Shooting Blindly in the Dark

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Shooting Blindly in the Dark Page 24

by Nicole Jackson


  “But baby,” she pouted, as I stepped off, leaving her to talk to herself.

  Nothing I’d done to insure that Jasmine’s welcome home block party was a success was negotiable. So, Farrah could miss me wit the bullshit. It was obvious that she was uncomfortable wit me interacting wit Jasmine, but she had to get over that shit. Kaylah would forever have us bonded together, and our interactions were going to happen regardless.

  I was irritated that Farrah had interrupted me and Jasmine’s conversation. There was so much shit that we needed to discuss, but I was slowly realizing that the party wasn’t going to be the right time. Every time I looked up there was somebody hugging Jasmine, and talking her ear off. She was catching up, and I wasn’t going to stand in the way of that. But Farrah needed to chill out.

  In all the time Jasmine had been locked up, I never imagined a situation where she’d come home, and we wasn’t together. It wasn’t what I wanted, but still somehow this is where we were. I know that Farrah being around wasn’t helping matters, but shit happens. If it would’ve been just me things may have played out differently. But Farrah coming into the picture and helping with Kaylah made my life so much easier. I could travel with my head clear, knowing that my baby girl was somewhere safe. Still, I held out hope that me and Jasmine would eventually reconcile. That hope eventually vanished when Farrah took a pregnancy test. This was roughly four months before Jasmine was released. I knew that she would never forgive me having a baby with somebody else, especially Farrah. So, I made a decision to stop trying wit Jasmine, and just focus on Farrah. She was carrying my child, and Jasmine didn’t seem to be coming around, anyway. But I don’t know if it was just bad luck, or some sort of sign, but Farrah lost the baby three weeks prior to Jasmine getting out.

  It was all so crazy, losing a baby four months into the pregnancy. The doctors said that Farrah was going to always have trouble carrying kids full-term. She was devastated with the miscarriage, and I was only slightly disappointed. But I tried my best to keep that from Farrah. I couldn’t help but feel like she’d been trying to get pregnant, before Jasmine got out to make sure that we didn’t get back together. I was honestly mad as hell, when first finding out about her pregnancy. It was my mama and daddy who told me I was wrong as hell, when they found out that I was trying to get her to get a abortion. Their view was that if I could take care of Kaylah so well that surely I could handle another child. But we all knew that it had nothing to do wit me not being able to take care of anymore kids. I didn’t like what having a baby wit Farrah would mean for me and Jasmine. My mama was really conveniently looking right over that factor.

  So now we were all in this weird ass place. I was wit Farrah, but the way I felt about Jasmine hadn’t changed. Still, there were so many things that Jasmine really needed to work out within herself, and I was hoping that prison had helped her wit that. Farrah was still right there wit me, and had been a great step-mother to my daughter. She’d been riding wit me, even when a nigga wasn’t loyal to her, and I recognized that. And wit that I honestly didn’t know what was gonna happen in the near future.

  I was snapped out of my thoughts, as I noticed Jasmine laughing wit Monay and Ryah. Man, I swear I’d missed the hell out of that smile in the past year. She was over there looking effortlessly beautiful. It was nearly astonishing to see her wit her real hair, which was supposed to be simplistic but somehow ended up being anything but. It just really shed light on the fact that she was bad…period. That ass was still nice and round, and she still possessed that bowlegged strut that made my dick hard. But it was all packaged together differently. She stood out without even trying. Her skin was smooth and clear, and her hair was healthy like Farrah’s used to be years ago, before she started dying it and not taking care of it.

  I stood back observing Jasmine mingle, while Kaylah rode her hip. She hadn’t put the girl down yet, and she’d been there for over a hour. Soon, Lil’ Hurt and the entire team was congregating around Jasmine, chattering. I’d been keeping my distance to ease the tension, but I’d stayed in the background long enough. Therefore, I made my way over to them.

  “We can go to club tomorrow,” Jasmine told Monay, as I stepped up to them.

  “Hell, yeah!” Monay high-fived her.

  “Girl, and we gon be up there getting clowned because we know supposed to be at home somewhere, taking care of our kids,” I mocked them, imitating their ghetto banter.

  “Nigga, fuck you,” Monay waved me off, while Jasmine said nothing. Honestly, that shit stung more than her cussing me out. Her not reacting at all wasn’t what I wanted.

