I looked down at the steering wheel. I just couldn’t take her feeling sorry for me. I had married my high-school sweetheart. Our marriage was supposed to have been perfect. “I know you’re probably right. I’m just trying to be patient and let him do things on his own terms.”
She shook her head. “Uh-uh. That shit went out the window the second he stepped foot back in that house. I know you believe in that love, honor, and obey crap, but you’ve got to put you and Aiden first.” She tossed her hands in the air. “All that drinking and crazy talk, girl . . . you’re better than me. I would have left that crazy mothafucka a long time ago!”
I finally looked up at her and rolled my eyes. “That’s because you don’t take your marriage vows seriously and I do.”
“True, but that’s not what I mean.” She leaned back on the seat with her hands on her belly. “My uncle, the one who used to rape me? Well, he was one of those crazy-ass Vietnam vets. He’d be up at all hours of the night sleepwalking and screaming like he thought he was still on the frontline.”
I couldn’t even set my lips to tell her Donovan was doing the same thing. Thank goodness Leon insisted on them staying at a hotel three blocks away. The last thing I wanted was for the two of them to see how bad it really had gotten. “How bad was it?”
“Like hell. I remember I used to feel sorry for his ass. Then one night he climbed under the covers calling me Connie, his wife who had left him. And that’s when he first raped me. At first I thought he still thought I was his wife, but then he started moaning ‘Netta’ in my ear and I knew that crazy bastard knew what he was doing.”
I couldn’t believe how calm she sounded, because it had taken years before Netta had told me about her uncle raping her. I never could understand how a woman could leave her own daughter alone with another man, family or not. For years I hated her mother just like she had. But Big Mama raised me to forgive and forget. Once Darlene went to drug rehab, then started attending church and gave her life over to God, I forgave her and encouraged Netta to do the same. I was glad that she had been making some effort.
“What I’m trying to say is don’t just try to sweep this under the rug. If Don needs help, then you need to make sure he gets it. I’d hate to get a call in the middle of the night saying something happened to either of y’all.”
“Thanks, girl. I appreciate that.” I really loved those rare moments when Trinette proved that she cared about someone other than herself.
“All right, now let’s go see what treasure we can find.”
I figured shopping was a good way to shut her up at least for a little bit while I had a chance to think about Don’s behavior and come up with a way to keep him under control for the entire weekend.
Trinette grinned and her eyes lit up the way they always do when it comes to spending money. Netta used to spend years shopping for designer clothing and accessories at all those high-end stores until I dragged her ass into a T.J. Maxx and proved to her she could buy the exact same item for a fraction of the price. What I didn’t realize was that I had unleashed a monster.
We were filling up the second shopping cart with stuff for Trinette when I decided things were getting out of hand. “Netta, why are you buying a swimsuit? You’re not going to be able to wear any of these things until next summer.”
“So what? At least I’ll have them when I get my body back.”
I pursed my lips with disgust. She was back to thinking about herself again. “Come on, I want to find something for the baby.” I didn’t even wait for a reply and pushed the cart over to the infants’ section. Trinette was trying to come off as uninterested, but I knew better. She could act like she didn’t like kids, but I remembered the way she had behaved the day Aiden was born. She had flown down and spent three days kissing and hugging her godson. Not many people knew this, but beneath all that ice she really did have a good heart.
Trinette spotted a tiny designer dress and removed it from the rack to get a closer look. “Oh, this is so cute!”
I gave her a weird look. “Yeah, but you don’t even know what you’re having.”
“I feel it in my heart that this is a girl. She’s going to be a little lady just like her mother.”
“You mean a slut,” I mumbled under my breath and started laughing when Netta slapped me upside my head. “You know I love you, though.”
Smiling, she rubbed her stomach. “This little girl is going to be spoiled just like her mother.”
“Ain’t that the truth?” I gave her a long look. “How are you getting used to being pregnant?” I asked, because I knew it was a major adjustment. Just wait until she sees the stretch marks. Boy, I would love to be a fly on her wall.
