Shooting Blindly in the Dark

by Nicole Jackson

  “Do you really?” he pressed.

  I glanced his way, and we locked eyes. “Yeah.”

  “Good. And I hope that we can all get past this. I want to be a part of you and Kaylah’s life without there being any awkwardness. I really miss being around yall, and I just want you to agree to be open to me showing you that I’m worth getting to know.”

  I nodded. “I’m open.”

  He smiled. “And I couldn’t ask for more.”

  ******

  I stepped into the crib, as was greeted by the aroma of hot food wafting in the air. I strolled through the house, as music pumped from the stereo system. “Don't even know what we're fighting for. Damn, I need a minute, so baby keep your distance. Heard it all, so Imma just go. Don't bother waiting up, I just need some time alone. Damn, where the hell are my keys.

  I just wanna leave, get in my car, and Imma just drive all night. Turn off my phone, radio on and drive. So why I'm just…”

  I found Jasmine in the den standing in the couch, singing to Kaylah, “Speeding down the road and my head out of control. Cause I'm thinking about you all the way home. Got a long way to ride and I can't even deny. I've been thinking about you all the way home…”

  My baby was grinning from ear to ear, as she listened to her mama sing to her.

  “Is this what yall when aint nobody looking? Stand on top of all the furniture?” I startled them.

  Jasmine smiled, “I’ma come right back, babe. I’ma come right back to you.”

  “Is that right?” I asked, as I snatched her off the couch, and threw her over my shoulder.

  “Stop!” she screeched, as I ran around the room with her. The whole while Kaylah was holding on to my leg.

  “Let my mama go, daddy!” she giggled.

  “Kaydoa, you play too much!” she belted, as I tossed her onto the couch.

  “That’s what you say,” I gritted as I tickled her and Kaylah.

  For hours we laughed, and then ate together. Afterward, Jasmine bathed Kaylah, before putting her in bed. That’s when she headed to her bedroom, and I was right behind her.

  “Uh, Kaydoa, I’m about to lay it down,” she yawned.

  “I am too,” I took off my shirt.

  She stood gawking at my chest.

  I smirked. “You like what you see?”

  She gave me a sneaky grin. “Nope.”

  “Yeah, okay,” I treaded up to the bed, and fell into it.

  She slithered over to me, and glowered down at me. “Get yo ass out of my bed.”

  I puckered up. “Make me.”

  Slowly, she straddled me, rocking my dick up instantly. “Why are you so hard headed?”

  I gripped her hips. “I can’t help it.”

  She was smiling, until we both heard, “Mama, I wanna sleep with you.”

  Jasmine glanced back, as Kaylah tipped into the room. “Okay, baby.” She eased off my lap.

  Kaylah giddily hopped into bed wit us. And she wedged her little body between ours, making sure that nothing happened. For a about another hour we watched the Disney channel wit her, until she fell back to sleep.

  I’d never been happier to hear somebody snore in all my life. I quickly grabbed Jasmine’s hand. “Come on.”

  “Where are we going?” she inquired, as I pulled her out of the room.

  Pulling her into a spare bedroom, I closed the door behind us.

  “What are you doing, Kaydoa?”

  I placed a finger up to her lips. “Shhh.”

  “Boy…” she got out, as I silenced her, sliding my tongue into her mouth.

  Pushing her into the bed, as crawled on top of her. She offered no resistance, as I slipped her nightie off. Wit urgency, I ripped off her panties…wit my teeth. I spread those thighs apart, and went in, head first. Licking her clit, I caused her back to arch. I felt her wrap her legs around my neck, as I went in. I had her gripping the sheets, as I licked vigorously.

  “Uh, fuck,” she panted.

  Before I even realized what she was doing, she’d flipped us over, and maneuvered her body around. We were now in 69 position, as she hungrily took me into her mouth. She bobbed her head up and down. I should call her ass Jaws the way she was sucking me off.

  We were really going at it. And it wasn’t long before she was hopping up and down my dick. I tried to control her movements, but it was useless. She was in a zone, as she rode me. All I could do was hold on tight and enjoy the ride.

  Chapter 32

  Black Reign

  “Okay, Ms. King, I’ll see you at your next appointment,” Dr. Hintu said.

  “Okay,” I smiled, as me, Kaylah, and Monay left the doctor’s office.

