Things I Shouldn't Think

by Janet Ruth Young

  Neighbors of the endangered child, interviewed by the Beacon-Times near the home where the incident occurred, were “stunned” to learn of the babysitter’s intentions.

  “Who could consider killing an innocent child?” asked one couple who lives near the family, when informed of the incident.

  Beth reads the screen over Dani’s shoulder. “My God,” she says, “this wasn’t supposed to happen. He said no newspapers.”

  “Nothing happened,” Dani says. “Why would anyone even care?” Dani says. She and Beth scan the article again.

  “My name isn’t in it,” Dani said. “My name isn’t anywhere.”

  “Neither is mine,” says Beth.

  “Will people figure out that it’s me?”

  “It looks like Sergeant Mason kept his word,” says Beth. “It must have been that other one.”

  “I could tell he didn’t like me,” Dani says.

  “The little prick,” says Beth. “This was supposed to be a private matter.”

  “Can anyone tell it’s me?” Dani says. She’s so surprised by the article that she can’t trust herself to read it the way a classmate would.

  “How many people know that you have a babysitting job?”

  “A lot. I’m always having to miss stuff because of it. Or I used to.”

  “How many kids babysit?”

  “Maybe thirty of the girls. And one or two of the boys. Usually it’s their little brothers or sisters. I don’t know if they get paid.”

  “No one can know it’s you. It doesn’t say our names, or Alex’s name or Mrs. Alex’s name or a street or even a neighborhood.” Beth slaps the screen with the back of her hand. “ ‘Contemplated killing him.’ ‘Endangered child.’ I called Sergeant Mason and told him you had started with Dr. Kumar. He was nice about it, very encouraging. He thanked me for following up and said he hoped we were on the right track.

  “It’s that other one. Parenting police. The little bastard.” Beth almost trips getting up from her desk. “Mason was right. We need a lawyer. I shouldn’t have waited one minute before calling somebody.”

  “I’m sorry, Mom,” Dani says. “I’m sorry this is getting expensive.” Now they will hire a lawyer to keep her name out of the paper, and that will be the end of it.

  “Why did you have to go and tell anyone else? Why didn’t you just keep it between us?”

  Dani knows she can say “I tried to tell you.” But her mother is upset and it’s all Dani’s fault and she doesn’t want to make it worse.

  Beth grabs her phone and starts scrolling through names. “We need someone really, really good. I should give Donald Abt a call.”

  Dani covers the phone. “Don’t call him, Mom, please. Please call someone else.”

  “Why?”

  “Mom, I don’t think he even does murder. He represents rock stars. He’s an entertainment lawyer.”

  “But he’ll know who to get. The best always know the best. I wouldn’t know who to get. I know tax people and real estate people. Donald would know everyone in Boston. Once the word ‘murder’ has been mentioned, you need a Boston lawyer.”

  “Because I’m sort of seeing his son, Gordon. That’s why. Now will you not call?”

  “You’re dating Donald Abt’s son? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “It was brand new. I didn’t want to jinx it. I didn’t want to make it a bigger deal than it was.”

  “How long has this been going on?”

  “Please don’t call his dad, Mom. Pick someone else. I’m begging you.”

  “Dani, we are in this now and we are not getting out of it any other way. If you’re in this kind of trouble, who you’re dating or not dating goes right out the window. We need the right representation before things get worse and you get carted off in handcuffs. And yes, it is expensive, and yes, it’s a lot of trouble, but frankly I’m your parent and I’m responsible for everything you say and do and we can’t let this go any further. And I still don’t know why you would say something like that to Alex’s mom.”

  “Mom, don’t call Gordon’s father. It’s so humiliating. I’m just hoping he didn’t see this. I hope he doesn’t know it’s me. Don’t call. I’m begging you.” She had tried to tell Gordon herself, or at least to hint, but his finding out by other means would be all wrong. She would look like someone with something to hide. That day on Shark’s Jaw he had believed she was excellent, like him. And she had felt excellent that day too.

  Beth pauses. “Okay, I’ll call someone else. I’m sorry about your little romance, but you’re not exactly in a position to call the shots right now. Here’s what we’re going to do: I won’t call Donald Abt this minute, but if I don’t make the connection I need to make in one hour, I’m calling him. And do me a favor today, okay, Dani? Don’t call anyone, don’t talk to anyone, don’t e-mail anyone, don’t text anyone, and definitely don’t leave the house. Have you got that? No communication with anyone today.”

  Dani is reading the screen again, because there’s more.

  “Look at me, Dani. Have you got that? No e-mail.”

  “Got it. I’m really sorry, Mom. God, I hope no one figures out it’s me.

  “No names, no names,” she chants as she scrolls down the page.

  Comments:

  Coastal160 wrote:

  Another impeccable job from Our Lokel Noospaper.

  It’s just like them to get everything but the name.

  fishies7 wrote:

  Yeah, I’m surprised we didn’t get her bra size. But not her name.

  sick-of-it-all wrote:

  Child-killers top my list of people who should be removed from society ASAP. I say fry ’em. No judge or courtroom needed. I’d be glad to throw the switch myself.

