Lessons for a Werewolf Warrior

by Jackie French

  Mug lived in a giant pink zombie duck, if ducks had doors under their beaks and windows all around where their wings should be, and a roof garden on their backs.

  Mug’s mother was big and fuzzy, like Mug, but her fuzz was pink instead of green. She stood up as they came in. ‘Welcome!’ she called. She leant out the window and peered up at the house’s beak. ‘Geeup, house!’

  ‘Quack,’ said the house obediently. It began to paddle in to shore, the swans gliding silently away as it approached.

  ‘This Dad,’ said Mug.

  A big brown lump looking like a bigger, older Mug grinned at them from the sofa.

  ‘And this little sister, Glug. She decided to become zombie two years after me.’ Mug grinned, showing green crumbling teeth. ‘She see it much more fun being zombie in our family.’

  A blonde lump of fuzz jumped up from a small pink chair. She smiled at Boo, showing long pink teeth. ‘Him cute,’ said Glug, waving fingers held on by duct tape. The fingernails and toenails had pink polish on them.

  ‘Er, thanks,’ said Boo.

  ‘And this Graunt Doom,’ went on Mug.

  ‘Hiya,’ boomed Great-great-great-aunt Doom, tapping her stick on the floor. She was sitting on what Boo supposed was a chair, even if it did have four fuzzy feet and was eating what looked like an oversized apple. She looked just like Mug, except her fungus was grey and her nose was wrinkled. A single grey tooth showed when she grinned.

  Boo felt a lump rise in his throat. They all looked so happy. Mug was lucky, having a family like this to belong to.

  What if everyone’s right? he thought suddenly. What if Mum’s gone for good? If he was just kidding himself, refusing to believe she’d never come back …

  ‘Told you a werewolf was coming. Told you him sad for mum, too,’ boomed Graunt Doom to Mug’s dad.

  Boo woke up from his dream, embarrassed. ‘Didn’t Mug tell you I was a werewolf?’

  ‘Me tell her,’ said Mug. ‘But Graunt Doom know anyway.’

  ‘Told you he’d misunderstand,’ boomed Graunt Doom.

  ‘Graunt Doom was teacher at the School for Heroes,’ explained Mug proudly.

  ‘When I young, of course,’ Graunt Doom boomed modestly. ‘When I turn a thousand I think, hey, me getting on a bit. So me retired for a while. But not at Rest in Pieces. Me don’t like eating tentacles. Me likes food that fights back.’

  ‘You taught at the School for Heroes?!’ said Princess Princess. ‘You … you can’t be a Hero! You don’t look like a Hero at all!’

  ‘What did you teach?’ asked Yesterday quickly.

  ‘Finding!’ said Graunt Doom. ‘Told you Princess Pea Brain not believe me been teacher,’ she added to Mug, poking him in the stomach with her stick.

  ‘That’s Princess Princess Sunbeam Caresse of Pewké,’ muttered Princess Princess. For once she looked slightly awed.

  ‘Told you Pea Brain have too many names!’

  ‘Graunt the best bogey Finder in the universes,’ said Glug proudly.

  ‘Finding’s not really being a Hero, is it? Finders don’t Wham! Bam! Pow! bogeys much.’ Princess Princess peered out of the windows. ‘Can we go swimming?’ she asked, hurriedly changing the subject.

  Mug’s dad shook his head as thunder suddenly growled above them. ‘Too wet,’ he said.

  ‘Told you rain coming,’ said Graunt Doom, bashing Mug’s dad lightly on the head with her stick. Boo blinked. Were there eyes peering out of Graunt Doom’s stick?

  ‘But —’ began Princess Princess.

  ‘House swim instead!’ said Mug’s mum.

  And it did.

  It was impossible to be sad at Mug’s place. The house rocked and swayed as it splashed in the lagoon (and the various items of furniture frantically shifted from one leg to another to keep their balance) as the rain poured down.

  At least the rain wasn’t pink, thought Boo. But despite himself, he was having fun.

  At lunchtime the house waddled up into the greenest patch of fungus Boo had ever seen. There were other fungus growths too, tall giant pink and yellow ones, almost like trees. And a strange rotting smell …

  ‘Dead slugs,’ said Glug proudly, patting her straggly hair. It had a pink bow in it. ‘This where Giant Slugs tried to invade island.’

  Princess Princess stared out at the decomposing slugs. ‘Why would the Greedle bother sending bogeys here? There’s nothing worth eating!’

  ‘Ha!’ roared Graunt Doom. ‘It want zombie spaghetti! But Mug here send zombie pizza to tap them on the head! Them slugs really dead now. No zombie-ing for them!’