  “But yeah…nah, you know what?” Jasmine drawled. “We might need to hold up, until I report Monday. I wanna turn up the right way.”

  “Turning up the right way? What’s that supposed to mean?” I probed.

  She rolled her eyes, “Like I was saying, we can wait ‘til Monday. Shit, I’m talking about still going to a club. The whole nine.”

  “Is the club the only thing you concerned about, after all this time?” I asked.

  Finally, she faced me. “Why the fuck are you worried about it?” she twisted her neck wit a attitude.

  I touched the bridge of my nose. “I’m saying, you just got home. You got a lot of time to make up. Fuck the clubs,” I waved off.

  “But either way it go whatever I do aint none of your fuckin’ business,” she snapped. “Go tell that damn Wanda ‘I’m gone rock yo world’ built ass bitch Farrah what to do.”

  I know that I was supposed to be offended, but that shit was hilarious. Farrah going to get all that fake ass was ridiculous. Yeah, I’d paid for it, because money was nothing and she’d begged for the surgeries. I was under the impression that she was gonna get a little ass and tits that could be passed off as home-grown. But she went and got this absurd amount of ass that definitely didn’t match her body frame. Don’t get me wrong, she looked good, but to the people who knew her before the surgery she looked crazy. All that ass and it had no bounce to it…but lil’ mama’s heart was good, though.

  My shoulders shook, as I attempted to stifle a laugh.

  “Nigga, she clowning yo bitch,” Lil’ Hurt instigated.

  Jasmine’s face bubbled, as she gazed at me chuckling. “That nigga know it’s true,” she busted out into a series of giggles. Soon, everybody was laughing so hard they had tears in their eyes.

  “Dada,” Kaylah reached out to me.

  “Come on,” I took her into my arms, while trying to stop laughing.

  “Aw, baby,” Jasmine pouted. “You don’t want mommy, anymore?”

  Kaylah rested her head on my shoulder. “I want my daddy.”

  Stepping up to us, Jasmine kissed Kaylah’s cheek, while inadvertently brushing her breasts against me. I couldn’t help myself, as I gripped her waist. For a second she stood there letting me get my feel on, until I guess it dawned on her.

  Jumping back, she glared at me. “Nigga, don’t touch me.”

  I gave her a sneaky grin, further pissing her off.

  “Oh, so, the shit is funny to you?”

  I shrugged, “I don’t know what you talkin’ bout.” I stroked her chin. “Daddy can’t touch you, Jas?”

  For a second she just gazed up at me, without saying a word. They say that the eyes are the windows to your soul, and if that was true…her soul was crying out to me. I could feel the pain she’d endured by my hands…and it fucked me up.

  “Daddy needs to let me holla at him, right quick,” a steely voice interrupted my flow once again.

  I spun around, and glimpsed at a fuming Farrah.

  “Mama,” Kaylah reached out to Farrah, causing my body to go cold. I could feel the heat radiating from behind me. Time after time I’d tried to explain to Kaylah that Farrah wasn’t her mama, but my baby was still young and only understood what she understood.

  “Mama?” Jasmine raged. “You got my daughter calling this bitch mama?!”

  I turned to face her. “I aint got her calling her s
hit,” I bit my bottom lip, attempting to hold back. She was acting like a nigga asked for this shit. I aint want nobody but her to be there for our baby, but her stubborn ass had made choices that had lasting effects on us all. Yeah, Kaylah knew her, but not in the sense a daughter should know her mother. It was more like a distant cousin relationship, because Kaylah saw her once a week for two fuckin’ hours. Farrah was around more often, which in turn helped them develop a solid bond. As fucked up as it sounded I’d been cool wit that, because my baby needed all the love she could get, wit her mama being locked up and all. But I knew that Jasmine would never understand that.

  “Bitch? I got your bitch!” Farrah ranted.

  A weird look crossed Jasmine’s face for a brief second, and then she just lost it. I was still holding my daughter, so there was little I could do to stop her. She’d gotten a hold of Farrah, and slung her down to the concrete. Wit viciousness I’d never even seen from her, she kicked Farrah in the face; repeatedly.

  “Whoa, Black Reign! Chill out!” Lil’ Hurt picked her up, and lifted her off the ground.

