by J. N. Pack
Her smile widens, “Oh wow, that’s wonderful. You will be a true asset to this class.” I smile “Thank you.”
After talking with her I rush from the class and my face slams into someone’s chest. Hands gently grip my arms to steady me as my eyes come up to meet theirs. Tanner. He searches my face before smiling, “You good Pip? You looked pretty bad when you walked in there earlier.”
My stomach is in knots and I’m at a loss for words. When I start swaying on my feet his smile fades. “I guess… I guess I skipped breakfast. I need to eat something.”
A girl close by smirks, “No darlin’ you need to lay off the food for a while. Seems like it’s all going to your ass.”
I’d never been ashamed of my looks, so her words didn’t bother me, but I looked anyways. Perfect fuckin’ Barbie! Tanner glances at her and rolls his eyes, “Fuck off, Kenzie!”
Her eyes round and Tanner puts himself between the two of us as he says, “Let’s go grab some food from the mess hall. We need to catch up anyways.”
That’s seriously the last thing I want to do right now, but honestly, I can’t remember the last time I ate anything. I’ve been struggling with eating since France. He grips my fingers tightly and tugs me down the hall behind him. He passes the lines and seats me at a table, “I’ll grab us both some food, you just sit here so that you don’t fall over.”
I smile, but it never reaches my eyes or my heart. He shouldn’t be doing this. He shouldn’t care. He should have been back there with the barbie bitch. Not here with me. Not taking care of me. Not caring for me at all. I glance at my phone and as expected there are a couple missed texts from Tanner and one from Meggie.
Meggie: I think after listening to you puke all morning, I’m going to skip class for you! I feel a little green!
Piper: In the mess hall with Tanner. Get up! You’re not skipping! Come chow! Or nibble! Whatever it is you do.
Meggie: Hahaha, you got jokes! BTS
Piper: Thanks!
Tanner slides a plate in front of me with some toast and scrambled eggs. He also slides a bowl of berries in front of me. My mouth begins to water, but my stomach is still churning. “Why are you being so nice to me Tan?”
He looks over at me as he takes his seat across from me. “Because I can. Because I don’t hate you, it’d take more than leaving me at the altar to make me hate you. Because we were friends first and that’s never going to change. If that gets all the messy out of the way…Please eat something.”
I roll my eyes, but I pick up a strawberry and shove it in my mouth. “You don’t know everything.”
I refuse to look at him. I only allow myself to look at the food I am shoving around on my plate. He reaches across the table and when his hand touches mind a shudder runs through my body. When he feels the trembling, he pulls his hand back, “I don’t need to know the why or everything. I just need to know that we are okay.”
I still can’t bring myself to look at him. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve his friendship. I finally glance up and notice he is still watching me, and a worry line creases his forehead. I smile, even though it feels forced. I finally nod knowing that I could never deny him friendship. He is literally one of the best people I know.
Meggie flops down at the table and groans, “It is too early in the morning for this. How are you two all smiles?”
Tanner smirks, “Because we’re normal human beings.” He puts a berry in her mouth, and she grins wide.
She turns her attention on me, “I sure hope you feel better.”
I smile shyly, “Yeah I do.”
Trying to find a safer subject Tanner asks, “SOOOO! Where the hell have you been?”
Before I can respond someone shouts, “Langston?”
That voice, that smooth familiar voice pulls at my heart strings.
Tanner turns his attention towards the door, but my heart freezes in my chest unable to beat. “Mannex’s at two?”
When Tanner shouts in response, “Yeah man.” Caelan’s eyes land on me and there’s not even a hint of recognition on his face. My heart cracks a little more. I drop my chin to try and hide the tear that had developed. Who am I to him anyways? Why would he know me? He only changed my entire existence. When the door shuts behind him and the tables attention turns back to me, I make up a quick excuse and rushes from the cafeteria. I rush from campus to mine and Meggie’s dorm room, where I spent the rest of the day in bed angry at myself. Angry at the world and sad because I caused all of this. This whole thing was my fault.
