Bennett

by Sybil Bartel

  “No, you just think you can fix Marcus by throwing more drugs at him.”

  I lost my shit. “He beat you!”

  “I was holding on to his pills so he didn’t kill himself!”

  Jesus fuck.

  “What else was I supposed to do?” Her voice broke. “I couldn’t throw them away. He’d need them the next day when he calmed down.”

  Trying not to fucking lose it again, I gripped the steering wheel. “How many times has this happened?”

  She turned in her seat, giving me her back.

  “Elyssia,” I warned. “Not answering doesn’t solve this.”

  “This time was the worst.” Her voice turned quiet. “He’s getting worse.”

  I couldn’t not fucking touch her anymore. I put my hand on her thigh, but I didn’t apply pressure. “I’m here. We’ll figure this out.”

  “You’re only here for like one more day.”

  “I’ll leave the tour.”

  “I don’t want that.”

  Frustration ate at me. “Then tell me what you do want.” Because I’d fucking give it to her.

  She threw her hands up. “I want you to live your life, okay? Go back on tour, be successful. Be happy. Share your talent. Just… just don’t waste the opportunity you were given.” She got quiet. “Not on this.”

  My jaw locked as I pulled up to her house and threw the Jeep in park. “First of all, I wasn’t given an opportunity, I worked for it. The same way I worked this past year to secure my future if, and when, I decide to walk away from the fame. That life isn’t what I want. Second of all, do not ever think that you’re less important than my career. Ever.” I held my hand out. “Give me your keys and I’ll check inside.”

  She blinked. Then she dug in her bag and held out her keys without a word.

  She looked so damn fragile, my heart took a hit. “Elyssia.”

  “I don’t think he’s here. His truck isn’t here, but I’ll still wait in the car.” She turned back toward the window.

  Fuck. I took the keys, and Talon met me at the front door. “She doesn’t want to force him to go to the VA.”

  Talon scanned the street then glanced at me. “I don’t give a fuck what she wants. That prick was losin’ his shit.”

  I nodded, glad we were on the same page. “I’ll check inside, but his truck’s not here. We’ll try his gym after this, but short of that, I don’t know where to look.”

  Talon looked over my shoulder. “What kinda truck?”

  “Black Dodge.”

  Talon tipped his chin. “Showtime. You ready for this?”

  Shit, shit. I turned just as Marcus pulled halfway onto the lawn, blocking me in. “Do I have a choice?”

  “No. What’s his name?”

  “Marcus Maher.”

  “Follow my lead.” Talon was already moving. “Maher!” he bellowed, as Marcus got out of his truck.

  Red-faced and spitting mad, Marcus pointed at Talon. “Get the fuck off my property.”

  Elyssia got out of the car, and my heart plummeted.

  She rounded the front of the Jeep. “I asked them to be here.”

  Fury coming off him in waves, Marcus glared at his sister. “Just like your asshole boyfriend, you’re dead to me. I’m getting my shit and leaving.” He took a step toward the house.

  Talon moved in front of him. “Two ways this is gonna go down, Maher. We drive you to the VA conscious or unconscious. I don’t have a fuckin’ preference, but your sister does.”

  Marcus sneered at Talon. “Fuck you, asshole.”

  “Don’t put Elyssia through any more hell,” I warned.

  Marcus glared at me. “What the fuck do you know about hell, rock star?” he viciously bit out.

  I glared back. “I know the hell you inflicted on your sister.”

  “Ben!” Elyssia snapped.

  Marcus’s gaze cut to her, and his face fucking fell. “You fucking told them?” It wasn’t an accusation. His shoulders dropped, his step faltered, and his entire body language changed.

  I was watching a man break apart, and I didn’t have one ounce of sympathy. “She didn’t say a damn thing. She didn’t have to.”

  “Ben, stop.” Elyssia stepped toward Marcus.

  “Easy, Stark,” Talon quietly warned, moving in on Marcus from behind.

  Enraged, I didn’t listen. “You think you’re honoring your mother’s memory with this shit? You think she raised you to beat her only daughter?”

  I’d seen Marcus fight. I’d had him come at me. I’d watched him pound opponents in underground fights before he’d enlisted. But I’d never seen him move so fast, or with such precision.

