Don't Make Me Choose Between You and My Shoes

by Dixie Cash

  “I hope you don’t think I’m moving too fast,” he said softly, “but you aren’t going to be here very long.”

  Celina surprised herself by placing her hand on his cheek and pulling him back for more.

  “Ed,” Debbie Sue said, “get away from there. What’s the matter with you?”

  Edwina had plastered her ear to the door. “Shhh, they’ll hear you. I just want to hear how things are going. You know, who makes the first move and all.”

  “I guarantee it’s him making the move,” Debbie Sue said, now pressing against Edwina’s back and trying to hear also. “He hardly took his eyes off of her all evening.”

  “I know. It was sweet.”

  Debbie Sue straightened and planted her hands on her hips. “Sweet? You think it’s sweet watching a cobra move in on a helpless mouse?”

  Edwina straightened, too. “Hell, Debbie Sue, you’ve been watching too much Animal Planet on TV.”

  “I’ll have you know I worried all the way back to the hotel about leaving her alone with him.”

  “C’mon. They’re two single, good-looking, healthy young people. They look like they were made for each other.”

  “Humph. Says who?” Debbie picked up her makeup kit and padded to the bathroom.

  Edwina followed and leaned a shoulder against the door-jamb. “You don’t like him, do you?”

  Debbie Sue looked at her reflection in the mirror. “It’s not that I don’t like him. There’s just something about him that makes me nervous and I don’t know what it is.”

  “Cut him some slack. He was in Special Forces. My Vic was one of those guys. They’re cut from a different cloth.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right. But did you see the look on his face when he was talking to that cab driver tonight?

  Edwina’s eyes widened and her palms lifted. “What’s with looks?”

  “He looked like if that cab driver had twitched a wrong muscle, he would tear him apart.”

  “Just think of the job he has, what he deals with every day. He has to be tough. Hell, I’ve seen Buddy Overstreet give a look that could stop a current in a creek after a gullywasher. He gave me that look when I asked him to fix a speeding ticket for me.”

  Debbie Sue dug a hairbrush from her satchel and began to brush her hair. “You’re right. And I remember that I was afraid of Vic when you first introduced him to me. I didn’t trust him one little hoot. For a full year I hoped y’all would break up. But that was before I learned to love him too.”

  “You’ve never said you were afraid of my Vic? How come?”

  Debbie Sue secured her hair in a scrunchie, then slathered soap on her face, mumbling through her washcloth. “Well, there was the whole ex-wife thing. Every time she called I’d think he was going to leave and break your heart.”

  “That was once a week. Why didn’t you tell me that back then?”

  “I trusted you.” Debbie Sue said, drying her face and digging for her toothbrush. “I knew if he wasn’t the real deal, you’d pick up on it and send him packing.”

  Just then the door opened and Celina floated into the room. Her hair was a little tousled and the perfect makeup job Debbie Sue and Edwina had done on her was more than a little smudged.

  She leaned back against the door and sighed. “Don’t y’all just love New York City?”

  “I was just telling Debbie Sue what a hoot it is,” Edwina said.

  “Guess where Matt is taking me tomorrow night?”

  Debbie Sue came out of the bathroom, exchanged a glance with Edwina and shrugged. “No clue.”

  “To Madison Square Garden. Isn’t that romantic?”

  “If you say so,” Edwina said.

  “Don’t you remember me telling you, that’s where Granny Dee met my granddad? He was competing in a rodeo and it was love at first sight.”

  “I do remember now. So he’s taking you to a rodeo?”

  “No, I think it’s a basketball game, but it’s still romantic.”

  Debbie Sue’s brow rose in an arch.

  Edwina elbowed her in the ribs. “Get that look off your face and smile.”

  “Ow! What look?”

  “The one that looks like you just coughed up a hairball.”

  “Oh, that look.”

  chapter fourteen

  On Thursday morning, Debbie Sue awoke in a less frivolous mood than when she had gone to bed a few hours earlier. All she could think about was aspirin. And food. Then she remembered that Edwina had had the forethought the night before to order coffee, orange juice and pastries to be delivered to the room by nine o’clock.

