Losing Grip

by Mercy Amare

  “What about your mom? I haven’t really heard you talk about her,” he says.

  “My mom is a professional shopper, basically. She spends most of her time in Europe with friends. Eating, shopping, working with different charity organizations, and ignoring her husband and children. She only likes us when it’s convenient,” I admit. “Like, when she hosts her annual Thanksgiving dinner in The Hamptons. This year it looks like she will be throwing it without Caleb, Dad, and me.”

  “Is Caleb in college now?” Sebastian asks.

  “No. He’s a senior in high school.”

  “Why didn’t he come to New Haven Academy too?”

  I sigh. “Caleb is in rehab right now. He has a tutor and will be finishing out his senior year locked up. Though, I guess I shouldn’t say locked up like it’s a bad thing. The place he’s at is more luxurious than a five star resort. It’s right on the beach. And really, it’s good for him. He is working through some issues that he’s never dealt with before.”

  Maybe I should go to rehab too.

  Except I’m not addicted to anything. Not anymore.

  “What is he in rehab for?”

  “Drug and alcohol abuse,” I answer.

  “And that’s why you don’t drink?”

  I nod. “For him. I don’t have a problem with it, but I figure, if he has to give it up, I will, too. I want to support him in every way I can.”

  “That’s a really nice thing to do. I’m sure he appreciates it.”

  I want to tell Sebastian the truth. I want to tell him why I’m here. I open my mouth to do so, but he cuts me off.

  “Dance with me,” he says.

  I nod.

  Sebastian holds out his hand and I accept it. I let him lead me out to the dance floor.

  Thankfully, as we are walking onto the dance floor, the music changes to a slow song. I did not want to embarrass myself. I’d probably move the wrong way somehow and make a complete fool of myself. I’m pretty sure you can’t mess up a slow song.

  Sebastian pulls me tight against him, and I can’t help but notice that our bodies fit together perfectly. It was like my body was made for his and his for mine. Which is just silly, I know. But I still like the way I feel in his arms. Safe. I feel like, for the first time in my life, I’m at home. And I like it.

  1 a.m.

  Whirlwind romance.

  Isaac is an amazing DJ. I love listening to him. He was so energetic and fun. He really knows how to get a crowd going. I have a feeling that he is going to be playing at the club very often.

  Sebastian and I danced for most of the night. Drew cut in once and I danced a couple of songs with Hope, but other than that, I stayed in Sebastian’s arms. And I’m not sure how I feel about that.

  Everybody says that Sebastian has a crush on me. If he does, then I shouldn’t have danced with him. I’m only leading him on. But when I’m with Sebastian, I don’t feel like he likes me as anything more than a friend.

  Sure, he makes me feel safe. And I can’t imagine my life without him. But I definitely don’t want to date him. He knows that.

  Hope and I are sharing a suite. She is more than a little tipsy, but she’s funny when she’s like this.

  “You and Sebastian were dancing pretty close tonight,” she says, then giggles.

  “Sebastian is the best friend I’ve ever had. He gets me,” I tell her. “I can’t even begin to explain it to you. I just... like being around him.”

  “You will probably marry him someday.”

  “Well, I don’t know about that, but there are definitely worst men I could be stuck with,” I say. “Actually, marrying your best friend is probably a good thing.”

  “You’re so right!” she says. “Love is soooo overrated. It just ends in heartbreak.”

  “Have you ever been in love?” I ask.

  “This summer,” she says. “I fell in love so fast, and it ended even faster.”

  “What happened?”

  “It was love at first sight,” she says, all dreamy like. “And it was a whirlwind of dancing under the stars, moonlit picnics, and staying up way too late because I didn’t want to lose a minute with them. But then it was time to come to school. Just like that, it was over.”

  “You didn’t want to try the long distant thing?”

  She sighs. “Not really.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. Someday, somebody is going to sweep me off my feet,” she says. “The summer will just be a distant memory. My first love.”

