For Time and Eternity

by Allison Pittman

  “Even in this,” I said, fancying myself whispering into her ear, “God is in control. Behind all of this is blue sky. Behind that blue sky is his power.”

  Then we walked. Together for a while, I think; then I was wrapped in snow. Alone. I bent to the wind, lifting my worthless arms as useless shields against the onslaught. After a while, I didn’t know if I was walking or if I was just being buffeted to and fro with the whim of the wind. Finally, I surrendered, falling to my knees and lifting my hands to what I thought was the sky.

  “Holy Father.” I spoke, though my lips would not be torn away from the ice wrapped around them. “Take me home.”

  To open my eyes and to close my eyes meant little more than seeing white or seeing black. At that moment, black seemed so much warmer. So I closed them, knowing full well that they would open again. Until then, I called back every moment that brought me to this place, beginning with that evening I looked out the window and heard them, the Mormons, singing in the darkness.

  About the Author

  In 2005, Allison Pittman left a seventeen-year teaching career to follow the Lord’s calling into the world of Christian fiction, and God continues to bless her step of faith. She heads up a successful, thriving writers’ group in San Antonio, Texas, where she lives with her husband, Mike, their three sons, and the canine star of the family—Stella.

  A Conversation with the Author

  How did the idea for this book come to you?

  I knew I wanted to write a love story, but not a romance. The character of Nathan came to me fully formed—this deeply passionate, wounded, charismatic, charming man. Then, having grown up in Utah, I knew that Christianity played almost no role in the early history of the state, so I needed Camilla to be a woman seduced away from not only her family but also her Lord. In fact, I saw the understanding and worship of God as being almost a third element in a love triangle. I wanted Nathan and Camilla to love each other as much as they loved God.

  You seem to know a lot about the Mormon faith and community. How did you research this story?

  I lived in Utah as a child, and my husband is an excommunicated Mormon who came to know Jesus as his Savior when he was in high school, so I had a lot of anecdotal experiences to pull from. But to get a real feel for the history, I spent some time in Salt Lake City. The pioneer women’s museum there is a treasure trove of artifacts, all the little household trinkets that made up a woman’s life. The blue lamp is just one of the artifacts I fell in love with—that and the crazy jug that will appear in the next book.

  I think what really struck me—and this is something I’ve shared and confirmed with other Christians—is the spirit of Temple Square in Salt Lake City. The city is beautiful and meticulously maintained, but there is an oppressive air. It’s quiet, but not serene. Something about that huge, white temple topped with a golden angel is unsettling.

  I also spent a lot of time browsing Web sites and discussion boards reading posts by ex-Mormons. They gave me a clearer understanding not so much about why people join the church, but why they stay and why they leave. It’s heartbreaking, the stories of bitterness and betrayal, even more so seeing how so many leave the Mormon faith with a mistrust of God and religion in general. I wanted to capture that sense of a desperate need for love and acceptance in Nathan’s character. There are many anonymous people out there who were so helpful in my efforts to capture both Nathan’s fervor and Rachel’s just-beneath-the-surface disdain.

  Why did you choose a historical setting?

  It’s a fascinating time in our nation’s history, something that doesn’t get a lot of attention, especially looking into the next book, which will touch on the so-called Mormon War and the conflict between the church and the United States government. However, even though this story takes place with the first generation of the LDS church, their method of amassing converts has changed very little. Today, in these times of fractured families, the Mormon message of family values has so much appeal. In fact, that’s what drew my husband’s family into the church back in the mid-1970s. I took that idea and molded it to fuel Nathan’s devotion to the church.

  I also wanted to address the idea of polygamy outside the realm of modern controversy. Plural marriage as Mormon doctrine is a historical fact—interestingly ignored in the Church History Museum but openly addressed in the Pioneer Women’s Museum. I was intrigued by the idea of looking at the practice through the eyes of a first wife—not with the wide scope of examining the sociopolitical implications, but a snapshot of the powerlessness of the time.

  Camilla’s father is often harsh and unloving toward her. What was your inspiration for their relationship?

  First of all, he’s nothing like my own sweet, loving father! I wanted Arlen Deardon to interact with the story on two levels. First, as Camilla’s father, he can appear harsh and unloving, but then his protective actions, no matter how misguided, are absolutely motivated by love. We cannot overestimate how important the father-daughter relationship is in terms of the kinds of decisions a girl will make when it’s time to choose a mate. I know Camilla’s choice when she stood on that dock would have been different if she’d had a history of affection and acceptance with her father. It’s not enough that he loved her if he never demonstrated that love.

  Deardon also, though, is a representative of what I truly believe is behind much of the early growth and success of the Mormon church. Bear in mind, early converts (like converts today) were people seeking a meaningful relationship with God. Christians felt the need—and rightly so—to protect the truth of the gospel in the face of such heretical teachings. But like Camilla’s father, they too often expressed that desire through acts of violence.

