Crush

by West, Heather

  I nodded. Hesitating, I ventured to ask, “So he’s not in a coma or anything, right? He’s just asleep?”

  Dad hesitated for a fraction of a second and the worst came to my mind. Danny was actually a lot worse off than anyone was saying and they were just trying to protect me. The fall had been worse. He didn’t just have a minor concussion, but internal bleeding! He was hemorrhaging like they always said on those stupid doctor hospital shows that were just drama, drama, drama.

  Oh my god, he was dying!

  “They induced a coma, yes,” Dad told me finally, but he must have seen the panic drawing on my face quickly, because he added before I could say anything, “But it was to make sure that the concussion wasn’t serious and to give his body time to do some repair work. He’s fine and he’ll wake up from the coma soon.”

  I still didn’t like all this coma stuff, but I forced my heart to settle and my panic to die down. Everything would be fine. So long as he would be okay—and both dad and the doctor were assuring me that he would be—then everything would be fine. I didn’t care in the least about the rest.

  “When is he going to wake up?” I asked.

  Dad sighed. He ran a large, wrinkled hand, calloused from the manual work he liked to do in his free time, through his graying hair. “It’s hard to say for sure. The doctor said that he should be up sometime tonight though it could be a little earlier or a little later than that.”

  I frowned but quickly looked away so that dad couldn’t see it. I didn’t want him to know I was so nervous about all of this, but I didn’t like not having a precise time for when he was supposed to get up. These were doctors; weren’t they supposed to know this crap?

  “Okay,” I said finally, keeping my breathing even and my tone calm. “But he’s going to wake up. That’s all that matters.”

  Dad nodded and smiled at me. “That’s right, honey. Danny’s going to be fine. We’re not going to lose him.”

  In his voice I heard just how much this all had worried him. How scared he’d been to lose not only Selene but Danny right after that. It terrified him.

  We talked and waited in the hospital for a while. I refused to leave Danny’s bedside for more than a quick trip to the bathroom, but dad had gotten more coffee and brought me back a soda a few times. We talked about how Danny had been doing up until this point and reminisced about the things we’d done as a family. It was good to talk about the times that had meant so much to the both of us—all of us, really—and I was grateful to think about something other than Danny being unconscious in that bed.

  The doctors tried to get us both to leave at some point, but I wouldn’t, even though it was getting late and officially visiting hours were over. I told them that I wasn’t leaving until Danny woke up and after a short discussion with my father down the hall, the doctor reluctantly agreed.

  Dad didn’t stay, though. He did for a while, but eventually, I told him to just go home. You could see the exhaustion on his face, in the bags under his eyes and the drawn lines around his mouth where his lips had been pulled down in a lingering frown. He’d been through so much lately and I didn’t want him to worry. He would anyway, but, at least, he could do it from the comfort of his own home and maybe find a way to get some shut eye in the meantime.

  “Promise you’ll call as soon as he wakes,” dad told me seriously, giving me a hug. “And if you get tired, I will come and get you right away. We can take shifts.”

  I nodded though I knew I wouldn’t call him to come get me. I was in for the long haul as far as this was concerned and wasn’t about to change that until Danny was awake and better. But I promised my dad I would call just the same.

  “He’s going to be fine,” I reassured dad though I was just as worried as he was.

  Dad nodded, hugged me again, and then left, reiterating to call him. His cell phone would be on and I could call the home phone, too.

  When he was gone and the day turned to night, I settled into my chair for a while. I knew I wouldn’t sleep much, but I had a better chance of it with Danny here by my side as opposed to just staring at that stupid lavender canopy in my bed.

  “It’s been a long day,” I told Danny though he couldn’t hear me. I stroked his hand gently in mind, but he didn’t even move. “You really have us worried, you know?”

  I tried to keep the tears at bay, knowing they wouldn’t help the situation, but there was nothing I could do about it. Not a goddamned thing. They spilled over my cheeks and I let them go for a while, leaning my head so that I could press my forehead against the top of his hand.

  It was a while before I finally felt the tears stop. When my eyes were dry—more or less—I straightened back up and sat back in my chair, clutching Danny’s hand.

  “I know you’re messed up about last night,” I found myself whispering to him, taking advantage of the quiet of the room and the fact that Danny was right here, not listening, but not going anywhere either. “And I want you to know that… that I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just did.” I bit my lip. “But I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t always wanted for it to happen.”

  I thought about all of the times I’d daydreamed about Danny. Most of those had been sexual, but not all of them. When he had just moved in and we’d been learning to live together, I’d found myself crushing on him. I told myself it was weird, that he was my brother, but that it’d be okay eventually because my new mom loved my dad and if they were happy, then the whole family would be happy. Things would be great. But by the time I was thirteen, my feelings hadn’t shifted and I was starting to wonder if they ever would.