She picked up a baby blanket and smiled at me. “I guess I’m coming around. Jrue is excited about the baby. And Leon’s excited, and when they’re happy, Netta gets to shop.”
That wasn’t at all what I meant. “And how do you feel about that?”
She sighed and tossed the blanket into the cart along with matching socks and bonnet. “I guess I had no choice but to get used to the idea. Every day I look in the mirror and I can see my body changing. As long as it’s not too much, I think I’ll be able to deal with it. Cocoa butter and I are now best friends.”
She is so silly. I chuckled. “Just wait until your feet start swelling.” She cut her eyes in my direction and I really started laughing. “Seriously, though. What have you decided to do about Jrue?”
Trinette moved over to a rocking chair and took a seat. “I wake up every morning and ask myself how in the world is this happening to me? I am in love with a man. Me? Netta? In love?” She shook her head. “I want nothing more than to spend my life with Jrue.” Trinette blushed, something I was not used to seeing.
“Damn, girl. If you’re still feeling like that, then maybe you really are in love.”
She cut her eyes at me. “Bitch, what have I been tryna tell you all this time?”
“Yeah, but I had to see it for myself and the eyes don’t lie.”
She gave me a sad smile and started rocking back and forth in that chair. “If this baby’s Jrue’s, then I can just walk away and start my new life with him. If it’s Leon’s . . . I don’t know what I’m going to do. That man wants this baby so bad. I’m also afraid of what he might do if he finds out it’s not his.”
She wasn’t lying. Leon might be quiet and let Trinette run over him, but after their last breakup I had finally gotten a chance to see another side to him. That man was not one to be messed with. He forgave her once and they renewed their vows with a pledge to make their reaffirmed marriage work. I was afraid that if he found out Trinette had been having an affair, he just might snap.
I couldn’t keep my fears to myself. “I’m just worried all this is going to blow up in your face.”
She waved her hand in dismissal. “I’m not worried about that.” Trinette rose from the chair and walked over to finger a beautiful christening gown. “I just wish I had gotten rid of this baby while I had the chance.”
My head snapped back. “You don’t mean that.”
She nodded and met my wide stare. “Yes, I do. I believe in staying in control. I can’t do that pregnant. Right now I have absolutely no control over how all this is going to turn out. And I don’t like that feeling.”
For once I had to admit she was right. Lord knows I don’t believe in abortions, but maybe this was one time when it would have been considered necessary, because when that baby is finally born, someone is going to get hurt. “Maybe you’re right.”
“Damn right. But in the meantime, I’ll just milk it for all it’s worth,” she said, and that devious smile returned to her lips. I knew deep down she was worried. Acting like she was still large and in charge was Netta’s way of making it all better. “I told Jrue I was coming down here to visit with my best friend and he dropped two grand in my checking account this morning. Told me to be safe. I’ve got precious cargo onboard.”
I sucked my teeth. “
He sounds like another lame ass.”
She tossed her head back with laughter. “You know that’s how I like them. But seriously, though . . . Jrue is different.” I heard Usher’s “Climax” and Trinette reached into her purse and looked down at her cell phone and grinned. “Speak of the devil.” She brought the phone to her ear and walked toward the register.
I shook my head. Some things never change.
We made it back to the house just as Donovan was carrying in the steaks.
“Mmmm, something smells good,” Trinette said, and put the bag with the barbecue sauce on the counter.
Donovan lowered the meat onto the stove, then eyed me suspiciously. “Took y’all long enough. What you do . . . go see your other man?”
I laughed and tried to play it off. “Dude, whatever.”
Donovan didn’t see anything funny. “Man, I told you she was trying to leave me for another mothafucka. That’s what they do. When you’re away fighting a war, your wife’s out there straddling some other nigga’s lap.”
“No, he didn’t,” Trinette breathed under her breath.
I looked at her out the corner of my eye and then at Leon, who looked clearly embarrassed.
“Nah, not all women. Don, man, you got one of the good ones,” he said, trying to simmer the tension.
