' and ran off to see what mischief he could get into as I sat him back on the floor. Standing, I reached over and took the baby, 1 year old Tammy from my sister. I tickled and snuggled her too before settling her on one hip as I hugged her tight. She had the clean scent of her shampoo like a halo around her, she also smelled of a sweet strawberry candy scent and something in me told me it wasn't an added scent like her shampoo, it was just her.

  Leaving my sister in the kitchen talking to Mom, I herded Jimmy in front of me as I carried Tammy into the living room to see Grandpa a
nd so I could say hello to Tracy. Once the kids had climbed all over and said their hellos to my father I took them over to the corner of the room and we dug through the basket of toys that Mom kept there for them. Many of the toys were leftovers from when we were young. There were a couple of favorites from each of us kids in the basket, though there were plenty of newer toys mixed in. It made me feel good to see my niece and nephew enjoying the toys I had loved as a child.

  The kids soon chose a bucket of large plastic building blocks and I sat on the floor with building with them for a few minutes. Once they were both engrossed in their creations I left them under their father's watchful eye and rejoined my mother and sister in the kitchen.

  I walked into the room in time to hear Brittney say to Mom "She said she's been seeing him for a few months. I think she really likes him. If things continue to go this well she may bring him down the next time she comes."

  "Who?" I asked.

  "Pace," she said, referring to our sister Payson. Pace was unable to make it tonight because she can only afford to make the trip from Tucson, where she lives, about once every month or six weeks, and this wasn’t one of those weeks.

  "That’ll be nice, I look forward to meeting him. She hasn't brought anyone home in quite a while," I said, going back washing up the dishes we’d used.

  "It will be good to see her and him too, if she decides to bring him," Mom said, “I miss you all when you’re not around.”

  "I told her to bring him, we'd like to meet him, so who knows if she will." Britt continued, "And I think Cam's serious about Janelle. Like maybe ring serious." Cam is Cameron, one of our brothers; he had been seeing Janelle for a couple of years. Currently Brittney's the only one of us kids who’s married or has kids, and she's been eager since she found wedded bliss to see the rest of us that way.

  A few minutes later, right at six o'clock, Raine walked in the front door. He made the rounds, kissing Mom and hugging Britt and I before he went into the living room to see everyone there. But after just a few minutes he came back into the kitchen. He insisted that Mom have a seat and just visit while he took over her share of the dinner prep.