After Meggie’s afternoon class she drops down on her bed with all her attention on Piper, “How do you know Cael?”
I glance up from my phone to Meggie and play as dumb as I possibly can. “Who?”
Meggie laughs cynically, “Try that shit with someone who doesn’t know you better. SPILL! Like now! You did not look like your world came crashing in on you over some dude you don’t know.”
I roll her eyes, “Nothing to tell Meggie, seriously. I don’t know him.”
Meggie picks up her phone laughing, “Good then! I think I’ll try and hook you guys up.”
My stomach takes a roll towards my throat and I dive towards Meggie, “NO! Meggie please don’t do that.”
“That was an awful strong reaction for someone you don’t know.” Meggie.
I fall back on her bed, “Meggie, I’m just not ready. Not for any of that. Not… Not… Not so close after leaving Tanner at the altar. That’d be cruel.”
Meggie rolls her eyes and then kind looks at Piper curiously, “Wellll… How would you feel about Tanner dating someone?”
I shrug, “I hope he’s happy. I hope he finds someone better than me. I wish him the world. I love Tanner and he deserves to find happiness.”
Meggie smirks as I continue, “Heffa better not hurt him though. He’s too good for that.”
“Sooo if I decided Tanner was for me, you’d…” she pushes.
“Go for it. You guys have been friends probably as long as we have. You weren’t pushed together by your parents and honestly if you make each other happy, I wouldn’t care… Hey… Wait… Are you and Tanner seeing each other?” I ask with my eyes wide.
Maggie is blushing, “We’ve hooked up a couple of times the last month, but nothing is written in stone. We didn’t want to hurt you.”
My eyes widen even further, “Hurt me? Why the hell would Tanner care if he hurt me after I left him. After I ran from there like my ass was on fire.”
Meggie laughs, “Girl I have never seen someone in a wedding dress move so fast in my life. You were out of there, but seriously Pip. He doesn’t hate you. He could never. The good will always outweigh the bad when it comes to you.”
I drop my chin and whispers, “If only that were true…”
After a moment of awkward silence I continue, “But seriously I want you both to be happy. If he makes you happy then step up your game. If he doesn’t then step back and let him find someone who does. I’d hope he’d do the same for you. I mean seriously what else would you think I would feel. You guys are my best friends.”
She blows out a breath, “Thank God, because I swear, I’d have been crushed, but I’d never have touched him again if it was a problem for you.”
I laugh lightly, “It’s not and it never will be.”
Meggie grins climbing under the blankets on her bed pulling her phone out to I’m sure text Tanner. A few short minutes later my phone buzzes.
Tanner: Thank you.
Piper: ???
Tanner: Being you. Being okay with me and Meggie. Still being one of my best friends.
Piper: Like I could walk away. I love you guys and I seriously want the best and happiness for the both of you. Honestly, you guys are pretty awesome together.
Tanner: Yeah Yeah Yeah… We are pretty awesome aren’t we!
Piper: The best!
Tanner: I love you Pip! Night!
Piper: Love you too Tan! Night.
Meggie smirks at her
from across the room, “Don’t think I forgot. Just feel blessed my ass is too tired to push you on the whole Cael thing… and I know there is or was a thing.”
My chest tightens knowing that eventually the truth will come out and when it does, I may very well lose both of my best friends. I turn on my side facing away from Meggie, “Night Meggie… Love you.”
***
He’s there standing over me. My body is sinking and it’s at that moment that I realize I can’t catch my breath. A bubble escapes from between my lips and floats towards the surface. I reach my hand for him, but only gets a glare in return. I swim harder and harder towards the surface, but the harder I swim, the further away I sink. Too tired, I let go and reach for him one last time before my body sinks to the floor.
