Shooting Blindly in the Dark

by Nicole Jackson

  Me and Monay sat at our table, looking at these dick riding bitches showing up to a shower to get their shine on. “Nay, I’ma slap ya cousin-in-laws,” I spat as I stood up. My stomach felt heavy as hell, and my ankles were swollen. Still, I was killing those hoes. I had on a black sheer baby doll top with a pair of printed Versace leggings. The silver and black Versace scandals I wore really set the ensemble off. My Peruvian bundles were laid, and my lashes were perfectly framing my eyes. The skin was looking so smooth that I couldn’t even distort it with make-up.

  I switched over to Kaydoa as two of Lil’ Hurt’s cousins stood giggling in his face. “Daddy, you supposed to be over here, keeping me company,” I boldly pulled him away from them.

  He chuckled, “Let me found out you jealous.”

  I shrugged, not giving a fuck. “I am jealous. These bitches better know. Belly and all I’ll ride for mines.”

  He smiled, wrapping his arms around me, as we walked back to our table, “Is that right?”

  “Umm hmm,” I nodded, as he took a seat, before pulling me onto his lap.

  Not caring who was looking, he tongued me down.

  “Uh umm,” Monay cleared her throat. “Did yall not see me sitting here?”

  Never pulling away from the kiss, I gave her the finger.

  Soon, Hurt was sitting here with her, and she wasn’t giving a damn about what we was doing. She was skinning and grinning, as the people continued to pour in.

  Even though, the gifts were plentiful, Kaydoa had already purchased the baby everything she needed, and Hurt had done the same for their little boy. So, I was half paying attention to all the shit we received. I was into my man, until a familiar face approached me and Kaydoa. My heart skipped a beat. It had been a minute since I’d seen him, and I didn’t know what he was thinking. We weren’t exactly the best of friends, so I didn’t know what the fuck he was approaching us for.

  “What’s up, yall,” he smiled. “Congratulations on the baby.”

  Kaydoa frowned, “Daddy, what the fuck is you doing here?”

  Kaydoa

  I was mean-mugging the shit out of my bullshit ass daddy. The nigga had never done much for me, and was always too consumed wit pussy chasing to be a father to me. He’d attempted to make contact here and there, and we was always right in the same hood. But I aint fuck wit him like that. Shit, a lot of people didn’t even know that he was my daddy. So, I don’t know what made him think that he was welcomed at my baby’s shower.

  “I just came to give yall my gift,” he claimed, as he handed me a black box.

  I snapped it open and saw a bracelet with my daughter’s name engraved on it. Everybody knew that we was naming my baby Kaylah, and I don’t know who the fuck told that nigga.

  “I hope you like it, man. I was just stopping by to let you know that even though I might have fell short of your expectations I plan to be here for my grandchild…if you allow me to. I heard about her legal situation,” he gestured at Jasmine, as she eased off my lap, and sat in the chair next to me. “And I know that you’ll need help. That’s what I’m here for.”

  I frowned, examining him. I’d heard that he’d been going to church, and was claiming to be a better man. That shit sounded like bull to me, but honestly a part of me was curious to see if he meant the shit he was saying.

  “Yeah, okay. Time will tell, my nigga.” I clasped hands with him.

  He smiled, “That’s what’s up. You gon see, man.”

  I nodded, as he strolled off into the thick crowd of people standing a few feet away.

  Jasmine cut her eyes at me. “I aint know he was your daddy.”

  I shrugged. “The nigga aint never been much to talk about.”

  She nodded. “I feel the same way about my daddy.”

  I wrapped my arm around her. “But Kaylah will never be able to say that shit. Never.”

  She kissed my cheek. “I know that’s right, daddy. For real.”

  Black Reign

  “Unfortunately, they’re not bending. At this point, I feel that taking the six is a viable option. If you fight this, you could end up either receiving more time or taking it to trial. And as we know, this is Houston, Texas. We know how the faces on the juries usually look, and those individuals usually aren’t sympathetic to someone with a lengthy criminal record.” Schultz explained.

  My head was swimming as I faced reality. I was going to prison.