  ‘Why would anyone want to eat zombie spaghetti?’ began Princess.

  ‘Told you she not like zombie spaghetti,’ boomed Graunt Doom, poking Princess Princess with her stick.

  ‘Huh.’ Princess Princess gave a triple whirl out of the stick’s way. ‘You don’t need to be a Finder to predict that.’

  Mug’s mum laughed, showing green fuzzy teeth like her son’s. ‘We got lots eats. Slug pie, slug quiche …’

  ‘You see, I’m on this really strict diet,’ began Princess Princess.

  ‘Told you she on diet!’ roared Graunt Doom.

  ‘Also lemon meringue, chocolate birthday cake, pizza with everything …’

  ‘Um, everything?’ asked Yesterday cautiously.

  ‘Told you she’d want to know,’ rumbled Graunt Doom.

  ‘Everything except rat, cockroach, skunk and slug or zombie anything,’ said Mug’s mum. ‘Now we open presents.’

  ‘Told you what was in presents …’ began Graunt Doom.

  ‘Shh,’ said Mug’s mum. ‘It not polite …’

  ‘Can you really tell what’s in the presents?’ asked Yesterday, fascinated.

  Graunt Doom nodded. One eyeball fell out. Glug kindly grabbed it and pushed it back in.

  ‘Let’s see,’ hollered Graunt Doom. ‘That one.’ She pointed her stick at Princess Princess. ‘She brought sicks.’

  ‘No, I didn’t!’ said Princess Princess indignantly. ‘Vomit? Yuck.’

  ‘Sorry, me mean socks. That one.’ She pointed her stick at Boo. ‘He bring Best Ice Cream in the Universes. And “Instead of Shave”. Smell great!’

  Boo held out the freezer pack. Mug opened it and took a fingerful. ‘It Best Ice Cream in the Universes!’ he announced.

  ‘Told you,’ said Graunt Doom.

  ‘Huh,’ said Princess Princess. ‘Socks is easy to guess. And Boo’s mum had an ice-cream shop, so that’s easy too.’

  Graunt Doom grinned, showing her long grey tooth. ‘Told you she say that,’ she declared. ‘You try guess then what her bring.’ She pointed her stick at Yesterday.

  ‘Handkerchiefs,’ said Princess Princess.

  Graunt Doom shook her head.

  ‘Bath salts.’

  Another shake. Something flew off from behind her ear.

  ‘Duct tape,’ offered Boo, joining in.

  ‘She told us you say that,’ said Mug.

  Princess Princess wrinkled her perfect nose. ‘I give up then. This is silly, anyway. Who cares what’s in the parcel?’

  ‘Well?’ asked Boo.

  Yesterday held out the package. Mug took it and began to unwrap it. ‘It little cage …’ he began. ‘Hey, it tiny flying lizard!’

  ‘Told you it be fly-catcher lizard,’ boomed Graunt Doom, tapping Yesterday approvingly with her stick.

  ‘It can sit on your shoulder and catch the flies before they lay maggots,’ explained Yesterday hesitantly.

  Mug beamed. ‘Me hate flies!’

  Yesterday nodded. ‘I know. Now you don’t have to use fly-spray so you won’t sneeze so much. You really like it?’ she asked anxiously.

  ‘Best present in universes,’ said Mug. ‘Now me never have to blow boogies into handkerchief again.’ He held up the sodden bit of rag then threw it out the window.

  ‘Should have asked me,’ Graunt Doom told Yesterday. ‘Would have told you he’d like it.’

  ‘Where did
you get a lizard that eats flies?’ asked Boo.

  ‘Oh, nowhere in particular,’ said Yesterday. Yesterday doesn’t look happy often, Boo thought. But it’s worth the wait when she does.

  Mug put the tiny lizard gently up on his shoulder.

  ‘Chip!’ it said, flapping its tiny wings and picking a couple of flies out of the air. It burped happily.

  Mug beamed. ‘Wow! Me love listening to burps! Now you get presents,’ he added.

  ‘Why should we get presents?’ asked Yesterday.

  ‘Zombie custom,’ said Mug. ‘Oldest zombie give all visitors present. Not “thing” present. Word present.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Princess Princess. ‘Is that all? My dad gives visitors ruby and gold cups. Important visitors anyway. And he …’

  Graunt Doom peered at Princess Princess through her grey fringe of fuzz. ‘Here gift for you,’ she grunted. ‘You want handsome Hero prince. But your Hero prince nearer than you think.’

  What does she mean? thought Boo, suddenly hopeful. Was he the prince Graunt Doom meant? Except he wasn’t a prince … though he was wearing prince-type clothes.

