Shooting Blindly in the Dark

by Nicole Jackson

  “Go through it. Aint no lock on my shit. That’s on my mama. Check that shit. So, miss me wit that bullshit. I’ma go through whatever phone, e-mail, Facebook I want to.”

  I tilted my head. “So, what you saying is that you don’t trust me.”

  “Nah,” he shook his head. “What I’m saying is that if I catch some out of pocket shit that I’ma merk something. And it really aint you that I don’t trust. Niggas don’t be respecting the code, but I’ma make sure that they do.”

  “Whatever,” I huffed.

  “Now, bring ya fat ass here,” he pulled me onto his lap. “This my fat ass,” he declared, slapping my butt. “I love you,” he whispered, before kissing my lips.

  I was still in my feelings, but I couldn’t deny what was clearly in my heart. “Love you too.”

  Chapter 15

  Kaydoa

  “Slow down,” I gritted, as she bounced up and down on my dick.

  “I can’t,” she squeezed her eyes tightly. “Oh God!”

  “Jasmine,” I gripped her ass. “You gon make a nigga nut. Slow down,” I insisted.

  “Ugh!” she rode me wit her hands in the air. My toes were curling, as that pussy devoured my dick. “Um. Um. Um.” She grunted with each bounce.

  All day long we’d been fucking. It was raining outside, and that’s all I wanted to do. Fucking and smoking was the only two things on the agenda.

  I was laid back, letting Jasmine do her thing. She was going crazy on the dick, making her tits bounce with her. She actually had a little gut on her, but it did nothing to her sexiness. She was still stacked, and shutting down the scene wit that ass. She said that she wasn’t pregnant, and I wasn’t sure if I believed her. But for the time being I was gonna roll wit the punches.

  “Fuck,” she gritted, placing her hands on my chest, while working that booty. Throughout the room all could be heard is my balls slapping against her ass.

  The pussy was exuberant, and soon I was fast asleep. I woke up a couple of hours later to a empty bed, feeling like a bitch. Jasmine’s ass was constantly putting me to bed when it should’ve been the other way around. Her ass had left without telling me, and me and her was gonna have a problem whenever she came back. Please believe that shit.

  Black Reign

  I was getting irritated, waiting for this nigga in Wal-Mart’s parking lot. The dude I’d met in Haverstock, hanging around my sister’s apartment had been copping from me. Honestly, I felt like he was a bullshit ass nigga, but his money had been correct. I left without telling Kaydoa that I was meeting him, because he didn’t want me dealing with Sean. With me, it was strictly business, and I didn’t have time for a nigga in his feelings.

  The plan was to give the nigga the product, and collect my fetti. Simple as that. But thirty minutes had passed since the time he was supposed to meet me. I really wanted to be in and out, before Kaydoa realized I was gone. I was staring down at my Cartier watch for the fifth time, checking the time. When I glanced up, I was staring down the barrel of a gun.

  “Bitch, get out the car!” the masked robber gritted.

  “Oh…okay!” my hands trembled, as I fumbled with my door.

  “Get the fuck out,” the dude growled, as he snatched the door open, and yanked me out of my car. “Take off that fuckin’ watch and necklace,” he demanded.

  I nervously did as I was told. Roughly, a second robber checked my pockets, making sure I didn’t have anything else of value. Then the other robber jumped into my car, skirting out of the lot. The second dude hopped into a old Delta 88 and did the same, leaving me standing there with my heart racing.

  For a minute, I was momentarily frozen with fear. I knew that shit was real in the streets, but I’d just never been in that position. I was having a outer body experience, as I ran through the lot. I had no phone, no money, no nothing. I cried to myself, as I came across a dude getting into his Impala.

  “Ex…excuse me, can I please use your phone. Please,” I begged.

  He gave me a strange look, as I stood there in my little shorts, muscle shirt, and thong slippers. “Yeah, go ahead.” He handed me his phone.

  “Thank you,” I sniffled, as I called Kaydoa. Butterflies entered my stomach, as I remembered he rarely answered unrecognized numbers.

  “Who is this?” he answered.

  “Kay…Kaydoa, come get me. I’m at the Wal-Mart up the street from the house. I…I was robbed.”