  “Fuck,” Kaydoa dropped his head into the palms of his hands. “So,” he lifted his head. “If we agree to the time can you at least make sure that she don’t begin serving her time, until after she have the baby?”

  Schultz cleared his throat. “Umm, we might be reaching, but I will give it a shot.”

  I sucked my teeth. “Tell them that they do it like that or I aint signing. It takes damn near a year before they take stuff to trial, so I know if they want to they can at least give me that.”

  “Agreed,” he nodded.

  Kaydoa stood up, “Well, alright, man. Hit us up, after you get that info.”

  “Will do.”

  I slowly stood as well, feeling fat as hell.

  We headed home in silence. I didn’t know what Kaydoa was thinking, but I was scared out of my mind. I had never done hard time, and I was about to be a mama. My baby didn’t ask for this, and I was finally grasping what Kaydoa had been talking about. He didn’t know how to take care of a baby, and it was looking as if he was going to be doing it alone.

  I just wanted to break down, but I was tired of crying, and feeling sorry for myself. So, the moment we got home, I crashed into my bed, and forced myself to fall asleep. I was wishing like hell that when I woke up that all this could be one bad dream.

  Kaydoa

  After Jasmine fell asleep, I hit the streets. I really needed to clear my head. I ended up at Paris’s Jay Spot, which was Jay Rock’s club. I knew the nigga was there, so I decided to kick it wit him, and his people.

  “What’s been going down with ya?” Tino, Jay Rock’s cousin asked. He used to be a big hustler himself, but had walked away from the game. We were kicking it in Jay Rock’s office at the back of the club.

  I shrugged. “Man, everything.”

  “So, what that lawyer talking about?” Jay Rock interjected.

  I gulped, “He’s trying to convince her to take the six years.”

  “Damn, she must’ve had a nice amount of work.”

  I nodded. “I little less than a quarter of a key.”

  “DAMN!” Tino and Jay Rock both gasped at the same time.

  “She lucky they didn’t give her more than that,” Tino shook his head.

  “Yeah,” Jay Rock nodded. “Her ass could’ve ended up with fed time, and then that time would’ve been day for day.”

  “The lawyer said that,” I nodded.

  “So, did she take the time?” Tino questioned.

  “As long as she don’t have to turn herself in until after she have the baby, she’s gonna take the time.”

  Jay Rock nodded. “You know, that’s a non-violent offense. She can probably get away with doing a year or two, and then come home on parole.”

  “That’s what we hoping for.”

  “So, damn, what are yall gonna do about the baby? You ready to handle that by yourself?” Tino asked.

  I exhaled. “Shit, I aint got a choice.”

  “That’s fucked up,” Tino shook his head.

  “So, how is Black Reign handling that?” Jay Rock wanted to know.

  I waved my head, as I thought about the distraught look on her face. “I know she fucked up about it. She aint say shit and she went to bed early.”

  Jay Rock licked his lips. “So, what did you say to her?”

  “Nothing,” I admitted. “I just left.”

  Tino rubbed his waves. “I know she probably driving herself crazy.”

  “If I was you I’d be at home right now,” Jay Rock offered.

  “I mean, and say what?”

  “Shit, show he
r that you down for the cause. If this was any other bitch I really wouldn’t know what to say, but I know how you and Black Reign get down. She love yo ass, and would do anything for you. I know that you might not agree with all her decisions, but yall was in it together. If the shoe was on the other foot, wouldn’t she be right there, telling you that everything is gonna be alright?”

  I thought about what he was saying. Maybe I had been coming down too hard on her. I see women all the time, begging their man to leave the game. But even when his ass don’t listen she still rides it out wit him. I mean, I was gonna ride, but I didn’t have to make her feel bad in the process. And when it came to the game, she was instrumental in putting shit together, so I know that she just didn’t want to walk away. I just couldn’t separate the two. Yeah, we hustled together, but she my woman. I didn’t see her as the other half of my operation, but as my better half that didn’t need to be grinding in the gutter. We just shared different outlooks, but that didn’t change her love for me or vice versa.

  “And you know what?” Jay continued. “You can’t change what already happened. So, I’d be trying to spend all the time I could, before she gotta go. Her doing a year or two aint the end of the world. So, I’d suck that shit up, and chill with my family. Fuck everything else.”

