Love Reaffirmed (Candle Light Book 1)

by Christina OW

  She cleared her throat and then looked up at me. “Gloria told me about Christina, my condolences.”

  I felt my throat sting, “Thank you.”

  “So what are your plans now?”

  “Get through today, go to sleep and try to survive tomorrow.”

  She nodded, “That’s a realistic plan, all the best with that.”

  I nodded, “I’m sorry but I have to go. It was really nice seeing you again. Goodbye.”

  “Goodbye,” she whispered.

  I barely took two steps away from her before she grabbed my arm. “William please wait,” she pleaded.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I want you back. I know it may seem too soon to demand this, but now that she’s gone I want you back.”

  “Victoria...”

  “You were mine first!” She yelled, “You loved me first!”

  “Victoria...”

  She cupped my face in her palms, tears threatening to spill out of her eyes. “I still love you. I’ve always loved you. As much as I’ve tried, God knows I’ve tried, I could never forget you. I love you William.”

  Slowly, I pulled her hands down. I wanted to be gentle but I just couldn’t, “I never did.”

  She flinched and turned away.

  I went to place my hand on her shoulder but drew it back. Pity would be a harsher insult. “I’m sorry but that’s the truth. Kristy is the only woman I’ve ever loved. I still love her and I always will. Only her.”

  She looked at me, her eyes and cheek wet with tears. “She’s not coming back William.”

  That stung, “I know that.” I half whispered.

  “And just because you are still in love with her doesn’t mean we can’t be together. My love for you will be enough.”

  She sounded optimistic. If I’d turned Kristy down like this, she wouldn’t have begged. She would have walked away, right after punching me in my sharp nose.

  That’s why I love her and why I couldn’t betray her.

  “Victoria, it wouldn’t be enough neither would it be fair to you. Stop waiting for me because I’ll never be yours. I love Kristy.”

  “She’s dead! It doesn’t matter how many times you say that, she’ll always be dead!” She screamed.

  “And I’ll always love her.” I said calmly.

  Her face creased as tears flowed freely down her face. She pushed me away and ran back to the drawing room.

  I rubbed my hand over my face. I didn’t mean to be cruel but there was no place for her in my life. She needed to understand that.

  “Don’t feel guilty.”

  I raised my head to Ronald’s voice. “How long have you been standing there?”

  He approached me, “Long enough. Brother, don’t let anyone push you into something you don’t want and clearly not ready for. You lost your greatest love. It’s going to take time for you to get back a fraction of who you were, because Kristy was literally your other half.” He smiled, “Your better half.”

  I smiled, “All I want is to be with her.”

  “Is she not here?” I shook my head. “So then, why are you here?”

  “Mother.”

  “Is that the only reason?”

  I shook my head. “These past couple of days, I’ve been trying to see if I can survive without her. But with each passing day I realize I just can’t.”

  “You aren’t ready to be without her yet. That’s why she’s still hanging around.”

  “What should I do?”

  “Go back home before mother brings some more of your ex-girlfriends. And when you do see my sister-in-law, tell her that I love her and I miss her so very much.” His voice shook as he blinked away the tears. I’d never seen him so emotional before, it was moving.

  I nodded, unable to trust myself to speak without crying.

  *

  The rest of my stay in London was uneventful. After failing with Victoria, mother retreated to her corner- probably plotting a new game plan. Her little stunt with Victoria had left us both cross with each other. I wasn’t going to give her another opportunity like that to try and trap me again. I had no intentions of forgetting Kristy or replacing her.

  Gloria was very serious about the psychiatrist. I was adamant on not going and she was persistent in making me go. I didn’t need a shrink- so I was seeing my dead wife what was so crazy about that? According to Ronald it’s normal in most parts of the world.

