Shooting Blindly in the Dark

by Nicole Jackson

  “Whatever,” she rolled her eyes. I was hoping that her ass would go back to the car, but she stood around bringing that awkward tension right back into the air. Feeling like I didn’t have a choice, I decided to call it a night.

  “Say, we about to burn. They gotta shut this shit down, anyway,” I announced to my boys, along wit Jasmine and her girls.

  “Well, where’s Kaylah’s clothes and stuff?” Jasmine questioned.

  “She got shit at your spot,” I told her.

  She squinted, “Okay. Come on, Kaylah.” She picked our daughter up.

  “Daddy gon see you tomorrow, okay?” I kissed her cheek.

  “Nooooo, daddyyyyyyy!” she threw a tantrum, reaching out to me. “I wanna go with youuuuuu!”

  “Calm down,” I urged. “Stay wit ya mama tonight. Daddy will see you in the morning.”

  “Nooooo!” she kicked her little legs. “I want my daddyyyy!”

  Jasmine waved her head, wit a look of disappointment. “Here,” she handed Kaylah to me. “Just take her with you. I don’t wanna force her to go with me.”

  I nodded. “First thing in the morning I’ma bring her by.”

  Her gaze fell to the ground, fucking me up.

  “Jas,” I lifted her chin, and our eyes locked. “You hear me?”

  “Uh, Kaydoa,” Farrah interrupted.

  I put a hand up, halting her. “I’m coming.”

  Jasmine shook her head.

  “Kaylah, give ya mama a kiss, and tell her you love her,” I instructed.

  Kaylah leaned forward, and Jasmine stepped up, and allowed her to kiss her cheek. “Love you, mama,” she spoke sweetly.

  “Mama love you too,” Jasmine uttered with sadness laced in her voice.

  “Alright, man. See you tomorrow,” I reluctantly pulled away. Wit Farrah I strolled to my Rover, wishing that her ass had stayed at home.

  Chapter 22

  Kaydoa

  “I’ma call the police on that bitch,” Farrah paced back and forth.

  We’d been at home for a hour, and she hadn’t shut up about Jasmine.

  “Man, sit down. Aint nobody calling no fuckin’ police,” I let her know.

  She stopped and glared at me. “She put her hands on me! I’ll call her fuckin’ parole officer! That bitch just can’t come around doing whatever the fuck she wants! I don’t even think that you should take Kaylah over there tomorrow. It’s obvious that our baby is scared of her. But you can’t even see that shit.”

  I was taken aback wit the shit spewing from her mouth. She’d obviously lost her mind. “What the fuck is you talkin’ ‘bout? Kaylah being around her mama aint up for debate. I don’t give a fuck how you feel about it. That’s her mama. And all this shit about calling Jasmine’s P.O. better come to a cease, real quick. Let me find out you even think about doing some shit like that again. You don’t play wit people’s freedom. Don’t be going around arguing and carrying on if you can’t defend yourself.”

  “Really Kaydoa? There you go with that same bullshit. Jasmine can do no wrong. Where was all that talk that time I hit her first, and you fuckin’ attacked me?”

  I stroked my waves, “That was different. She was pregnant.” I told a half truth. Looking back on it, Jasmine was pregnant at the time, but we hadn’t found out yet.

  She pursed her lips. “Whatever. And when you take Kaylah to see her tomorrow I feel that I should be there.”

  I scrounged, “For what? So, you can be crying about calling the police again? You know that until there is some kind of understanding you can’t be around her, especially in her personal space. I’m not about to be refereeing and shit.”

  “So, I’m just supposed to trust that you aint gon go right back to fucking her?” she fumed wit her arms folded.

  I waved my head. “Think about the shit you saying. Do you honestly believe that she is gonna fuck me behind your back? She aint gonna take on that role as a side bitch, and you know that.”

  “And you still didn’t answer my fucking question. It sounds like she has control over all that. So, would you fuck her, is what I should be asking.”

  I sucked my teeth. “Miss me wit this drama, main. It’s too fuckin’ late for this.” I headed towards my bedroom.

  “Still, no fuckin’ answer!”