  “Apparently not,” I muttered. Thinking about my thirteenth birthday, I couldn’t help but smile. “Do you remember the first birthday we had together? I was thirteen and you had no idea what to get me, so you and dad drove around every mall in the area for the three weeks before my birthday. And then you finally just got me one of those cheap cameras and a scrapbook? It was kind of a lame present, but I’d been so thrilled that you’d gotten me anything at all… I never told you that I used it, did I?”

  I stared up at Danny’s face like he might respond, but that was silly and, of course, he didn’t. He just continued to sleep there peacefully, I hoped.

  “Of course, I didn’t. I mean, that would have been embarrassing. Because I used to take those magazines, the wedding ones that your mom had used to help plan hers? And I cut them all out, picked out the flowers and the rings and the dresses—the whole kit and caboodle. Then I superglued them into that binder with both of our faces on it.” I laughed, realizing how not just stupid that was, but how stalkerish it sounded. Like I was some crazy girl in love with this guy… which I guess wasn’t all that far from the mark. “I called it our wedding album and stashed it away in my closet beneath everything else so that no one would ever see it. But I really did want us to get married.”

  It all seemed so stupid now, but at the time I’d tried to convince myself that it was feasible. It was wrong at the time, I thought, because we were both so young and because Danny and I lived together with our married parents, but once we grew up we could. Once we moved out of the house and found our own place, we could be whoever we wanted and it wouldn’t matter.

  Thinking of that now, I realized just how ridiculous that all sounded. Not a chance.

  “Do you remember that time at the lake?” I continued, shoving memories of that stupid wedding album and all my girlhood crushes and thoughts of a future together with Danny aside. “It was summer and Dad and Selene had rented a cabin, complete with a wood fireplace and log siding. And the lake that summer had been perfect. Glittering and blue and freezing cold because of the river that fed into it, but it didn’t matter because it was so hot that summer.

  “We were like fourteen and fifteen that year. You dared me to jump in without my clothes and I did it, just so that you wouldn’t spend the rest of the summer making fun of me. But when I’d ended up splashing water onto mine, you gave me your shirt, because you fel
t bad for me. We ate fish and salad and bread and fruit all summer it seemed like. It was perfect and I really didn’t want to leave.”

  I kept going on and on, trailing off from one story only to jump to the next, thinking of all those times we’d shared as kids—and how they’d meant so much more than I’d ever really intended them to, and not in the way they were supposed to.

  “I was supposed to be your sister, Danny,” I told him in a soft whisper, trailing my fingers softly over his knuckles. “But I didn’t really do a good job, did I? Because I didn’t want to be your sister. I wanted to be your girlfriend, your lover, your everything. It’s wrong, but at the time, I’d been mad at our parents. Them being together meant that we never could be.

  “Of course, I’m over that now and I’m so glad that my dad and your mom found happiness, but… but I still wonder sometimes what would have happened if we’d just been neighbors or classmates or anything? Would we have found each other? Would we have gotten a chance?”

  I bit my lip. I had dreamed about scenarios like that all through high school. When Danny graduated and went off to play football for college, I’d forced myself to push them aside. I’d never get to have Danny and not just because I didn’t feel like I was in his league. No, it was because all I could ever be was his little sister.

  I’d thrown myself into my music and my dreams, but it was hard sometimes to forget Danny. And now that I was back, I knew that it was all but impossible.

  With a deep breath, I said, “I don’t think I can let you go this time. I… I want you, Danny. Yes, it’s because I think you’re incredibly hot and very talented, but it’s also because I know you better than anyone. It’s because we just click. And I don’t care whether what we did last night was a good thing or not, I’m grateful that I got that night with you. I’ll never forget it, no matter what happens.”

  I wished suddenly that he could hear me, that he was listening and could tell me what he thought now that I’d spilled out secrets and moments and cherished memories. I wish he could tell me that he felt this way too and that he wanted to keep going.

  But I was scared. What if he didn’t want to keep going?

  That’s not true and you know it, a voice in my head whispered seriously to me. You saw the way Danny looked at you. He wants you, too, you just need to remind him…

  The sudden idea that popped into my head was possibly the dumbest thing I’d ever come up with, but now that it was there, it was calling to me. It was so tempting, so stupid, but… why not?

  I realized that I needed to make Danny understand what he was feeling. I needed him to realize that he wanted me and there was nothing wrong with that. I needed him to feel what he had last night.

  So when my hand left his, it wasn’t to pull away, but to move closer. I traveled over his thigh and hip and along his chest that was so well defined. I took a moment to just feel him, his body warm beneath mine.

  I remembered how he’d looked poised above me, barking out orders and stuffing his tie into my mouth, pounding into my hot wet core with abandon.

  It made me shiver.

  My hands slipped beneath the covers, trailing over his abdomen until I found his hips and pelvis. He wasn’t wearing pants, just that hospital gown, for which I was grateful. I found his member between his legs, still large, but very obviously soft. Biting my lip, I wrapped my hand around it and gave it a gentle squeeze. I couldn’t believe I was doing this; I couldn’t make myself want to stop.