  Coastal160 wrote:

  What do you need—just a big ole chair with a couple strong straps and some juice?

  Sanddollar wrote:

  I know the mother of the kid this happened to, and she is in shock. Just shows that you don’t know anything about people really.

  peewe wrote:

  The girl is obviously a severe nutcase. Everyone in Hawthorne is a bunch of drugged-up losers and now come to find out psychos too, no surprise there

  Rowdie wrote:

  The cops returned her home.

  Waster wrote:

  What a bunch of screw-ups.

  Rowdie wrote:

  They completely fell down on the job. This is probably not even going on the girl’s permanent record. I’ll be surprised if she doesn’t end up with a job at a day care a few years from now. You can’t trust the government to protect you. Some of us need to take matters into our own hands.

  Coastal160 wrote:

  Show up with torches and pitchforks. A real vigilante group just like the good old days.

  Sheepdogg wrote:

  I know who it is. When you find out you won’t believe it.

  Rowdie wrote:

  Who is it then?

  Sheepdogg wrote:

  I can’t tell you.

  Dani’s phone rings. She has a text message from Shelley: “Unreal! Who else do we know who babysits?”

  “Phone,” Beth says, extending her hand.

  Dani gives up her phone.

  41

  “Okay,” Beth says forty minutes later. “We have a lawyer. A Boston lawyer. We’re going to his office Monday morning, and he agrees that you’re to have no contact with anyone in case there’s a further leak. So no school, no e-mail, no phone, nothing, until he gets this sewn up. He’s going to call the police department today and start pressuring them to stop the leaks. ‘Drum tight,’ he’s saying. He’ll seal this drum tight. You’re not a juvenile anymore so your age doesn’t help, but the fact that the cops made a promise and broke it gives us some leverage. He thinks Pinto is in some kind of violation. I’m not allowed to discuss the case either, but I’m not going into hiding because I have some big sales calls this weekend and I’m planning to keep them. If anyone brings up the newspaper artic
le I’ll just ignore them and change the subject.”

  Dani decides not to show Beth the comments. They’re not meant for Beth, anyway; they’re meant for Dani. The meanest part inside these people is speaking to the meanest part of her.

  42

  Friday, May 14

  Hawthorne Beacon-Times

  DELL FAMILIES MEET ON SITTER DANGER

  HAWTHORNE—

  Parents in the Dell Place neighborhood—reeling in the wake of a babysitter’s confession that she graphically visualized the murder of a five-year-old—met in a parent’s home last night to discuss the news and formulate a response plan.

  The mother of the child involved in the incident was “still in shock” after the sitter’s revelation, she told the group. Her name is being withheld to protect the identity of the minor child. The babysitter’s identity has not yet been released by police, who said there was no probable cause on which to press charges.

  Host parent Noah Hurley expressed frustration that the babysitter has not been identified. “This is all about the kids’ safety,” said Hurley. “The well-being of our children is the ultimate issue that any of us cares about. I don’t understand why we can’t be told who this person is, just for our own protection.”

  Neighbor Liz Peña told a reporter invited to the meeting that if she were in the parent’s place she would “stop at nothing” to protect her seven-year-old twins, Emma and Edith, who once attended a birthday party of the threatened child.

  Hawthorne Police community safety officer Andrea Foale gave a presentation on babysitter safety at the parent meeting. She said the best precautions against abuse by a babysitter are obtaining references, watching the sitter interact with your child during an initial interview, and requesting a criminal record, or CORI, check.

  Comments:

  Coastal160 wrote:

  So we know Nutjob Nanny wasn’t working for the Hurleys or Peñas—who else lives in Dell Place?

  Waster wrote:

  That neighborhood is crawling with kids. Drive over 25mph any time of day or night and you’ll hit a few of them.

  St_jude wrote:

  My heart goes out to this family, whoever they may be. That poor little boy and his parents, what a trauma . . . You are in our prayers.

  Rowdie wrote:

  That’s Northeast liberalism for you. Where else in the world do they let crazed teen killers go free?

  Coastal160 wrote:

  HPD decided NN was “troubled.”

  Waster wrote:

  There are some very nice juvenile detention facilities where she can get all the trouble she can handle.

  peewe wrote:

  Whos ready to form a lynchmob . . . Ive got a strong rope here you pick the tree.

  Rowdie wrote:

  Do it now, before a real tragedy occurs. So who is the babysitter?

  Sheepdogg wrote:

  I told you. I know, but I can’t say.

  43

  “Hey.” Meghan glides toward Shelley on the way to Hawtones. She wears a turquoise halter top fastened with a gold ring.

  “Hey,” Shelley says. “I really like that top on you. Where did you get it?”

  The top isn’t Shelley’s style, but she feels that she has to explain her staring at Meghan by pretending she wants the same clothes.

  “The beach store.” Meghan shakes her armload of gold bangles. They jingled all during the movie last week, but Shelley didn’t mind. Despite Dani’s advice, she’s going to invite Meghan for an ice cream after school.

  “You always look great,” Shelley says.

  “So where’s your friend today?” Meghan asks. “Dani skipping rehearsal?”