  “Girl, we gotta stop at Fiesta. My mama need some more shrimp for the gumbo,” Monay announced, as we slid into my new Beamer.

  “Okay,” I sighed, trying to catch my breath.

  “Damn, this baby got your ass winded,” she pointed out.

  “I know,” I huffed. I was just four months pregnant, and felt fat as hell. “I wish I could get Kaydoa’s ass pregnant, so he can see how this shit feels.”

  “I know, right,” Monay smiled. “Oh, bitch, I forgot to tell ya. Why Ant Pebbles volunteered to come with you to the doctor, but I told her that I had it?”

  I giggled. “Girl, her ass really need to stop it.” It was unbelievable how Kaydoa’s mama had did a complete turnaround. Now, she was all up my ass, always asking if there was anything I needed. I’d smile, and politely turn her down. She’d apologized for the shit she’d said about me, but that didn’t mean that I fucked with her like that.

  “I’m hungry,” I whined, as I eased my car into traffic.

  “Mama, daddy’s coming home today?” Kaylah asked from the backseat.

  “Yeah, baby,” I nodded. Kaydoa was gone out of town on business. He’d been making some big moves, and wasn’t even trapping anymore. He was just the supplier for a huge percentage of the city, but I could sense that he was getting tired. The hustle didn’t excite him, anymore, and I was sort of glad about that.

  A few years back, I couldn’t see shit beyond hustling, but there was so much more to life. Money hadn’t been the motive in quite some time, and the dangers and pitfalls of the streets were taxing. I had kids to raise, and I didn’t have time for that shit.

  “When his ass gets home he’s gonna rub my damn feet,” he thought aloud.

  “I guess,” Monay rolled her eyes.

  “Bitch, don’t hate.”

  “Oh, I aint hating. I’m just wondering when yall are gonna stop playing games. Damn near two kids later, and yall are still in this stupid ass situation. You refuse to call him your man, and you let him periodically pretend to go home to Farrah. The shit is crazy. Yall are just plain fucking weird, if you ask me.”

  “Whatever,” I sucked my teeth. She was always going in on us. Yeah, I knew that our relationship was crazy, and there was something that I’d never admit to another soul. Although, I couldn’t stand Farrah I wholeheartedly appreciated what she did for my child. She’d been there, loving Kaylah when I fell short with the task, and for that reason I’d allowed things to go further than they should have. I don’t know…it was hard to explain.

  Pulling into the grocery store in the heart of Fifth Ward I found a spot near the door. We then all jumped out, and strutted into the store. Every other face was familiar, and I found myself getting stopped by person after person. By the time Monay was done grabbing the odds and ends for her mama it felt like we’d been in that stores for hours. As we finally stood in the checkout line, I noticed Farrah a few registers down with her mama.

  She kept cutting her eyes at me, but I aint have shit to say to her. Then her ugly ass mama walked over to my basket, and hugged Kaylah. “Hey, granny’s baby.” Brina cooed, irking the hell out of me. Those damn people really acted like my child was a part of their family.

  “Hey, Granny Brina,” Kaylah smiled.

  “Farrah’s over there, baby,” Brina pointed.


  “Hey, Farrah,” Kaylah waved.

  “Hey, baby,” Farrah waved, acting like she’d just noticed her. I knew that she was probably in her feelings, because it had been a while since she’d seen Kaylah. Even when Kaydoa did go to her house, I’d keep my baby with me. Yeah, I was jealous, and didn’t want to share my daughter. Sue me.

  “So, Black Reign, you pregnant again, girl?” Brina’s nosy ass asked me.

  I was a little surprised that she was bold enough to ask me anything. Me and her didn’t rock like that, and she knew that I could snap at the drop of a dime. “Yeah,” I rubbed my small round belly.

  Brina turned to Farrah. “Farrah, Kaylah is gonna have a brother or sister real soon.” She turned to face me again. “It’s good to see you move on with your life, baby. Is your baby daddy from around here, anywhere?”

  I cut my eyes at Monay, and she was giggling her ass off.

  I shook my head at her.

  “What’s so funny?” Brina scrounged.

  “You,” I rolled my eyes.

  “Wait a minute, you lil’ bitch,” her old ass went in.

  “Mama, what’s going on?” Farrah’s scary ass finally walked over.