  “Get up,” I pulled Farrah up by her shoulders. She climbed to her feet, as blood leaked from her mouth and nose.

  “Bitch, you going right back to jail!” she lashed.

  “Aint gonna be none of that,” Monay waved, getting all in Farrah’s face.

  “Say,” I moved my cousin back. “Nay, chill out, main.”

  “I’m saying, Kaydoa, you better tell that bitch something. I don’t even know why she’s here. This is Black Reign’s party, and you know damn well that she didn’t want this broad here,” she snapped rudely. I wasn’t surprised. At one point she used to be at least cordial wit Farrah, but after me being wit Jasmine all bets were off. My cousin just didn’t fuck wit Farrah like that, and she made that clear every chance she got. She held that her loyalty was wit her girl, and I couldn’t argue wit that.

  “The last time I checked my man paid for all this shit. So, if I wanna come through this bitch I will. The fuck you talking about,” Farrah snarled.

  “Man, look, go’on wit that bullshit,” I waved them both off.

  “You need to be telling them bitches,” Farrah fumed.

  “I’ma knock some sense in this hoe,” Ryah interjected, getting all riled up.

  “Gimmie my baby,” Jasmine gritted, as she stepped to me wit her arms out.

  “Nooo,” Kaylah held on tightly to my shirt.

  “What’s wrong, baby? Why you don’t wanna come to mommy?” Jasmine questioned, wit obvious hurt in her eyes.

  “Cause she don’t know you, bitch!” Farrah spoke up.

  Jasmine’s chest heaved up and down. “You did this! You turned my baby against me!”

  “Man,” I glanced around, noticing all the eyes on us. “You tippin’.”

  “No, you trippin’. Ole bullshit ass nigga. You need to go pack all my baby’s shit up, and bring it to my mama’s house. She aint staying with you and that bitch another night.”

  “I wanna stay with my daddy,” Kaylah cried, rubbing her eyes.

  “Calm down, Black Reign,” Ryah grabbed her shoulder. “You can get her tomorrow.”

  Jasmine scrounged. “Why is all you muthafuckas trying to tell me what to do with my child?! She coming with me today!” she went berserk, causing Kaylah to flinch, and then cry out.

  “I wanna go home, daddyyyyy,” she wailed.

  “Calm down, baby,” I bounced her up and down. “It’s okay.”

  Somebody had handed Farrah a towel, and she’d wiped her bleeding mouth and nose. “Baby, hand her to me.”

  I waved my head. She definitely knew how to make a bad situation worse. The last thing Jasmine needed to see was her walking away wit our daughter. “Just go to the car, main. Here I come.”

  She sucked her teeth, but didn’t put up a fuss, as she stomped off. I guess she realized that she was surrounded by Jasmine’s people, and it was best that there be some distance between them.

  As heated as everything had gotten, I couldn’t just leave wit it like that. In no way, did I want Jasmine to feel like she was a outsider, when it came to Kaylah. “Come here, let me holla at you,” I grabbed her hand, as I pulled her away from the crowd. She attempted to resist, but my grip was tight.

  “What the fuck do you want?” she snatched away from me.

  “I’m just trying to have a civilized conversation wit you,” I gritted, as I got right in her face. “And aint nobody teaching Kaylah to call Farrah mama, either. She just picking up on what other kids call women who take care of them.” I attempted to explain.

  Jasmine narrowed her eyes. “But who asked her to take care of my child?”

  I waved my head, “Look, I aint trying to go there.”

  “Nigga, we went beyond there.”

  “Okay,” I nodded. “Shit, Kaylah needed somebody to be there when you couldn’t. You think it’s easy hustling and taking care of her? What I do requires being away from home quite often, and there wasn’t too many people I knew personally that I trusted to properly take care of her. Kaylah’s mama should’ve been around to take care of her, but she’d fucked around and gotten herself locked up. So, what the fuck was I supposed to do? I had no control over Kaylah’s emotions. I can’t help it if she’s attached to Farrah. And aint nobody trying to replace you in her life.”

  She dismissed me wit a wave. “Nigga please. I aint buying that shit. You did what you wanted to do. Same ole bullshit, selfish, stupid ass Kaydoa.”

  I slid my tongue across my teeth, as I nodded my head. “Alright. Bet that.”

  “Yeah, exactly. Bet that,” she chided, as she spun around, and twisted off. She rejoined the crew, and so did I.