  She threw off the covers and eased to a sitting position. “Please tell me I smell coffee.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Edwina said. “Hot coffee with sugar and real cream. That and sugar-loaded goodies. Look at this. Cinnamon rolls, strawberry tarts, banana muffins and cheese blintz. A ton of sugar. Just what you need to kill a hangover.”

  “I’ll have a little of all of it,” Debbie Sue said. “Take the cup, put the pastries inside, pour the coffee over them and hand it to me.”

  “I don’t have a hangover,” Celina announced cheerily. She had come from the bathroom wearing a terry-cloth robe and carrying a towel.

  “That’s because you’re an infant,” Edwina said, pouring steaming coffee into three cups. “The young still have strong-enough brain cells to fight off drinking too much.”

  Debbie Sue took the cup Edwina handed her. “There’s that. And the fact that you drank a third of what we did.”

  Edwina carried her own cup of coffee and a huge cinnamon roll to a chair. “My downfall must have been those chocolate sundae martinis. I lost count at five.”

  “You ordered six, but I drank three of them,” Debbie Sue said. “There oughta be a law against making something that lethal taste so fuckin’ good. The surgeon general should look into that.”

  “Do you remember what was in them? I’d like to make them for Vic. He’d really get a kick out of them.”

  “I don’t remember and if you don’t mind, I don’t want to talk about it anymore. My head hurts just thinking about it.”

  “I remember,” Celina said triumphantly. “It was vodka, white and dark Godiva chocolate and white cocoa liqueur, topped with whipped cream and chocolate shavings.”

  Debbie Sue rolled her eyes. “Sweet mother of God. She’s got beauty, youth, legs that require their own area code and a memory to boot. I think I hate you.”

  Celina laughed. “No, you don’t. You love me and I love y’all. And I love New York City and everything about it. I’m going to the health club on the roof for a swim. Anyone want to come along?”

  Debbie Sue stared at her. Even if she had been in the mood for physical activity, she wasn’t about to admit that she couldn’t swim.

  Edwina gave her the thumbs-up sign. “Hon, you just go right on ahead. We’ll get our swim in later.”

  “Okay. Byeee!” Celina left the room waving a bagel overhead.

  Debbie Sue waved to her back. “Ed, when she comes back to the room, I want you to kill her. Nothing bloody, just quick and to the point. Better yet, follow her up to the roof and push her off.”

  “Oh, come on, now. She’s in love. Don’t you remember when you felt the first blush of a new love?”

  That statement brought on a deep thought. Debbie Sue took a bite from a muffin, a bagel and then a strawberry tart. “Kind of. But I’ve been in love with Buddy my whole life, so it’s kind of hard to pin down the exact moment.”

  “Well, as far as I’m concerned, it’s the best damn feeling in the world. I’ve felt it a dozen times and this last one is the best. I think I’m going to take my cell phone in the bathroom and do some dirty talking to my baby back home. You need to get in there first?”

  “Naw, go ahead.”

  “Okay. Byeee!” Edwina entered the bathroom waving her cell phone over her head.

  “Don’t steam the mirrors up,” Debbie Sue yelled back.

  At ten o
’clock the three of them stood at the fountain, each with her list of the day’s programs. Debbie Sue scanned the names of presenters. “See anything that strikes your fancy?”

  “Oh, pooh. Matt’s name isn’t listed,” Celina said. “This must be the day he’s working in the exhibit area.”

  “Nothing toots my horn until three P.M.,” Edwina said. “High-Tech Undetectable Listening Devices. That’s the one for me.”

  “Gee,” Celina said, chewing on her bottom lip. “Everything up to then is DNA or weapons. I really don’t care about either one. But you’re right, that three o’clock sounds cool.”

  “I’m gonna make a suggestion that will sound really bad,” Edwina said. “I mean, we came all this way to attend sessions on improving our detecting skills. But I want to go shopping.”

  “Shopping!” the others chorused.

  “Well, think about it. When are we going to go shopping?”