  Without answering, I stomped into the bedroom and slammed the door behind me. I wasn’t trying to hear that bullshit she was talking about. After all these years, she still tried to pretend like she aint know what it was. A nigga was gonna do whatever the fuck he felt like. Period.

  Black Reign

  “Bitch, wake up,” Monay shook my shoulder.

  “Huh?” my head popped up, and I scoped out my surroundings. “What the fuck? Where am I?”

  “You home,” she offered, as she slid out of her car. “Come on.”

  I rubbed my eyes, trying to clear the cob webs out of my head. I’d been tossing back on that Cristal, and had gotten wasted. The last thing I remembered was sitting in Nay’s car, and that was it. I thought that she was taking me to my mama’s apartment, but I was clearly in the burbs in front of a huge ass house. This bitch must’ve been drunk her damn self, because this didn’t look shit like The Plaza, which was the nick name for my mama’s complex.

  Staggering out of the car, I tracked up the driveway. “For real, Monay, whose house is this? You and Hurt live here or something?”

  She shook her head, as she pointed at the four car garage with a clicker, and the garage door swiftly lifted. Inside the garage was a Benz. I stepped a little closer to inspect the car. It was a black S600 class that I’d seen in several magazines. I’d become sort of a car freak, and I knew for a fact that those model cars prices began at $160,000.

  “That’s a bad muthafucka. I wish that was my car. Everybody aint got it like that,” Monay commented, as she strolled past me. Using a set of keys, she let herself into the house. I followed closely behind her.

  I was beyond mesmerized, as I checked out the luxurious house’s décor. The color scheme was red, black, and white, and was all contemporary. When I noticed a huge picture of a pregnant me, sitting above the fireplace I was stuck, as my jaw dropped.

  “See, I told you. You at home,” Monay smiled.

  I waved my head in disbelief. “How…ho…” I was at a loss for words.

  “Kaydoa did all this. This is you and Kaylah’s house. That car in the garage is yours. These are your keys.” She handed me the keys. “Now, I’m about to take my tired ass home. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “O…okay,” I gave her a hug. “You be safe.”

  She nodded. “I will.” She headed back to the door, leading to the garage. “And oh, your cell phone is on the bed in the master bedroom.”

  “Alright,” I nodded, as she exited the house.

  I was truly astonished, as I traveled from room to room. There were a total of five bedrooms, a family room, and a work-out room. There was even a damn pool in the backyard. Then sprinkled throughout the house were pictures of Kaylah. Every room was fully furnished, including Kaylah’s room, which had the Barbie theme. When I finally reached the master bedroom I was tired.

  I examined the gigantic room, and all the expensive furniture in it. It was nice as hell, but I felt so…so…so fuckin’ incredibly empty. There I was standing in that big ass house, a Benz in the garage, and I was there all alone.

  My shoulders shook, as my body trembled. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I was supposed to be wrapped into the arms of my child…and my man. I collapsed onto the plush carpet, and cried from the depths of my soul. It hurt so badly to know that nothing was the same, and may never be again. I’d give all that shit up to have Kaylah and Kaydoa there with me. Nothing else in the world mattered to me. Nothing.

  ******

  “Mama, get up.”

  I blinked my eyes rapidly, attempting to focus. I knew that I had to be going crazy, because I’d fallen asleep alone.

  “Mama, get up,” Kaylah sung, waking me up
completely.

  I sat up, realizing that I’d fallen asleep on the floor.

  “Why was you sleeping on the floor like this?” Kaydoa questioned, as he stood towering above me.

  I shrugged him off. “I must’ve had too much to drink.”

  “Is that right?” he eyed me cautiously, as I climbed to my feet.

  “Yeah,” I sighed, as I glanced down, remembering that I’d stripped out of my clothes, and only wore my bra and panties. I glanced up again, and noticed Kaydoa blatantly staring.

  “You been crying?” he grimaced.

  I spun around, and stepped in front of the vanity mirror. I had dried up tears streaming down my face. “No,” I quickly waved my head. “My eyes have been running all night,” I lied.

  “You sure?” he came and stood directly behind me, and watched me in the mirror. “You alright?” he smoothly wrapped his arms around my waist, and softly kissed my neck.