  Gloria made several appointments for me which I managed to dodge. I would confirm the appointments then never show up. When she would go looking for me, I would hide in the servants’ house, because that would be the last place she would come looking for me. But she would always manage to corner me at night so I was reduced to hiding from her even then. Adrian took pity on me and laid out some bedding in one of the empty rooms in the servants’ house. He would bring me breakfast and a change of clothes every morning. I finally had peace- which didn’t last long.

  Gloria finally managed to gunner up the courage to go looking for me. When she found me she raised high hell and threatened to fire all the servants for giving me refuge. I was immediately evicted and had all my things moved back to the main house. I felt guilty for getting my hosts in trouble but they just laughed it off as an episode of my mother’s dramatic series.

  Since I had no where else to hide, Ronald would sneak me out of the house and occupy mother’s attention with talks about the company he would never fully commit to, and the wife he would never marry, and the family he would never have. She was pretty excited to talk about the future that would never happen for Ronald so much so she completely forgot about me.

  But that sanctity ended when Ronald jetted off to one of his adventures. Left with no other choice, I stood my ground and refused to go to the psychiatrist. When Gloria stopped nagging me about it I thought I had finally won and since there was no other reason to prolong my stay in England I was going to leave. The hard part would be telling my mother.

  I walked into the parlor where Gloria was watching the news on TV and drinking tea. She glanced- more like glared- at me before she turned back to the TV.

  “Hallo mother,” I greeted her with enthusiasm that I didn’t feel. I shoved my hands in my pants pockets only to yank them out quickly when mother gave me a disapproving glare. She turned her head and raised her cheek to me. I kissed it before I sat down next to her.

  “Mother I’m going back to America,” I spoke cautiously not with too much force. I didn’t want to give her a reason to start an argument.

  “When or should I say what time are you leaving?” Her voice was leveled and cool, like her expression. She put her cup down and turned the TV off. I looked at her uncertain of her cool manner. “Well speak, I don’t have all day?” She turned and stared at me with a raised eye brow.

  “Tomorrow morning,” I answered.

  “I’ll have the pilots notified. Come with me to the study you can tell them your travel plans.” She stood up and walked out the room. I followed fast behind her. She must be up to something.

  “No, I’ll book a commercial flight. That’s if you haven’t put me on the terror alert watch list?”

  “Nonsense, there is a reason I have a jet and it’s not to sit around and look pretty with the Stanford name emblemized on it.” We crossed the living room and the dining room before we got to the study. Kristy was right, this house is too big.

  “I’m not going to end up in some asylum in Wales am I?” I asked her, half serious and half teasing. There was something she was not saying, it wasn’t like her to just agree without an argument.

  She held the door knob and turned to me with a wide triumphant smile on her face. She was up to something. “Why on earth would I send you off to an asylum?” She opened the door and walked in. She held it ajar and waited for me to step in. I took a cautious step into the room, my eyes fixed on my mother. She closed the door and stared up at me, her hands crossed over her torso. “Why would I do that when I can bring the asylum here?
”

  I looked at her shocked then turned to look around the room. Dr. Ashford was sited behind my father’s oak desk, standing next to him were two huge thugs. They crossed the room and walked passed me to the door and stood adjacent to my mother.

  “Mother!” I sounded out every syllable peeved.

  “You know Dr. Ashford, and these two gentlemen are here to make sure you don’t leave until two hours are up. I always get my way William you should know that by now. Dr. Ashford, you better earn your money’s worth. When my son leaves here the only ghosts he should be seeing are those on television.” She turned and sauntered out of the room.

  “William, would you please sit down.” Dr. Ashford spoke calmly pointing to the seat opposite him. I clenched my fists a few times reeling in the anger inside me that was threatening to explode. I walked to the leather seat and dropped in it. Gloria always had a trick up her sleeve.

  “It would be silly of me to ask how you are feeling. I know your mother hoodwinked you into seeing me...”

  “More like detaining me against my will,” the anger echoed in my voice.

  “Why don’t we just start,” Dr. Ashford stared at me with a pasted smile on his face, “when did you start seeing your wife?” He put his pen on his writing pad, eagerly waiting to jolt down how crazy I was.