  Graunt Doom turned to Yesterday. She shut her eyes for a moment. She opened them and she shook her head. ‘Strange. Strange,’ she said. ‘Can see strange things around you. Have never seen things like this before. But know one thing …’

  ‘What?’ asked Yesterday quietly.

  ‘You good girl. One day you be best Finder school has ever had. Better than me even. You get what you want — one day. But it may not be what you think you want.’

  ‘Huh,’ said Princess Princess sulkily. ‘That doesn’t mean anything.’

  ‘It mean a lot, girl!’ said Graunt Doom sharply. She looked at Boo. ‘And young werewolf,’ she said. ‘Let see …’ Suddenly Graunt Doom’s eyes grew wide. ‘Danger!’ she whispered. ‘Danger! Danger! Danger!’

  ‘Where?’ cried Mug.

  Graunt Doom blinked. She shook her head a few times to clear it. ‘What I say?’ she demanded.

  ‘You said “danger”,’ said Yesterday quietly.

  ‘Huh,’ said Princess Princess. ‘That’s not Finding! Of course there’s danger. We’re at the School for Heroes. So I’m going to get a prince, big news. And Yesterday is going to get something she wants — one day. Yeah, yeah.’ She glanced at her watch. ‘I’ve got to get going. Mum’s getting the court dressmaker to make me a new Hero costume. It’s got sapphires all along the skirt,’ she informed everyone.

  None of the zombies looked impressed. ‘Sapphires taste good?’ asked Glug.

  ‘You don’t eat them, you dumb zombie,’ said Princess Princess sweetly. ‘They just look pretty. Come on, everyone.’

  Boo sighed. He didn’t want to go yet. But they’d all arrived together, so he supposed they had to leave together too.

  ‘Um,’ said Yesterday. She crossed over to Mug’s mum and whispered in her ear.

  Mug’s mum smiled. ‘No worries!’ she said. ‘You take as many dead Giant Slugs as you want!’

  ‘What!’ cried Princess Princess. ‘No way am I travelling with dead slugs.’

  ‘But you don’t like eating slugs!’ exclaimed Boo to Yesterday.

  Yesterday flushed. ‘They’re just a … a souvenir,’ she said shortly.

  ‘Me fix trailer to carry slugs behind smelephant,’ said Mug’s dad kindly. ‘You can keep trailer too. No worries.’

  ‘No worries,’ agreed Yesterday.

  24

  On the Scent of Danger

  School was just as deserted as it had been that morning. The same bats were zooming after sparks down in the lava pit. The only difference was the smell — those long-dead Giant Slugs on Yesterday’s trailer smelt really interesting, thought Boo, even though he was still in Two-Leg form.

  There was no sign of Gloria the Gorgeous. Boo wondered if she was still putting on more make-up.

  Princess Princess slid off the smelephant and waved her hand in front of her nose. ‘Those slugs pong!’ She turned to Mug. ‘I-had-a-very-nice-time-thank-you-for-having-me,’ she chanted as she strode back into the wormhole. ‘Not! Bye!’

  Boo sighed as he slid down the smelephant’s trunk too. Princess Princess hadn’t even noticed his prince clothes. He may as well have stayed in wolf shape. And at least if he Changed he’d be able to smell things properly.

  PLUNG!

  It felt like a hiccup with indigestion. The world wobbled … and suddenly he was a wolf again.

  Yesterday bent and picked up Boo’s finery and began to fold it for him.

  ‘Thanks,’ said Boo, absent-mindedly lifting his leg on the smelephant and raising his nose to sniff the air. He could smell the same strawberry scent that he smelt that morning. But it was much, much stronger now he was in wolf form. And there was another scent as well, one that raised the hair on his neck. ‘I’ll give you a hand to your place with the slugs if you like,’ he added, still sniffing. ‘I don’t have to be home till dark.’ Yesterday still hadn’t mentioned what her universe was like. Suddenly he was curious.

  ‘I’ll manage,’ said Yesterday shortly.

  ‘Are you sure?’ How in all the universes was Yesterday going to pull a trailer-load of dead slugs by herself? ‘Why do you want dead slugs anyway?’

  Yesterday shrugged. ‘I just do.’

  It was the only answer he was going to get, Boo realised. The ground shivered under his paws again. He sniffed the breeze from the volcano.

  What was that smell?

  I’ve smelt that scent before, he thought. And then he realised. It wasn’t just a strawberry smell.

  It was the scent of danger.

  Why had he never realised danger had a smell before? It was the same scent he’d smelt when the Greedle invaded Sleepy Whiskers, underneath the stink of strawberry jam and popcorn. It had accompanied the smell of death on the breeze on the World of Golden Grass.