  “She didn’t come to school. I haven’t heard from her.”

  “I hope she’s not sick,” Meghan says, smiling.

  Shelley slows her athletic pace to match Meghan’s swaying walk.

  “I hope nothing’s wrong,” Meghan continues.

  “I don’t know if anything’s wrong,” Shelley says. “I haven’t heard from her in the last twenty-four hours.”

  “It’s getting dangerous in this town, with crazed babysitters around and whatnot. You know, a lot of people seem to think it’s Dani.”

  “Dani would never do something like that,” Shelley says. “What evidence do they have?”

  “Word seems to have leaked out. People who know people who know people.”

  Shelley continues defending Dani, but even to her the defense feels weak. She sent Dani a bunch of text messages that went from voyeuristic glee: “Can you believe what’s going on? I can’t believe you’re not in school!”

  To stomach-sick suspicion: “Hey, doesn’t Alex live on Dell Place?”

  She’s been thinking how nervous Dani acted when they talked about Mr. Gabler. She wants to believe it isn’t Dani. Why doesn’t Dani call her, or come to school?

  “It is her,” Meghan says, adjusting her halter outside the music room. “I thought she was weird because she fidgeted so much and always wore the same hoodie, but I didn’t say so because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

  Shelley stops Meghan at the door.

  “All right,” she says. “I’m going to ask her point-blank if it’s her or not. Dani would never lie to me. If she says no, then I’ll know it’s not her.”

  Down the hall someone screams like a kid being stabbed, and others clap and laugh. Someone else imitates a kid being strangled.

  “Where’s Dani this morning?” Nathan Brandifield asks when Shelley steps into the music room.

  After school Shelley sends Dani one more message:

  “People think it might be you. Tell me it isn’t.”

  44

  Dani begs Beth to let her check messages.

  “I won’t send any back, I promise.”

  “No phone.”

  “Mom, I’m going nuts. Just let me look. How would you feel with no connection to the outside world?”

  “All right. But only five minutes. Just to check. No information goes to anyone about anything. The only person you can talk to is me.”

  Dani has two messages from Gordy: “Want to run tomorrow?” and “Hey, you’re not in school. Are you all right?”

  She has twelve messages from Shelley: “Can you believe what’s going on? Where are you? I need to talk to you. Call me right away, okay? Meghan and I are at Icey’s. I don’t believe it could be you. I can’t believe it.”

  She hands Beth the phone.

  “Good girl,” Beth says.

  45

  “Still no word,” Shelley tells Meghan. “What should I do? I’m sure Dani can explain all these suspicions.”

  “You’re in denial,” Meghan says. She frowns and rests her chin on her hands. “I know it’s tough accepting something like this.”

  “I guess you’re right,” Shelley says, “but this is practically the first time since we were little that I haven’t talked to Dani. I wonder if I should stop at her house or something. I feel like I’m losing my best friend.” She twists a straw wrapper until it breaks.

  Meghan touches Shelley’s fingertips. “I can be your new best friend,” she says.

  46

  The Dogghouse

  Sniffing Out That Babysitter

  Your blog host: Sheepdogg

  Rumors circling around about the identity of the Babysitter. One is that she’s a deformed outcast who wanders around upscale neighborhoods carrying a butcher knife in a knapsack, peeking in the windows for children to kill. Another is that she cruises the supermarket parking lots for mothers with toddlers so she can ask if they need help with the stroller. Another is that she always wears a sweatshirt because the shirt underneath is bloodstained. Another is that once the parents leave she shows the kiddies a gun and says she’ll kill them if they don’t behave. Then she makes them sit for hours without moving or talking, and if they make even a peep she puts the barrel of the gun next to their head and pulls the trigger. Sort of like the Russian roulette scene in The Deer H
unter.

  Well, none of those rumors are true. The babysitter is not an outcast. She is popular. She is also pretty. (Sheepdogg has seen her.) She’s never killed anyone before. And it’s definitely a knife, not a gun.

  Who knows all this? Sheepdogg knows.

  47

  Saturday morning Dani sleeps late. Beth is working till two, and she’s taken Dani’s phone. In pajama pants and a tank top, Dani eats cereal and looks at the MyFace pages of her friends who have normal lives. She doesn’t post anything or answer e-mails. She watches music videos until she hears someone at the front door.

  She peers through the curtains and sees Gordy knocking. He’s bare-chested, with his T-shirt tied around his waist. Beth said no phone, no e-mail, and no leaving the house, Dani reminds herself. She never said anything about visitors.

  “Hey,” Dani says, giving Gordy a peck on the cheek. “Quick. Come in.”

  “I hope you don’t mind,” Gordy says, pulling on his red T-shirt as he enters the hall. “I called you a few times about joining me, but I didn’t hear back.”

  “That’s because I’m grounded,” Dani says.

  “No phone, either?”

  “That’s right.”

  “Should I ask why?”

  “Because I talk too much. I said a bunch of stuff I shouldn’t have said. Keep calling, though. I can’t call out, but I can still check messages.”

  “That sounds medieval.”

  “It’s fair under the circumstances.”

  “My dad knows your mom a little. He says she’s a nice lady.”