  By then Kaylah had calmed down, and I placed her on her feet.

  Ryah’s loud ass wrapped her arms around Jasmine. “Bitch, don’t sweat that shit. It’s plenty of niggas out here, and my niece gon come around. Ya hear me?”

  I shook my head, as her fraud ass talked like I wasn’t standing there. “Ryah, go’on wit that bullshit.”

  “What?” she opened her arms. “I’m just keeping it a hunnid with my sister. I know you gon let me.”

  I waved my head. “That shit wasn’t a hunnid. Fuck me? Nah, I’m the last nigga to say that about. I got her when nobody else got her.”

  Ryah nodded. “I feel you.”

  Jasmine sucked her teeth. “Girl please. You listening to this nigga?”

  I inched closer. “This nigga?”

  “Yeah, this nigga?” she twisted her neck.

  “Wit ya dusty ass.”

  She pursed her lips. “Ya mammy.” And wit that we both busted out laughing.

  “Aww,” Monay cooed. “Yall should just kiss and make up.”

  “Fuck him,” Jasmine waved me off. “Somebody give me a drink. Shit. I need to calm my nerves.”

  I signaled to one of the niggas who hustled for me, and he sprinted over to one of the coolers and grabbed a bottle of Cristal that was chilling on ice. He then grabbed the glasses that we had packed in a case. One by one he handed us glasses, and then we poured up.

  Jasmine guzzled her drink down, and was ready for another one. Soon, we were all feeling it, and she was smiling again. Kaylah was cool, and Jasmine had managed to pick her up again. It was like the whole blow up hadn’t happened, as we all chilled.

  Time was flying by, as Jasmine seemed to let her guard down, and actually enjoy herself. The crowd was thick, as the deejay kept spinning song after song.

  Even my baby was partying. “Daddy, that’s my song! I’ma be fresh as hell if the Feds watching,” she rapped.

  Jasmine paused, watching Kaylah perform, which was something she wasn’t used to seeing. “Lil’ girl, what you know about the Feds watching?”

  Kaylah simply smiled, as she coolly bobbed her little head to the beat.

  “For whatever reason she liked that song,” I spoke up.

  Slowly, she nodded. I noticed that she was slightly sweating on her forehead, so
I reached out, and wiped it off wit the back of my hand.

  “Why do you insist on touching me?” she inquired, but didn’t bother moving out of my reach.

  “Cause I want to,” I kept it real.

  She rolled her eyes. “You so full of shit.”

  “Why it gotta be all of that?”

  “I’m just calling it like I see it,” she shrugged, as she glanced around. “I need to be out here mingling, instead of going back and forth with you. Shit, I see some prospects walking around this bitch.”

  I tilted my head, as I waved it. “Stop it, main. Ion even know where you going wit this shit.” She and I both knew that nah nigga up there was gonna holla at her in my presence. Everybody in the vicinity knew that I had a team of head busters, waiting for me to give them the word. Jasmine was off limits…to anybody. And that shit was non-negotiable.

  She posed in front of me, tilting her own head, trying to be funny. “Kaydoa, you don’t run me.”

  I stroked my chin. “I aint arguing wit you. You know what it is.”

  “And what’s that?” she lifted a brow.

  I pulled her in by the waist, and spoke directly into her ear. “Aint nobody out here fucking wit you. I’m making sure of that. So, don’t even think about it. I’m short stopping everything. And that’s on Kaylah.”

  She leaned back and glared at me. “You’s a real live hater.”

  “Nah,” I waved my head. “I’ma lover,” I winked.

  “Kaydoa, really!” Farrah shouted.

  I sighed, as I turned to face her. She was pissed off, as she stood there with a busted lip, and bruised face. It had been hours since I’d told her to go to the car, and night had fallen. We’d been turning up, while she was sitting around battered. I felt a little bad for her.

  “What’s the problem, baby?”

  Jasmine loudly sucked her teeth, as she twisted off.

  “I’m ready to go. You been over here keekeeing with this bitch, after she put her hands on me.”

  “There you go,” I dragged my palm down my mouth. It was getting late, and the permit was only until nine o’clock, which had already passed. Half the police in the area were on my payroll, but there was only a matter of time, before they’d have to enforce the rules. “We about to go. Just let me square some shit away.”

 

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