  “Do we have to go shopping?” Debbie Sue asked. “You know I hate shopping.”

  “This is New York City. How can we not go shopping? The first thing anyone back home is going to ask is, what’d you buy? How can we answer dinner?”

  “I’ll admit,” Debbie Sue said, “I’ve never seen you pass up the chance to hit the stores.”

  “I want one of those knock-off designer purses,” Edwina said.

  “Oh, me, too,” Celina said. “No one in Dime Box will ever know the difference. And I’d like to get something special for tonight.” A soft hue of pink flushed her cheeks.

  “And shoes,” Edwina added. “How can I not buy a pair of shoes in New York City?”

  Debbie Sue heaved a great sigh, just to make her companions aware of her sacrifice. “Okay. I’m not into fancy clothes unless they’re western and I can’t imagine giving up my cowboy boots for shoes, but I do want some of Tiffany’s perfume. I’ve seen Breakfast at Tiffany’s a dozen times.”

  “Then it’s settled,” Edwina said. “We’re going shopping. Are we going together or going our separate ways and meeting back here at three?”

  A warning sounded in Debbie Sue’s head as a dozen nightmarish scenarios involving Edwina alone on the streets of New York passed through her thoughts. “Together. We started this together. We stick together.”

  At two thirty the trio returned to the hotel and struggled through the revolving door carrying bags and boxes. They had been to Tiffany’s, Bergdorf Goodman and Saks Fifth Avenue. Edwina had haggled with a handful of street vendors on everything from handbags to sunglasses. Not a bad day for a group of out-of-towners with a limited budget, Debbie Sue figured.

  Edwina started for the elevators. “Let’s go upstairs and dump our stuff and change our shoes. Then come back down for the session and catch happy hour again.”

  Debbie Sue, carrying her one tiny bag with her bottle of perfume tagged behind. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but a drink sounds good right now.”

  Edwina pushed the elevator call button. “See? What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

  “This walking won’t kill me, but the drink after the session will sure make me stronger,” Debbie Sue quipped.

  “Definitely change the shoes,” Celina said. “In fact, I’d like to change my feet. They can say what they want about New York, but it is all about the shoes, isn’t it?”

  “Spoken like a true Texan,” Debbie Sue said as they trooped onto the elevator.

  Across the lobby, a man watched the three women board the elevator. He had been following them all afternoon as they chatted and laughed without a care in the world.

  At first he had thought they might be different from most women—ambitious and eager to work in a man’s world—but they weren’t. They weren’t interested in their careers. Just like every bitch he had known, they only wanted to shop for expensive perfumes, enticing undergarments and stiletto high heels.

  Oh, each one of them would say she did it for a man waiting for her at home, but he knew why they really did it. They did it to fool their men into thinking the shopping spree was a gift from them, their idea. Then they would meet over lunch and laugh at the poor saps. These three were no different from whores. They knew what they wanted and what they had to do to get it.

  At least the pros were upfront and honest about it—no pretense about what they wanted. They were dirty but didn’t act like they weren’t. Not at all like this Texas trio.

  They flirted and cooed and batted their eyes. They were the disgusting ones. Liars.

  Conniving bitches.

  They were a triple threat to men and he was the “Righteous Avenger.” He only needed a pair of tights and a cape. Maybe a really cool mask.

  He chuckled at this thought. He was still laughing as he stepped onto an elevator and the door closed.

  Debbie Sue, along with her two friends, listened to a short, rotund speaker wearing shiny black pants. “This microphone is designed to convert minute vibrations to voice-band audio that can be received by headphones or secondary measurement equipment.” He held up an item no bigger than a pack of cigarettes for all to see.

  Apparently satisfied his audience had a clear view of his product, he continued, “The Ear-Millennium Edition—or as we call it, the Ear—far surpasses any listening device on the market. Place it against the wall, put in the earphones and you’re in business. If desired, a recording device or speakers can be plugged in. To the innocent bystander, you might appear to be listening to your iPod.” He laughed as if he had said something funny.

  The memory of an incident she and Edwina referred to as “a total FUBAR” popped up in Debbie Sue’s mind.