My husband looked unconvinced and tipped his glass. “You can only trust them as far as you can see them. Hell, you should know that firsthand.” He laughed at his joke.
I could see Trinette was ready to go off. Unfortunately, she knew it was true and Donovan knew it too. I quickly hurried to diffuse the bomb that was clearly ticking in the kitchen.
“Why don’t we go out onto the patio and eat? I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.” I hooked my arm through Trinette’s and pulled her along with me.
“You know I was about to snap,” she hissed.
“I know. That’s why I grabbed you.” I pleaded with her to understand, and luckily she rolled her eyes and blew out a long breath.
She helped me set the table and before long we were all outside eating and laughing and having a good time. Don was even stroking my thigh under the table and giving me that look that said tonight it was on and popping, and my body radiated with heat. Of course that warm fuzzy feeling only lasted until Donovan’s next drink.
“Netta, motherhood definitely complements you well.”
She grinned. “Thanks, Don. We are really looking forward to having our first child.”
Smiling, Donovan leaned back in his chair and glanced around the table. “Well, Leon, at least you don’t have to worry if you’re the father of her child.”
“What the . . .” Trinette started to cuss him, but Leon touched her arms and shook his head. I knew it wasn’t easy. Trinette struggled to keep her composure, although she looked ready to jump her pregnant ass across that patio table and strangle him. And probably would have if Aiden wasn’t sitting on her lap.
“Seriously, man, how did you forgive your wife for messing around? How’d you manage to stay together?” he queried.
The table grew quiet.
“Don, I don’t even know why you had to even go there,” I snarled.
“Hey, I’m just having a conversation,” he said with a smirk. “I was hoping my boy can enlighten me so when I find out what’s really going on around here, I will know how to handle the situation.” He tossed his glass back, then rose. “Anybody else want a drink?”
“No, and neither do you,” I said with a warning glance. I wasn’t going to keep playing this bullshit game with him. All this arguing and accusing me of doing shit behind his back had to stop.
And just like that it was like his head spun around like the girl from The Exorcist and the sweet Donovan returned.
“Yo, Leon, I’m sorry about that. That was completely out of line. How about we have another toast to congratulate you on the baby?”
Trinette kept that sour look on her face, but Leon’s smile returned. As usual, he didn’t bother to take Donovan’s behavior personal. “Now that’s something I can toast to.”
“Let me go get the bottle.” Donovan rose and then as if it were an afterthought, leaned down and kissed me hard on the mouth. “I love you, Nikki,” he said, and I saw so much fear in his eyes I gasped. I had never seen that before. My husband had always been the strongest man I had ever known, and now he almost looked like a scared child. As he moved into the kitchen, tears filled my eyes.
Leon pressed a gentle hand to my arm. “Hey, you okay?”
I shrugged because I really didn’t know anymore.
“Hell nah!” Netta exclaimed. Quickly, she handed Aiden to Leon, then leaned so far across the table her belly was practically on top. “Listen to me, Nikki, and listen good. Get that man some help before I break my foot off in his ass!”
She was right. I needed to find some way to save my husband’s life.
12
Trinette
“I never knew I could be so happy . . . And I never knew I’d be so secure . . .”
I was up out of my seat with the rest of the congregation as the soloist rocked the room. There were thirty people in the choir stand, an organist, and a choir director who was just as good as, if not better than, Kirk Franklin.
My mama had been an active member of Sugarland Baptist Church since recovering from a drug addiction eight years ago. The congregation was large, yet it seemed everybody knew everybody and all their business, so who was I to judge?
Mama was sitting in the pew in front of me and she glanced over her shoulder for the umpteenth time. Pride was all over her face as she clapped her hands and swayed her narrow hips. Two years ago after I had gotten past the anger of my mother being a crackhead and all the consequences of her neglect, I had donated to her one of my kidneys. Since then we’d been slowly building a relationship. I don’t think we’ll ever be joined at the hip, but it felt good knowing that I finally had my mother back in my life.
“LET THE SAINTS SAY AMEN . . . I SAID, LET THE SAINTS SAY AMEN!!”