  I folded my arms over my chest and gave him an unconcerned stare. I was determined to make sure we were both miserable through the whole two hours. “Didn’t she already fill you in?”

  “Yes she did but I’d like to hear it from you.”

  “What’s the difference?”

  “How is your wife?”

  I laughed irritated, “She’s dead,” I said sharply.

  “And yet you see her?”

  “The ironies of life,” I stood up and walked to the liquor trolley, “Would you like one?”

  “No thank you. I’d prefer you weren’t intoxicated for this session.”

  I sipped at my brandy and walked slowly back to the seat, “I’d prefer to be back home in Manhattan and yet here I am. We are both not getting what we want.”

  His eye twitched and his pasted smile shrunk. I smiled, I was annoying him.

  “You only see your wife in your apartment, is that correct?”

  I sipped at the brandy again. I let the burning liquid flow down my throat before I answered. “Yes.”

  “And what do you think the reason could be?”

  I leaned on the back rest of the seat, “I’ll ask her that when I get home, if I get home.”

  “Do you know why she’s still around?” Dr. Ashford’s patience was wearing out.

  “Ronald seems to think it’s because she has unfinished business with me, I think she wants to make sure I don’t give away her shoes. Her sister Sandra would like them.”

  “What unfinished business do you think she has with you?”

  I walked round the seat and collapsed in it. The brandy spilled over on to the seat, the desk and my shirt. “I’ll ask her that too if I get home.”

  “What else did Ronald say? You spoke to him more than you are with me.”

  “It’s nothing personal. He’s my brother and you are here to make a quick buck. So how about we cut this session short and you can go tell my mother I’m crazy.” I could feel my anger resurface.

  He put his pen and writing pad on the desk. “You aren’t been exactly helpful William.”

  “I’m not in a helping mood.”

  “You might be imaging your wife or she really is haunting you. One thing’s for sure, you don’t want to let go of her and until you do, you’ll keep seeing her...” he stopped and looked at me with a creased brow, “Do you even want to stop seeing her?”

  I looked at him for a while, unsettled by his question. I wasn’t sure if I did or not. “I can’t go back to work, my mother nags me and my in-laws think I’ve flown off the coo coo’s nest. What do you think?” I kept my eyes fixed on the bronze- brown liquid in my glass.

  Dr. Ashford stood up and picked up his things, “I think you don’t care much about your life unless she’s in it, as a ghost or in flesh. You can leave if you like.”

  “Your muscle at the door won’t stop me?” I asked him masking the anxiety I was filling from my voice.

  “They are your mother’s muscle,” he smiled amused.

  “But you have the leash,” I stood up from the seat and walked to the door. I stopped a few feet away from them and waited to see if they’d attack me or something. They just moved away from the door. I reached for the door and opened it, “Dr. Ashford it was nice to see you again but not so much of a pleasure.” I walked out and closed the door behind me.

  Gloria was waiting at the foyer. A huge frown curved over her face when she saw me. She stared at the grand father clock before she came after me when I walked past her, “I paid him for a full two hours not forty-five minutes!”

  “Then you should get a refund or you could always finish up the hour and fifteen minutes left.” I headed for the staircase and took three steps at a time to get away from my mother faster.

  She came running after me. “Did he fix you?”

  I walked into my room and pulled my bag to the door, then went through my drawers in search of my passport, “I’m not broken to get fixed and you can ask him yourself.” I put my passport in my jacket, picked up my bag and walked out of the room.

  “Where on earth do you think you are going?” Gloria yelled from the door. I rushed down the stairs to the entrance hall.

  “Back to America, before you get me institutionalized. Goodbye mother,” I yelled before I closed the big doors.

  The driver was waiting for me at the front of the house. He took my bag and jacket and put them in the back then opened the back seat door for me. I looked at him perplexed.

  “I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving?”