  Whipping a gun out of his back waistband, Marcus trained it on Talon with practiced skill at the same time he reached for his sister. He caught her around the shoulders and yanked her back to his chest. “One more step, and you’re dead, Marine.” His lethal glare on Talon, his gun aimed at his chest, he lowered his head to Elyssia’s ear and whispered something.

  Stricken, her face went white and her eyes welled with tears. “Marcus, no.”

  Talon held his hands up. “We both know you don’t plan on using that.”

  “You don’t know what the fuck I’m planning,” Marcus seethed.

  Talon shrugged, casual as hell, like he had guns pulled on him all the time. “I know I ain’t bleedin’ and your head’s still intact. I miss somethin’ else?”

  “Stand the fuck down,” Marcus bellowed.

  Talon didn’t flinch. “If I was gonna do otherwise, you’d already be on the ground.”

  “The fuck I would’ve!”

  “You’re losin’ your touch, Marine.” Talon tipped his chin at Marcus’s gun. “Safety’s on.”

  Marcus roared out in rage and shoved Elyssia toward Talon. Jumping in the still open door to his truck, he threw it into gear. The tires spun, and he was driving over the neighbor’s lawn before he’d pulled the door shut.

  Elyssia fucking fell apart.

  With only a split second to make a decision, I ran toward the Jeep.

  “Stark,” Talon yelled.

  Fuck, fuck. “I’m going after him!”

  “Priorities,” he snapped. “Get the fuck over here.”

  Shit. He was right, but damn it I wanted to go after Marcus and beat the fucking shit out of him. He pulled a gun, a goddamn gun. Trying to rein it the fuck in for Elyssia’s sake, I walked back and reached for her, but she threw my hand off the second I touched her.

  Sobbing, she covered her face and turned her back on me.

  Leveling me with a look, Talon put an arm around her and brought her to his side. “Fuck him. Let him go.”

  “No.” Elyssia cried harder. “He’s going to kill himself.” She looked up to glare at me. “How could you? How could you say those things to him?”

  Talon shook his head once. “He’s not gonna off himself, darlin’. He’s had a gun, but he hasn’t used it. The damn safety was on. He’s not gonna kill himself, sweetheart… not on purpose.”

  MY HEART SHATTERED.

  He was going to kill himself. Why else had he whispered goodbye? Why else had he said I was better off without him?

  “What did he say to you?” Ben’s voice sounded mechanical, like he was trying not to lose it.

  I didn’t care. He never should’ve provoked Marcus like that. He knew how badly he’d taken Mom’s death. He knew Marcus hadn’t been the same since she’d died. None of us were.

  I swiped at my tears and stepped away from Talon. “It doesn’t matter now.”

  Talon looked at me like he was out of patience. “He say where he was headin’?”

  “No.” I looked at Ben. “Take me to my car.”

  Ben just stared at me, but Talon rubbed a hand over his head. I wasn’t surprised it was Talon who spoke.

  “Here’s the thing, darlin’. Neither of us is gonna let you go after him alone.”

  Too overwhelmed to process a single thing except my need to get to my brother
, I lost my temper. “I want my car.” The car Marcus had given me. The only thing I felt like I had left of him right now.

  Ben exhaled. “It’s in my garage.”

  Wait. What? “I didn’t see it.”

  “It’s in a visitor spot. I had it brought over last night.” Ben glanced at Talon. “I’ll call you if we find him.”

  “If?” There was no if about it. “I’m finding my brother.” With or without them.

  “When,” Ben corrected, before looking at Talon. “Thanks for your help.”

  His eyes on me, Talon tipped his chin toward Ben. “Remember what I said, darlin’. And take it easy today. I know you got plenty of adrenaline pumpin’ now, tellin’ your body it doesn’t need rest, but you do.” He glanced at Ben. “Call me if you need anythin’.”

  I didn’t wait around. I was already walking to Ben’s Jeep, hating Talon despite all of his help. The second he’d made the comment about the adrenaline, it was as if every muscle in my body went on strike. I didn’t hurt like I did yesterday, but I felt it. Every movement, every step, I felt my bruises and I felt what Ben and I had done. I couldn’t process any more.

  My head a mess, all I wanted to do was cry, but that wouldn’t help Marcus.