  “You better get ya mammy,” I warned. “I don’t know who the fuck her wrinkled up wolf pussy having ass thinks she’s talking to.”

  Monay kneeled over, holding her stomach. “Her wolf pussy. This bitch play too much.”

  “Anyway,” Farrah waved her hand. “Mama, what’s going on?”

  “I was just asking her about her baby daddy, and they wanna get all fly at the mouth,” Brina explained, like her daughter was the big bad wolf or somebody. What the fuck did she expect Farrah to do?

  Farrah snottily examined me from head to toe. “Mama, I don’t even know why you bothered with her. Hell, she probably don’t even know who her baby’s daddy is.”

  “Now, see, Farrah, I was letting you make it,” I waved my head.

  “Letting me make it,” she snarled.

  “Yeah, letting you make it. I really appreciated what you did for Kaylah, so I’ve been sparing your feelings. I pity your pathetic ass. After all these years you still aint had a child of your own. You want love so desperately that you were willing to raise my child…after I’d taken your man. You cling to Kaydoa’s leg like a sad puppy dog. And me letting him still come home to you is my way of saying, ‘Damn, daddy, throw the bitch a bone.’ I recognize how weak you are, and I be looking out for your ass. But you wanna get all cocky like I don’t control your fuckin’ turn. And I know you realized that I’ve been real greedy lately. That’s why my ass is full of baby right now, and your bed is empty. But at least I was letting him breeze through to check on you, and now you done fucked that up for yourself. All to stick your chest out in front of ya mammy that aint got a man her damn self.”

  “What?!” Farrah blurted, as her face turned beet red. “That aint Kaydoa’s baby!”

  I sniggled. “If this aint Kaydoa’s baby, then ya mama aint got a wolf pussy, and you aint a weak spineless bitch.”

  “Damn Black Reign,” Monay grabbed my shoulder, laughing. “You aint have to do ‘em like this.”

  “Come on, let’s go, before I go to jail in this bitch,” Brina frowned, as she dragged Farrah out of the store, leaving the items they were about to purchase behind.

  Me, and Monay laughed all the way back to the car. She was dropping her bags in my trunk, when I noticed a familiar face approaching us.

  “What’s good?” Boo smiled.

  I was actually stunned by how bad he looked. He seemed drugged out, and was dingy. Honestly, he appeared to be living on the streets. “Hey, Boo, what’s been up with you?” I asked, as I placed Kaylah in her car seat. I wanted to make this conversation brief as possible.

  “Nothing, much. What’s been up with you, big baller?” he smiled, revealing his yellow teeth.

  “Big baller?” I scrounged. “I don’t know about all that. Look, I gotta go.”

  “Oh, I see how it is. Bitch, you think you too good for a nigga, huh?” he gritted.

  “Boo, take yo wet head ass on. A damn stray dog is better than yo mangy ass,” Monay interrupted.

  “Come on, let’s go,” I hopped into my car, as Monay did the same. The old me would’ve stood there and exchanged words with him, but the new me took heed to alarming signs. I could see it in his eyes. That nigga wasn’t all there.

  “Fuck you bitches!” he spewed, as he drop-kicked my door.

  I began backing out of the spot, nearly running over his feet.

  “Watch where you going, hoe! That’s why I called the laws on you muthafuckas! Thank me for them two years you did, bitch!”

  As fucked up as his confession was, I wasn’t mad. Looking at how horrible he appeared, karma had already did a number on his ass.

  ******

  “Ay, ay,” Kaydoa called out, as he came trudging through the door.

  “Hey,” I offered dryly.

  He grimaced. “Damn. What’s wrong wit you? No glad to see you back? No nothing?”

  “Glad to see you back,” I piped sarcastically.

  “Okay,” he eased onto the couch with me. “What’s the problem?”

  “Nothing,” I shrugged. “Just been thinking.”

  “Thinking about what?” he furrowed his brows.

  “Thinking about how you got me fucked up!”

  He chuckled to himself. “Main, you crazier than a muthafucka. And what’s up wit that dent on the Beamer?”

  I sighed. “That nigga Boo kicked it.”

  He frowned, “The fuck you mean he kicked it?”

  “Just what I said. He kicked my car.”

  “For what?”