Chapter 4
After my class on Friday, I try everything in me to avoid Meggie. I love her, but I know what she has planned for the night. After class and shoveling down the prison food from the mess hall, I make my escape to the woods. Armed with a can of mace, my water bottle and a couple protein bars, I start my adventure getting to know the woods surrounding the school. I wanted to explore some of the ruins close by but wasn’t up to getting too far away. I take the path closest to the school first and it’s honestly not really a bad view. The path wraps around the entire school and darts off every so often. I took one path the took you around the cliffs. It was breath taking. I knew I was still close to the school because I could hear the students on campus. The paths were relatively quiet aside from the rare runner or bird watcher. It was tranquil. I miss this the most out of my little vacation from life. The silence. My only concern was what I was going to explore next. My phone buzzes in my pocket reminding me that I’m no longer there. I’m here and my life hasn’t stopped. I pull my phone from my back pocket and flick the screen on.
Meggie: Where are you? I know you only had one class today, it’s posted on your schedule by your desk!
I close the screen and continue walking. The birds were chirping. I could hear a creek from somewhere up ahead. I listened to the crunch of the gravel beneath my feet. Every sound grounding me. Keeping it together for me. Something I’ve been finding it impossible to do for weeks now. Another buzz rips through my pocket and I sigh rolling my eyes. Only when I flick the screen on, it’s my sister Jillian, instead of Meggie.
Jillian: I don’t know what you’ve done, but Mom’s on the war path. Be WARNED! She’s in a rare mood.
Where I’m concerned, just breathing causes my mom heart palpitations. No way am I calling her knowing whatever set her off is about me. Another irritating buzz.
Jaxon: Who’d you leave at the altar now?
Piper: HUH?
Jaxon: Mom called said you aren’t answering your phone. Bit my head off and told me to find you and make you call her.
Piper: No fuckin’ clue! But I’m sure as crap not calling her now. She needs a week or three to cool off.
Jaxon: Better you than me. Love you Sis... Oooo and Meggie said you can run, but you can’t hide.
Jaxon: She also said you promised and that if you don’t call her right now, I’m to hunt you down and make you go out with her. You in hiding again lil sis?
YEP! I’m done with that conversation. I shove the devilish thing in my back pocket and make my way back towards school. Knowing Meggie is stalking around looking for me, I dip into the library and get lost researching ancient ruins at the back of the library. I’m lost deep within a book on Greek ruins when I hear someone clear their throat at the end of the stack I’m sitting on. I glance up pulling my glasses off hoping no one saw. It’s Mannex and he has a huge grin on his face. I push to my feet knowing this is not going to be good. I back away a few steps when he finally speaks, “I’m under strict orders to get you back to your dorm room within the next twenty minutes.” My eyes widen. That asshat! I take another step and turn to dart down the row away from him and run slap into Carlos who has distracted me enough for Mannex to throw me over his shoulder and take off through the library with my groaning over his shoulder. “What… the hell…Man?!?!”
He only laughs. Carlos is laughing behind us, “Jaxon said she’d put up more of a fight.”
“I’m going to ring both your necks when you put me down.” I growl. Mannex doesn’t stop or even slow down as he darts across campus to our dorms with me thrown across his shoulder. Carlos knocks on our door and a second later Meggie is standing there trying to cover a laugh as she also tries to look stern, “How dare you try and renege on a promise!”
Mannex steps into the room and drops me to my feet quickly jumping out of my reach. He and Carlos take off down the hall and out of the dorms. I flop down on my bed, “I’m not ready for this yet Meggie.”
Meggie laughs, “Well get ready because you’re going and if you complain, you’re going again tomorrow night.
I sigh knowing she’s not going to give in until I’m dressed and walking into this party with her. Sooooo… An hour later I’m showered, dressed and being shoved through the doors of my first ever college party. Honestly, it’s not much different than the high school parties we attended. There are way too many people shoved into this frat house and drinks are shoved at us as soon as we walk in. Which are quickly dumped and replaced with drinks we fix ourselves. Meggie steps away a second to speak with some girls from one of her classes and of course LaLa follows. I stay back and ease around the edge people watching. I used to be this person. I was at all the parties. It was always me, Tanner and Meggie. The party got way more hype when we got there. I can remember swinging from a friend’s chandelier once at a party. I smirk to myself remembering the carefree girl I used to be. We are feeling it and Meggie begs me to dance, so I do. We have cleared an area in the living room and there are about a dozen girls dozen in that area now. Every now and then a guy will join a girl and grind out maybe one song, but they never stick around for more than one. I can hear giggling from behind me and glance over my shoulder to find the perfect Barbie eyeing me. Her mouth is lifted in a twisted grin and I know I’m the topic of their conversation. What the hell was her name? I remember Tanner had said it, but with the warmth running through me, I’m having problems bringing it back to the front of my memory. Was it Kennedy? Kylie? Kelly? Callie? No fuckin’ clue. I look away knowing that all I’m going to end up doing is picking myself apart and comparing myself to her. I’m nothing like her. Or maybe I am. I don’t know who I am anymore.