  Tino nodded. “True.”

  I sat for a while, thinking that maybe I needed to really take the advice into consideration.

  Black Reign

  “Slow down,” Kaydoa panted, as I slammed down on his dick.

  “I can’t,” I confessed, as I bounced up and down. My body was drenched in sweat, as I fucked him.

  I was nine months pregnant, and was horny as fuck. I couldn’t get enough of the dick, and would make Kaydoa fuck me at least three times a day. I wasn’t hearing shit, if he wasn’t giving me what I wanted.

  “Jasmine, man, you going too hard. What if the baby can feel it?” he gritted, gripping my hair, attempting to slow me down.

  I allowed my head to fall back, as I continued to grind into him. “Nigga, the baby can’t feel this.”

  “You don’t know that,” he sat up with me, and hungrily took a nipple into his mouth. Now, why did he do that? I started going buck wild on him. I rocked my hips, while gallivanting all over him.

  “Jasmine,” he breathed. “Stop.”

  Ignoring him, I kept humping.

  “Jasmine,” he gritted. “You don’t fucking feel that shit?”

  “What?” I panted.

  “You pissing all over me.”

  “Huh?” I frowned, as I stopped moving. I rolled off his dick, and I could feel something seeping out of me. I lied on my back for a few, until it dawned on me. “Oh my God! I think my water just broke!”

  He sat up, and eyed the puddle we were both sitting in. “Fuck!” he vented, before scrambling out of bed. The baby wasn’t due for another two weeks, but obviously it was time.

  “Oh, shit. Oh shit!” he grabbed my dress first. “Here, put this on.”

  Slowly, I slipped the dress on, while Kaydoa frantically raced around the room. He grabbed my already packed suitcase, before escorting me down to his Escalade. Then off to the hospital we went.

  ******

  “Okay, Ms. King, we need you to push,” my doctor instructed.

  I was about to slap that silly bitch. There I was in excruciating pain, and she kept telling me to ignore that and focus. Focus on what? On how I wanted to jump out the fuckin’ window? Me and Kaydoa had arrived at the hospital just in time. I was already dilated and there was no time for me to receive any anesthesia, so I was unwillingly experiencing natural child birth. I wanted to fuckin’ tear Kaydoa’s heart out. Nobody ever told me that having a baby would hurt this damn bad. I felt like I was gonna die.

  It didn’t help that Kaydoa kept saying the same thing over and over the entire drive to the hospital. “I told you to get off the dick. But nah, you just had to keep going. Done fucked the baby out of you. If something is wrong wit Kaylah I’ma fuck you up. Watch.”

  “Baby, push!” he urged, as another contraction hit me.

  “Awwww!” I grunted, as I pushed with all my might, showing all thirty-two teeth.

  “There you go. Just one more push, and she’s out of there. Come on, Ms. King,” the doctor encouraged.

  When another contraction hit, I pushed, and out she came. Her lil’ ass came out wailing at the top of her lungs.

  “There she go,” Kaydoa beamed, as he stared at our daughter.

  “Come on, push. One more time. You have to push out the afterbirth,” the doctor revealed.

  “But you said that was the last p…” I got out, as I received another contraction, and passed a huge blob of something out.

  “Now, you’re done,” the heffa smiled.

  “Damn,” I huffed, as my head fell back into the pillow. I was exhausted.

  I was in a daze, as they cleaned Kaylah up, before letting Kaydoa hold her. He was smiling from ear to ear. “Man, she’s beautiful. Even prettier than me,” he gushed.

  “Let me see,” I spoke weakly.

  Slowly, he handed me the baby. I held her in my arms, and just took in her features. She was tiny, but I could see the perfect mixture of me and her daddy. She had his nose, and silky hair, and had my lips and eyes. But her ass was light bright, which I wasn’t surprised by. My mama and Kaydoa’s was rather light. Kaydoa’s mama was light brown, while my mama was high yellow. Still, she was every bit of us. I was in love.