  A Salt Lick resident, J. W. Jones, had been convinced his wife, Trixie, was having an affair with Stony Curtis, a local truck driver who also happened to be J. W.’s best friend. J. W. hired the Equalizers to follow Trixie and report their findings.

  Indeed, they discovered Trixie entering and exiting Stony’s home on several occasions. The ear-to-the-wall technique, or huddling outside the subject’s front door, revealed a conversation that Debbie Sue and Edwina agreed was particularly telling. Stony had clearly asked Trixie if she would like to take it doggie style.

  What the Equalizers discovered too late was that Trixie had been looking to purchase a motorcycle Stony had for sale. She intended to give it to J. W. on his fortieth birthday. What Stony had really asked was if Trixie would “like to take the hog for a ride.” Unfortunately for all involved, the Domestic Equalizers’ listening technique had been a dismal failure.

  Luckily, in the end J. W. was so relieved that his wife was faithful, that he hadn’t lost his drinking buddy Stony and that he was now the owner of a new motorcycle, he dropped the whole matter and didn’t take the Equalizers to task. But the debacle would forever haunt them.

  Debbie Sue wrote the name of the state-of-the-art listening device on her notepad. Gotta have this, she wrote beneath the name, followed by several exclamation points. Beneath that she drew a circle, put a big dollar sign inside and drew a line through it. The shopping escapade had been more expensive than she had planned. Leaning toward Edwina she whispered, “Let’s go to the exhibitors’ room. I’d like to look at this up close.”

  “Good idea,” Edwina whispered back. “I was just thinking about the time when we really could have used that.”

  “Yeah, I know, I already thought of it. M.S.U.”

  “Huh? Oh yeah, major screw up.” Edwina eased out of her chair and followed Debbie Sue from the hall.

  They had barely walked six feet when they heard Celina call their names. “Debbie Sue, Edwina, where are y’all off to?” She was struggling with some literature in her hands and her purse strap was falling from her shoulder.

  “We’re headed to the exhibit room. We want to look at the Ear,” Debbie Sue said.

  “Want to join us?” Edwina asked.

  Celina giggled. “No. I just wanted to be sure you weren’t going to the bar without me.”

  “Well, look at you, party girl,” E
dwina said. “What about your date tonight?”

  “Oh, I’m wouldn’t miss that for anything. I just wanted to have a drink and eat something before he picks me up. I’m starving. See you at happy hour.”

  Debbie Sue watched the door close on Celina and turned to Edwina. “Now that I think about it, I’m hungry too.”

  “After all those hot dogs and pretzels you ate from the street vendors?”

  “I didn’t eat that much,” Debbie Sue said, defending herself.

  “Excuse me, but we didn’t walk past one, not one cart, that you didn’t stop and buy something.”

  “I couldn’t help it, Ed. It was all good. Why does everyone say eating out in New York is so expensive?”

  “I guess it’s all in how you interpret the word out.”

  “Let’s go to the bar, have one drink, eat some of the freebies they have on their buffet, then go look at the Ear.”

  “Great. I’ll round up Celina.”

  Five minutes later they were seated in the dark hotel bar.

  “May I bring you ladies something?” the cocktail waitress asked.

  “Christ, I haven’t forgotten the price of margaritas in this joint. I’ll have a Coke,” Edwina said to the waitress.

  “Me too,” Celina said. “Something nonalcoholic sounds good.”

  Debbie Sue added her order to the round of drinks. “Light beer.” She rose from her seat. “I’m going to the buffet. You two want anything?”

  “No thanks,” Edwina said.

  “I’ll go with you,” Celina said, and stood up, too.

  While Debbie Sue and Celina filled plates at the buffet, Edwina noticed a woman’s silhouette in the doorway. The light behind her prevented immediate identification, but something about her was familiar. Then it hit her. Cher Giacomo.

  Edwina strained to make eye contact and waved. Cher, spotting her, waved back and came in her direction. She was dressed for the evening, Edwina noticed, in something that looked to be expensive. It was extremely revealing.