  I am in no way saying that the “Mormon problem” was ill-treated at the hands of the church functioning as a unified body. But think about it: if you’re searching for truth, and one group is telling you that God loves you and you can be just like Jesus, and the other group is shooting and burning the first group, who are you going to choose? The Mormons have a right to see themselves as victims in those early days, and there’s nothing like a common sense of persecution to strengthen faith. After all, look at the first-century Christians.

  How much of Camilla did you draw from yourself?

  Very, very little that is remotely admirable. I am not spontaneous or strong, and in my younger years I was pretty susceptible to whatever line a good-looking guy might give me. I think I come out the most in the part of the story after Amanda comes along, when we see a few snarky, sarcastic remarks coming from Camilla’s otherwise long-suffering, noble lips.

  In the story, Rachel tells Camilla that she has to let Nathan take another wife. “You have to. You’re his salvation. Joseph Smith was his savior in life, giving him direction. Your job is to save him in the next one.” What does it mean that she’s his salvation?

  This touches on the Mormon concept of celestial rewards. According to their teaching, if Nathan is ever to achieve the highest, godlike, eternal status, he needs to have at least one eternal wife to bear his spiritual children. She is not so much his “salvation” in terms of his eternity, but in terms of the quality of that eternity. I think it’s important to note here that the Mormons believe that women must be “called” into eternity by their husbands, which explains Evangeline’s plight.

  In the end, Camilla is forced to leave her children behind, and we see her lost in a snowstorm. What motivated you to end the book in such a way?

  I’ve said all along with this project that I didn’t want to take on the entire Mormon faith; I wanted to tell the story of one woman’s journey back to Christ. The decision Camilla makes is a direct result of realizing her need to completely break away from the church, to live out her faith in Jesus Christ and trust him. Even Jesus told his followers to leave their families and possessions and not look back.

  Camilla’s story is far from over, but I wanted to end it the same way I started it. In the first scene, she is essentially alone, strugglin
g to understand God’s teachings. In the end, she is alone physically but so strengthened spiritually, she knows where to put her trust.

  As for her children—I urge readers to understand that Camilla’s story takes place in a time far removed from ours. There are elements of society and history that make her choice acceptable for that time and place. The physical safety of her children is her top priority, something any mother can understand. She does not have the options and support that women who are trapped in bad marriages have today. What hasn’t changed, though, is the fact that she has the Lord. Because she is spiritually healed, she can trust his prodding, even if it seems to fly in the face of what might seem logical.

  Today Mormons are intentionally aligning themselves with evangelical Christians. What similarities in their beliefs enable them to do this? In what crucial ways are their beliefs different from biblical Christianity?

  Mormons believe Jesus Christ is the Son of God and that he died on the cross for our sins and rose again after three days. They love and admire Jesus. They pray in his name. They identify Jesus as a redeemer and savior. But they do not acknowledge that Jesus’ death and resurrection constitute the full completion of our reconciliation and salvation. To the Mormons, this act is incomplete, and true salvation depends not only upon one’s belief in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ as depicted in the Gospels, but also on acceptance and belief in the prophetic writings of Joseph Smith and the practices of the Mormon church.

  In the story we see fear and mistrust between the Mormon church and the Christian community. Do you think that mistrust still exists today, or have we become more tolerant of each other?

  Sadly, I think we’ve become more tolerant of each other. It may seem odd to say sadly, but God does not call us to be tolerant of false teachings. From the beginning of their church, Mormons capitalized on the hostility demonstrated by their Christian neighbors, using it to reinforce their presumed chosen status. By cultivating a strong “us” and “them” mentality, Mormons could maintain the undivided attention of their members.

  I think there’s been a subtle shift in the past thirty to forty years with the political recognition of Christian evangelicals. The media tends to lump Mormons and Christians together, and for practical reasons, Mormons have publicly aligned themselves with Christianity. When I was driving through Utah and searching through radio stations in the rental car, I stopped when I heard a Casting Crowns song. Right after it came a song about God giving us the gift of eternal family. Mormons use—and have always used—much of the same vocabulary, but in this world of sound bites and small print, the cavernous differences in theology can hide. Political correctness hates to look at a church filled with good, loving, earnest people and call it a cult, but remember: Satan introduced himself to humanity by twisting God’s word into a lie.

  What was the biggest challenge you faced in researching or writing this novel? the greatest reward?

  More so than any other book, I had to give this over to God. I knew this had to go beyond the average spiritual content found in most Christian fiction. I tried very hard to represent the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ in contrast with the lies of the Mormon faith without making the book sound like a 350-page tract. It was quite challenging to craft theology into dialogue, to make the deepest questions about salvation relevant to the characters’ relationships. So I hope I pulled it off!

  The greatest reward? Honestly, I came away with such a deeper understanding and appreciation for my own salvation. As I wrote about Nathan’s struggle to be “good enough” for God, I felt so loved by my Savior. I realized how wonderful it is to worship a God I cannot fully understand with my finite little mind.

  What do you hope readers will take away from this novel?