  “What?!” he shouted into the receiver.

  “Come get me,” I sniveled.

  “Alright, man. I’m on my muthafuckin’ way!” he ended the call.

  “Thank you.” I gave the man his phone back.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, as I made my way to the front of the store.

  “Yeah,” I exhaled. “Thanks again.”

  For ten minutes I stood outside of Wal-Mart, before Kaydoa pulled up. I hurried to the car, and hopped in. With a deep scowl on his face, he burnt rubber exiting the lot. I discreetly glanced at him, and noticed the pistol resting in his lap.

  I really didn’t know what to say. The one thing he’d been adamant about was me not conducting business by myself. And the fact that I left our house to handle the situation, and still didn’t tell him about it probably made it look worse on my part.

  He shook his head. “I keep telling yo stupid ass.”

  I huffed, “Kaydoa, don’t start.”

  “Yeah, I’ma fuckin’ start. How many times have I told your ass about being out here in these streets naked?”

  My eyes fell down to my thighs.

  “Nah, don’t get quiet now,” he seethed. “You out here making moves like these fuckin’ streets is sweet. Like you ready for whatever. You might love running the streets, but you aint no gangsta. This game will chew you up, and spit you out. And you out here making dumb decisions like you got it all under fuckin’ control.”

  I was feeling emotional, and the shit he was spewing wasn’t helping any. I felt violated, vulnerable, and stupid all at the same time. I tried my best to tune him out, as he ranted on and on.

  “So, who was it?! I know you hear me fuckin’ talking to you!” he raged, as we pulled up to our townhouse.

  “I’m…I’m not sure. It was two dudes and they both had on ski masks.”

  He scrounged. “What the fuck was you doing up there?”

  “I was meeting with ole boy from Haverstock…the one that brought my sister to come get me that time. It was our usual meet up spot, and I had never had problems with him in the past.”

  “The fuck you mean?!” he ferociously punched his steering wheel. “The fuck you doing meeting that nigga by ya muthafuckin’ self?!” he spat, as he talked.

  “I just wanted to keep the peace. You was acting like you aint want me dealing with him, and his money was green like anybody else’s.”

  He glared at me. “And look how that shit worked out for you. Your car and your dope is gone. Wit ya stupid ass!” he growled, pushing my temple with his index finger.

  “Fuck you!” I choked up, as I sprung out of his car. The sad part was that I realized that I didn’t even have keys to my own house at the time, and I had no car to leave in.

  For hours I had to sit and listen to Kaydoa lecture me. I thought that he’d be a tad bit comforting, but he acted like he didn’t give a fuck about me, or how having a gun shoved in my face made me feel. But it was cool, though. I guess it was fuck Black Reign, and if that was the case it was gonna be fuck Kaydoa too.

  ******

  “Is you niggas serious?” I frowned.

  “Ay, Black Reign, don’t put us in the middle, main. The nigga said not to let you in here,” Trace claimed, as he stood in the doorway at our trap, refusing to let me in.

  “That nigga aint my muthafuckin’ boss!” I fumed.

  “But I aint got nothing to do with that, though,” Trace insisted, as several other niggas stood around watching me.

  I nodded, although I really wanted to smash a brick over his bitch ass head.
“Fuck you, then, nigga. Your bitch ass better not ever say shit to me!” my voice cracked. “Fuck all you stupid ass niggas,” I stomped off, and hopped into my rented Camry.

  I held back tears, as I backed out of the driveway. Kaydoa had lost his fuckin’ rabid ass mind. He was trying to black ball me out of something that I’d helped him build. Supposedly, I couldn’t hustle in the streets no more, and any nigga letting me get down was going to be dealt with. Did I still have money? Of course. But was I ready to retire from the game at eighteen? Hell no.

  I was seeing red, and really didn’t know what to do with myself. Me and Kaydoa had been beefing heavily. He wasn’t coming home nearly as much as he used to, and I was so mad that I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to beg him to come home. If he was out there fuckin’ with bitches, then that was on him.

  I was lost in my thoughts, until my cell vibrated in my lap. I picked it up, and answered. “Yeah?”

  “Black Reign, where you at?” Monay questioned.