  I can’t help but be a little envious. I’ve been so worried about guarding my heart. So worried about somebody breaking it. But I can’t be like that. I have to try. Even if it doesn’t work out. Closing myself off will only make me more miserable than I already am. I have to try.

  And I will.

  When I get back to school, I’m going to try again with Brody. Sure, he ditched me. But he only did it because he was scared. I can’t blame him for that.

  “Hey, Jinger,” Hope says. “Do you think it’s weird that they haven’t talked anymore about Dean Tolken’s murder?”

  I shrug. “I don’t know. I mean, maybe they don’t have any new information. I’m sure they will let us know when they do.”

  “Do you think we are safe at school?”

  “If we weren’t, my dad wouldn’t let me stay.”

  “You’re right,” she says. “Good night, Jinger.”

  “Good night.” Before I even get the words out, Hope lets out a light snore.

  I pull out my phone and decide to send Brody a text.

  Me: I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I didn’t really give Sebastian a blow job. He and I are just friends. I was just pissed at you and wanted to make you mad.

  Brody Johnson: Well, mission accomplished.

  Me: Friends?

  Brody Johnson: No. Sorry. I can’t be friends with you.

  Me: Whatever, Brody.

  Brody Johnson: Have fun with Sebastian, Isaac, and Drew this weekend. I’m sure you’ve already slept with all three of them.

  Me: Actually, no. I haven’t. Not that I have to explain myself to you. Have a nice life Brody.

  I plug my phone in and set it on the table beside the bed.

  Guess that’s the end of Brody’s and my friendship. He’s definitely not the guy I first thought he was.

  Saturday, September 14

  A bit extreme.

  We wake up late Saturday morning, have brunch, and then hit up some awesome shopping places. Thursday is Sebastian’s birthday, so I have to get him something. I ask Hope to distract Sebastian so Drew can help me pick out a gift for him. So, Isaac, Sebastian and Hope head into a store, and Drew and I sneak off.

  “What does Sebastian like?” I ask, because I really don’t know him well enough yet to pick out a birthday present.

  “The Red Socks,” Drew answers. “He’s a huge fan. He’s got a lot of home state pride.”

  “So, what? I could get him season tickets for next season?” I ask.

  “Naw, he’s already got ’em. His dad is the governor,” Drew says.

  “Right.”

  Drew and I walk into a store than has nothing but Red Socks merchandise. Drew holds up a pillow case that has the face of a player on it. “This is his favorite player,” Drew says.

  I laugh. “Do you really think Sebastian wants to sleep on that?”

  “Yeah, I do,” he says laughing. He holds up a fuzzy blanket with the Red Socks logo and mascot on it. “What about this?”

  I grab it from him. “I’ll get this. But he needs something else. This is too cheap.”

  “It’s forty dollars,” Drew says.

  I raise an eyebrow at him.

  “Right. Ridiculously rich father. I forgot,” he says. “Well, my birthday is January twenty-second. In case you were... wondering.”

  I laugh and shake my head. “Let’s get this blanket and then we can figure out something else.”

  After checking out, we walk th
e opposite way that Hope, Sebastian and Isaac are.

  “What about a nice watch?” I ask. I’ve seen Sebastian wearing watches, but he doesn’t have a really nice one.

  “That would probably be perfect for him. He’s such a nerd,” Drew says. “He’s all about scheduling and time. That’s why I was so shocked when he missed school the other day. He would never miss. Not even for a girl. I guess you’re the exception.”

  I liked having Sebastian with me that day. He made it somewhat bearable.

  That was the day I decided that he was a true friend.

  Well, that, and after he didn’t tell anybody about my scars.

  We walk into the Rolex store and Drew’s eyes widen.

  “Are you freaking serious?” he asks me. “Do you know how much a Rolex costs?”

  I nod.

  A sales person comes over to us. They looked annoyed. Probably because they are used to annoying teenagers coming in and not buying anything.

  “Can I help you?” they guy asks, wrinkling his nose at us.

