by K R Martin
The food itself was magnificent. Full of flavor, Ama Lei savored all the dishes. As she had never been taught to cook, she had missed the tastes of her home. The conversation flowed easily from family tales to pirate adventures, which Taras told with relish, and even economics, as Hino and Fynn discussed the city’s ability to work within Retanny’s restrictions. Through it all, Madame Matriarch smiled at her son with love and pride, and joy having him home.
As the desert was brought forth, the joviality seemed to diminish slightly. The unspoken questions settled on Jian as a thick cape, and she fought the sympathy that bubbled up inside her.
“It has been so nice having you home, son,” his mother said as she covered his hand with hers.
“It has been good to be home,” Jian replied, his smile almost sad.
“You could have come home sooner.”
“No, I couldn’t. Not after what I’ve done.” His voice cracked.
“I don’t know why, but I know you did not make that choice lightly.”
“What makes you think that?”
“I’m your mother; I know you loved her, and you wouldn’t have willingly hurt her.”
Jian choked from surprise, coughing as he reached for water, taking some deep gulps. “I never said I loved her,” he finally replied.
“I read between the lines.” She smiled with that all-knowing motherly smile. “Now, do you want to tell me what happened?”
“It was the only way to save her. If I hadn’t, she would have died.”
“So, you saw that she’d be taken someplace safe.” Accusation rang in his mother’s voice and Jian winced.
“No. They were taken to Sanskia and disappeared.”
That really perked Ama Lei up. She figured the conversation had been about her; now it seemed confirmed.
“How did you come about that information?” Ama Lei fought to keep her voice evenly curious.
“I may have been a prisoner of the palace, but I know how to get information in and out without notice. As soon as I could, I tracked them down, but as I said, they disappeared.”
“That’s why you asked to be put ashore in Sanskia. You want to find them.”
“Yes. I have to. I owe them that much.”
“You want to verify that they are alright, to ease your conscience?”
“No.” Ama Lei jumped back at the vehemence in Jian’s voice. “I do not deserve to have my conscience eased. But they did not deserve to be tossed in a foreign kingdom with no one to support them.”
Ama Lei narrowed her eyes at Jian’s declaration, judging the weight of the words. No, he didn’t want his conscience eased. He only wanted their safety; perhaps that’s all he ever wanted. He couldn’t have betrayed her, not truly; even his mother knew. He loved her. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t be held accountable for his actions, but she could give him some leniency, at least for now.
“There is no need for you to go to Sanskia.” Ama Lei spoke, and Jian’s eyes flew wide as everyone else’s eyes flew to her.
“What do you mean?” his mother asked.
“The princesses were found by a good friend of mine, and taken in by Sanskia’s monarchs.” Jian seemed to wilt, as if a huge weight was gone. “Princess Ama Lei is now among friends and planning to return to her throne.”
“Well, now that will be something to celebrate.” His mother spoke warmly. “The former emperor was a tyrant and a monster, and his son would have been no better. But Princess Ama Lei? She will be an amazing empress.”
“That she will,” Jian smiled as well. “She has the kindest heart for her people, and a most brilliant mind.” His face seemed to fall, as if remembering the future that awaited him.
“That is why you are here,” Fynn spoke. “You have come to assess the situation, and plant seeds that pave the way for her to claim her throne. Quite brilliant, actually.”
“I hope this will not become common knowledge,” Ama Lei told him.
“Oh, I wouldn’t dream of breathing a word. I know how corrupt Retanny can be, and I’ve learned much about the princesses in my time here. I only hope that I can gain an invitation to the coronation.”
“I’ll make sure one is sent.” she smiled at him. She’d also be sure to tell Desiree about him; for all he’d done, he deserved to be recognized. “So,” she turned back to Jian. “Now that you are no longer obligated to find the missing princesses, I assume you will remain here?”
Jian remained silent for a moment, gazing over the room, over his family, no doubt thinking of the future. Once the empress was crowned, he’d be facing a death sentence. He could spend the remainder of his days happy with his family.
“If you would allow me; I’d prefer to sail with you and help reclaim the throne.” he spoke. His eyes betrayed the sorrow of the choice; this would probably be the last time he saw his family. The thought choked her heart. No, she couldn’t be sympathetic... but then again, she couldn’t ignore his heart.
“Then I suppose you’ll be joining us for some time.” Ama lei responded.
“Thank you, Captain.” Jian almost smiled at her.
“Well, I can’t say I’m not surprised,” Jian’s mother spoke. “But I expect you to keep in better touch with your mother. The next time you decide to do something drastic, don’t disappear for years after, understand?”
“Yes, Mother,” he said, giving her a doting smile.
“Good. And I hope to be seeing you again, Captain Phoenix,” she turned to Ama Lei.
“I look forward to it.” Ama Lei smiled back. “And thank you, so very much, for your generous hospitality. This evening has been highly enjoyable.”
“You’ve given me my son back. You will always be welcome here.”
A warmth filled Ama Lei’s heart, the same as when she last saw her mother. Madame Matriarch was a woman Ama Lei very much hoped to call friend.