  And I couldn’t help but be a little resentful at my brother. I was trying to save him when he didn’t want to be saved, and all of it was at the expense of my own life. Everything I’d ever wanted was slipping away before I had a chance to grab on to it. I’d slept with Ben. Oh my God, I’d slept with him. This wasn’t how my first time was supposed to be. I wasn’t supposed to be bruised or chasing Marcus or worrying about if I could get to him before he did something stupid.

  I yanked the passenger door open and got inside, but before I could pull the door closed, Ben was there.

  “Elyssia, I’m sorry.”

  I sucked in a breath, then another, because now I could. I could breathe again because Ben had helped me. I didn’t want to blame him for Marcus. I didn’t want to fight with him, and I didn’t want to be angry at him, but emotions were never reasonable and I was mad as hell. “Just take me to my car.”

  “You shouldn’t be alone right now.”

  I reached for something that wouldn’t cause another fight. “You have rehearsal.”

  Ben whipped his cell out, sent off a text, then shoved his phone back in his pocket. “Now I don’t. Where else do you think he would go besides the gym?”

  I was ashamed to admit I didn’t know. Marcus didn’t work. He worked out and he cooked us meals and I knew he was doing unsanctioned fights, but he never talked to me about them. He tried to hide it, but I could always tell after he’d fought because he’d be calm for a day or two.

  “Just drive past the gym on the way back to your place.” I reached for the seat belt, but Ben’s hand covered mine.

  He clicked the buckle into place. “We’ll find him, don’t worry.”

  I didn’t say anything as he drove to Marcus’s gym and neither did he. The silence built between us, and it felt like a wedge I wasn’t ever going to get past. Guilt ate at me, for so many reasons, and I needed to say something, but I couldn’t. I knew Ben was furious with Marcus, and so was I. But I couldn’t forgive Ben for what he’d said to Marcus, not if Marcus did something stupid because of it. And the fact that I was even thinking along those lines, like anything Ben could say to Marcus would make it any worse, was irrational as hell. But I didn’t have any rational thoughts left, and apparently neither did Marcus when he pulled a gun on Talon. If he got arrested, there’d be nothing I could do to help him then.

  Ben pulled into the parking lot of the gym, and we both scanned the cars for Marcus’s truck.

  Quiet, no anger in his tone, Ben spoke. “I know you think I set him off.”

  I reached for the handle. “I’ll go see if he’s inside.”

  Ben’s hand closed over mine. “You can’t expect me to not be angry.”

  I didn’t want to have this conversation right now. “Anger and blame are two different things.”

  Ben’s jaw ticked. “I blame him, Elyssia. I absolutely do.”

  I sucked in a breath.

  “But that doesn’t mean one day I won’t try to forgive him.”

  I exhaled, but Ben wasn’t finished.

  “I know he’s your family. I don’t want to come between you and him, but your safety is nonnegotiable. If it’s not safe for you to be around him, then I’m going to do everything in my power to keep you away from him.” The anger bled back into his voice. “I’d rather you be alive and pissed off at me, than beaten to death by your own goddamn brother.” He threw his door open. “Wait here.”

  He was out of the car before I could respond, or see the tears that welled. I was like a damn faucet, and I hated it.

  Sniffling, playing over everything Ben had said, everything Marcus had said, there was one thing that Talon had mentioned that I kept coming back to. Marcus hadn’t killed himself. He’d had opportunity and means, but he was still here, and I was clinging to that when Ben opened his door.

  “He wasn’t there, but Hank was. He said Marcus was there a half hour ago, trying to set up another fight.” Ben looked at me. “Did you know he’s been doing unsanctioned fights against AFC hopefuls?”

  Ashamed, I nodded. “I didn’t try to stop him.”

  Ben stared out the windshield. “Not sure you could have.” He was quiet a moment. “I’m taking you back to my place. Hank is asking around. If he hears anything, he’ll call.” His gaze cut back to mine. “In the meantime, you’re going to rest. No arguments.” He started the Jeep.

  I could’ve argued, but the truth was, I’d never seen Marcus pull a gun. He’d always carried, he had since joining the Marines. And now that he was out, he had a concealed carry permit. I never thought much about it until now. If I was being honest, I didn’t want to be home alone.

  I selfishly wanted to be in Ben’s bed, safe and warm with his arms around me, but even the thought made me feel guilty because Marcus had no one to make him feel that way. All he had was a sister who he thought had betrayed him.

  Ben pulled into his garage and parked, but he didn’t move to get out of the Jeep. “What are you thinking?” His hands on his thighs, his fingers were unusually still.