LaLa shoves another shot at me and I throw it back. I turn back to Meggie who is looking over my shoulder like she’s fixing to use Barbie’s head as a bowling ball. I snap my fingers in her face to get her attention, “Leave it Meggie. She’s not worth it.” I grip her hand and whine, “Dance with me bitch!”
That brings a huge smile to her face as she throws her arms around my neck, “There’s my fuckin’ best friend! Welcome back.”
I smirk knowing she’s being a smartass but knowing that giving her that moment was imperative. LaLa slips off and the next time we see her she’s got Carlos cornered and is nearly boning him right there in front of everyone. I laugh, but I love that she feels no need to hide. No desire to cover up who she is. At that I slip into the kitchen and mix a hurricane. It’s a mixed drink that’s super sweet but has two very strong liquors in it that can put you on your ass in one single cup. I mix a second and third handing one to LaLa as I pass her and handing the other to Meggie who is searching for me. She smiles brightly as I hand her the cup. She sips it and her smile widens, “Fuck yes! I was waiting for a Hurricane. You know you’re the only one who can mix them right.”
I smile and turn the cup up drinking half of it in one go. I can feel the warmth as it makes its way down my throat, warming my stomach and then lining my skin with a warm layer. We make our way back to the dance floor and I close my eyes as I sway my hips to the music and throw my hands in the air to the beat. I can hear Meggie giggling beside me, and it warms my cold dead heart to hear the happiness in her voice. My beautiful carefree
friend. Then I hear him. There’s a smile in his voice as he says, “I’d say your plan to get her snockered was a success.”
I smirk and open my eyes. Tanner is standing there with his arms wrapped around Meggie and my grin widens. They are both smiling back at their pretty fuckin’ drunk friend. I turn up the cup again and finish off the rest of the cup. I drop it on a table and close my eyes again until I feel someone shove into my shoulder nearly knocking me to the floor. Thankfully I’m able to catch myself on the edge of the couch before face planting. Meggie dives for her, but Tanner catches her around the waist pulling her back to him, “Fuck off Kenzie. Actually, get the fuck out. I’m sick of your shit. Go party somewhere else.”
“But… But I’m meeting Cael here.” She stumbles over her words.
“You were! Now you’re not! Bye!” He says sternly.
She literally stumps her foot and squeals as she makes her way to the door with two other blonde bombshells following her.
Tears are brimming my eyes, but it has nothing to do with the fact that she nearly toppled me over, but more to do with the fact of who she was meeting at the party. Tanner and Meggie rush to my side thinking I was hurt. I swipe a tear away and pull myself as much together as I can and make an excuse to escape.
“I need another drink.” I shove away from them and make my way to the kitchen where I make another Hurricane. After giving myself a good five minutes to chill, I make my way back to my friends. They both look concerned, “You okay?”
I laugh and shrug off the question. Feeling slightly manic, “Let’s dance! Come on Meggie!”
Meggie laughs following behind me, “I’ve created a monster.”
“No not created but reminded me that it’s okay to be normal sometimes.”
I throw my arms around Meggie and we sway to the music laughing because this feels good. Exhausted both me and Meggie collapse on a couch that was deserted right before we sat there.
LaLa falls on the opposite side of Meggie, “I’m going home with Carlos!”
Meggie and my eyes widen. I laugh, “You mean ya’ll didn’t finish up in the corner?”