  “Because he’s a fuckin’ hater. He was at the Fiesta in Fifth Ward. He came up to me, tripping. So, I’m driving off, and he drop-kicks my car. Then the niggas blurts out that he was the reason I did two years in jail.”

  “Oh,” he nodded, as he slid his tongue across his teeth. “He’s a snitch, huh?”

  “I guess so,” I exhaled.

  “I got something for his bitch ass. Hope his mama been paying his insurance.”

  I cut my eyes at him. “Kaydoa.”

  His eyes searched the room. “Kaydoa, what?”

  “You should see how that nigga was looking. He aint worth wasting bullets on.”

  “Yeah, okay,” he pursed his lips. “Anyway, so why I got you fucked up?”

  “Oh,” I rolled my eyes. “I been meaning to tell you. But today the shit stops.”

  “What stops?” he asked me confused.

  “You going over to Farrah’s house and shit. Yeah, I know you aint slept over there in months, but you still go over there, and check on her. Fuck that from now on. We got baby number two on the way, and I’m not about to share you. So, whatever you got at that bitch’s house you can either go get, or just leave there. Really, you can leave the shit there, because the hoe will probably try to send some hoodoo shit over here. And Ion want you talking to her, or nothing else. It’s time for us to be a real family. So, cut the bullshit out, or it’s gonna be some furniture moving in this bitch.”

  He cracked a gigantic smile. “Okay.”

  I glared at him. “You think I’m fucking playing with you? I mean this shit.”

  “And I said okay.” He nodded.

  I lifted my chin. “Just like that? It’s that simple?”

  He nodded. “It always was.”

  Chapter 33

  Kaydoa

  “You niggas sure about this?” Jay Rock questioned.

  “Yeah, I’m sure.” I nodded.

  “Hell, yeah,” Hurt chimed in.

  “Yall leaving the game?” He asked for the third time.

  “Yeah,” we answered simultaneously.

  He slowly grinned. “That’s what’s up.”

  I nodded. Me and Hurt was sitting in my Benz, while Jay Rock sat on his sports bike. We were all flipping through the hood, when we crossed paths. It was hard for people to
believe, but me and Hurt had decided to retire from the game. We’d done way more than either of us could’ve dreamed about, and now just wanted to live a life with less stress.

  Initially, I’d made the decision to retire on my own, and let Hurt take over everything. But when I came to him wit the idea, he admitted that he was growing weary of the game himself. Him and my cousin had their own little family, and he was tired of the hassles of the streets. So, we’d sat Toke and Trace down wit the connect, and let them take it from there.

  Money was good, and now I could live a righteous life that my kids could be proud of. Not that I was about to be a pastor or something drastic, but I wanted to live normally. Jasmin was nine months pregnant, and was set to have my son any day now. Hurt had just found out that Monay was six weeks pregnant, so they were expecting their second baby as well.

  Yeah, I was still young, and definitely didn’t feel that my life was over. I was just walking away from the dope game…a wealthy young man.

  “I’m proud of yall, man,” Jay Rock clasped hands wit Hurt, and then me. “Yall making smart moves. It’s been hot on these streets, anyway, since they shot Boo’s ass down in the middle of the streets the other day.”

  “Hell, yeah. I heard about that,” I played it off, like I wasn’t the one who put out the hit. “That’s what’s up, big homie,” I smiled.

  “Alright,” he winked, as he revved the engine of his bike. “I’ma fuck with yall boys.”

  “We gon fuck wit ya,” I nodded, as I watched him skirt off the block. Then I pulled away from the curb. “Let’s ride out.”

  Finally…Farrah speaks…

  I was sitting on my couch, feeling mighty low. It had been months since I’d seen Kaydoa’s face, and it never got easier. I just wanted my heart back. That’s all I wanted.

  Throughout the years, I’d been labeled a fool. Everybody from my mama to my friends questioned why I’d stuck it out with Kaydoa. Time after time he’d shown me that he was disloyal, but I kept holding on.

  It was so simple for people on the outside looking in to pass judgement. I was called a gold digger amongst a host of other things, by people who didn’t know me. I loved Kaydoa…beyond reason. I’d been with him when he had nothing. So, yes, I expected for him to look out when he his money was right. What girl didn’t? So, for the life of me I couldn’t understand how people justified Black Reign sleeping with my man.