  “In the hood about to go off on all these hoe ass niggas out here,” I seethed.

  “Why, what happened?” she pried.

  “Girl, ya bullshit ass cousin done told them niggas that I’m not welcome in none of the spots.”

  “Oh for real?” she asked with little concern.

  “Why you sayin’ it like that? You agree with what he’s doing?” I snapped. Shit, the way I was feeling…anybody could get it.

  “Well, to be honest, I feel like maybe you was getting in over your head, and he was doing you a favor.”

  “What?!” I fumed.

  “Bitch, don’t get mad at me. I’m just telling you how I feel.” She defended

  “Whatever,” I breathed. “Is that what you called me for?”

  “Nah,” she sighed. “Look…I’m calling to put you up on game. I’m in Brewster Park right now, peeping Kaydoa and Lani sitting in his car together.”

  My heart dropped down to my stomach. “So, how long have they been sitting there?”

  “For a little minute. And cousin or not…I feel like its disrespectful, and you needed to know.”

  “Okay. That’s what’s up. Let me call you back,” I hung up in her face.

  My mind was all over the place, as I drove to Brewster Park. I really didn’t know what I was gonna do, but I needed to see this shit. When I pulled up to the park, sure enough, his car was parked on the side of the road. And Lani was definitely sitting in the passenger’s seat.

  I felt like I was in the twilight zone, as I parked my rental across the street. Exiting the car, I spotted a rock in the middle of the road. I snatched it up. My heart was racing, as I jogged over to Kaydoa’s Cadillac. With fury, I reached back and hurled the rock through the driver’s window. The glass shattered, as he hopped out of his car.

  “What the fuck?!” he spewed, as he shook the shards of glass off his lap.

  Without waiting for him to acknowledge me, I attacked his ass. “I hate you! I hate you!” I cried, as I whaled on him.

  “Calm yo crazy ass down!” he barked, as he slammed me against his car.

  “That bitch is crazy!” Lani blurted, as she stood on the sidelines.

  “What the fuck is wrong wit you?!” he shook me.

  Losing all control, I bit his hand, causing him to howl out in pain. As he released me, I kicked his ass in the nuts, before sprinting back to my rental. He came after me, but it was too late. I pulled off, and hauled ass down the street.

  I was numb, as I checked into a motel. I didn’t bother going home to get clothes or nothing. I just needed to be by myself. My phone was ringing off the hook, so I powered it off. In my mind it was fuck everybody.

  ******

  After napping for hours, I finally woke up. Still, I felt no better. I was lost, and really didn’t know where to go from there. I wasn’t about to go through the motions with Kaydoa’s heartless ass. If he wanted to fuck around, and treat me like shit, then that was cool. But I was gonna move around, and do me. Even if that meant starting all over, from my hustle to my residence. Eventually, I could obtain all that without him.

  Flicking through the channels on the TV, I stumbled across the news. Once again Haverstock was the center of another homicide. Since my sister did live over there I increased the volume.

  “Authorities say that twenty-six year old Sean Banks was sitting outside when he was approached by an unidentified gunman. The man opened fire, striking the victim over ten times. Witnesses say that they weren’t able to get a good look at the perpetrator’s face. Police are urging that anyone with information regarding the murder to please come forward…”

  I sat in the bed stunned. Sean’s face was plastered all over the news, smiling in a family picture with his baby mama. Somebody had merked his ass in front of everybody, almost like they were sending a message.

  My heart fluttered, as I powered my phone back on. I wanted to check Facebook to see what the people were saying. Before I could surf the web my phone was ringing. It was Kaydoa calling. I noticed the time on the phone, and realized that it was six in the morning.

  “Hello,” I answered groggily.

  “Where the fuck you at?!” he shouted into the phone.

  I sucked my teeth. “The fuck do you want?”

  “Bitch, where the fuck you at?! I aint got time to play these fucking games wit you. I’ma get a chance to put my foot off in ya ass!” he lashed.

  “Bitch? I don’t know who the fuck you think you talking to.”

  “Like I said, where the fuck you at?!”

  Deciding that I wasn’t gonna go back and forth with him, I ended the call. He called right back, and I powered my phone off. Fuck him.