  I roll my eyes and hold up my black credit card. “I’m here to buy a watch for my friend.”

  The second the salesman sees my card, he changes his attitude. He smiles at me and seems more than willing to help us find a watch.

  When I leave the store, I have a fifteen thousand dollar watch in tow.

  My dad definitely won’t complain that I didn’t spend enough money this month.

  “That seriously cost more than my car,” Drew says. “I can’t believe you bought that for him.”

  I stuff the Rolex bag inside the other bag. I don’t want Sebastian to see it.

  “Do you think he’ll like it?” I ask.

  “Are you kidding?” Drew asks. “He will flipping love it.”

  “Good.”

  And yeah, maybe it was a bit extreme, but in the short amount of time I’ve known Sebastian, he’s been one of the best friends I’ve ever had. That’s worth a lot more than a Rolex.

  8 p.m.

  Cheap grocery store cupcakes are the best.

  We get back to school late Saturday evening. I show Hope what I got Sebastian for his birthday and she agrees that it’s perfect. Maybe a little extravagant, but hey, why not? I also show her the texts I got from Brody last night, which pisses her off. I have to talk her out of going to Brody’s dorm to beat the crap out of him.

  “You looked so cute last night,” she tells me.

  “I love the dress you made me. Seriously, it’s so me. It’s crazy that you’ve already figure out my style.”

  “It’s not hard,” she says. “You have that whole rocker chick thing going on. You and your Vans, Converse, leggings and messy hair. Seriously, I am envious of how well you rock the messy hair. I spend a good twenty minutes straightening my hair every morning.”

  “It wouldn’t matter if my hair looked good or not,” I say. “There is nothing that could make me spend that long on my hair. At least not every day. Only for special occasions. Like yesterday, for the club.”

  “Your hair did look pretty good,” she says, grinning. “You’re welcome.”

  “And my makeup. You are pretty much going to be my personal stylist for every big event that happens between now and graduation.”

  She grins. “Good thing I love doing it, then. Oh, and I charge by the hour.”

  “I pay in love.”

  “And cupcakes,” she says. “Seriously, buy me some cupcakes and I will love you forever. The vanilla kind. With the whipped icing. You know, the kind you buy for like five dollars at the grocery store. I love those cupcakes.”

  “Done,” I say, grabbing my keys off the desk. “Want to come with me?”

  “Definitely, yes,” she says, grabbing her black hoodie off her desk hair. She throws it on and we leave.

  I look at Hope as we walk toward my car.

  I seriously don’t understand how she can put on a pair of shorts, a tank top, a hoodie and look as good as she does. She says she has to spend a lot of time getting ready, but she’s wrong. She’s beautiful without makeup and without her hair fixed.

  Her red hair is thrown up in a messy bun and she’s wearing a pair of flip flops. And she looks like she belongs in Hollywood.

  I realize it’s because she does. She belongs on the red carpet, showing off her incredible designs.

  Hope is going to go far in life, and I can’t wait to watch her achieve her goals.

  We go to a nearby grocery store, grab a package of six cupcakes and head back to the dorms. Once we’re there, we sit together on Hope’s bed and watch a chick flick on Netflix. We also eat all the cupcakes. Well, I ate two. Hope ate four. And I have to agree with her—cheap grocery stores cupcakes are the best.

  Sunday, September 15

  You’re not really my type.

  Brody comes to the dining hall on Monday morning with a black eye.

  I’ll be honest, seeing him with a black eye kind of makes me feel giddy. He totally deserved it. And I only feel slightly guilty for thinking it, but hello! Karma’s a bitch. And he was really rude to me.

  Hope sits down at the table and looks at Sebastian.

  “Please tell me that wasn’t you,” she says.

  “It might have been,” Sebastian says back. “But he deserved it.”

  “What? You did that?” I ask. “Why?”

  Hope bites her lips. “I might have told him what Brody said to you.”