“Amen!” I shouted.
The minister rose and walked across the pulpit. Everybody lowered onto their seat and got ready for a powerful sermon. Something about being in church had me feeling all good inside. I laced my fingers with Leon’s. He turned his head and grinned, and I smiled back at him.
Nikki and Donovan were sitting to my left. She leaned over and whispered near my ear, “At least the church hasn’t burned down yet.”
“You ain’t neva lied,” I giggled softly. I had worried about that myself. We both knew good and well I hadn’t stepped foot in a church in years. Leon squeezed my hand and mouthed, “Be quiet.” Smiling, I straightened up on the pew and was actually looking forward to what Reverend Williams had to say.
“Saints . . . something has been weighing heavily on my heart.” He paused and dragged a handkerchief across his forehead. “Some of y’all may know someone who’s doing this and then again, that someone may be you. I’m talking about sliding under the sheets at night and slipping out the back door before the sun rises. Y’all know what I’m talking about. Can somebody help me?”
“Amen!” the congregation shouted from around the room.
“I know I’m not speaking from experience, but when a man and woman say ‘I do’ to each other, they’re not saying ‘I do’ to all the others.”
“Preach, Rev!”
“Amen!”
“Today’s sermon comes from Proverbs 6:32. ‘But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding.’ ”
Oh shit—oops—I meant, oh shoot. My heart leaped nervously and I glanced up at the ceiling, expecting the building to finally come tumbling down. Nikki tapped me on the leg and I looked up and caught her ass trying not to laugh. There was nothing funny about the situation. I kid you not, Reverend Williams was looking directly at me as he preached about the sin of climbing in another man’s bed.
“I have been told that we are having a problem here in the church
that is starting to cause conflict amongst our members. That at Bible study there was an incident that we need to address before it goes any further, because God don’t like ugly in His house!”
“Preach!”
“The root of ugliness in God’s house is the devil’s work. I don’t want to talk long on this subject because I know I’m stepping on some toes here. But this is God’s house and His house is sacred!”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“Amen!”
I felt myself trying to scrunch down low on the seat. Why was he staring directly at me? Leon brought my hand to his lips, kissed it, and I started feeling guilty as hell.
“I’d like to begin my message with a word of prayer. Can I have all the deacons and deaconesses come down to the front of the church. Everyone else in the pews please hold hands as we pray.”
I glanced around and watched everyone else rise and realized I had better join in.
“Bow your heads, saints. Heavenly Father . . . I want to come to you in your glory and honor and ask that you look over our church and our church members . . . touch the ones that need it and cleanse their bodies and souls, and bring Jesus Christ in their lives. Because only he can do what we cannot do, and that is save souls.”
Oh, God. I was a sinner. My heart was pounding so hard, I felt like I was hyperventilating.
Why me, Lord? Why did I have to fall in love with a man who wasn’t my husband? It was crazy, yet I couldn’t deny it. Sure, I’ve been a slut all my life. Bed hopping and taking men’s money had been my favorite pastime. Yet in the ten years Leon and I have been married, I never thought twice about messing around on him because I didn’t feel that level of respect and commitment the reverend was preaching about. Then bam! I meet Jrue and I was ready to be faithful to one man. The wrong man. I know it was adultery, but it never felt like such a nasty word until now while I’m standing beside my husband, fingers laced together, in church.
We finally lowered back to our seat and the pastor’s powerful voice boomed off the church walls. I think I flinched a couple of times. All around me, everybody was listening intently to his sermon. Leon draped an arm across my shoulders, drawing me close. Even Donovan was nodding his head and getting all wrapped up in the Word. Mama was in front of me dabbing her eyes with a tissue, probably remembering all the husbands whose dicks she had sucked while turning tricks. I cringed at the thought, because I truly was no better than her. I couldn’t even count all the men I have slept with. I figured as long as I used a condom, I never had to see them again. The longer I sat there, the guiltier I felt, until finally I couldn’t sit still a moment longer.
Consequences Page 8