  For a moment, I closed my eyes, and indulged in his lips on my skin. And then with what little strength I had, I pulled away. “Don’t do that,” I spoke weakly.

  “Why not?” he pressed, as he stepped in my face, leaving no space between us.

  “You made your decision, remember?”

  He waved his head. “Nah. You made a decision. I never agreed wit it.”

  “Ooh, but you did when you kept fuckin’ with that girl. I’ll never fuck with you the same way. So,” I backed up a little. “You need to keep your distance. Let’s keep this shit strictly about Kaylah.”

  He shrugged. “If you say so.”

  “Nah, nigga, I know so,” I sassed, before he grabbed my hand.

  “Yeah, whatever. Just let me holla at you about a few things.” He guided me to the bed. We both sat down, and I scooted over, making sure that there was a appropriate amount of space between us.

  “What?” I quizzed.

  “I just wanna make some shit clear,” he licked his lips, as Kaylah climbed onto his lap. “This is you and Kaylah’s crib. The car is yours. There’s a account set up for you and her, so money is not a issue. I don’t mind you having your lil’ friends over, but I don’t want no niggas over here. Period. And you aint gotta work. The only thing I want you to focus on is being a mother to our daughter.”

  “What? First of all, I’ma do whatever I want. How you know that I aint gonna get my hustle on and acquire my own shit?”

  He gritted, “This is your shit, and there aint gon be no form of hustling wit you. So, you can just hang that shit up.”

  “But you aint my daddy,” I waved my head.

  “Say what you want. I’m telling you what it is. No hustling. Period. Niggas out there already know what it is. You gonna stay yo ass at home and take care of Kaylah. End of discussion. And like I said don’t bring no niggas here, either.”

  “Whatever,” I shrugged. “I can do me out there. I aint gotta bring ‘em here.”

  “Who you talking about?” he scowled.

  I rolled my eyes. “None of your business.”

  “Yeah, okay,” he nodded. “We’ll see about that shit.”

  I squinted. “So, what you saying, Kaydoa? I can’t fuck with whoever I want?”

  “Ay, watch ya mouth. You see the baby sitting here,” he warned. “And I said what I had to say. Ion know what you think this is, but you got me fucked up.”

  This nigga was crazy if he thought the he was gonna dictate my life, while he was laid up with the plastic hoe Farrah. “Kaydoa, are you crazy? You can’t control what I do.”

  “Who trying to control you?” he played dumb. “You just got out of prison, Jasmine. You got this lil’ girl right here that you gotta get better acquainted wit. That should be your only focus. Dealing wit a nigga should be the last thing on your mind.”

  “Let you tell it, Kaydoa. I’m fuckin’ human. You don’t think I have needs?”

  He shrugged. “I already told you my position.”

  I stared at him long and hard, seeing that this was just the beginning of drama to come.

  ******

  A few weeks flew by, and I was getting readjusted to free life. I had pulled up on a few scenes and shut that bitch down. I tried my best to make what I could out of my life. I couldn’t sit around dwelling over spilled milk.

  That day was a Sunday, and Mr. Important Kaydoa was at my crib, talking about me, him, and Kaylah going somewhere together. I was still pissed that he really had to go with us in order for her not to throw a tantrum the entire time. It honestly hurt my feelings that my own daughter didn’t want to be left alone with me. But I tried not to harp on that shit. Eventually, she’d come around, and in the mean time it was best that we did the unit thing.

  So, we were headed to the beach and Kemah’s boardwalk in Galveston. Therefore, I was dressed in two piece royal blue Bebe swim suit, along with some booty shorts over the bikini bottoms. I wore my wide framed Gucci shades, while Kaylah was dressed just like her mommy, down to her little Barbie shades. Her curly hair was in a puffy ponytail, while my long ponytail swung across my back, as we switched outside to the car.

  I was about to hop in my car, until I realized that Kaydoa had come in his drop top SL65 AMG Roadster Mercedes Benz. That bitch was nasty, and I just had to push it. “Kaydoa, hand me ya keys?”