  I let out a sigh. “I showed you because I was mad. I didn’t mean for you to tell anybody. And, Sebastian, I definitely didn’t mean for you to punch him. You could get in trouble for that.”

  “I’m not,” Sebastian says. “Brody said he ran into a door. So, there is zero chance of me getting in trouble. I just... couldn’t let him talk to you like that and get away with it. I’m not sorry, Jinger.”

  “He really did deserve it,” Drew agrees. “Sebastian just did what every other girl in this school has wanted to do at some point or another. He’s such a man whore.”

  “So are you,” I say.

  “True. But girls know exactly what they’re getting with me. I don’t make them promises, I don’t tell them I love them, and I definitely don’t say I’ll be their boyfriend,” he says. “I give them one night of intense pleasure and that’s it. Sometimes two if their lucky.”

  I roll my eyes and I hear Hope snort.

  “You girls are just acting like that because you haven’t experienced me,” Drew says, leaning back in his chair. “Now, I usually don’t sleep with my friends, but I’ll make an exception for you two.”

  “No, thanks,” I say, taking a bite of my banana. “I’d rather eat dirt.”

  “You’re really not my type,” Hope tells him. “Sorry.”

  “Tall, gorgeous, and muscular isn’t your type?” Drew asks.

  I watch Hope’s eyes flick across the cafeteria. She looks back before she thinks anybody notices. “No, not really.”

  I look over to see who she was looking at. But I only see a few girls from the dance team. So I really have no idea who she was looking at.

  “What is your type?” I ask her, mostly out of curiosity.

  “I don’t think I really have a specific type,” she answers. “I do like... um... guys who are fit. And short. I don’t know why, but I like the person I date to be shorter than me. I also have a thing for blond hair and blue eyes.”

  “What about you, Jinger?” Drew asks.

  “Umm... I’m generally attracted to guys with dark hair,” I say. “But as far as looks go, I really don’t care. I am more concerned with what’s on the inside.”

  Except with Brody.

  Why does he have to be so freaking cute?

  “Sebastian?” Hope says. “What about you?”

  Sebastian’s face turns slightly red. “I... ugh... like girls that are short and brunette.”

  “You mean Jinger?” Drew asks. “Because every girl you’ve ever dated before her has been a blonde.”

  “You say it like it was
so many,” Sebastian says. “I’ve only dated two girls. And neither ended well.”

  “Meaning Nicole,” Drew says, shaking his head. “I still can’t believe you dated her.”

  “It was two weeks. And only that long because I was too scared of how she would react if I ended it sooner,” he says.

  I decide to change the subject. I’m so over talking about Sebastian’s ex-girlfriends.

  “Where is Isaac?” I ask.

  “He’s working at the school radio station until noon,” Drew answers. “It sounds boring to me, but I guess he’s into it. He seemed excited to be going.”

  “Cool.”

  “Oh, hey. My first football game of the season is Friday night,” Drew says. “I need my bae to come cheer me on.”

  “I will be there.”

  “And I have a soccer game Wednesday,” Sebastian says. “Everybody is coming, right?”

  I nod. “I didn’t even know you played soccer, but you know I’ll be there.”

  “I play soccer during the fall season. I play as much as I can during the spring season, but lacrosse takes priority,” he says. “I can’t wait for lacrosse season.”

  “He’s a beast,” Drew says. “I play lacrosse too, but mostly to stay in shape when we aren’t in the middle of football season.”

  “I’m not a beast,” Sebastian says. “I just... really like lacrosse.”

  “There is a reason he’s the school’s first lacrosse captain ever to be a junior.”

  “Because it was either Brody or me and everybody knows I’m a better choice than him,” Sebastian says.

  “Well, I guess that’s true,” Drew says.

  “Wait. Brody told me he didn’t even try to get lacrosse captain,” I say.

  “Brody is a liar,” Drew says. “He was so pissed that Sebastian beat him that he quit the team for about half a day. Then his dad heard and got pissed that Brody quit and made him beg the coach for forgiveness.”