  Getting a firmer grip on his hard length, I glanced behind me to make sure that the door was closed, the curtain was drawn, and my dad wasn’t going to come back out of the blue. I knew he had headed home to grab some things and would be gone for a while, but I worried still.

  When it looked like the coast was clear, I turned back to Danny. He was still lying there, asleep, but I couldn’t help but think that this would wake him up. All I had to do was tempt him, to remind him that he wanted me—which I knew he did—and stroke his cock until he awoke. I needed to give him a reason to come back.

  My hand squeezed around him and I pumped him several times, my eyes locked on his face. It didn’t change, remaining that same, peaceful exterior, and I thought that maybe I needed to work harder. I gave him several more hard, slow strokes, dying to get a reaction from him. But nothing. He remained still, breathing even, eyes closed.

  “I wish you’d react Danny,” I whispered.

  Taking a steadying breath, I got up from my chair and pulled my hand away from him. I reached up and grabbed his blanket so that I could pull it down. Exposing his body, his firm muscles and impressive form noticeable beneath that thin hospital gown, I let out a shuddering exhale. I scooted the hem of his gown up so that I could expose his soft cock.

  I licked my lips. Glancing one more time at the door, I situated myself on the edge of his bed and leaned over him carefully. That’s when I brought my lips to his form. I settled between his legs, not as awkwardly as I thought it would be, and licked my lips once. Taking a deep breath, smelling his masculine scent, I breathed it back out against his skin.

  His cock twitched and I smiled; this was going to work.

  My mouth opened, my lips pulling apart to allow my tongue to snake out from between them. I tasted the very tip of him; salty and thick. His cock twitched again and my smile widened. I snuck a quick glance up at his face, looking to see if he was waking or reacting in any other way, but he still seemed to be unconscious.

  Only asleep, I reminded myself.

  I licked my lips once more, opened my mouth wide, and took his soft member into my mouth. I pushed him between my lips, his skin incredibly soft, and swallowed him whole until my nose was buried between his legs, nestled against the soft hairs that grew along his pelvis.

  It was maybe stupid, but my own desire and pleasure suddenly spiked, running through the roof just because I was giving him head. I hollowed out my cheeks and sucked against his silky skin and soft member.

  His body jerked suddenly and my eyes darted up to look at his face. He was still unconscious, but I thought I saw his features twitch.

  Encouraged by his reaction, I took a breath through my nose, and sucked harder. I felt his cock begin to grow, slowly but surely, and took pride in knowing that he was growing hard in my mouth.

  I flattened out my tongue, massaging it against his growing erection, sliding it along the underside of his cock. His hips twitched again and I thought I heard him suck in a quick breath of air. But when I looked up, his eyes were still closed.

  But I was undeterred now. This was working.

  And besides, he tasted so good.

  Collecting spit in my cheeks, I allowed my saliva to coat his growing erection until it dribbled out between my lips a little and dripped down along onto his balls. He twitched again.

  I sucked harder and when I finally felt his mushroom shaped head pressing against the back of my throat, his cock having finally grown hard and long in my mouth, I began to move. I nearly choked when he had hardened to his full length, but I caught myself and forced my throat to relax so that I didn’t cough heavily around him.

  Pulling my head back, my lips sealed against his now finally hardened length, until I only had his head still in my wet mouth. I sucked until my cheeks hollowed and rolled my tongue around the tip of him. Then I pulled back the rest of the way, his head pulled out from between my lips with a pop and a line of saliva between the tip of it and my mouth.

  Gathering more saliva in my mouth, I spat it onto his head and used my hand to slide the thick fluid down the rest of his length. I heard what sounded like a grown or a heavy sigh and jerked my head up to look at Danny. His eyes were still closed, but his breathing seemed heavier and his faced looked maybe a little flushed.

  I grinned and pumped him twice along his hard member, using my spit as lubricant, before bending forward again to encase his cock inside my mouth.

  He seemed to have grown in size again, his member barely fitting between my lips, and when
I pushed myself down on him he was pushing against the back of my throat before I reached his pelvis. I nearly choked again trying to take more of him and was rewarded with another jerk of his hips and a twitch of his hard dick.

  By the time I was sliding my mouth back from his cock, I glanced up at his face to find that he’d opened his eyes and had managed to sit up just slightly. I froze for a moment, the tip of his cock still caught between my lips, my body leaning over him, and my eyes locked on his gaze.

  For a moment, nothing happened, then he said in a hoarse, quiet voice, “Am I dreaming?”

  Instead of answering, I sucked hard around the head of his dick, my cheeks caving, and rolled my tongue around the mushroomed tip of him.

  He jerked and let out a loud groan, but if I thought he was going to let me continue to suck him, I was wrong. His hand went to his hair and he jerked me off of him, pulling me up the length of his body so that he could crash his mouth to mine.