  I laid in the bed, until check out time. I never managed to fall back to sleep, because my thoughts were all over the place. Powering my phone back on, I noticed that my voicemail was full, and I had thirty unread text messages. I ignored all that, as I headed to the crib. I was hoping that Kaydoa was somewhere in the streets like he’d been for the past few weeks, but unfortunately for me I found his car parked in the garage.

  The only reason I went home was because I needed clothes. The townhouse was just as much mines as it was his, and I wasn’t going to let him discourage me from coming to my own house. Now, which one of us was going to remain living there was a whole other subject.

  I stepped into the spot to find Kaydoa, Lil’ Hurt, and Toke sitting in the living room. I walked past everybody without speaking. I was halfway up the stairs when I felt somebody behind me. I spun around, and was then face to face with Kaydoa.

  “Where the fuck you been at?” he gritted.

  I rolled my eyes. “Minding my fuckin’ business.”

  “Bitch,” he wrapped his hands around my throat, pushing me further upstairs. Shoving me into our room, he slammed the door behind him. “Tell me where the fuck you was, or its finna be some furniture movin’ in this bitch.”

  “Fuck you. Let me get me get my clothes, and I’m outta this bitch,” I fumed, as I attempted to head to the closet.

  “You thank this a fuckin’ game!” he gripped my shirt, jerking me around. I tried to wiggle out of his grasp, as my shirt lifted over my breasts.

  “Kaydoa, get off me!”

  He was straight tripping, yanking my fuckin’ shirt and bra off me, as he rough-housed me. The shirt was dangling around my neck, as he gripped it, and slammed me against the wall. “Where the fuck was you?!”

  “At a room!” I blurted.

  His nostrils flared, as he grabbed my neck. “Wit who?”

  I thought about lying, just to piss him off. But I realized that I wasn’t in the position to play games like that. There was no telling what he’d do. “By myself,” I admitted.

  He let me go.

  I stood there, rubbing my neck. He paced the floor back and forth, swinging his hands like he was ready to fuck something up.

  “What’s all that for?” I frowned.

  He stopped, and glared at me. “I should fuckin’ brea
k ya neck. You broke my fuckin’ window, disappeared, and then you stand here and ask me what’s all that for?!”

  I stepped to him. “So, I shouldn’t have busted out your window? Is that what you telling me?”

  “Hell no!” he fumed. “You obviously didn’t know what the fuck was going on, and you didn’t try to figure it out.”

  I rolled my eyes. “What was happening, Kaydoa?”

  “That bitch Lani be fuckin’ wit ole boy. She was telling me everything I needed to know about him, from where he hangs to where he keeps his pistol.”

  “Who Sean?”

  “Yeah,” he nodded. “That nigga. Anyway, I threw the grimy bitch a few racks, and she made sure that he was at the exact place at the exact time I told her.”

  I stood there feeling stupid as hell. I knew that Kaydoa would never lie about something like that. So, I’d done all that clowning for nothing.

  “Ooh, now you aint got nothing to say, huh?” he furrowed his brows.

  I shrugged my shoulders.

  “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he snarled.

  Not knowing what else to do, I whirled around, and headed into the closet.

  “What you doing?” he growled.

  “I’m getting some clothes,” I sniffled.

  Stomping hard on the floor, he approached me. “You aint goin’ no fuckin’ where.”

  I snaked my neck. “You don’t tell me what to do.”

  He gripped my jaw. “Keep talking and I’ma go downstairs and shoot that fuckin’ rental car up. We just made a move, the streets is hot, and my dick is hard. So, like I fuckin’ said…you aint goin’ nowhere. That’s on the hood.”

  I squinted, “You got me fucked up.”

  And I guess he really did have me fucked, because a few minutes later he had me face down, ass up, fucking the cowboy shit out of me. His balls were loudly slapping against my ass, as he dug in deep, punishing the pussy. I gripped the sheets, as he beat it up. I could tell that he was still mad at me, because he was going hard, making me feel every inch.

  “Awww!” I howled, as he gripped my hair, while hammering into me. I could feel my ass bouncing, as he sweated all over my back. “Ugh!” I grunted, feeling weak. My kitty was sloppy wet, dripping down my thighs.