Chapter 17
The ship still felt jovial, though night had drifted into morning hours, and most were asleep. Almost the entire family had come to bid them farewell, waving from the docks as Ama Lei set sail. Even now, she could envision their smiling faces though only deep sea surrounded her. Though most were fast asleep, she found a figure at the bulkhead, exactly as she guessed.
“Can’t sleep?” Ama Lei asked Jian.
“Thank you for tonight,” his voice was still warm.
“Your mother is very nice,” she replied.
“She is truly an angel.” His face lit up. “I missed her so much, and I owe you for dragging me home.”
“I understand why, but I am surprised you chose to stay with me.”
“Several years ago, I chose a path. I betrayed the woman I loved. I couldn’t face my family after that.”
“You said you did it to save her.”
Jian sighed. “I’ve never spoken of this to anyone. After about a year in service as a palace guard, I started hearing rumors of a coup backed by Retanny. The emperor was cruel, not very well liked. Far too many women had lost their innocence to him, and his son. But the empress was loved, and raised the princesses with the same kindness and love, and they were beloved. Retanny, well, they didn’t care. They wanted complete power, and that only came with the eradication of the entire royal family.”
Ama Lei’s heart clenched in pain. So, they had planned to execute her and Mei as well.
“I was going to expose the conspirators.” That jerked her head back to him. “I had the information, and I could have prevented it.”
“Then, why?”
“I was on my way to inform the emperor, but I stopped when I heard voices. To this day that conversation still haunts me. I listened as the prince spoke of his younger sister’s beauty, his voice dripping with lust. He told his father that he wanted Princess Ama Lei, the woman I loved, for himself. And the monster of an emperor agreed. He ordered the prince to wait until a suitable candidate could be found who would be willing to marry ‘damaged goods’ and remain loyal.”
Her fury started risin
g, causing trembling in her limbs. She’d heard enough tales after the coup, tales of assault, of men turned into slaves and their women forced mistresses to know that neither her father nor brother were good men. But to be willing to commit incest? Did their atrocities have no bounds?
“I immediately turned on my heel and marched to the conspirators. I offered them a swift victory with as little blood loss as possible, under one condition: the princesses would be spared. I did not anticipate their exile, though I should have. And, I did not expect Ama Lei to be forced to witness the deaths of her family. That was truly despicable. I’ll never forget the look of horror on her face, nor the disappointment and hurt. The last look she gave me was betrayal and rage. It haunts me daily.”
What could she say to that? For so long, she had been haunted, tortured by the memories of that day, the hatred toward him had consumed her. Now, she found that he had been just as haunted by those events, even worse.
“That day I made a choice to go down a path that has led me here,” Jian continued, pulling her from her unsettling thoughts. “And that path leads me to my death.”
The finality of his words, the resignation, cut her heart. Gazing at him, remembering his family’s faces, could she truly go through with her threat? Could she actually bring herself to swing that sword, to exact the justice she promised?
Jian knew she studied him, but there wasn’t much more that he could say. Truly, he spoke more than he ever planned to reveal. What was it about this captain that made him relax his guard? Phoenix was so strong, so capable. She seemed hard, impenetrable, but had such a kind heart beneath. Perhaps it was due to her connection to Ama Lei, or that both women shared similar traits.
Why did his heart leap at the thought of her? Then again, why wouldn’t it? Ama Lei was his first love, well, only love. He never stopped loving her. That’s why it had torn his heart apart when he heard of her brother’s lustful boasts. But it was her face, that look of betrayal and hurt that ripped his heart to shreds. Every night, his nightmares were haunted by visions of that look, and her voice screaming his death sentence.
“She thought you did it for money or power.” Phoenix spoke softly.
Jian almost chuckled. “I suppose it makes the most sense. But no, I could never abandon her for simple things such as wealth. Ama Lei was the sweetest, kindest girl I’d ever known. She was pure innocence. And I ruined that. I had to; I couldn’t watch her be destroyed by the men who should have protected her. So, to protect her virtue, I had to destroy her innocence.”
Silence filled the night air, only the sound of the waves lapping at the hull replied. The sense of peace started filling him. How long had he carried that burden, never telling another soul? He never believed that he deserved that relief.
“Thank you for telling me,” Phoenix spoke softly.
“Please don’t tell her imperial highness.” Her eyes shot side. “I would rather her believe me a villain than learn of her brother’s intentions.”
“You’d be willing to accept death to protect her?”
“Yes. I just... I truly hope my death would give her closure and not more torment.”
“Do you honestly believe your death would give her closure?”
“I don’t know. I just... I can’t hurt her again. I don’t know if I can ever fix what I’ve done, but I have to try. She deserves better.”
“You love her.” Phoenix’s breathless voice shot warmth to his heart.
He smiled at that thought. “How can I stop loving the most perfect woman in the world?”
“...not perfect.” Phoenix mumbled. He missed the first words, but he thought he heard ‘I’m’. It must be hard to feel secondary to another, though he thoroughly understood the feelings of unworthiness.
“I never asked, how did you meet their imperial highnesses?” He felt a need to understand the woman sailing beside him.