  Kaydoa

  Jasmine’s delivery happened so fast that I never had time to call anybody to come witness it. So, I made the phone calls right after she delivered Kaylah. And then once I did that I posted pictures of Kaylah on Facebook. She was getting like after like. But what was most surprising was Farrah’s comment. Yeah…Jasmine didn’t know, but when I was pissed at her I’d added Farrah back onto my page. She hadn’t noticed, so even after we were back on track I left it that way.

  Farrah typed under the picture in the comments: Aw, Kaydoa. She is beautiful, and looks just like you. I just wanna kiss her little red cheeks.

  See, that’s why I used to fuck wit Farrah. She was always wit a nigga right or wrong. Most bitches would have broke out into tears, after seeing Kaylah’s photo, but she embraced my daughter. When I did talk to her here and there she always asked about the baby, and had actually admitted that if I ever decided to come back to her that she’d accept my child wit open arms. Not that I was gonna fuck wit her, but still.

  “Kaydoa, where’s the baby?” my mama asked as she entered the room.

  “She’s sleeping in her little incubator,” I yawned.

  My mama nodded, as she tipped over to Kaylah. She stood over her, wit her bottom lip poked out. “She looks like us. Can’t deny that,” she grumbled.

  I waved my head, glad that Jasmine had fallen asleep. My mama had questioned me on more than one occasion about Kaylah being mines. She kept saying that Jasmine was fast, and shit. But I knew my bitch. And honestly, and I kept tabs on her ass. She wasn’t fuckin’ nobody else, except for some questionable shit she’d done wit Boo that she didn’t even know I knew about. I had already warned that nigga about staying away from her, after I heard that he was all in her face at McDonald’s. Then that incident in Coke apartments had me ready to send him to meet his maker. The only thing that saved him was him going to jail just two days later. But yeah, other than that, I knew she hadn’t done shit. I would bet my last dollar on it.

  “I’m about to wake her lil’ cute ass up,” my mama uttered, as she removed Kaylah out the bed. I watched her as she took a seat, and held my baby. Slowly, a gentle smile eased upon her face, as she kissed the baby over and over. “This is my baby. She is too pretty. Hey, granny baby,” she cooed, throwing me completely off. As much as she talked shit about Jasmine I thought that she’d be hesitant at gravitating towards the baby. This was the exact opposite. She was infatuated with Kaylah, and she damn near refuse to let me hold her.

  Within th
e hour, Mama Red Reign, Lil’ Coop, Ryah, Lil’ Hurt, Anty Monique, Trace, and surprisingly my daddy had all shown up to the hospital. Monay had just had a little boy, Horace Junior, the week before, so she had to keep her ass at home.

  “Pebbles, let me hold this baby. She looks just like me,” Mama Red Reign grinned.

  My mama rolled her eyes, as she reluctantly handed Red Reign the baby. “Girl, please. This baby looks just like me and Kaydoa.”

  Red Reign, playfully nudged my mama. “Bitch, you wish.”

  I shook my head. Oddly enough, my mama and Jasmine’s mama were cool. My mama just didn’t like Jasmine, but she never went too far in their presence. She mainly just talked shit behind Jasmine’s back.

  “Let me see, Red Reign,” my daddy peered over her shoulder.

  “See,” Red Reign spun around to let my ole man catch a glimpse.

  He instantly started grinning. “Yeah, she looks like Kaydoa did when he was a baby. Aint that right, Pebbles?”

  “Yep. I told Red Reign’s ass,” my mama spoke up.

  “Oh whatever,” Red Reign waved them off. “Well, she got my complexion.”

  “And that’s it,” my mama teased.

  “Mama, let me see the baby,” Ryah insisted, with her arms extended.

  Red Reign frowned. “Girl, I just got the baby. Go sit yo narrow ass down.”

  “Niece, tell ‘em you want anty to hold you. I can’t wait for you to get bigger. I’ma show you how to,” she twerked in the middle of the room. “Work that ass!” she wagged her tongue.

  “Girl, please. She don’t wanna be nothing like yo nappy headed ass,” Red Reign waved her head.

  I sat back, watching our family mingle and cut up. I loved them muthafuckas to death, but I realized that I aint want none of them raising my daughter. That’s when I knew that I was gonna have to fully step up to the plate, and be a full-time daddy. I didn’t have a choice.