  “What?” he narrowed his eyes, as he swaggered out of the house. He was rocking white Prada shorts with a wife beater, accompanied with all white Prada tennis shoes. A long piece and chain swung across his stomach as he made his way over to me. Even in the distance I could smell his Clive Cristian cologne.

  “Nigga, you heard me,” I snapped, trying to remain focused. It took everything in me not to tackle him down to the ground, and hop on his dick. “Run me them keys. I’m driving this bitch right here.”

  He smiled, “So, are you asking or telling me?”

  I pursed my lips. “I’m telling you to run me them keys. Come on now.”

  He stood for a second, leaving virtually no space between us. “Here,” he handed me the keys.

  I gave him a wink, as I hopped in the front seat. “Strap ya daughter in.”

  He glanced at me, before picking Kaylah up. “You really think you running shit,” he claimed, as he strapped our daughter in her seat.

  “Ay, it is what it is,” I shrugged, as he got in the car on the passenger’s side.

  With the top down, I backed out of my driveway. I know that we were supposed to be headed to Galveston, but I couldn’t resist taking a quick detour through the hood. He had this new song in rotation, so I blasted that shit, as I pulled on Brewster. “And I get high with my baby. I just left the mall, I'm getting fly with my baby, yeah. And I can ride with my baby. I be in the kitchen cooking pies with my baby, yeah… I'm like, "Hey, what's up? Hello." Seen your pretty ass soon as you came in that door. I just wanna chill, got a sack for us to roll. Married to the money, introduced her to my stove…In love with the money, and I aint never letting go…”

  My hair blew in the wind, I stunted on the niggas on the block. “Black Reign, come fuck wit me!” some nigga I didn’t recognize shouted.

  Kaydoa was reclined back, letting me do me. I chunked the deuces, and kept it moving. Once I was satisfied with my little stunting session, I hit the freeway, and headed to our destination.

  The day was beautiful. The sun was shining and the sky was crystal clear. The baby was in the backseat, bobbing her head, while her daddy was riding with a smirk on his face. My heart was smiling, because there were so many days I’d dreamt of a day like this, while I was locked up.

  By the time I pulled up to Kemah my stomach was growling. As we made our way to the entrance I glanced back at my little family. Kaydoa was carrying Kaylah’s spoiled ass, and the sight have never been cuter.

  It didn’t take long before we were eating, and then riding the rides, before running around like big kids. Kaylah was so excited to get on the little kiddy rides. A small sense of sadness hit me. I realized just how many moments like this I’d missed. I swear
I’d give everything in the world to go back and do shit differently.

  “She likes it here,” Kaydoa pointed out, breaking me out of my thoughts.

  “I see,” I agreed.

  “You like it here too,” he gave me a warm smile.

  I sat and gazed at him. I tried to so desperately to pretend that I didn’t love him, anymore. But we both knew the truth. It was in everything we did. In everything we said. I could feel it. He still loved me too. That wasn’t even the issue. I just didn’t know if we could ever get past everything that had happened. Sometimes I wanted to say fuck it all. It didn’t matter what he’d done with Farrah, while I was gone. I wanted my family back, but something deep inside wouldn’t let me. I just couldn’t.

  “Admit it,” he pinched my side, causing me to giggle.

  “Stop, boy.”

  “Nah,” he waved his head, as he tickled me and Kaylah.

  “Daddy, stop!” she tittered.

  “You guys have a beautiful family,” some white lady complimented as she and her kids strolled by.

  “Thank you,” Kaydoa grinned.

  “You play too much,” I laughed, as I copped a squat on a nearby bench, and he flopped down next to me.

  “You know you like that,” he cooed, as he wrapped his arms around my waist and placed his lips on mine. Forgetting that I wasn’t fucking with him like that, I allowed him to slide his tongue into my mouth. We kissed feverishly, until Kaylah brought us back to reality.

  “Mama and daddy, I gotta pee,” she announced.

  I waved my head with a smirk. “Perfect timing, baby.”

  “For who?” Kaydoa furrowed his brows.

  “Me,” I snaked my neck. “Me and you don’t rock like that.”

  He sucked his teeth. “I aint hearing that shit.”

  I stood up, flaunting my ass right in his face. “You need to.”

  With no regards to what I was saying he slapped my ass.