Phoenix smiled as she gazed out at the waves, the moonlight dancing off them. “In Sanskia, I met them when the great Captain Varda was looking for a crew.”
“You sailed with Captain Varda?” He didn’t try to disguise his excitement. He heard plenty of tales of the infamous woman and thought her capable of being an ally in his search.
“Most of us have,” she motioned to the ship. “She is a formidable woman, and a great captain. I still can’t believe she entrusted me with her ship when she chose to remain in Espan.”
“You are a formidable captain yourself,” he felt urged to say.
“Thank you. So, how did you meet her highness?”
“I joined the military at an early age, and rose quickly through the ranks, earning me prestige and a position among the royal guard.”
As the words left his mouth, his mind traveled back to better days.
“You are truly remarkable to earn a position here so young,” the captain spoke as he showed Jian through the guards’ quarters of the palace. Jian still couldn’t believe that he had been given a prestigious position of guarding the royal family. “Don’t be too overwhelmed by the size; you’ll find your way around soon enough.”
Jian doubted it. He grew up in a large family home, but even that felt dwarfed by the Imperial Palace. The golds and reds only heightened the opulence of the place. Each golden column was carved with fiery dragons, the archways themselves had delicate carvings, and the red roofs seemed to glint as they swooped to golden points. How could he ever be used to a place such as this?
Stepping out into the gardens, they rounded a corner and immediately stopped. Jian had heard of the empress’s beauty, and had seen her official portrait, but nothing could’ve prepared him for the exotic beauty standing amongst such strange flowers. Sure, she had skin almost as pale as the Jenhans, and her hair carried the same lustrous raven hair as those from Jenhan. Her brown eyes seemed familiar, even as they were more rounded. Her face was longer, features chiseled, and simply gorgeous.
“Your Imperial Majesty,” the captain spoke as he bowed deeply at the waist. Jian shook his thoughts, and quickly followed suit.
“Ah, you must be our newest addition to the guards,” the empress spoke as she approached.
“Allow me to present Captain Jian,” the man spoke.
“Your Imperial Majesty, it is an honor to be selected to serve the Imperial Family.”
“Please, rise.” he stood, finding a face filled with kindness, gazing at him with curiosity. “You are quite young, even younger than the tales make you out to be.”
Jian was certain his ears burned red under her scrutiny.
“Have you been given a permanent position?” she inquired.
“Not yet,” the other man responded.
“Well, if my memory’s correct, the personal guard could use another man.”
“I shall see to it.”
“Good. If you wouldn’t mind. I’d like to speak with Captain Jian for a moment.”
“Of course, Your Imperial Majesty. I shall go see to the official transfer.” The captain bowed before striding off.
“If you would be so kind as to walk with me?”
“Of course,” Jian spoke. He fell into step behind her. She stopped for a moment, bending to smell the foreign flowers.
“Have you ever seen roses before?” she asked as she straightened.
“I have not,” he replied. She motioned for him to smell the flowers as well. He stepped toward them, leaning to sniff the pink flowers. They were sweet, with a slight bitterness too. He supposed it helped reflect the plant itself, beautiful petals, but thorned stems. “It is quite unique.”
“They are the symbol of my country,” the empress continued as she began to walk again. “I missed them most when my father moved here. The emperor surprised me with them on our wedding, making me realize just how much he cared for me. I still can’t believe he chose me.”
“It is hard not to,” Jian responded.
“Well,” she blushed under his praise. “Tell me about your family.”
Jian told her everything
he could, gushing about his family, and especially his mother and siblings. And she listened, genuinely interested, asking questions and laughing his stories. They came to an open area and stopped.
“Would you mind waiting here for a moment?” she asked.
“Of course.”
“Good. I shall return soon.” He watched her leave, amazing at how she seemed to float as she moved. Once she disappeared, he allowed his gaze to take in the garden around him. One pathway, the one the empress disappeared down, was lined with cherry trees, all filled with blossoms, both pink and white. The path behind him had been filled with roses of so many colors. Other paths were greener, filled with tall bamboo, in a way to create a maze.
The swish of fabric brought his gaze back to the path the empress disappeared down. She reappeared, followed by a girl barely younger than him. She had a round face and narrowed brown eyes that sparkled. Pink blossoms decorated her raven hair, matching the pink of her lips and light just seemed to emanate from her...
“The moment I saw her, I knew I was gazing at the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.” Jian’s voice was warm as he gazed at the sea around him.
Ama Lei couldn’t stop her heart’s erratic beating, nor the warmth that filled her chest. Oh, why did he have to be so charming? It made hating him difficult.
“I’m sorry, my tongue seems to have run off on me,” he spoke. “Perhaps now I can find sleep. Good evening, Captain.” he gave her a bow before striding away, disappearing as he moved below.
She couldn’t keep her eyes off him; she never could. He had an air about him, a command of attention that drew all eyes his way, especially hers. The cold air surrounding him had disappeared, leaving the hopeful boy in its wake. How she missed that boy. She knew he’d never truly be him again, and she’d never be that girl again. Too much had happened, and both had grown past who those children could become.