  He smiled, “We had a pool on when you would leave sir. I bet on tomorrow morning but after the psychiatrist was called in, I changed it to immediately you left the study.”

  “How much did you win?” I asked him laughing.

  “Fifty pounds sir.” he answered proudly.

  “Congratulations,” I got in still laughing. We pulled out of the main gates and he drove fast heading for the airport.

  *

  I hadn’t booked a flight, I wasn’t even sure if there was a flight available, all I wanted was to get out of there as fast as I could. I couldn’t take any more of Gloria’s pestering and I wanted to see Kristy, I had missed her.

  I had to wait until midnight to catch the next flight out. I occupied myself with reading newspapers that I hadn’t bothered with for the last four months. I watched the children play and run around while their tired parents chased after them. With all the noise and disturbances, I felt at peace for the first time since I got to London.

  The flight felt shorter without mother to harass me every minute. I felt relaxed when my feet touched the ground in New York. I was going to catch a taxi but Sandra was waiting for me. I smiled; she was a sight for sore eyes.

  Sandra reached up to give me a hug. “Hi, Gloria called. She said I should pick you up.”

  I let her go to put my bag in the back seat. She circled the car to the driver’s side. “She must have found out which flight I was on. How are you?”

  “I should be asking you that, I’m sure your visit home was interesting.” She laughed. We got in and she pulled out.

  I told her everything that went down in London. My mother’s trap and the hide and seek game we played. She laughed so much she drove into the wrong lane a couple of times. But her laughter died down when I told her Ronald had asked about her. She muttered something under her breath then changed the subject back to my mother. She really didn’t like my brother.

  I got excited when we got to my apartment. I was anxious to see Kristy again and I had missed my small cubical as mother called it. I was so preoccupied with the reunion I hadn’t noticed how quiet Sandra had gotten. I opened the door to
find the place cleaned and polished. This must have been Sandra’s work.

  I set my bag down close to the couch and turned to look at my sister-in-law with a gracious smile. “Thanks for picking me up and for cleaning the place up. It’s a miracle you didn’t get sick from all the bacteria that must have been breeding in here.”

  “Will there’s something I need to show you.” A pained look crossed her face as she pulled a tight smile.

  “What is it?”

  She took a deep breath then pulled an envelope out of her purse. “It was addressed to me but it’s meant for you,” she was emotional. Her brows pulled together in another pained look before she handed me the envelope.

  I took it but I didn’t open it just yet. I moved closer to her, “Sandra is anything the matter?”

  “It’s from Kristy,” she said with a cracked voice. She reached up and wiped away the tear trickling down her cheek.

  I stared at her immobilized by Kristy’s name. I hadn’t seen her since I left for London and now a letter. She probably wrote it when she was still alive, why didn’t she tell me about it?

  “What does it say?” I asked nervously, swallowing the lump in my throat.

  “I think you should read it yourself. Maybe you’ll understand her better than I do.” She tittered nervously as she walked round the couch to sit down. She had her head in her hands as she sobbed softly.

  I sat on the stool at the counter in the kitchen area, facing Sandra’s shaking shoulders. My hands were shaky and my heart beat a mile a second. I opened the envelope slowly, scared as I unfolded the letter. The recognition of Kristy’s hand writing made me chock on a sob.

  Chapter Seven

  My dear Will,

  If you are reading this, then it means that our life together has been cut short. I’m so sorry I’m no longer there to take care of you, to make you laugh, to watch your meat diet and to put a dent in our bank accounts especially the one for bail.

  You mean so much to me, I’m just grateful I’m not in your place. I don’t think I could have lived another day without you. You are a vital part of me, the magic that kept my heart beating with so much love and happiness. I’m just glad my sister and brother are there to take care of you, not forgetting my very charming brother-in-law. Tell them I miss them, and I love them very much. It breaks my heart that I won’t be around any more to watch Ron fight with Sandra or Morris and Ron pick up girls. Those two are a danger to women.