  First, I’d love readers to recognize that, despite any outward appearances, many Mormons are empty, wounded people. As I tried to get inside the head of a Mormon, I spent a lot of time online reading through forums devoted to those who had left the church, and there was so much sadness and bitterness there. I think most Christians approach Mormons in one of two ways: we either avoid any opportunity to witness because doing so is usually fruitless, or we relish the idea of arguing with them. We need to simply love them.

  Second, we need to be so rooted in Truth that we can recognize any aberration of the gospel, no matter how subtle. Mormonism and Christianity use largely the same vocabulary; the differences in theological text can seem little more than spin and semantics. We must be wary of works and messages that openly claim to be a “new” way of understanding Scripture.

  Discussion Questions

  1. The community, the church, and Camilla’s father are all afraid of the Mormons who are camping in their town. Where does that fear come from? If they had acted toward the Mormon people in another way, do you think Camilla might have chosen differently? What might Camilla’s parents have done differently to prevent her running away with Nathan? How much responsibility do they share for her choices as a young teen?

  2. Camilla’s parents have a grasp on true Christianity, yet they fail to convey the reality of it to their daughter. How is this experience reflected in the church today? How have you experienced it in your own family or circle of friends? What do you make of the difference between the way Camilla’s father provided spiritual instruction to his daughter and the way Nathan taught his daughters?

  3. As a Mormon, Nathan believes that his salvation depends on successfully converting Camilla to the Mormon faith and on taking a wife and starting a family. Yet he promises Camilla that on her first unhappy day, he’ll take her home. Do you think he ever meant to keep that promise? Why or why not? If he did mean to keep it, when and why did he change his mind?

  4. What causes Camilla to doubt the Mormon faith after the birth of her son? When she questions the Mormon faith, she sees fear in Nathan’s eyes. What is he afraid of?

  5. When Nathan finally convinces Camilla to go back to church, the elder preaches that there are those among them who need to confess their sins. He singles out Nathan and Camilla’s loss of a child. Nathan suggests that Camilla needs to seek forgiveness. What does he think she needs to confess?

  6. It was part of God’s plan all along that Camilla write Scripture in her journal so that she would have it as a resource in teaching his Word to her children. Can you think of anything in your past that didn’t seem to have a purpose at the time but made sense later, in light of what you were going through?

  7. When Camilla senses the Lord calling her to take a stand for the truth about him, she tries to convince herself that what she has “could be enough.” Has there been a time in your life that you’ve sensed God calling you out of your comfort zone in order to grow closer to him or to become more like him? How did you respond? How would you like to have responded?

  8. When the elder is questioning her, Camilla says, “My Lord commands me to obey my husband. And he has been commanded to love me. As long as he is not in disobedience to his command, I see no reason to disobey mine.” Is Camilla right to use God’s command to justify obeying her husband even in his unbiblical desire to take a second wife? Under what circumstances today do wives need to heed this command? When might it be appropriate to disobey one’s husband?

  9. After Camilla refuses to be baptized again in the Mormon church, she returns home and discovers that Kimana has been praying for her. Have you ever been forced to defend what you believe even if it isn’t popular? And have you ever felt strong facing a difficult situation and realized later that someone had been praying for you?

  10. Discuss Camilla’s decision to leave her children. Why does she feel she must do so? What would you have done in her place? What comfort does Camilla have as she leaves her home? Have you ever had to sacrifice something for your faith?

  11. What do you think will become of these characters? If you were writing the second part of the story, what would happen to Camilla? Nathan? Amanda? Kimana? the children?

  Turn the page
for an exciting preview from

  ALLISON PITTMAN'S

  next book

  Forsaking All Others

  Available Summer 2011 from Tyndale Fiction

  Chapter 1

  Smoke. And darkness. And warmth.

  “I think she’s wakin’. Go fetch the captain.” A man’s voice, one I didn’t know. A momentary blast of cold air, and I remembered the storm, the roaring wind and swirling snow that carried me here.

  “Ma’am?” Closer now. I felt a warm hand against my cheek. “You’re going to be just fine.”

  I wanted to smile, but my lips felt dry, tight. When I tried to speak, they peeled apart, grating against each other like thin, dry bark.

  “Don’t you try to speak none. Just show me, can you open your eyes?”

  I wanted to, if only to see where the Lord had brought me, but already the voice was falling away, like words being dropped down a well. Sight seemed too heavy a burden, so I contented myself with what senses I could muster—the soft sound of the crackling fire, the sweet smell of the wood burning within it, and the warmth, blessed warmth, covering my body from my toes to my chin. The weight of it pinned me down.

  Time passed. How much, I couldn’t know, but enough for me to develop a powerful thirst. I pried my lips apart, worked my tongue between them. Just that little movement brought a presence to my side again. A new touch to my temple, a new voice in my ear. Deeper, stronger.

  “Ma’am?”

  Of their own accord, my eyes opened. I saw nothing at first, but then he moved into my sight. Long hair brushed behind his ears, a full mustache covering his top lip. His eyes, at first, were closed, and the mustache bobbed as he said, “Thank you, Lord.” Then they opened, and in the firelight they shone warm and brown.