  “I’m tired.” It was all I wanted to admit.

  “Understandable.” He didn’t look at me as the thumb on his right hand started tapping out a rhythm only he heard.

  I noticed a darkness under his eyes that wasn’t usually there. “You must be too. You didn’t get much sleep last night.” Every time I’d woken up, he was awake.

  His blue eyes cut to mine, and he abruptly changed the subject. “What do you need from me? Just ask, and it’s yours. I’ll give you anything.” He stared at me like he was waiting for disaster to strike. “Anything except an apology, or leaving you on your own right now.”

  But he was going to leave me on my own. He was going back on tour, where he’d have tons of screaming fans and a life and a career and a whole future ahead of him. He couldn’t give me what I wanted. He couldn’t make my brother healthy. Neither could I. I was seeing that now, but I still had to try. And it crushed me that trying meant letting go of Ben.

  “I don’t need anything,” I lied. “I’m just tired.”

  SHE LIED TO ME.

  I took her upstairs and let us in to my place, but when I closed the door, I grabbed her and gently pushed her against the wall. My hands on either side of her head, I caged her in. “I don’t want to fight with you.”

  “We’re not fighting.”

  Bullshit. Sorrow laced every word out of her mouth, and it was fucking crushing me. “You need to forgive me.”

  She inhaled and let it out slow. “How can I forgive you for something that hasn’t happened yet?”

  What the fuck? “What does that mean?”

  “What if Marcus…?” She trailed off, dropping eye contact. “What if it was your words that sent him over the edge? What if it w
as mine?” Her voice cracked. “What if it was because you didn’t let me go after him? What if it was because I was there with you in the first place and not at home?”

  Jesus Christ. I pulled her into my arms. “Elyssia, stop.” I wasn’t going to let her blame me or herself. “We’re not responsible for what Marcus is going through. I know you don’t want to hear it, but he needs some accountability. Yes, he also needs help, but we didn’t create this situation for him.” I cupped her face and leaned back. “You didn’t do this to him. Neither did I.”

  A tear slid down her cheek. “But I need to stop it.”

  I gave her the brutal truth. “Not at the expense of your safety or your life. If he’d accidentally killed you the other day, he would have killed himself.” She had to know that.

  She sucked in a shocked breath. “Don’t say that.”

  “It has to be said. You know Marcus wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he did something worse to you. He can barely stand himself now as it is. I’m not saying I forgive him, but I see now what he’s going through, and you offering yourself as a punching bag isn’t helping.”

  She turned away.

  “Be mad at me, blame me, but you’re not going back home until something changes.” No fucking way. “It’s not good for either of you to be around each other right now.”

  Her voice quiet and small, she finally gave in. “Fine.”

  Fuck. My lungs filled with air and a giant weight lifted off my shoulders. “Let’s get you off your feet.” I led her down the hall to my bedroom.

  She kicked off her shoes and didn’t fight me as I pulled the covers back. She simply crawled into bed, and it ate at me how going after her brother was the last thing she needed to be doing right now.

  “How much pain are you in? You want one of your pills?”

  She settled on my pillows. “I’m fine.”

  Seeing her in my bed made my heart skip a fucking beat, but I still scowled at her. “We talked about this.”

  She sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “I’m sore, but I’m not in pain. I’m thirsty, and I’m desperately anxious, and I’m sad, and I’m mad. I’m trying to process what you said about me making it worse for him, so I’m also feeling really guilty, but I felt guilty before that, so it’s not your fault. Your apartment is the nicest place I’ve ever been, and I keep thinking about earlier. And us. And you going back on tour. And I’m wondering why now? Why me? Why does a famous rock star tell me to marry him if I want to have unprotected sex with him? And how did the shy boy who always made my heart flutter become this, this famous person who is helping me and being selfless and not judgmental? But I can’t forget who you are now, and that makes me constantly think about all the women that have… that have had a piece of you. Not that I want to know, or think about, because it hurts, it really hurts. But I can’t stop thinking about it, especially now that we, we’ve….” She inhaled. “But thinking about that hurts almost as much as Marcus, and I don’t want to feel hurt anymore. I don’t want to be afraid when you go back on tour, wondering how many women will throw themselves at you.” She took a sharp breath. “I’m just scared. Of everything.”