  And the school had the same smell now. Impossible, he thought. It has to be safe here. He gazed down at the pit as another flame leapt up towards the afternoon shadows.

  Shadows … surely there were more shadows than before?

  Boo glanced at Mug and Yesterday. Mug was waiting for him to take him back for his ‘slapover’, and Yesterday — well, she seemed to be waiting for him and Mug to leave first. ‘Can you smell something?’ he asked suddenly.

  ‘Dead slugs,’ said Yesterday, shifting impatiently from one foot to the other. ‘Shouldn’t you and Mug be going now?’

  ‘No, I mean … something dangerous.’ He felt silly as soon as he’d said it. How could he expect a human to be able to smell as well as him? He was probably imagining it, anyway.

  Another burst of flame leapt up from the pit, as if the volcano knew what he was thinking. The air crackled around them.

  Yesterday looked at him strangely. ‘I … I don’t know,’ she said.

  ‘You mean you can smell something?’ said Boo eagerly, his tail wagging.

  ‘No … more like there’s a shadow behind me I can’t quite see. It’s just a silly feeling.’

  ‘A feeling, or a Finding?’ demanded Boo.

  ‘I … I don’t know.’ Yesterday bit her lip. ‘I’ve only had a few Finding lessons, remember. Just like you.’

  ‘But you’re a natural Finder!’ said Boo excitedly.

  ‘Graunt Doom said you be the greatest Finder school ever had,’ rumbled Mug.

  Yesterday shook her head. ‘But I’m not a trained Finder yet! I just … well, feel things sometimes. But mostly I don’t know what they are. Or what to do about them.’

  ‘Mug?’ demanded Boo. ‘Do you feel anything — or smell anything?’

  The zombie shook his head. ‘No. But you Hero werewolf. You smell things. Yesterday Hero Finder. Me just Hero zombie.’

  Boo hesitated. It sounded crazy to say the words aloud. ‘It smells like there’re bogeys around,’ he admitted. ‘But that’s impossible! Isn’t it?’

  Yesterday stared at him. ‘This is the safest place in the univer
ses! No bogey would invade the School for Heroes. There isn’t even anything interesting for the Greedle to want to eat here. Unless it’s decided it likes dead slugs,’ she added.

  ‘I know,’ said Boo miserably. He lifted his nose and sniffed again.

  The hackles rose on his neck. Something was wrong.

  ‘Could you do a Finding?’ he asked urgently. ‘Please, Yesterday, I know it sounds crazy! But Find as hard as you can. Please?’

  ‘Well … okay,’ said Yesterday quietly. ‘If you really want me to.’ She shut her eyes.

  She stood there, unmoving, for so long Boo was worried.

  ‘Can you Find anything?’ he demanded.

  Yesterday opened her eyes. ‘No,’ she said. ‘I don’t see anything.’

  ‘Well, that’s all right then,’ said Boo in relief.

  ‘No, you don’t understand!’ whispered Yesterday. Her face was white under her tan. ‘I don’t see anything! I can’t even Find the volcano. It’s just a blank.’

  ‘Maybe … maybe you’re tired after the party.’ And after eating twenty-four mini pizzas and three slices of birthday cake, thought Boo, but he didn’t like to mention that. He’d never seen anyone eat as much or with such enjoyment as Yesterday.

  ‘You’re probably right,’ said Yesterday doubtfully. ‘But … Boo, Mug, there’s something strange about the … the nothingness. When I Found the school some bits were more nothing than others. Does that make sense?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ said Boo slowly. His fur still prickled with the sense of danger. Yesterday can feel it too, he thought. It isn’t just me.

  ‘Graunt Doom trust your Finding,’ said Mug. ‘Me do too.’

  ‘Maybe if we walk towards where it should be but it isn’t … I don’t know,’ said Yesterday desperately. ‘It all just feels weird! But can we try?’

  ‘Sure,’ said Boo quietly.

  He watched as Yesterday shut her eyes again.

  Suddenly she began to move. It was eerie, thought Boo, as Yesterday unerringly swerved to avoid a rock. She can’t see, but she can!

  He tugged at Mug’s fuzzy paw. ‘Come on,’ he hissed. ‘We need to follow her.’

  Slowly, steadily, Yesterday stepped through the doorway into the mountain, then along the corridor towards their classroom. Her bare feet padded silently on the steaming stone. Mug’s fungus feet went slap, slap, slap. Boo’s werewolf claws clicked. His ears were pricked to catch any sound. His nose alert for any changes in smell. But the danger scent seemed no stronger.